Saturday Night's Main Event #32 - 3.18.06

I was suitably geeked when WWE announced that Saturday Night's Main Event was returning. Loved the show as a kid. It was, in many ways, the precursor to the type of televised wrestling we consider the norm today. Instead of the weekly squash match, you suddenly had all the big names facing off. Fun, fun times. We weren't even able to get PPVs in my area until the mid 90s, so this show was *it* when it came to seeing the best WWF matches of the time. Which, I guess, is why I was always more of an NWA/WCW fan. They easily had the better shows back in the day. You still had the squashes, but then you'd get something like an entire episode built around a Flair/Windham match that you just knew WWF would never do.

Anyway, back to the present. WWF is now WWE. Gone from a relatively small, family owned business to a publicly owned, multimedia...franchise, I guess. Can they instill the same goofy charm in these shows as they did previously? Let's watch!

-From the Cobo Arena in Detroit, Michigan.

-Awesome! The pre-show vignettes make a return! Good call.

-Vince McMahon talks about making Shawn Michaels' life a living hell and Shane promises to show no mercy later tonight.

-HBK says that if he's going to hell, he's taking Shane with him. The only difference? He's coming back...

-John Cena cuts off a Triple H promo. He tells him that tonight, he's teaming with the champ. And the champ, of course, is here.

-JBL yanks off a fake mustache and politely informs NBC viewers that his name isn't Earl. Tonight, he'll show Steve Austin that he is a wrestling...god.

-Boogeyman? Yep, he's comin' to getcha!

-Opening montage is set to "Boom" by POD.

-Hey! It's JR! And all is right with the world. Taz and Lawler are along for the ride as well.

-I should keep writing these little one line descriptors. Must be quick as shit to read. Alas...it's time for the wrestling.

HHH & John Cena v. Kurt Angle, Randy Orton & Rey Misterio -

Before we start, let me point out that I heavily, heavily disapprove of the white ropes. The ring just looks goofy. Anyway, Cena jumps Orton from behind to start the match. Crowd isn't digging him at all. Actually, I think people boo him simply because they're sheep and once one person starts it just spreads for no appreciable reason, but what do I know? Orton pokes him in the eye and goes for a whip. Cena reverses and Angle makes a blind tag.

Cena hiptosses Orton, unaware of the tag. The German suplex he then takes helps clue him in. Angle also gives him an overhead belly to belly and nails Triple H on the apron as well. He lifts Cena for the Olympic Slam, but Cena slips away. He plants Kurt with a spinebuster and gets two. Tag to HHH. He pounds on Angle for a bit and sends him into the ropes. Angle ducks a clothesline and hits his Rolling Germans. Rey tags in. Orton is awesome here, making a big show of checking his boot laces to avoid the tag.

Rey comes in with his springboard seated senton. Would this be the first Rey/HHH interaction ever? I'm honestly not sure. Can't remember any reason for them to have been in the same ring before, other than perhaps the Rumble. Anyway, Rey goes for a crucifix, then turns it into a sunset flip for two. He follows with a backslide for another nearfall. HHH cuts him off with an eyepoke. Tag to Cena. No problems with Team Raw thus far.

Rey bounces off the ropes, looking for something or another, but Cena tackles him with ease. Rey leapfrogs him and connects with a dropkick. Triple H runs in, but Rey dumps him with a headscissors takedown. He hits Cena with a seated dropkick, then dropkicks HHH as well, sending him into the corner.

Whip attempt on Cena. It's reversed. Rey hangs onto the ropes. Cena charges, but takes a drop toehold into the ropes. HHH saves him for the 619 and tears Rey's head off with a clothesline as we go to break.

-Commercials

HHH pulls Rey onto the apron. Rey drives a few shoulders into his gut, but ends up eating a kneelift. Rey bumps to the floor. HHH tosses him into the barricade, then starts arguing with Cena, because he's apparently unwilling to play dirty. Trips rolls Rey in and gets two. HHH wants to tag, but Cena refuses to come in. Trouble in paradise! Which is much better than Thunder in Paradise. Trust me...I think I saw every episode. Wait, where was I?

HHH whips Rey into the corner, but charges into a boot. Rey can't follow up, though, as he takes a spinebuster. HHH covers, but Angle is in to break it up. Rey tries to mount a comeback, but Triple H locks him in a sleeper. Rey backs him into the corner and elbow free. He goes for a whip, but HHH reverses him chestfirst into the corner. HARD.

He sits Rey up top, apparently looking for a superplex. Rey elbows free and sends HHH crashing to the mat. Rey hits a moonsault press as Orton mockingly leads the cheers in the corner. Hunter grabs Rey's leg to try and stop the tag, but gets kicked off. Cena and Orton tag in. Cena takes control, quickly going for the FU. Orton slips away.

He shoves Cena into Angle on the apron, knocking Angle to the floor. He goes for a clothesline, but Cena ducks and hits the Protoplex. Five Knuckle Shuffle it is! FU to Orton. He covers, but HHH pulls him off. Pedigree! He bails briefly, then rolls back in to place Orton on top.

Rey puts a stop to his own team winning and things are just getting wonky now. He and Orton start to argue. Triple H sneaks into the ring...Pedigree to Rey! Angle is in the ring. He clotheslines HHH over the top, but turns into an RKO. He goes for the RKO on Cena, but it's countered into a rollup. A winner is Team Raw!

Fun match that suffered only from it's brevity. Finish was bang, bang and came off perfectly. The build to 'Mania this year got off to a slow start, but I think by this show, things were rolling more smoothly. I know I personally didn't get the usual Wrestlemania "buzz" until the week of the show. But this did a good job of pushing all of the various angles, rolled up into a bite sized morsel of fun.

-Commercials

-Announcers run down the 2006 class of the WWE Hall of Fame.

-Backstage, Booker has apparently blown out his knee while warming up for his match. I'm sure he'd have been willing to gut it out, but the doctor just won't let him compete. Teddy Long is finally forced to cancel the match. Sharmell helps Book hobble out and they both have huge grins on their face. Hey...you'd almost think that they were faking it! At any rate, Booker has been super in his role as of late and Sharmell compliments him nicely.

-Edge and Lita come out.

-Commercials

-Lita intro's The Cutting Edge, with special guest Mick Foley. The ring is full of various forms of plunder. Edge tells us that it's meant to inspire Foley, so that when Edge beats him at Wrestlemania, it'll actually mean something. He calls Foley a muppet as well. Is that an insult, because the Muppets were and are awesome. Anyway, Foley is out, carrying a bag of thumbtacks. Edge lights the table in the ring on fire to cut Foley off. It's immediately extinguished and Foley flips it over.

He and Edge brawl and Foley pours the tacks in the ring. Lita hits him with a chair, allowing Edge to slam him facefirst into the tacks. They bail. Camera cuts back to Foley, who is sitting there with a smile on his face. Cut to Edge, who knows that he's officially fucked. Foley grabs a chair and gives chase. He ends up hitting Edge with a swinging neckbreaker on the ramp, then delivers a one man Conchairto.

Good segment. Didn't drag. Built the match. No extraneous crap. Huzzah.

-Commercials

-Video package highlighting the VKM/HBK feud.

-Backstage, Booker and Sharmell are celebrating. Booker is BUSTING A MOVE! Boogeyman suddenly appears, hanging upside down from the ceiling. Book and Sharmell run like hell, right by Teddy Long. So Booker hilariously has to try to limp while he's running by. Beautiful.

-JBL comes out.

-Commercials

-There's a table set up in the ring, covered in cups/pitchers of beer. JBL insults Detroit for a bit and Austin eventually comes out. He doesn't even know why he's there, leading to JBL bitching about not being included in Austin's list of Texas greats. He points out the he specifically bought Canadian beer for this little shindig, so let's drink! JBL wants to do things gunslinger-style, so they stand back to back. Whoever drinks the most beer in a minute wins.

Of course, since Austin can't see him, JBL just pours the beer instead of drinking. Austin, of course, quickly catches on. JBL tosses a beer in his face and gets while the gettin' is good. But here comes Chris Benoit! He tosses JBL back into the ring. Kick, wham, Stunner!

Not such a good segment. Too long. Put all of the heat onto Austin instead of the guys who are actually having the match and Benoit was pretty much an afterthought. Hell, even JBL's normally excellent micwork was subpar here. Always nice to see Steve Austin on my TV, though.

-Backstage, Candace and Victoria admire a blow up of Candace's Playboy cover.

-Commercials

Candace & Victoria v. Mickie James & Trish Stratus -

For what it's worth, I'm in love with Mickie James. Word. Apparently, hot crazy girls are my "thing."

Trish kicks Candace in the gut and it's go time! She goes for a whip, but Candace reverses. Victoria yanks Trish down by the hair. Candace chokes her for a bit, then distracts the ref. That allows Victoria to kick Trish right in the face. What a bitch Flower turned out to be. Candace covers and gets two. Tag to Victoria. She comes in with her slingshot somersault legdrop and gets another nearfall. Front facelock by Victoria. Trish backs her into the corner and makes the tag, but the referee misses it.

Heels lift Trish for a double suplex, but she counters, spiking them both with a double DDT. She crawls toward the corner, but Victoria nails Mickie. She goes for a clothesline, but Trish avoids it with the Matrix. She quickly hits the Stratusfaction and picks up the win. That was...awkward. Ended pretty much out of nowhere and Mickie was never even in the ring.

Postmatch, Mickie grabs the mic. She wants to say goodbye to Trish the "right way," before giving her space. She offers a hand. Trish shakes it and Mickie ends up kissing her. She then hugs Trish, who shoves her away. Mickie apologizes and turns away. SWERVE! She turns and nails Trish with a "Mick" kick. What a girl. Do you love her now, Trish? She plants Trish with the Stratusfaction to cap off her night.

-Commercials

-During the break, Mickie cut a promo backstage. Trish broke her heart, so now Mickie has to break her. Like Ivan Drago, bitches!

-Announcers run down the card for Wrestlemania 22.

-Mark Henry comes out with Daivari. We see clips of Henry putting 'Taker through a table from Smackdown.

-Commercials

-Daivari tells us that Mark Henry isn't afraid of undefeated streaks, caskets *or* the Undertaker. Henry starts to talk and here comes 'Taker. Or his druids, at any rate, as they roll the casket out. 'Taker is pulling up the rear. He and Henry brawl to ringside. 'Taker ends up reversing a whip, sending Henry hard into the stairs. Big boot sends Henry into the crowd. Daivari? Fucked. 'Taker grabs him...chokeslam onto the casket! Tombstone onto the casket! Buh bye, nice knowing you.

-Shawn Michaels heads to the ring. No word on whether God is with him. I'd guess not, since it would have tipped us off to that entire angle a bit early.

-Commercials

Shawn Michaels v. Shane McMahon (w/VKM) - Streetfight -

HBK doesn't even let Shane O'Mac have a proper entrance, attacking him as soon as he comes out Shane bumps onto the ramp, rolling all the way to the bottom. HBK whips him into the barricade and grabs a chair. He nails Shane across the back, then sets up a table at ringside. He tries to whip Shane into the ringpost, but it's reversed and HBK eats the steel. Vince sets up a second table next to the first as Shane slides a ladder into the ring. He picks up HBK and slams him into the post repeatedly.

Shane sets up the ladder in the ring. Vince rolls HBK onto the table and Shane signals for the big elbow. This won't end well. He climbs the ladder...slowly. That gives HBK time to poke Vince in the eye and sprint up the other side of the ladder. They trade punches for a few seconds. Vince tries to trip HBK, but gets kicked off. HBK then superplexes Shane over the top of the ladder and through the tables at ringside. Holy shit and what not!

-Commercials

We're back in the ring, with HBK pounding on Shane. He slams him and sets up the ladder in the corner. He climbs about 3/4 to the top and Vince nails him with a cane. Michaels bumps to the mat. We get numerous replays of the table bump, then cut back to Shane pressing the ladder and dropping it across HBK's back. He covers and gets two. Shane has a bit of a mouse under his eye after the big bump.

He runs the top of the ladder into HBK's face and picks up another nearfall. He drops an elbow to the back and locks a surfboard. HBK fights to his feet and reverses. Vince is on the apron. HBK charges, but Vince drops out of the way. HBK turns and Shane plants him with a floatover DDT! Cover gets two. Chairshot by Shane.

He and Vince set HBK up for the Van Shaninator. HBK ducks out of the way, though, causing Shane to kick the trashcan into Vince's face. HBK connects with the flying forearm and nips up. Inverted atomic drop. He slams Shane and heads up top. Elbow is on target. Sweet Chin Music! He covers, but Vince yanks the ref out.

HBK rolls out. He grabs Vince and tosses him into the ring. Vince begs off as only Vince can. The distraction is effective, allowing Shane to low blow HBK. Vince signals for something. Shane quickly locks HBK in the Sharpshooter (!) and Vince immediately calls for the bell. Shane O'Mac is your winner! By submission, no less! Those dirty McMahons celebrate as we fade out.

Another fun match. I was basically uninterested in the Vince portions of this feud, but it's always nice to see Shane O'Mac shuck and jive on my television. He's gotta be the best non-worker to wrestle regularly probably ever. The guy is amazing. Even more so since he doesn't need to take half of the risks that he does. He could never leave the ground and he'd still draw heat simply for who he is.

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