Raw In 90 Seconds
Lawler: dies
Butch: All right, I was just hoping.
Joey: looks around CATFIGHT! CATFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHHHHHHHHT!
Vince: Why I oughta...
Victoria: Spider's Web on Mickie
Candice: Hi, Torrie!
Torrie: Thanks for the sa
Candice: eliminates Torrie
Carlito: Dat...dat's cool.
Masters: Duh, I don't think it's cool.
Carlito: Quiet, you.
Ashley & Maria: Time to piss off the Net.
Ashley & Maria: eliminate Victoria
Victoria: Whatever. I got pizza to make.
Maria: Aww, I like the Net! It was a fun movie!
Ashley: looks at Maria
Maria: broncobusters Candice
The Net: likes Maria again
Mickie: throws out Maria. YOU! throttles Ashley
Candice: Say, girls....points to Playboy contract
Ashley: Aww, man...
Mickie: Dammit...
Candice: jumps Mickie & Ashley to win And that is why evil will always beat good, because good is dumb.
Alter Bridge: ON THIS DAY I SEE CLEARLY...
Everybody: WTF, mate and slut?
Edge: I'm going to give you mouthbreathers way too much benefit of the doubt and assume you can play the Pyramid. David Carradine's performance in Kill Bill by the Academy. Andre Iguodala. Jenna Haze. Paris Hilton. Tara Reid. My baby.
Lita: Mmmgghghgmgmgmmmm?
Edge: Never mind. Screwed, the lot of us!
Crowd: DISLIKE!
Edge: Hacksaw...
Crowd: their kids think they're uncool, 'cause they're still preoccupied with 19 19 1985
Edge: ...I keel you. You started this whole mess.
Crowd: YOU said ho!
Edge: I said WHOLE, you illiterate bastards!
Crowd: Hip Hop Hooray! HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Edge: seethes
Hacksaw: Shovel? Rake? I'm thinking of a word, and I can't quite think of it...
The Outfield: Josie's on a vacation far away/Come around and talk it over/So many things that I want to say/You know I like my girls a little bit older/I just wanna use your love toniiiiight/I don't wanna lose your love toniiiiiiiiiight...oh, we saw what was happening with Hacksaw and the crowd and just assumed the space-time continuum ripped and we were popular again. Drat. Is Hit Me Baby One More Time still on?
Everybody: stares
Dennis Miller: relinquishes the Obscure Reference crown
Butch's Head: Ooh, I'm warm now!
Edge: Enough of this. On EVERY CONCEIVABLE LEVEL.
Hacksaw: windmills like Quixote
Edge: HA ha!
Hacksaw: You look hungry, young fella.
Edge: All this ass-kicking does take it out of me. Mmm...Stupid Flakes. You my only friend.
Hacksaw: comeback Citizens! Count to ten while I punch this man about the face and head!
Citizens: do so
Edge: Would you stop hitting me!?
Hacksaw: No.
Lita: Yoink!
Edge: RAMMING SPEEEEEEEEEEED! 2x4 uppercut
Hacksaw: ...maybe I should shut up about his woman now...
Edge: banging two glass bottles together Micky...
Mickie: I'm...still...exhausted. Wh...wh...what do you want?
Edge: NOT YOU! Let's try this again. banging two glass bottles together Foleyyyyyyyy...come out and playyyyyyyyy...
Censors: Oh, s___, we probably should've got that.
Edge: Damn Foley.
Lita: We'll get him.
Edge: I ain't got many friends left to talk to. There's nowhere to run when I'm in trouble. But you know I'd do anything for you. Stay the night but keep it undercover. I just want to use your love toniiiiii--son of a fucking BITCH!
Butch: runs out of spearing range
Big Show: I'm winning tonight. ...and I know you people don't think your laughter hurts, but it does.
Truth Dot Commies: make me want to smoke. And I have asthma.
Kane: doesn't light pyro
Masters: That don't look good.
Butch: Hey, 24's on. Aw, Jack isn't beating the shit out of anybody.
Masters: Punchy!
Kane: I was doing punchy back when you still had all your hair, kid.
Masters: It's genetic!
Lawler: actually brings the history
The World: slips off it's axis a little bit
Butch: Wasn't the last blue chipper Randy Orton?
French Waiter In Chicago: I weep for the future.
Kane: And now, for my victory.
Masters: No! And now, for MY victory!
Bottle: lather rinse repeat
Kane: All right, I know this, this was like first-day stuff. Do I go left, right, lock or right, left lock?
Masters: looks up gimmick
Masters: looks up infringement
Masters: looks up all prior Raw in 90 Seconds
Masters: looks up motherfucker
Masters: can't find it
Kane: BOOT. Oh, I won? Well, now I can get my pyro on.
Masters: NO! Rest hold! HA!
Kane: I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL, MOTHERFUCKER!
Coach: I just can't quit Chris.
Issac Mizrahi: Even by gay standards you're gay for him.
RVD: Dude, WRESTLEMANIA. Wait, are you guys laughing because you're eating all the Funyuns?
Butch: Just to clarify, Shawn didn't retire on Thursday. Saved y'all a couple minutes. You're welcome.
Spirit Squad: YAY! ALL RIGHT! YEAHHHH!
Vince: Y'all gonna let Shawn disrespect like that? Debut. Well, not all of you.
Mitch: :(.
Vince: Satan help me, those kids are gonna get over.
Champ: first
CRZ: has a thrombo
Flair: WHOO!
Everybody: WHOO!
Singing Frog: Welcome back, niggers, to the WWE! I like chickennnnnnn...
Coach: actually has a point
Earth's Axis: All right, we're losing it.
Flair: CHOP! CHOP, I TELL YOU, CHOP!
Shelton: Mama...I want my momma...my actual momma, damn this hurts!
Thea Benjamin: I can't eat these chops. What good are they to me?
Butch: Why isn't AARON the damn President? Fucking Logan, couldn't carry Palmer's jock with a forklift...
Flair: NOW we go to school!
Shelton: points to calendar
Flair: Fuck.
Shelton: Samoan drop on the floor
Flair: flop
Shelton: Dragon WHIP! FLYING lariat!
Flair: Ropes!
Shelton: Figure-four!
Flair: blinks Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
Shelton: This has always worked out for me. Are you sure that's my line?
Butch: points to Thea
Thea Benjamin: eating the box of Stupid Flakes
Shelton: Ah.
Flair: CHOP! NOW! SCREW YOUR CALENDAR, FIGURE-FOUR! I GOT YOU NOW, MOTHERFUCKER!
Shelton: Ropes? Ropes!? Ropes!
Thea Benjamin: runs the okeydoke
Shelton: CLONG! CLONG!
Kruger: T-BONE!
George: T-BONE!
Shelton: YESSIR! Hey mama! I wanna scream so loud for you, 'cause I'm so proud of you...
Kanye West: chairs Shelton Vince McMahon doesn't care about black people.
Conan O'Brien: Triple H is to RAW as Stacy Keibler is to...that dancing show thing.
Spirit Squad: YEAH! HERE WE GO! ALL RIGHT!
Butch: That's MY Roger Rabbit, asshole!
Everybody: Holy CRAP!
Nicky: My turn!
Louisville: WHO'S YOUR CADDY! clap clap clapclapclap
Butch: And that's my Vogue! GIMMICK MOTHERFUCKING INFRINGEMENT, JOY BOYS!
Homer Simpson: Tramampoline! Trabapoline!
Butch: LMAO All right, you're forgiven.
HBK: CHOP. That seems to be the best item on the menu. Hey, rooks: points to contract
Mickey: doesn't like it
Mitch: :( :(.
HBK: superKICK
Spirit Squad: Swarm!
Ref: Bell.
Spirit Squad: We believe you can fly. We believe you can touch the sky...
HBK: SPLUT
Side Of The Milk Carton: And we've lost another one! What is UP tonight...
Marty Jannetty: Rock rock don't stop!
Butch: !
Vince: Oh, he's gonna pay.
Crowd: MARTY!
Butch: Is Ted DiBiase really that holy? Come on, y'all!
Carlito: Shut up, ho. You? I don't even know you, but I hate your guts.
Ken Kennedy: This is a ripoff...
Carlito: LUNGBLOWER, LAST RITES Money in the Bank 2, Electric Boogaloo, bitches.
Edge: Oh, great. Things that could've been brought to my attention YESTERDAY!
Dean Striker: I am teh hawt.
Butch: GODDAMN IT STOP PLUGGING THE WEBSITE...ah, hell, go back to plugging the website. Got dusty in here.
Todos: EDDIE! EDDIE! EDDIE! EDDIE! EDDIE! EDDIE! EDDIE!
Satan: There's my boy.
Vince: I'm signing Marty. Of course, I am pure evil, and I'm going to show everyone my ass first.
Triple H: I'm winning. Duh.
Show: RAR!
RVD: Dudes.
Motorhead: Time to face the inevitablllllllle!
Triple H: Muahahahaha.
Ken Kennedy: RIPOFF.
Show: Ahem. SKILLET SKILLET SKILLET SKILLET.
Triple H: I'm outta here.
Show: Don't care fee fi fo SKILLET.
Fans: I really would've much rather had this happen during the opener...
RVD: points to self
Show: YOU. GO. SPLAT.
Triple H: I got you.
Show: If by me you mean the fist, then yes. Yes, you did.
RVD: Kick! KICK!
Show: Those don't hurt. In a completely unrelated note, I'm getting sleepy.
Triple H: OK, we're going to have to take him out.
Show: attempts goozles
RVD: Save!
Triple H: Save! All right, we got him now--
Big Show: DOUBLE FUCKING CHOKESLAM
Keanu Reeves, staring in awe: Whoa.
Triple H: ow
RVD: Dude, you suck.
Triple H: Facebuster!
RVD: FLYING KIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!
Big Show: Me go sleepy outside.
RVD: Split-legged moonsault!
Triple H: See you. Raise with the facebuster.
RVD: Call.
Triple H: Call?
RVD: THUNDER! Na na na na na na na na....there are so many frog splashes...I can only choose one...I can only choose oooooooone! I hit the FIF! I hit the FIF! One, two, three, four FIIIIIIIIIIIIIF!
Big Show: Save!
RVD: I say FI
Triple H: Shoooooooooooooove! Hi, Mr. Chair. Quick powwow? WHOMP. GLASS CEILING DRIVER
RVD: I spit at your ceiling!
Triple H: So dead. So very dead.
RVD: Quick decision. sidesteps Triple H FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIF!
Triple H: holds the ref
Big Show: I'm not dead yet!
Triple H: GLASS CEILING DRIVER. ECWhatever.
The Net: groans
Triple H: What do you guys think of this name--Damien Levesque? Is that over the top? I can never tell.
Cena: Sup.
Butch: All right, I was just hoping.
Joey: looks around CATFIGHT! CATFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHHHHHHHHT!
Vince: Why I oughta...
Victoria: Spider's Web on Mickie
Candice: Hi, Torrie!
Torrie: Thanks for the sa
Candice: eliminates Torrie
Carlito: Dat...dat's cool.
Masters: Duh, I don't think it's cool.
Carlito: Quiet, you.
Ashley & Maria: Time to piss off the Net.
Ashley & Maria: eliminate Victoria
Victoria: Whatever. I got pizza to make.
Maria: Aww, I like the Net! It was a fun movie!
Ashley: looks at Maria
Maria: broncobusters Candice
The Net: likes Maria again
Mickie: throws out Maria. YOU! throttles Ashley
Candice: Say, girls....points to Playboy contract
Ashley: Aww, man...
Mickie: Dammit...
Candice: jumps Mickie & Ashley to win And that is why evil will always beat good, because good is dumb.
Alter Bridge: ON THIS DAY I SEE CLEARLY...
Everybody: WTF, mate and slut?
Edge: I'm going to give you mouthbreathers way too much benefit of the doubt and assume you can play the Pyramid. David Carradine's performance in Kill Bill by the Academy. Andre Iguodala. Jenna Haze. Paris Hilton. Tara Reid. My baby.
Lita: Mmmgghghgmgmgmmmm?
Edge: Never mind. Screwed, the lot of us!
Crowd: DISLIKE!
Edge: Hacksaw...
Crowd: their kids think they're uncool, 'cause they're still preoccupied with 19 19 1985
Edge: ...I keel you. You started this whole mess.
Crowd: YOU said ho!
Edge: I said WHOLE, you illiterate bastards!
Crowd: Hip Hop Hooray! HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Edge: seethes
Hacksaw: Shovel? Rake? I'm thinking of a word, and I can't quite think of it...
The Outfield: Josie's on a vacation far away/Come around and talk it over/So many things that I want to say/You know I like my girls a little bit older/I just wanna use your love toniiiiight/I don't wanna lose your love toniiiiiiiiiight...oh, we saw what was happening with Hacksaw and the crowd and just assumed the space-time continuum ripped and we were popular again. Drat. Is Hit Me Baby One More Time still on?
Everybody: stares
Dennis Miller: relinquishes the Obscure Reference crown
Butch's Head: Ooh, I'm warm now!
Edge: Enough of this. On EVERY CONCEIVABLE LEVEL.
Hacksaw: windmills like Quixote
Edge: HA ha!
Hacksaw: You look hungry, young fella.
Edge: All this ass-kicking does take it out of me. Mmm...Stupid Flakes. You my only friend.
Hacksaw: comeback Citizens! Count to ten while I punch this man about the face and head!
Citizens: do so
Edge: Would you stop hitting me!?
Hacksaw: No.
Lita: Yoink!
Edge: RAMMING SPEEEEEEEEEEED! 2x4 uppercut
Hacksaw: ...maybe I should shut up about his woman now...
Edge: banging two glass bottles together Micky...
Mickie: I'm...still...exhausted. Wh...wh...what do you want?
Edge: NOT YOU! Let's try this again. banging two glass bottles together Foleyyyyyyyy...come out and playyyyyyyyy...
Censors: Oh, s___, we probably should've got that.
Edge: Damn Foley.
Lita: We'll get him.
Edge: I ain't got many friends left to talk to. There's nowhere to run when I'm in trouble. But you know I'd do anything for you. Stay the night but keep it undercover. I just want to use your love toniiiiii--son of a fucking BITCH!
Butch: runs out of spearing range
Big Show: I'm winning tonight. ...and I know you people don't think your laughter hurts, but it does.
Truth Dot Commies: make me want to smoke. And I have asthma.
Kane: doesn't light pyro
Masters: That don't look good.
Butch: Hey, 24's on. Aw, Jack isn't beating the shit out of anybody.
Masters: Punchy!
Kane: I was doing punchy back when you still had all your hair, kid.
Masters: It's genetic!
Lawler: actually brings the history
The World: slips off it's axis a little bit
Butch: Wasn't the last blue chipper Randy Orton?
French Waiter In Chicago: I weep for the future.
Kane: And now, for my victory.
Masters: No! And now, for MY victory!
Bottle: lather rinse repeat
Kane: All right, I know this, this was like first-day stuff. Do I go left, right, lock or right, left lock?
Masters: looks up gimmick
Masters: looks up infringement
Masters: looks up all prior Raw in 90 Seconds
Masters: looks up motherfucker
Masters: can't find it
Kane: BOOT. Oh, I won? Well, now I can get my pyro on.
Masters: NO! Rest hold! HA!
Kane: I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL, MOTHERFUCKER!
Coach: I just can't quit Chris.
Issac Mizrahi: Even by gay standards you're gay for him.
RVD: Dude, WRESTLEMANIA. Wait, are you guys laughing because you're eating all the Funyuns?
Butch: Just to clarify, Shawn didn't retire on Thursday. Saved y'all a couple minutes. You're welcome.
Spirit Squad: YAY! ALL RIGHT! YEAHHHH!
Vince: Y'all gonna let Shawn disrespect like that? Debut. Well, not all of you.
Mitch: :(.
Vince: Satan help me, those kids are gonna get over.
Champ: first
CRZ: has a thrombo
Flair: WHOO!
Everybody: WHOO!
Singing Frog: Welcome back, niggers, to the WWE! I like chickennnnnnn...
Coach: actually has a point
Earth's Axis: All right, we're losing it.
Flair: CHOP! CHOP, I TELL YOU, CHOP!
Shelton: Mama...I want my momma...my actual momma, damn this hurts!
Thea Benjamin: I can't eat these chops. What good are they to me?
Butch: Why isn't AARON the damn President? Fucking Logan, couldn't carry Palmer's jock with a forklift...
Flair: NOW we go to school!
Shelton: points to calendar
Flair: Fuck.
Shelton: Samoan drop on the floor
Flair: flop
Shelton: Dragon WHIP! FLYING lariat!
Flair: Ropes!
Shelton: Figure-four!
Flair: blinks Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
Shelton: This has always worked out for me. Are you sure that's my line?
Butch: points to Thea
Thea Benjamin: eating the box of Stupid Flakes
Shelton: Ah.
Flair: CHOP! NOW! SCREW YOUR CALENDAR, FIGURE-FOUR! I GOT YOU NOW, MOTHERFUCKER!
Shelton: Ropes? Ropes!? Ropes!
Thea Benjamin: runs the okeydoke
Shelton: CLONG! CLONG!
Kruger: T-BONE!
George: T-BONE!
Shelton: YESSIR! Hey mama! I wanna scream so loud for you, 'cause I'm so proud of you...
Kanye West: chairs Shelton Vince McMahon doesn't care about black people.
Conan O'Brien: Triple H is to RAW as Stacy Keibler is to...that dancing show thing.
Spirit Squad: YEAH! HERE WE GO! ALL RIGHT!
Butch: That's MY Roger Rabbit, asshole!
Everybody: Holy CRAP!
Nicky: My turn!
Louisville: WHO'S YOUR CADDY! clap clap clapclapclap
Butch: And that's my Vogue! GIMMICK MOTHERFUCKING INFRINGEMENT, JOY BOYS!
Homer Simpson: Tramampoline! Trabapoline!
Butch: LMAO All right, you're forgiven.
HBK: CHOP. That seems to be the best item on the menu. Hey, rooks: points to contract
Mickey: doesn't like it
Mitch: :( :(.
HBK: superKICK
Spirit Squad: Swarm!
Ref: Bell.
Spirit Squad: We believe you can fly. We believe you can touch the sky...
HBK: SPLUT
Side Of The Milk Carton: And we've lost another one! What is UP tonight...
Marty Jannetty: Rock rock don't stop!
Butch: !
Vince: Oh, he's gonna pay.
Crowd: MARTY!
Butch: Is Ted DiBiase really that holy? Come on, y'all!
Carlito: Shut up, ho. You? I don't even know you, but I hate your guts.
Ken Kennedy: This is a ripoff...
Carlito: LUNGBLOWER, LAST RITES Money in the Bank 2, Electric Boogaloo, bitches.
Edge: Oh, great. Things that could've been brought to my attention YESTERDAY!
Dean Striker: I am teh hawt.
Butch: GODDAMN IT STOP PLUGGING THE WEBSITE...ah, hell, go back to plugging the website. Got dusty in here.
Todos: EDDIE! EDDIE! EDDIE! EDDIE! EDDIE! EDDIE! EDDIE!
Satan: There's my boy.
Vince: I'm signing Marty. Of course, I am pure evil, and I'm going to show everyone my ass first.
Triple H: I'm winning. Duh.
Show: RAR!
RVD: Dudes.
Motorhead: Time to face the inevitablllllllle!
Triple H: Muahahahaha.
Ken Kennedy: RIPOFF.
Show: Ahem. SKILLET SKILLET SKILLET SKILLET.
Triple H: I'm outta here.
Show: Don't care fee fi fo SKILLET.
Fans: I really would've much rather had this happen during the opener...
RVD: points to self
Show: YOU. GO. SPLAT.
Triple H: I got you.
Show: If by me you mean the fist, then yes. Yes, you did.
RVD: Kick! KICK!
Show: Those don't hurt. In a completely unrelated note, I'm getting sleepy.
Triple H: OK, we're going to have to take him out.
Show: attempts goozles
RVD: Save!
Triple H: Save! All right, we got him now--
Big Show: DOUBLE FUCKING CHOKESLAM
Keanu Reeves, staring in awe: Whoa.
Triple H: ow
RVD: Dude, you suck.
Triple H: Facebuster!
RVD: FLYING KIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!
Big Show: Me go sleepy outside.
RVD: Split-legged moonsault!
Triple H: See you. Raise with the facebuster.
RVD: Call.
Triple H: Call?
RVD: THUNDER! Na na na na na na na na....there are so many frog splashes...I can only choose one...I can only choose oooooooone! I hit the FIF! I hit the FIF! One, two, three, four FIIIIIIIIIIIIIF!
Big Show: Save!
RVD: I say FI
Triple H: Shoooooooooooooove! Hi, Mr. Chair. Quick powwow? WHOMP. GLASS CEILING DRIVER
RVD: I spit at your ceiling!
Triple H: So dead. So very dead.
RVD: Quick decision. sidesteps Triple H FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIF!
Triple H: holds the ref
Big Show: I'm not dead yet!
Triple H: GLASS CEILING DRIVER. ECWhatever.
The Net: groans
Triple H: What do you guys think of this name--Damien Levesque? Is that over the top? I can never tell.
Cena: Sup.
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