TNA iMPACT! 10.29.05
-We open the show with brief clips from Bound for Glory. The Jeff Hardy dive looked particularly nutty and I say that without even seeing how it landed, since those TNA sumbitches don't show us the money shot. Also, yay Rhino! It's nice of him to crush Jarrett like a gnat. I'm betting he won't stay crushed for long, though.
Abyss (w/Jim Mitchell) v. Lance Hoyt -
Watching the Forever Hardcore documentary has given me a new view on Mitchell. He seems like a really cool, if not decidedly intoxicated, guy. Also very smart, as he talks about he and Sandman's nights of debauchery...playing trivia? ECW, ECW! Oh shit, I'm taking a lawsuit for that. Anyway, a match is about to happen. A Lance Hoyt match, no less! Pay attention!
Abyss charges at the bell, looking for a clothesline. Hoyt ducks it and starts laying in punches. Abyss reverses his whip and ends up selling a kick that missed by several miles. He comes back with a clothesline, but misses a legdrop. I dig Abyss going airborne. He just sort of tosses himself skyward and lets the chips fall where they may. Zero grace, but I guess grace isn't the first concern of a masked maniac.
Hoyt clotheslines him over the top and to the floor. This match has gotten quite clothesliney. Abyss climbs onto the apron. He tries to suplex Hoyt out, but it's blocked. Hoyt knocks him to the floor with a tackle, then follows him out with a pescado! He goes for a whip, but gets reversed into the rail. He nails Abyss with a back elbow, but walks into, you guessed it, a clothesline. Abyss rolls him in and splashes him in the corner.
They trade strikes and Abyss scores with a chokeslam. Mitchell slides a chair in. Abyss and the ref fight over it. Abyss wins. But when he turns, Hoyt is waiting with a big boot. Cover, Mitchell grabs Hoyt's leg. Hoyt chases him into the ring. Goozle by Abyss. Hoyt manages to break free, but charges into the Black Hole Slam. This one is done. (3:45)
Postmatch, Abyss has his tacks. Lights go out and I'll be damned...it's Sabu! With his arm wrapped in barbed wire, even! Abyss shows fear and the announcers orgasm over the implications as he backs out of the ring.
-Later, 3LK vs. AMW and comments from Team 3D.
-Commercials. Played the demo for LA Rush, which was really fun. First Rush game I'd ever played, actually. I have no desire to pimp my ride, though, so that West Coast Customs license isn't really selling me. Perhaps there's a "shoot Xzibit in the face" minigame. That's something I can get behind. We also get a new Morphoplex commercial, starring Monty Brown. It's slightly less ghetto than the first commercial, but that's a backhanded compliment at best.
-Hype for the primetime special Thursday night. I guaran-damn-tee to have the show recapped within...a week and a half. GO ME! They're doing an Ultimate X rematch since the FUBAR'ed the match at the PPV (the big red X fell from it's spot. Petey Williams happened to catch it and was ruled the victor).
Jarrett drags Zbyszko to the announce position. Apparently, he'll be getting a rematch on this show as well. Joy. Get your pictures taken with the belt, Rhino, because your reign is likely over. Seriously, I almost want to read the spoilers, because if Jarrett wins I have ZERO interest in watching the show. At all. Fucking TNA.
Jerelle Clark v. Christopher Daniels -
Apparently, this is replacing a Naturals versus Buck Quartermain and Lex Lovett match where Chase Stevens ends up somehow breaking his neck during the match. They chose not to air it, but the clips *was* available on their website. Classy!
Lockup, back heel trip by Daniels, who pounds on Clark for a bit. He goes for a tilt-a-whirl slam, but Clark counters, landing on his feet. He armdrags Daniels and catches him with a leg lariat. He follows with a dropkick, then tries to monkey flip Daniels out of the corner. Daniels lands on his feet and plants him with a running STO.
He whips Clark into the corner and follows with his running high knee. He does the old "choke the guy with your shin while trying to convince the ref it's a cover" shtick (more people need to do this). Clark comes back with a 'rana. He clotheslines Daniels and takes him over with an Exploder of sorts. Quebrada misses. Daniels spikes him with the Angels Wings to get the win. (2:30)
-Next, X-Division tag action!
-Commercials. Walk the Line looks interesting. Joaquin Phoenix seems like a better Johnny Cash than I originally thought when I heard about the movie.
-Shane Douglas interviews Raven. Hey! He's allowed in the building! Actually, there is no interview, as Cassidy Riley interrupts. He vaguely hints at an unnamed chick who he (and Rhino, apparently) think might be making Raven soft. He eats a backhand for his impudence.
Alex Shelley & Roderick Strong v. Sonjay Dutt & AJ Styles -
Umm...whip ass. Nice to see the Gen Next reunion. I'd prefer Aries over Strong, but that's a minor quibble at what will likely turn out as the best TV match in the Spike era.
AJ and Shelley open the match. Slow start, as Shelley works the crowd. They finally lock up and Shelley kicks him in the gut. Shelley crisscrosses the ropes, but ends up taking a dropkick for his troubles. AJ tags Dutt. Double whip by the faces. Sonjay takes Shelley down with a drop toehold and AJ immediately follows with a kneedrop. Sonjay drops the Sprinkler elbow and picks up a nearfall. He goes for a whip, but Shelley reverses. He lifts Dutt for a tilt-a-whirl, but Dutt lands on his feet.
Shelley quickly kicks him in the gut, then follows with a spinning heel kick. Tag to Strong, who covers Sonjay for two. He sends Dutt into the ropes and goes for an armdrag. Sonjay counters midmove, turning it into a monkey flip, but Strong cartwheels to his feet. He tries to backdrop Dutt, who lands on his feet. He sweeps Strong's legs and gets a quick one count. Strong pops up and cuts him off with a knee to the gut. He whips Sonjay into the ropes, looking for a clothesline. It's ducked, and Sonjay comes back with a double revolution satellite headscissors! Cover gets two.
-Commercials
Back from break, Shelley is in control. He slams Dutt and hits a quebrada for a nearfall. Inset shows Scott D'Amore berating Tenay and bitching about the Ultimate X do over. In the ring, Shelley spits on AJ, drawing him into the ring. Heels make an illegal switch and Strong chokes Sonjay in the ropes. Irish whip and Strong scores with a huge dropkick. He starts taunting AJ, who spits in his face. He covers Dutt, but can only get two. Sonjay fires back. He goes for a quebrada, but Strong catches him. He flips him from powerslam position into a sitout Canadian backbreaker that looks real, real painful. He covers, but AJ breaks it up.
Strong whips Dutt into the corner and follows him in with a splash. Shelley runs in. Dutt is again sent into the corner. Shelley misses the splash and Dutt comes back with a 'rana on Strong. Hot tag to AJ! If you guessed that he cleans house, you're absolutely correct! He nails Shelley with the Pelé kick and drops Strong with a spin kick. He backdrops Strong, then follows with a wrist clutch rib breaker. Cover, save by Shelley.
He grabs AJ in a rear waistlock and shoves him into Strong, who plants him with a uranage pickup dropped into a backbreaker. Dutt runs in, sending Shelley into the corner. Sprinkler double axe connects. He tackles Shelley, sending him out. He goes for a baseball slide dropkick, but Shelley catches him, yanking him to the floor. In the ring, Strong lifts AJ for a powerbomb. AJ slips away and OBLITERATES him with a lariat. Holy shit! Styles Clash. Match over. (9:32)
This was every bit as good as I thought it would be. Shelley is going to be a superstar. He's the total package. I'm starting to buy into the Rod Strong hype a bit as well, after never really seeing anything in him previously. Match still could have been longer, but I think that's a pipe dream at this point.
-3LK is kickin' it in Zbyszko's office. Kip James (wearing an "I'm Kip James, bitch" t-shirt about a year after it lost any cultural relevance) comes in. Apparently, 3LK wants a match versus Team Canada at Genesis. James wants to counteract D'Amore by being named the guest referee. BG James and Ron Killings dig it. Konnan, however, does not. "You keep talking like a bitch and I'll slap you like a bitch." Well okay then!
-Commercials. The new Ratchet game looks interesting. I haven't been following it, so I'm wondering if it's mostly an online game with a token single player mode? I'm a big fan of the series, but I have zero interest in online gaming (because of both my shitty connection and the fact that 87.4% of people I encounter online are fucktards.).
-Video package on the NWA Title.
AMW (w/Gail Kim) v. 3 Live Kru (w/Konnan) -
3LK has the mic. Words, words, words. Imagine any James/Konnan promo you've ever heard. This was it. Somehow, Truth ends up with James Storm's hat. This is apparently hy-larious, because Killings is a black man with a cowboy hat, doing a funky dance! OH HO HO!
No one can pick up an advantage at the start. Truth eventually 'ranas Storm, sending him scrambling to the floor. Harris runs in, but gets armdragged onto the hat, which the referee sells like it's the most shocking thing he's ever seen. AMW sends Killings into the ropes. He ducks the double clothesline and takes both of them down with a dropkick. They bail, but Truth follows with a somersault pescado! He rolls Harris back in.
Harris reverses a whip. Gail trips Killings, allowing Storm to nail him from the apron. He turns, stumbling into a clothesline from Harris. Cover gets two. Tag to Storm. He nails Truth with a back elbow. Harris tags back in. He lifts Killings for a suplex, but it gets reversed into a sitout gourdbuster. Both guys tag. All four brawl briefly and Truth takes a wicked bump to the floor.
In the ring, James catches Storm with a big boot. He hits Harris with his jab sequence, but the kneedrop that follows misses. Harris lifts him for the Catatonic. James slips away and goes for his pumphandle slam. Gail is on the apron distracting him, though. Storm sneaks in, rolls Harris out and plays dead. D'Amore runs out with his Canadian flag hockey stick dealie.
Kip James is right behind him, snatching it away. He tosses it to BG James, who spends an inordinate amount of time lining up a shot. Harris comes in and snatches it away from him. If you guessed that somewhere in all of this that Konnan and Kip James are arguing, *ding*. BG turns and eats a Storm superkick. Cover and this one is over. (4:03)
Not much to this. And what we did get wasn't very good. Let's pretend it never happened!
-Team 3D arrives, and not a second too late!
-Commercials. There's a GTA: Liberty City Stories commercial that is just begging me to buy a PSP for one game. I can't possibly be that dumb, can I? Don't answer that.
-Team 3D promo. Again, just imagine all of their promos and this one pretty much hits the same spots. Most interesting part was Devon almost slipping up and saying Dudley. Brother Ray is wearing a Black Label Society shirt, so he can't be all bad. The gist of this is that they're gonna kill everyone who was at the mock funeral. Starting with Team Canada on Thursday, apparently. Also, at Genesis, it'll be AMW/Jarrett versus Team 3D/Rhino. Everyone I just named comes out to brawl, with Rhino clearing the ring as we fade out...
Abyss (w/Jim Mitchell) v. Lance Hoyt -
Watching the Forever Hardcore documentary has given me a new view on Mitchell. He seems like a really cool, if not decidedly intoxicated, guy. Also very smart, as he talks about he and Sandman's nights of debauchery...playing trivia? ECW, ECW! Oh shit, I'm taking a lawsuit for that. Anyway, a match is about to happen. A Lance Hoyt match, no less! Pay attention!
Abyss charges at the bell, looking for a clothesline. Hoyt ducks it and starts laying in punches. Abyss reverses his whip and ends up selling a kick that missed by several miles. He comes back with a clothesline, but misses a legdrop. I dig Abyss going airborne. He just sort of tosses himself skyward and lets the chips fall where they may. Zero grace, but I guess grace isn't the first concern of a masked maniac.
Hoyt clotheslines him over the top and to the floor. This match has gotten quite clothesliney. Abyss climbs onto the apron. He tries to suplex Hoyt out, but it's blocked. Hoyt knocks him to the floor with a tackle, then follows him out with a pescado! He goes for a whip, but gets reversed into the rail. He nails Abyss with a back elbow, but walks into, you guessed it, a clothesline. Abyss rolls him in and splashes him in the corner.
They trade strikes and Abyss scores with a chokeslam. Mitchell slides a chair in. Abyss and the ref fight over it. Abyss wins. But when he turns, Hoyt is waiting with a big boot. Cover, Mitchell grabs Hoyt's leg. Hoyt chases him into the ring. Goozle by Abyss. Hoyt manages to break free, but charges into the Black Hole Slam. This one is done. (3:45)
Postmatch, Abyss has his tacks. Lights go out and I'll be damned...it's Sabu! With his arm wrapped in barbed wire, even! Abyss shows fear and the announcers orgasm over the implications as he backs out of the ring.
-Later, 3LK vs. AMW and comments from Team 3D.
-Commercials. Played the demo for LA Rush, which was really fun. First Rush game I'd ever played, actually. I have no desire to pimp my ride, though, so that West Coast Customs license isn't really selling me. Perhaps there's a "shoot Xzibit in the face" minigame. That's something I can get behind. We also get a new Morphoplex commercial, starring Monty Brown. It's slightly less ghetto than the first commercial, but that's a backhanded compliment at best.
-Hype for the primetime special Thursday night. I guaran-damn-tee to have the show recapped within...a week and a half. GO ME! They're doing an Ultimate X rematch since the FUBAR'ed the match at the PPV (the big red X fell from it's spot. Petey Williams happened to catch it and was ruled the victor).
Jarrett drags Zbyszko to the announce position. Apparently, he'll be getting a rematch on this show as well. Joy. Get your pictures taken with the belt, Rhino, because your reign is likely over. Seriously, I almost want to read the spoilers, because if Jarrett wins I have ZERO interest in watching the show. At all. Fucking TNA.
Jerelle Clark v. Christopher Daniels -
Apparently, this is replacing a Naturals versus Buck Quartermain and Lex Lovett match where Chase Stevens ends up somehow breaking his neck during the match. They chose not to air it, but the clips *was* available on their website. Classy!
Lockup, back heel trip by Daniels, who pounds on Clark for a bit. He goes for a tilt-a-whirl slam, but Clark counters, landing on his feet. He armdrags Daniels and catches him with a leg lariat. He follows with a dropkick, then tries to monkey flip Daniels out of the corner. Daniels lands on his feet and plants him with a running STO.
He whips Clark into the corner and follows with his running high knee. He does the old "choke the guy with your shin while trying to convince the ref it's a cover" shtick (more people need to do this). Clark comes back with a 'rana. He clotheslines Daniels and takes him over with an Exploder of sorts. Quebrada misses. Daniels spikes him with the Angels Wings to get the win. (2:30)
-Next, X-Division tag action!
-Commercials. Walk the Line looks interesting. Joaquin Phoenix seems like a better Johnny Cash than I originally thought when I heard about the movie.
-Shane Douglas interviews Raven. Hey! He's allowed in the building! Actually, there is no interview, as Cassidy Riley interrupts. He vaguely hints at an unnamed chick who he (and Rhino, apparently) think might be making Raven soft. He eats a backhand for his impudence.
Alex Shelley & Roderick Strong v. Sonjay Dutt & AJ Styles -
Umm...whip ass. Nice to see the Gen Next reunion. I'd prefer Aries over Strong, but that's a minor quibble at what will likely turn out as the best TV match in the Spike era.
AJ and Shelley open the match. Slow start, as Shelley works the crowd. They finally lock up and Shelley kicks him in the gut. Shelley crisscrosses the ropes, but ends up taking a dropkick for his troubles. AJ tags Dutt. Double whip by the faces. Sonjay takes Shelley down with a drop toehold and AJ immediately follows with a kneedrop. Sonjay drops the Sprinkler elbow and picks up a nearfall. He goes for a whip, but Shelley reverses. He lifts Dutt for a tilt-a-whirl, but Dutt lands on his feet.
Shelley quickly kicks him in the gut, then follows with a spinning heel kick. Tag to Strong, who covers Sonjay for two. He sends Dutt into the ropes and goes for an armdrag. Sonjay counters midmove, turning it into a monkey flip, but Strong cartwheels to his feet. He tries to backdrop Dutt, who lands on his feet. He sweeps Strong's legs and gets a quick one count. Strong pops up and cuts him off with a knee to the gut. He whips Sonjay into the ropes, looking for a clothesline. It's ducked, and Sonjay comes back with a double revolution satellite headscissors! Cover gets two.
-Commercials
Back from break, Shelley is in control. He slams Dutt and hits a quebrada for a nearfall. Inset shows Scott D'Amore berating Tenay and bitching about the Ultimate X do over. In the ring, Shelley spits on AJ, drawing him into the ring. Heels make an illegal switch and Strong chokes Sonjay in the ropes. Irish whip and Strong scores with a huge dropkick. He starts taunting AJ, who spits in his face. He covers Dutt, but can only get two. Sonjay fires back. He goes for a quebrada, but Strong catches him. He flips him from powerslam position into a sitout Canadian backbreaker that looks real, real painful. He covers, but AJ breaks it up.
Strong whips Dutt into the corner and follows him in with a splash. Shelley runs in. Dutt is again sent into the corner. Shelley misses the splash and Dutt comes back with a 'rana on Strong. Hot tag to AJ! If you guessed that he cleans house, you're absolutely correct! He nails Shelley with the Pelé kick and drops Strong with a spin kick. He backdrops Strong, then follows with a wrist clutch rib breaker. Cover, save by Shelley.
He grabs AJ in a rear waistlock and shoves him into Strong, who plants him with a uranage pickup dropped into a backbreaker. Dutt runs in, sending Shelley into the corner. Sprinkler double axe connects. He tackles Shelley, sending him out. He goes for a baseball slide dropkick, but Shelley catches him, yanking him to the floor. In the ring, Strong lifts AJ for a powerbomb. AJ slips away and OBLITERATES him with a lariat. Holy shit! Styles Clash. Match over. (9:32)
This was every bit as good as I thought it would be. Shelley is going to be a superstar. He's the total package. I'm starting to buy into the Rod Strong hype a bit as well, after never really seeing anything in him previously. Match still could have been longer, but I think that's a pipe dream at this point.
-3LK is kickin' it in Zbyszko's office. Kip James (wearing an "I'm Kip James, bitch" t-shirt about a year after it lost any cultural relevance) comes in. Apparently, 3LK wants a match versus Team Canada at Genesis. James wants to counteract D'Amore by being named the guest referee. BG James and Ron Killings dig it. Konnan, however, does not. "You keep talking like a bitch and I'll slap you like a bitch." Well okay then!
-Commercials. The new Ratchet game looks interesting. I haven't been following it, so I'm wondering if it's mostly an online game with a token single player mode? I'm a big fan of the series, but I have zero interest in online gaming (because of both my shitty connection and the fact that 87.4% of people I encounter online are fucktards.).
-Video package on the NWA Title.
AMW (w/Gail Kim) v. 3 Live Kru (w/Konnan) -
3LK has the mic. Words, words, words. Imagine any James/Konnan promo you've ever heard. This was it. Somehow, Truth ends up with James Storm's hat. This is apparently hy-larious, because Killings is a black man with a cowboy hat, doing a funky dance! OH HO HO!
No one can pick up an advantage at the start. Truth eventually 'ranas Storm, sending him scrambling to the floor. Harris runs in, but gets armdragged onto the hat, which the referee sells like it's the most shocking thing he's ever seen. AMW sends Killings into the ropes. He ducks the double clothesline and takes both of them down with a dropkick. They bail, but Truth follows with a somersault pescado! He rolls Harris back in.
Harris reverses a whip. Gail trips Killings, allowing Storm to nail him from the apron. He turns, stumbling into a clothesline from Harris. Cover gets two. Tag to Storm. He nails Truth with a back elbow. Harris tags back in. He lifts Killings for a suplex, but it gets reversed into a sitout gourdbuster. Both guys tag. All four brawl briefly and Truth takes a wicked bump to the floor.
In the ring, James catches Storm with a big boot. He hits Harris with his jab sequence, but the kneedrop that follows misses. Harris lifts him for the Catatonic. James slips away and goes for his pumphandle slam. Gail is on the apron distracting him, though. Storm sneaks in, rolls Harris out and plays dead. D'Amore runs out with his Canadian flag hockey stick dealie.
Kip James is right behind him, snatching it away. He tosses it to BG James, who spends an inordinate amount of time lining up a shot. Harris comes in and snatches it away from him. If you guessed that somewhere in all of this that Konnan and Kip James are arguing, *ding*. BG turns and eats a Storm superkick. Cover and this one is over. (4:03)
Not much to this. And what we did get wasn't very good. Let's pretend it never happened!
-Team 3D arrives, and not a second too late!
-Commercials. There's a GTA: Liberty City Stories commercial that is just begging me to buy a PSP for one game. I can't possibly be that dumb, can I? Don't answer that.
-Team 3D promo. Again, just imagine all of their promos and this one pretty much hits the same spots. Most interesting part was Devon almost slipping up and saying Dudley. Brother Ray is wearing a Black Label Society shirt, so he can't be all bad. The gist of this is that they're gonna kill everyone who was at the mock funeral. Starting with Team Canada on Thursday, apparently. Also, at Genesis, it'll be AMW/Jarrett versus Team 3D/Rhino. Everyone I just named comes out to brawl, with Rhino clearing the ring as we fade out...
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