Heart Punch

-Back with another week of TNA. We even have EXTRA CONTENT! as I recap the first run match from the Road to Bound For Glory show. Okay, that’ll probably take like two lines, but dammit, it took effort on my part. Appreciate me! Roxxi Laveaux v. Ms. Brooks -Here’s your extra content. Roxxi is pretty cute. She apparently has blue hair this week. This is all really basic and boring, though they’re both laying in the chops a bit harder than you’d think they would in a throwaway match that isn’t even being featured on the weekly show. Roode distracts Brooks, who gets planted with the Dominator, giving Roxxi the win. I have no idea if they have a gimmick name for it, but looking at the crew of chicks in TNA, I’m officially dubbing it the “Implant Smasher.” You see what I did there? God, am I ever clever! -Angle arrives at the building wearing Sting’s son’s football jersey. That angle was laid out so well that they needed to run with it again this week, I see! Awesome! -The main event this we

-I couldn’t bring myself to watch two hours of TNA, so yeah…this is *real* late. Heh. These pretty much have to be done “random thoughts” style, because I’m not sure I can stomach this much of this show otherwise. Incredibly, though, Impact this week wasn’t all that bad, with the final hour making it more than worth watching. Perhaps there’s hope yet. Of course, I might also sprout another head tomorrow. The odds are against both of these things. -They really overuse the James Earl Jones sounding voiceover guy and, by extension, the big melodramatic opening. Sometimes, you just need to let the action speak for itself. Therein lies the problem, I guess, since we haven’t gotten all that much that can be referred to as “action” as of late. -First match they hype is Team 3D versus Team Pacman. Who gives a fuck about Pacman Jones? Really. ESPN bit for maybe three days and even then they shat on the angle and didn’t get the TNA name right. If you’re going down the “any press is good press” r

FOR: Leading off with the Cena announcement. FOR: I hope that thing's made out of wood. AGAINST: This has never been a good idea. FOR: Oooh, chain wrestling. FOR: JBL with the Mets joke. FOR: This match, especially the last 30 seconds. AGAINST: Push-ups? FOR: Technically, Matt's already ahead. AGAINST: A what fan base? FOR: The camera view from Matt's corner during the Boston Crab sequence. AGAINST: Sure looks like Matt saw the low blow. AGAINST: What, Kane couldn't wait a couple minutes? FOR: Victoria's jumpsuit. AGAINST: Why is Kane doing sitout dropkicks? Or attempting them, even? FOR: Who's that? FOR: MVP's big mouth tripping him up. AGAINST: Is that a title match for Sunday? AGAINST: Is Kennedy the new Nash? FOR: There's that virus thingy. "SAVIOR_SELF"? "bookshelves"? Totally Jericho, right? FOR: Jesse and Festus! Finally! FOR: Jesse's running counter into the monkey flip. FOR: JBL, to Cole, on Fest