ECW on Sci-Fi (11.28.06)
Sorry to say, I accidentally taped over the 11.21 episode of ECW, so I'll pretend to have recapped it and you pretend that you've read it. See? Everyone is happy.
-Heyman and his bodyguards are out. He officially announces the weapons that will be in the Elimination Chamber. Chair, Crowbar (not Devon Storm, though that'd be pretty nifty), a table and a barbed wire bat. Apparently, all of the people who start in the pods will have a weapon. Otherwise, it's just a regular EC match. Wow…that's underwhelming.
-Opening montage.
-Tonight, we get a special Elimination Chamber triple-header. CM Punk v. Test, Sabu v. RVD and Bobby Lashley v. Big Show.
Rob Van Dam v. Sabu -
They run through a quick side headlock takedown into headscissors kip up sequence. Then do so again, for no real reason. Let the indy standoff die, dudes. It's time is WAAAAY past. They trade punches and Sabu takes RVD down with a dropkick to the ankle. He whips Van Dam into the corner, but charges into a back elbow. Rolling bodyscissors by RVD is only good for a one count. He whips Sabu into the corner and hits his tumbling monkey flip. He poses for a bit, then covers for a nearfall.
Sabu comes back with another dropkick to the ankle. He cranks on the leg, but RVD kicks him right in the friggin' face (which is what I believe busted Sabu's mouth open). Corkscrew legdrop gets two. Sabu tries to fire back, but absolutely eats a sidekick. Van Dam must be in a bad mood tonight. Or, you know, like a week ago, when this actually happened. He heads up top, but Sabu cuts him off. He's looking for a 'rana off the top, but RVD blocks it.
Van Dam crab walks the ropes, but gets cut off once again. Sabu goes for the dreaded springboard something or another, but RVD comes off the ropes with a crossbody. This was every bit as ugly as it was cool. What else would you expect from a RVD/Sabu match, though?
-Commercials. Those World of Warcraft commercials that "repurpose" Office Space own your soul. Your entire soul, from top to bottom. Or maybe I'm just a big Office Space fan. As if anyone who has ever seen the movie isn't…
-Van Dam sends Sabu into the rope. Sabu hangs on. RVD charges, looking for a crossbody. Sabu ducks and he crashes onto the apron. They trade punches and RVD goes for an apron suplex. Sabu slips free and drives a shoulder into his gut. He goes for a Sunset Bomb, but ends up both crashing *and* burning in quite a severe fashion. Yoink! He pulls himself to his feet and turns, only to have RVD connect with a moonsault press of the apron.
He rolls Sabu in, but misses a springboard legdrop. On the other hand, Sabu's springboard leg lariat is on target. Cover gets two. He whips RVD chest first into the corner. Van Dam ducks a clothesline on the rebound and spikes Sabu with a gorgeous German suplex, picking up a nearfall. Styles points out that RVD is the only guy in the EEC with prior experience in the Chamber. Tazz doesn't think it'll matter.
Sabu reverses a whip, sending RVD into the corner. He follows with a dropkick to the gut. He vaults off of Van Dam's back, hitting a springboard legdrop. Okay…that was cool. Springboard somersault legdrop misses. Seated dropkick by RVD is followed by Rolling Thunder. He covers, but Sabu is out at two. RVD sends him into the ropes, but ducks his head. Sabu kicks him and hits a springboard leg lariat.
He follows with a pair of springboard clothesline. Cover gets two. He continues the springboardfest, going for a tornado DDT, but RVD shrugs him off. He leaps to the top and connects with the Five Star Frogsplash to pick up the win!
-Elimination Chamber video package.
-Up next, the Hardyz! Apparently, they're not extreme enough for the Z at this point, but I'll spell it however the hell I want to, by god!
-Commercials
Hardy Boyz v. Elijah Burke & Sylvester Terkay -
This is interesting. Wonder who Burke and/or Terkay pissed off?
Burke opens with some knees to Jeff's gut. He backs him into the corner and pounds on him a bit. Whips to the opposite corner. Jeff floats over, getting Burke in a headscissors takedown. Tag to Matt. Hardyz hit a double back elbow and their senton/fistdrop combo. Matt covers and gets two. Burke maneuvers the ref into the right spot and yanks Matt down by the hair. Elbowdrop misses, though. Jeff tags back in. He drives a shoulder into Burke's gut and comes in with a slingshot dropkick for two.
Burkes shoots him into the ropes. Jeff slides between his legs and delivers a Manhattan Drop. He drops the low double leg and goes for a whip. Burke reverses and Terkay nails Jeff as he goes by. Running STO by Burke. Terkay tags in. He lays in a series of headbutts and powerslams Jeff for a nearfall. He whips Jeff into the corner and charges in behind him.
Jeff moves and Terkay absolutely SPLATS into the post. Seriously…I don't know that I've ever seen anyone take that bump quite so hard. Matt Hardy tags in. He cleans house on Burke, including a Side Effect. Jeff ends up backdropping him over the top. They whip Burke into the corner and hit Poetry in Motion. Twist of Fate by Matt…Swanton by Jeff. This one is over.
Postmatch, MNM run in and beat the Hardyz down. They don't even have the decency to hit their own finisher, though. What's up with that?
-Commercials. Last week's movie was Monster Man. A horror movie featuring a monster truck (and not a single actor I've ever heard of). QUALITY.
-Clips of the December To Dismember press conference. Test tells Punk not to believe his own Internet hype. OMG THEY'RE SHOOTING!
CM Punk v. Test -
Oh, wait. It was just to set up this match? That's disappointing.
Test shoves Punk into the corner and goes all Nash with a series of back elbows. The least you could do is frame them, Test. Show some pride in your chosen profession! If you're going to rip a guy off, do it right! Punk fires back with some forearms. He bounces off the ropes, but runs into a clothesline. Test tosses him to the floor.
He lifts Punk and tries to post him. Punk slips away and posts Test instead. Roll in. Punk hits his springboard clothesline, then follows with a series of knees from the clinch. Test sends him into the ropes and plants him with a tilt-a-whirl slam. Cover gets two.
Rear chinlock by Test. Punk elbows free and dropkicks him to the floor. Tope Suicida by Punk! They brawl on the floor for a bit and Punk whips Test into the steps. He mounts Test on the floor and punches away at him. Double Countout. Test retreats.
-Heyman isn't so happy about Show's match with Lashley tonight. Neither am I, really. Show doesn't seem to mind.
-Commercials
Bobby Lashley v. Big Show (w/Heyman) - non-title -
Not even going to bother. Show smash! Lashley smash harder! Show smash hardest! Heyman's band o' merry men come out. BIG BOOT by Test! Chokeslam by Show. Even Heyman gets some shots in. No one cares enough about Lashley to save him. Belt shot by Show. Heyman counts the pinfall.
What a mess. I certainly respect Show for continuing to work when he's in a ton of pain, but maybe enough is enough. If you can barely move, perhaps wrestling isn't your best career option. And ECW has made the myth of Lashley being decent go all EXPLODY. Finlay, Regal and Booker apparently pulled some real smoke and mirrors shit to make him look as good as he did. Meh.
-Heyman and his bodyguards are out. He officially announces the weapons that will be in the Elimination Chamber. Chair, Crowbar (not Devon Storm, though that'd be pretty nifty), a table and a barbed wire bat. Apparently, all of the people who start in the pods will have a weapon. Otherwise, it's just a regular EC match. Wow…that's underwhelming.
-Opening montage.
-Tonight, we get a special Elimination Chamber triple-header. CM Punk v. Test, Sabu v. RVD and Bobby Lashley v. Big Show.
Rob Van Dam v. Sabu -
They run through a quick side headlock takedown into headscissors kip up sequence. Then do so again, for no real reason. Let the indy standoff die, dudes. It's time is WAAAAY past. They trade punches and Sabu takes RVD down with a dropkick to the ankle. He whips Van Dam into the corner, but charges into a back elbow. Rolling bodyscissors by RVD is only good for a one count. He whips Sabu into the corner and hits his tumbling monkey flip. He poses for a bit, then covers for a nearfall.
Sabu comes back with another dropkick to the ankle. He cranks on the leg, but RVD kicks him right in the friggin' face (which is what I believe busted Sabu's mouth open). Corkscrew legdrop gets two. Sabu tries to fire back, but absolutely eats a sidekick. Van Dam must be in a bad mood tonight. Or, you know, like a week ago, when this actually happened. He heads up top, but Sabu cuts him off. He's looking for a 'rana off the top, but RVD blocks it.
Van Dam crab walks the ropes, but gets cut off once again. Sabu goes for the dreaded springboard something or another, but RVD comes off the ropes with a crossbody. This was every bit as ugly as it was cool. What else would you expect from a RVD/Sabu match, though?
-Commercials. Those World of Warcraft commercials that "repurpose" Office Space own your soul. Your entire soul, from top to bottom. Or maybe I'm just a big Office Space fan. As if anyone who has ever seen the movie isn't…
-Van Dam sends Sabu into the rope. Sabu hangs on. RVD charges, looking for a crossbody. Sabu ducks and he crashes onto the apron. They trade punches and RVD goes for an apron suplex. Sabu slips free and drives a shoulder into his gut. He goes for a Sunset Bomb, but ends up both crashing *and* burning in quite a severe fashion. Yoink! He pulls himself to his feet and turns, only to have RVD connect with a moonsault press of the apron.
He rolls Sabu in, but misses a springboard legdrop. On the other hand, Sabu's springboard leg lariat is on target. Cover gets two. He whips RVD chest first into the corner. Van Dam ducks a clothesline on the rebound and spikes Sabu with a gorgeous German suplex, picking up a nearfall. Styles points out that RVD is the only guy in the EEC with prior experience in the Chamber. Tazz doesn't think it'll matter.
Sabu reverses a whip, sending RVD into the corner. He follows with a dropkick to the gut. He vaults off of Van Dam's back, hitting a springboard legdrop. Okay…that was cool. Springboard somersault legdrop misses. Seated dropkick by RVD is followed by Rolling Thunder. He covers, but Sabu is out at two. RVD sends him into the ropes, but ducks his head. Sabu kicks him and hits a springboard leg lariat.
He follows with a pair of springboard clothesline. Cover gets two. He continues the springboardfest, going for a tornado DDT, but RVD shrugs him off. He leaps to the top and connects with the Five Star Frogsplash to pick up the win!
-Elimination Chamber video package.
-Up next, the Hardyz! Apparently, they're not extreme enough for the Z at this point, but I'll spell it however the hell I want to, by god!
-Commercials
Hardy Boyz v. Elijah Burke & Sylvester Terkay -
This is interesting. Wonder who Burke and/or Terkay pissed off?
Burke opens with some knees to Jeff's gut. He backs him into the corner and pounds on him a bit. Whips to the opposite corner. Jeff floats over, getting Burke in a headscissors takedown. Tag to Matt. Hardyz hit a double back elbow and their senton/fistdrop combo. Matt covers and gets two. Burke maneuvers the ref into the right spot and yanks Matt down by the hair. Elbowdrop misses, though. Jeff tags back in. He drives a shoulder into Burke's gut and comes in with a slingshot dropkick for two.
Burkes shoots him into the ropes. Jeff slides between his legs and delivers a Manhattan Drop. He drops the low double leg and goes for a whip. Burke reverses and Terkay nails Jeff as he goes by. Running STO by Burke. Terkay tags in. He lays in a series of headbutts and powerslams Jeff for a nearfall. He whips Jeff into the corner and charges in behind him.
Jeff moves and Terkay absolutely SPLATS into the post. Seriously…I don't know that I've ever seen anyone take that bump quite so hard. Matt Hardy tags in. He cleans house on Burke, including a Side Effect. Jeff ends up backdropping him over the top. They whip Burke into the corner and hit Poetry in Motion. Twist of Fate by Matt…Swanton by Jeff. This one is over.
Postmatch, MNM run in and beat the Hardyz down. They don't even have the decency to hit their own finisher, though. What's up with that?
-Commercials. Last week's movie was Monster Man. A horror movie featuring a monster truck (and not a single actor I've ever heard of). QUALITY.
-Clips of the December To Dismember press conference. Test tells Punk not to believe his own Internet hype. OMG THEY'RE SHOOTING!
CM Punk v. Test -
Oh, wait. It was just to set up this match? That's disappointing.
Test shoves Punk into the corner and goes all Nash with a series of back elbows. The least you could do is frame them, Test. Show some pride in your chosen profession! If you're going to rip a guy off, do it right! Punk fires back with some forearms. He bounces off the ropes, but runs into a clothesline. Test tosses him to the floor.
He lifts Punk and tries to post him. Punk slips away and posts Test instead. Roll in. Punk hits his springboard clothesline, then follows with a series of knees from the clinch. Test sends him into the ropes and plants him with a tilt-a-whirl slam. Cover gets two.
Rear chinlock by Test. Punk elbows free and dropkicks him to the floor. Tope Suicida by Punk! They brawl on the floor for a bit and Punk whips Test into the steps. He mounts Test on the floor and punches away at him. Double Countout. Test retreats.
-Heyman isn't so happy about Show's match with Lashley tonight. Neither am I, really. Show doesn't seem to mind.
-Commercials
Bobby Lashley v. Big Show (w/Heyman) - non-title -
Not even going to bother. Show smash! Lashley smash harder! Show smash hardest! Heyman's band o' merry men come out. BIG BOOT by Test! Chokeslam by Show. Even Heyman gets some shots in. No one cares enough about Lashley to save him. Belt shot by Show. Heyman counts the pinfall.
What a mess. I certainly respect Show for continuing to work when he's in a ton of pain, but maybe enough is enough. If you can barely move, perhaps wrestling isn't your best career option. And ECW has made the myth of Lashley being decent go all EXPLODY. Finlay, Regal and Booker apparently pulled some real smoke and mirrors shit to make him look as good as he did. Meh.
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