ECW on Sci-Fi (6.12.07)
-We open with a shot of WWE Headquarters. The WWE flag flies at half mast. Amazingly enough, they had the restraint to not fly the US Flag at half mast as well. I'm literally shocked by that. Anyway, if you missed Raw…Vince McMahon? Dead. As a doorknob. A burnt up, crispy doorknob!
-Let's see how that entire Vince McMahon being dead thing came about! They replay the entire segment, which of course means we got to see Paul London's inappropriately giant grin again. I think he's hiding something! Get Leslie Nielson on the case! Where's Angela Lansbury when you need her? And that gigantic guy that was standing behind Charlie Haas is apparently Dan Rodimer, for whatever that's worth. At any rate, VINCE GO BOOM!
-The announcers are sad. No one else is, though. They tell us that tonight's matches are dedicated to Vince.
-10 bell salute. Moment of silence? Not so much. The crowd booed each time the bell was rung. The announcers were both shocked and appalled by this.
-Commercials. No opening montage? This IS serious!
Tommy Dreamer v. Balls Mahoney - Extreme Rules -
Yeah, this is exactly the match I'd want to dedicate to Vince. They open with the indy reversal sequence, just to show that anyone can do it. Maybe this will cause people to stop doing it. Played out, yo. Played out. Drop toehold by Dreamer, who floats into a side headlock. Balls shoots him into the ropes and goes for a hiptoss. Dreamer blocks and lines up for a clothesline. Balls ducks it and comes back punching. He plants Dreamer with a back suplex. Dreamer backs into the ropes. Balls charges, but Tommy drops down and Balls sails over the top. Baseball slide dropkick from Dreamer sends him into the announce table.
Dreamer nails him with, you got it, a kitchen sink. He goes for a whip, but Balls reverses him into the steps. Balls tosses some plunder into the ring. He nails Dreamer a few times with a trashcan lid and gets two. He goes for a charge into the corner, but Dreamer moves and Balls goes facefirst into the lid. Dreamer blasts him with a trashcan, then rolls out to grab a chair. He opens it up and places it *upside down* in the ring. He tries to suplex Balls onto it, but he counters out and sends Dreamer into the ropes. Drop toehold onto the chair!
Balls heads up top. Dreamer ends up crotching him, though. He ties Balls to the Tree of Woe and nails him with a trashcan. He puts it in front of his face and hits his running dropkick in the corner. He rolls to the floor, looking for more plunder. More specifically, a table. He sets it up (kinda) near the corner, but Balls cuts him off with a trashcan shot. He puts Dreamer on the table and comes off the second ropes with a legdrop. No one home! Dreamer plants him with a DDT onto a chair and gets the win!
Neither guy seems to care about the Vince McMahon thing one bit. Way to sell the angle!
-Later, Chris friggin' Benoit makes his debut, teaming with CM Punk versus Elijah Burke and Marcus Cor Van. Chris Benoit! Also, Boogeyman makes his debut next. One of those things is ridiculously awesome. I'll let you decide which one.
-Commercials
Matt Striker (already in the ring) v. Boogeyman -
Instead of "Typical Snitsky squash," substitute "Typical Boogeyman squash" and you have this match. He pounds Striker down and quickly finishes him off with the Tree Slam. Postmatch, he eats some worms and lets them dribble into Striker's mouth. Yeah, I sure loved that draft. The supplemental draft better bring the goods, or I'll be a sad panda.
-Commercials
-Footage from after Raw went off the air. We watch the limo burn up for a few seconds and then the firemen arrive. All two of them. I'm unimpressed. The announcers? Care about all of this! Me? Not so much!
-Main event is next.
-Commercials. They continue to use Vince McMahon's DO OR DIE speech to hype the PPV. That's classy! If we're supposed to believe that he's dead, at least treat your product as if he really was gone. A little realism never hurt anyone, I promise!
Chris Benoit & CM Punk v. Elijah Burke & Marcus Cor Van -
C'mon…*someone* should at least kinda sorta pretend that the death of Vincent Kennedy McMahon has had some tiny, small, even slightly noticeable effect on them. Something. ANYTHING. An armband perhaps? Or maybe just the tiniest little frown? The angle is going to be retarded, but at least throw it a friggin' bone if you work for the company. Yikes. Why am I ranting about an angle that's going to dominate my TV instead of actual, you know, wrestling? It's a world gone mad, I say. Mad! Anyway, there's a match in here somewhere.
Punk opens the match with Cor Van. He takes him down with a side headlock. Cor Van fights up and Punk chains it into a hammerlock. It's reversed. Punk shoots Cor Van into the ropes, but gets tackled. They lockup again and Punk snaps him over with an armdrag. Cor Van comes back with a kick the gut and lays in some clubbing forearms to the back. He pulls Punk into the corner and makes the tag. Burke comes in and targets Punk's bad ribs immediately. Punk tries to come back, but Burke absolutely obliterates him with a knee to the face. Seriously, I'd buy that knee as the finish. Punk manages to kick out at two, though.
Hammerlock by Burke. Punk reverses it and takes him down in a Fireman's Carry. He makes a quick cover, but can only get two. Tag to Benoit. He punches away at Burke, sends him into the ropes and tries to run through him with a back elbow. Burke bails, but Benoit is in hot pursuit. He nails Burke and rolls him right back in. Burke begs off. Benoit stomps on him, then takes him over with a snap suplex for two. Burke manages to slow Benoit down with a shot to the gut and quickly makes the tag to Cor Van.
They close in for the lockup and Cor Van makes the preemptive strike with a kick to the gut. They trade strikes for a bit and Benoit backs him into a corner. He drives some knees into the gut, but Cor Van responds in kind. He even adds some shoulderblocks for good measure. He sends Benoit into the ropes and ducks his head. Benoit nails him and makes the tag to Punk. He comes in with a springboard forearm smash. He follows up with a spinning heel kick, then levels Cor Van with a clothesline.
He whips Cor Van into the corner and follows him in with a knee strike. Cor Van shrugs off the ensuing bulldog, though, sending Punk into the ropes. Punk still manages to catch him with a leg lariat on the rebound. Now it's Cor Van's turn to bail out. Elijah Burke tries to jump Punk from behind, but Benoit charges in and destroys him with another back elbow. Benoit is feeling surly tonight. Because he's all broken up about Vince, I bet! The faces stand tall as we go to break.
-Commercials
Punk is trapped in a rear chinlock when we return. The "during the break" box is in mourning, apparently, so we won't see how the tide turned. At any rate, Punk fights up and counters with a jawbreaker. He starts toward his corner, but Burke pulls him away and drops an elbow to his back. He slams Punk, then adds a Benoit-esque power elbow. He's just begging to get his ass kicked. Cor Van tags in. He pounds Punk down for a bit and tags Burke back in.
Punk comes back punching and takes Burke down with a clothesline. He can't reach his corner, though. Burke gets a rear mount and lays in a series of crossfaces. He covers, but Punk escapes at two. Burke pulls him into the heel corner and makes the tag. Cor Van goes for a whip, but gets reversed into the corner. Punk leaps in and goes for the punches in the corner, but Cor Van flicks him to the mat. Catapult into the corner by Cor Van.
He hooks Punk for an Exploder, but gets rolled up for a quick nearfall. Punk's attempts at a tag are stuffed by Cor Van once again. He then makes one of his own. Burke whips Punk into Cor Van, who dumps him with a powerslam in the corner. He apparently doesn't make it out of the ring quickly enough for the ref, though, as he calls for the DQ. Wow. Everyone is in to brawl. Burke picked the wrong night to piss Benoit off. Rolling Germans! Diving Headbutt! Sharpshooter! Burke taps out, but no one cares, what with the match already being over and all.
-We close with VINCE GO BOOM.
Interesting (?) show this week. Some decent-ish wrestling to be sure, but now it's me that feels the dark cloud of Murder She Wrote starring Vince McMahon's missing corpse looming over me. I really don't want to put up with this shit for the next year. Probably on all three shows. Does anyone know where Rikishi was during all of this? He did it for the Rock. HE DID IT FOR THE PEOPLE!
-Let's see how that entire Vince McMahon being dead thing came about! They replay the entire segment, which of course means we got to see Paul London's inappropriately giant grin again. I think he's hiding something! Get Leslie Nielson on the case! Where's Angela Lansbury when you need her? And that gigantic guy that was standing behind Charlie Haas is apparently Dan Rodimer, for whatever that's worth. At any rate, VINCE GO BOOM!
-The announcers are sad. No one else is, though. They tell us that tonight's matches are dedicated to Vince.
-10 bell salute. Moment of silence? Not so much. The crowd booed each time the bell was rung. The announcers were both shocked and appalled by this.
-Commercials. No opening montage? This IS serious!
Tommy Dreamer v. Balls Mahoney - Extreme Rules -
Yeah, this is exactly the match I'd want to dedicate to Vince. They open with the indy reversal sequence, just to show that anyone can do it. Maybe this will cause people to stop doing it. Played out, yo. Played out. Drop toehold by Dreamer, who floats into a side headlock. Balls shoots him into the ropes and goes for a hiptoss. Dreamer blocks and lines up for a clothesline. Balls ducks it and comes back punching. He plants Dreamer with a back suplex. Dreamer backs into the ropes. Balls charges, but Tommy drops down and Balls sails over the top. Baseball slide dropkick from Dreamer sends him into the announce table.
Dreamer nails him with, you got it, a kitchen sink. He goes for a whip, but Balls reverses him into the steps. Balls tosses some plunder into the ring. He nails Dreamer a few times with a trashcan lid and gets two. He goes for a charge into the corner, but Dreamer moves and Balls goes facefirst into the lid. Dreamer blasts him with a trashcan, then rolls out to grab a chair. He opens it up and places it *upside down* in the ring. He tries to suplex Balls onto it, but he counters out and sends Dreamer into the ropes. Drop toehold onto the chair!
Balls heads up top. Dreamer ends up crotching him, though. He ties Balls to the Tree of Woe and nails him with a trashcan. He puts it in front of his face and hits his running dropkick in the corner. He rolls to the floor, looking for more plunder. More specifically, a table. He sets it up (kinda) near the corner, but Balls cuts him off with a trashcan shot. He puts Dreamer on the table and comes off the second ropes with a legdrop. No one home! Dreamer plants him with a DDT onto a chair and gets the win!
Neither guy seems to care about the Vince McMahon thing one bit. Way to sell the angle!
-Later, Chris friggin' Benoit makes his debut, teaming with CM Punk versus Elijah Burke and Marcus Cor Van. Chris Benoit! Also, Boogeyman makes his debut next. One of those things is ridiculously awesome. I'll let you decide which one.
-Commercials
Matt Striker (already in the ring) v. Boogeyman -
Instead of "Typical Snitsky squash," substitute "Typical Boogeyman squash" and you have this match. He pounds Striker down and quickly finishes him off with the Tree Slam. Postmatch, he eats some worms and lets them dribble into Striker's mouth. Yeah, I sure loved that draft. The supplemental draft better bring the goods, or I'll be a sad panda.
-Commercials
-Footage from after Raw went off the air. We watch the limo burn up for a few seconds and then the firemen arrive. All two of them. I'm unimpressed. The announcers? Care about all of this! Me? Not so much!
-Main event is next.
-Commercials. They continue to use Vince McMahon's DO OR DIE speech to hype the PPV. That's classy! If we're supposed to believe that he's dead, at least treat your product as if he really was gone. A little realism never hurt anyone, I promise!
Chris Benoit & CM Punk v. Elijah Burke & Marcus Cor Van -
C'mon…*someone* should at least kinda sorta pretend that the death of Vincent Kennedy McMahon has had some tiny, small, even slightly noticeable effect on them. Something. ANYTHING. An armband perhaps? Or maybe just the tiniest little frown? The angle is going to be retarded, but at least throw it a friggin' bone if you work for the company. Yikes. Why am I ranting about an angle that's going to dominate my TV instead of actual, you know, wrestling? It's a world gone mad, I say. Mad! Anyway, there's a match in here somewhere.
Punk opens the match with Cor Van. He takes him down with a side headlock. Cor Van fights up and Punk chains it into a hammerlock. It's reversed. Punk shoots Cor Van into the ropes, but gets tackled. They lockup again and Punk snaps him over with an armdrag. Cor Van comes back with a kick the gut and lays in some clubbing forearms to the back. He pulls Punk into the corner and makes the tag. Burke comes in and targets Punk's bad ribs immediately. Punk tries to come back, but Burke absolutely obliterates him with a knee to the face. Seriously, I'd buy that knee as the finish. Punk manages to kick out at two, though.
Hammerlock by Burke. Punk reverses it and takes him down in a Fireman's Carry. He makes a quick cover, but can only get two. Tag to Benoit. He punches away at Burke, sends him into the ropes and tries to run through him with a back elbow. Burke bails, but Benoit is in hot pursuit. He nails Burke and rolls him right back in. Burke begs off. Benoit stomps on him, then takes him over with a snap suplex for two. Burke manages to slow Benoit down with a shot to the gut and quickly makes the tag to Cor Van.
They close in for the lockup and Cor Van makes the preemptive strike with a kick to the gut. They trade strikes for a bit and Benoit backs him into a corner. He drives some knees into the gut, but Cor Van responds in kind. He even adds some shoulderblocks for good measure. He sends Benoit into the ropes and ducks his head. Benoit nails him and makes the tag to Punk. He comes in with a springboard forearm smash. He follows up with a spinning heel kick, then levels Cor Van with a clothesline.
He whips Cor Van into the corner and follows him in with a knee strike. Cor Van shrugs off the ensuing bulldog, though, sending Punk into the ropes. Punk still manages to catch him with a leg lariat on the rebound. Now it's Cor Van's turn to bail out. Elijah Burke tries to jump Punk from behind, but Benoit charges in and destroys him with another back elbow. Benoit is feeling surly tonight. Because he's all broken up about Vince, I bet! The faces stand tall as we go to break.
-Commercials
Punk is trapped in a rear chinlock when we return. The "during the break" box is in mourning, apparently, so we won't see how the tide turned. At any rate, Punk fights up and counters with a jawbreaker. He starts toward his corner, but Burke pulls him away and drops an elbow to his back. He slams Punk, then adds a Benoit-esque power elbow. He's just begging to get his ass kicked. Cor Van tags in. He pounds Punk down for a bit and tags Burke back in.
Punk comes back punching and takes Burke down with a clothesline. He can't reach his corner, though. Burke gets a rear mount and lays in a series of crossfaces. He covers, but Punk escapes at two. Burke pulls him into the heel corner and makes the tag. Cor Van goes for a whip, but gets reversed into the corner. Punk leaps in and goes for the punches in the corner, but Cor Van flicks him to the mat. Catapult into the corner by Cor Van.
He hooks Punk for an Exploder, but gets rolled up for a quick nearfall. Punk's attempts at a tag are stuffed by Cor Van once again. He then makes one of his own. Burke whips Punk into Cor Van, who dumps him with a powerslam in the corner. He apparently doesn't make it out of the ring quickly enough for the ref, though, as he calls for the DQ. Wow. Everyone is in to brawl. Burke picked the wrong night to piss Benoit off. Rolling Germans! Diving Headbutt! Sharpshooter! Burke taps out, but no one cares, what with the match already being over and all.
-We close with VINCE GO BOOM.
Interesting (?) show this week. Some decent-ish wrestling to be sure, but now it's me that feels the dark cloud of Murder She Wrote starring Vince McMahon's missing corpse looming over me. I really don't want to put up with this shit for the next year. Probably on all three shows. Does anyone know where Rikishi was during all of this? He did it for the Rock. HE DID IT FOR THE PEOPLE!
Comments