Heart Punch

So, let's pretend it's 2001. The entire Alliance angle has already imploded, but as one of the WWF developmental territories, you're given an influx of former WCW talent and told to run with it. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO? Well, if you're Les Thatcher and you're running Heartland Wrestling, you push the invaders as super heels who actually have the upper hand on the home grown talent . CRAZY! I'm in the mood to watch some of the young guys from the dying days of WCW, but I have little of that era on tape. So, this'll do. Let's watch! -We open with an interview with "Above Average" Mike Sanders, backed by the WCW crew (Mark Jindrak, Johnny the Bull and Reno). He establishes the invasion angle nicely, saying that Shane McMahon personally asked him to put together a crew and take over HWA. It's a grass roots thing, as they plan on cutting off all of the young talent before they can even make it to the WWF. He promises us that we'll see...

AGAINST: This is no way to start a show. FOR: At least the smoke obscures the view. FOR: The reactions of the guys watching in the back. FOR: Cole: "I've never felt sorry for Nunzio until now." FOR: Melina in red. AGAINST: Damn you, David Batista! Damn your filthy hide! FOR: Super Crazy skinning the cat. FOR: Crazy's leg roll. FOR: Cole: "I don't think Melina had a headache tonight." FOR: Ah, I've seen that look so many times before... AGAINST: ...I wake up. :( FOR: Reader's choice here: AGAINST: Damn, Dave. Finished already? I'd still be there. OR FOR: Play on, playa. FOR: "I'm gonna kill those guys! See ya out there." AGAINST: Aren't you not supposed to do that before a big athletic performance? FOR: Melina's on tilt. Waving off the paparazzi; no special ring entrance; she's pissed. FOR: "What do you mean, you don't know what happened?" FOR: MNM strategically hiding Melina behind ...

That sound guy bit was hilarious, and got the crowd fully behind Vince. "Just ribbing--it's not going to be one of you." What's T.O. doing these days? You want to see somebody get heat...oh, this'll work. "Chops are being served tonight in Boston!" Didn't get the rotation on the Angle Slam, though. I'd love it if Joey said "shark smelling blood" right now. Nice gimp, Kurt. Well, the song is called Medal...we'll probably have Flair/Edge at either Revolution or the Rumble. My GOD, when Kurt rocks the mic he rocks the mic right. Everybody: I'm John Cena, bitch! Good Lord, did he just admit the split reaction he gets AND make a good point?! Bluh? You know when I would've liked to see this out of Shelton? It's a five way tie between July, August, September...not the Fro, man! DAMN, Joey rules. Lungblower! Bret backbreaker there. Nice "Shelton = Ratings" sign--you'd think some guy would've us...

FOR: JBL's exaggerated eye tape job. FOR: "Thank you for your support." FOR: Jillian's skirt. FOR: Rey poking JBL in the 'injured' eye. FOR: Oh. So does Orlando still work for JBL? AGAINST: Orlando's hair. AGAINST: Jillian's overacting. FOR: Orton dispensing with the preening and posing. AGAINST: Now he just sounds desperate. FOR: Melina in yellow. AGAINST: "Super Crazy" is TWO WORDS, people. FOR: Cole's "wild boar" line. FOR: "At least I can read a sponsorship billboard." FOR: Kid Kash? Attacking Juvy? AGAINST: Kennedy for the Boogeyman? That's a definite downgrade. FOR: "Tazz, you've been in this business for centuries..." Cole~~~~~~ AGAINST: UNNECESSARY ZOOM FOR: At least the matches are short. Really short. AGAINST: We didn't need a replay of that. FOR: Sharmell laughing after Booker kicked Benoit in the back of his head. FOR: Benoit ducking Booker's side kick. FOR...

Start with Masters. Wow, Tomlinson throwback all the way over there. Oh, good, no commentary. People got in with Jericho AND Christian shirts? 3 years. See, Matt, I remembered. I actually agree with Coach on the last po...well, why can't HE be GM? I dimly remember that happening, heh. Shane is what we in the hood call conspicuous by his absence. Here come the Divison Killers. That nickname was sarcastic! TRIPLE chokeslam? That's just crazy. Awesome! No wrestling for Masters! This just in: Trish is HOT. Thank you, Candice. That actually was nice rotation. Hooray for Joey. Isn't that a pin? Mickierana! 3 Hit Combo! Do I dare say "shades of Ultimo Dragon" about a WWE broadcast? OK, Chioda had to see that after the fact. Tajiri's still employed! WAS still employed! Wh..is...is that Shelton Benjamin? Am I hallucinating? Hold up, there's a delivery guy here. Sign for this heel turn? I guess. Did...Chavo? When did Heat get two hours? Joe...

FOR: The police tape. AGAINST: Cole's outrage. How does what Orton did turn the locker room against him? That's a hell of a leap to make with nowhere to land. FOR: "Do you disagree with me?" AGAINST: A tag team battle royal? Ugh. These usually suck. FOR: Melina's wardrobe modifications. FOR: She's gonna do the entrance on the commentary table? FOR: Cole and Tazz being flustered. "How am I supposed to call the match with Melina sitting in front of me?" AGAINST: The Dicks? Are you kidding me? AGAINST: Never go to the top rope in a battle royal. FOR: Psicosis' reversal elimination. FOR: Ooh, MNM/Mexicools. I'm down. FOR: JBL acknowledging that he doesn't like Rey. FOR: Benoit/Regal. These are usually good. AGAINST: Booker's no Gordon Solie. FOR: Regal's knee into Benoit's temple against the ringpost. FOR: Booker getting worried as the tide turns. FOR: Benoit chopping Regal across the face. Ouch. FOR: Ev...

Heh. How is that for a snappy title? At any rate, I'm currently deriving zero pleasure from the TNA television product (the PPVs, on the other hand, typically rock your world). Weak booking + the ludicrously short matches have pretty much killed the show for me. I love Samoa Joe more than most, but I have little interest in recapping his three minute squashes. Or anyone elses, for that matter. As such, I'm killing my iMPACT! recap. I don't want to turn into one of those SKeith types, who sit back and trash the show weekly in lieu of pointing out *anything* positive. That's not why I write and definitely not why I watch. I'll probably continue to recap the two hour specials, if they're as good as the first. In the interim, though, I'm not sure what I'll be doing. Old ECW stuff? Indy? Old WWE DVDs? Some laughably uninformed puro recaps? The world is my oyster, or some such shit. I do have the Eddy tribute stuff that I want to work on. Had the grand idea of...