ECW on Sci-Fi (7.31.07)
So it's pretty much random thoughts week. Possibly the first recap I've ever done in real time, too. I'm getting bored with doing so much PBP, so I'm just easing up on that and monkeying around with other ideas. So, uhh...enjoy.
-We're back to "This is Extreme" as our ECW theme. Does that mean we're back to the old shit? Did the new shit just not cut it? I'm confused and the mixed messages that WWE sends just make it that much worse.
-Morrison is totally channeling Raven channeling Jim Morrison and that's actually better than one would imagine. A little less pop cultury than Raven ever was, but that's okay. Raven was never the Shamen of Sexy as far as I know, so Morrison is already one up on him in that department!
-He calls out the greatest athlete in Arizona...Joey Ryan? "Freedom is found at the edge of the abyss," Morrison tells us. Ryan immediately has the best facial hair in WWE. Somewhere, a solitary tear is streaming down Triple H's cheek. Anyway, this is his fifteen minutes of fame. Well, eighteen seconds of it, anyway, as that's how long it takes Morrison to beat him.
-Morrison is looking for some other great athletes from Arizona. Tommy Dreamer, Elijah Burke and CM Punk all answer the call. Hey! Something's not right about this! Morrison takes it upon himself to book them in a three way later. Winner gets his own shot at fifteen minutes of fame next week.
-Stevie Richards! What a week for me to skip a recap, as he actually WON! Go Stevie!
-Styles tells us that Stevie is wearing the same tights from last week, since he thinks they may be lucky. Kevin Thorn disagrees, mauling the shit out of him then entire match. Except for that quick rollup and three count part. Stevie wins again! He showed us and we saw!
-They should really put a different Punk video package together. This one is getting a bit old.
-Big Daddy V looks surly tonight. AWESOME! Some poor sumbitch is about to die. Actually, it's *three* dumb sumbitches! I miss squash matches, so BDV is nothing if not fun to watch.
-Striker is carrying a pointer, which he's waving around as BDV tosses guys around. I surmise that BDV is actually Striker's cyborg proxy and that this is his remote control. You know, randomly coming up with your own explanations for what's happening in the ring is sometimes more fun than the product itself.
-Both Big Daddy V and Striker bust out the old Vader "V" hand signal. I miss Vader. He'd kick the shit out of both of these guys and then punch a police dog in the face or something. He fears no man and feels no pain, after all.
-At any rate, BDV wins. Quite convincingly at that! Boogeyman is out, rocking some new facepaint and apparently some new contacts as well. Stiker collapses the pointer and the heels powder.
-Extreme Expose time! This week we get The Way You Make Me Feel by Michael Jackson. You know, MJ wouldn't even make the top five creepiest guys in WWE list. I don't know what to say about that. Layla missed a move here and turned this into a sub, sub, sub Nitro girls performance. Way to be, Layla!
-They call out Miz, who's now cut pretty much the same exact promo three or four weeks in a row. *yawn* At least he's not completely awful in the ring. Which is good, since Balls Mahoney is coming out. I'd assume that a match will follow!
-If Miz is a "Chick Magnet," Tazz decides that Balls must be a "Grease Magnet." That's just not nice.
-Balls actually hits the Nutcracker Suite! Looked really nice, too. You know, he's way better than people remember. I wonder if he could actually get over at this point if they gave him a push in good faith? It ain't happening here, though, as Miz quickly wins with the neckbreaker. The chicks escort him to the back, where there's presumably some sort of sexual tomfoolery going on.
-For the record, Miz was a heel this week. They can't seem to decide where to place him, for some reason. You'd think the "Miz is a giant douchebag" vibe should make this much more easy than it has been.
-I sure hope they replay that old school ECW Tommy Dreamer video again. Hey, wait! There it is! Good job! Afterwords, Elijah Burke lets us know that his highlight package is far too long to show on this week's show.
-So, we've never seen Punk and Burke hook up, have we? I really like these two, but they've run this into the ground. I don't know if the addition of Dreamer freshens it up or makes it even worse. That remains to be seen, I guess.
-Burke nails Punk with the diving Euro to the back. Punk: "Wow...that hurt!" Heh. I don't think he intended for that to be picked up, but I guess it actually makes the match a bit more believable.
-Why do people still chant for tables? Is it still really that novel? Eh.
-I hate multi-man matches and this match reminds me exactly why that is. It's really convenient how one guy sells until exactly the time that the third guy is tossed out of the ring, then recovers in time to jump the man left in the ring. There's an extreme lack of internal logic in multi-man matches. They can be fun if there right guys are in there, though.
-Burke almost wipes out doing his handstand elbow out of the corner. He was starting to drift towards the floor before he (luckily) managed to catch himself. That could have been a disaster, as they were in the corner with the ring steps.
-Dreamer should never attempt a Texas Cloverleaf ever again. Dean Malenko also has a solitary tear running down his cheek after watching that.
-For some reason, I almost thought that Punk was setting up for a Pepsi Plunge (top rope pedigree) there for a second. I hope he busts it out one day, just to see how people would react. Remember when Chyna hit Jericho (I think...might have been Jarrett, now that I think about it) with one? Yeah, that sucked.
-Ick. A Tower of Doom spot. Leave that shit in TNA, where it belongs.
-Nice GTS by Punk to pick up the win. Dreamer was waaaay too happy for him, though. Not that I'm expecting a heel turn or anything. I just don't think Dreamer should be so happy to have lost a match.
So, I jokingly (mostly) shit on this show all the time, but I do generally enjoy watching it. There's just a bunch of stupid shit that's really easy to pick out. I really like Punk and Burke and I guess Morrison is starting to grow on me (like a fungus!). They just need to expand the roster a bit, as the show feels nearly identical from week to week, just because you have such a small core to focus on. I think it's a perfect opportunity to get some of the developmental guys on a national weekly TV show without the pressure of Raw/SD. Really, that might be the best use for ECW right now. If nothing else, give me Colt Cabana so I can watch him every week. Also, Val Venis. I won't give up until they make it happen! Perhaps an online petition (!!!) will show them that I *really* mean business! Heh.
-We're back to "This is Extreme" as our ECW theme. Does that mean we're back to the old shit? Did the new shit just not cut it? I'm confused and the mixed messages that WWE sends just make it that much worse.
-Morrison is totally channeling Raven channeling Jim Morrison and that's actually better than one would imagine. A little less pop cultury than Raven ever was, but that's okay. Raven was never the Shamen of Sexy as far as I know, so Morrison is already one up on him in that department!
-He calls out the greatest athlete in Arizona...Joey Ryan? "Freedom is found at the edge of the abyss," Morrison tells us. Ryan immediately has the best facial hair in WWE. Somewhere, a solitary tear is streaming down Triple H's cheek. Anyway, this is his fifteen minutes of fame. Well, eighteen seconds of it, anyway, as that's how long it takes Morrison to beat him.
-Morrison is looking for some other great athletes from Arizona. Tommy Dreamer, Elijah Burke and CM Punk all answer the call. Hey! Something's not right about this! Morrison takes it upon himself to book them in a three way later. Winner gets his own shot at fifteen minutes of fame next week.
-Stevie Richards! What a week for me to skip a recap, as he actually WON! Go Stevie!
-Styles tells us that Stevie is wearing the same tights from last week, since he thinks they may be lucky. Kevin Thorn disagrees, mauling the shit out of him then entire match. Except for that quick rollup and three count part. Stevie wins again! He showed us and we saw!
-They should really put a different Punk video package together. This one is getting a bit old.
-Big Daddy V looks surly tonight. AWESOME! Some poor sumbitch is about to die. Actually, it's *three* dumb sumbitches! I miss squash matches, so BDV is nothing if not fun to watch.
-Striker is carrying a pointer, which he's waving around as BDV tosses guys around. I surmise that BDV is actually Striker's cyborg proxy and that this is his remote control. You know, randomly coming up with your own explanations for what's happening in the ring is sometimes more fun than the product itself.
-Both Big Daddy V and Striker bust out the old Vader "V" hand signal. I miss Vader. He'd kick the shit out of both of these guys and then punch a police dog in the face or something. He fears no man and feels no pain, after all.
-At any rate, BDV wins. Quite convincingly at that! Boogeyman is out, rocking some new facepaint and apparently some new contacts as well. Stiker collapses the pointer and the heels powder.
-Extreme Expose time! This week we get The Way You Make Me Feel by Michael Jackson. You know, MJ wouldn't even make the top five creepiest guys in WWE list. I don't know what to say about that. Layla missed a move here and turned this into a sub, sub, sub Nitro girls performance. Way to be, Layla!
-They call out Miz, who's now cut pretty much the same exact promo three or four weeks in a row. *yawn* At least he's not completely awful in the ring. Which is good, since Balls Mahoney is coming out. I'd assume that a match will follow!
-If Miz is a "Chick Magnet," Tazz decides that Balls must be a "Grease Magnet." That's just not nice.
-Balls actually hits the Nutcracker Suite! Looked really nice, too. You know, he's way better than people remember. I wonder if he could actually get over at this point if they gave him a push in good faith? It ain't happening here, though, as Miz quickly wins with the neckbreaker. The chicks escort him to the back, where there's presumably some sort of sexual tomfoolery going on.
-For the record, Miz was a heel this week. They can't seem to decide where to place him, for some reason. You'd think the "Miz is a giant douchebag" vibe should make this much more easy than it has been.
-I sure hope they replay that old school ECW Tommy Dreamer video again. Hey, wait! There it is! Good job! Afterwords, Elijah Burke lets us know that his highlight package is far too long to show on this week's show.
-So, we've never seen Punk and Burke hook up, have we? I really like these two, but they've run this into the ground. I don't know if the addition of Dreamer freshens it up or makes it even worse. That remains to be seen, I guess.
-Burke nails Punk with the diving Euro to the back. Punk: "Wow...that hurt!" Heh. I don't think he intended for that to be picked up, but I guess it actually makes the match a bit more believable.
-Why do people still chant for tables? Is it still really that novel? Eh.
-I hate multi-man matches and this match reminds me exactly why that is. It's really convenient how one guy sells until exactly the time that the third guy is tossed out of the ring, then recovers in time to jump the man left in the ring. There's an extreme lack of internal logic in multi-man matches. They can be fun if there right guys are in there, though.
-Burke almost wipes out doing his handstand elbow out of the corner. He was starting to drift towards the floor before he (luckily) managed to catch himself. That could have been a disaster, as they were in the corner with the ring steps.
-Dreamer should never attempt a Texas Cloverleaf ever again. Dean Malenko also has a solitary tear running down his cheek after watching that.
-For some reason, I almost thought that Punk was setting up for a Pepsi Plunge (top rope pedigree) there for a second. I hope he busts it out one day, just to see how people would react. Remember when Chyna hit Jericho (I think...might have been Jarrett, now that I think about it) with one? Yeah, that sucked.
-Ick. A Tower of Doom spot. Leave that shit in TNA, where it belongs.
-Nice GTS by Punk to pick up the win. Dreamer was waaaay too happy for him, though. Not that I'm expecting a heel turn or anything. I just don't think Dreamer should be so happy to have lost a match.
So, I jokingly (mostly) shit on this show all the time, but I do generally enjoy watching it. There's just a bunch of stupid shit that's really easy to pick out. I really like Punk and Burke and I guess Morrison is starting to grow on me (like a fungus!). They just need to expand the roster a bit, as the show feels nearly identical from week to week, just because you have such a small core to focus on. I think it's a perfect opportunity to get some of the developmental guys on a national weekly TV show without the pressure of Raw/SD. Really, that might be the best use for ECW right now. If nothing else, give me Colt Cabana so I can watch him every week. Also, Val Venis. I won't give up until they make it happen! Perhaps an online petition (!!!) will show them that I *really* mean business! Heh.
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