Heart Punch

AGAINST: Khali's having a title celebration? FOR: Oooh. Continuity. FOR: Batista making the "Call me" motion to Chery post-match. JBL: "She must be an animal lover." FOR: The explanation for Hornswoggle's eligibility in the match is actually kind of ingenious. FOR: Noble's promo. (Who's Max?) AGAINST: Hornswoggle has an entrance? FOR: Noble pointing downwards. He knows what's up. AGAINST: Is he biting his knee pad? FOR: JBL: "This could be the shortest championship reign ever." UM: What's with all the countouts recently? FOR: Chavo's knee stretch. AGAINST: Is "tenaciousness" a word, Cole? FOR: Chavo: "Me?" JBL: "I've seen that before somewhere." FOR: This match got good at the halfway point. FOR: BRAINBUSTER. FOR: More continuity with the Hardy/Masters match two weeks ago. FOR: Was the Bash the first time Matt and Jeff have worked separate singles matches on the same show? I...

FOR: The crowd cheering Edge having to give up the title. AGAINST: Not only is that thing cursed, but it's kind of a symbol of when everything went south. FOR: LOL at Edge claiming Kane's depriving the people of watching him. AGAINST: What the hell song is this? FOR: Oh. FOR: Ah, the battle royal trick. They've gone to this well before. FOR: The fans waving good-bye. FOR: Victoria clipping Torrie's leg. FOR: Victoria yelling at the crowd. FOR: The Widow's Peak. AGAINST: They're doing the battle royal now? Well, I guess they need a challenger for the winner or something. FOR: Cole bringing up how Batista had to forfeit the title also AND how he couldn't face Edge for the title any more. FOR: And again, entrances are reserved only for the people that matter. FOR: I'm surprised Funaki lasted this long. AGAINST: Why'd they all pick Henry to gang up on? FOR: Kenny and Deuce celebrating. FOR: The Noble elimination. AGAINST: Doing essent...

-The announcers open the show with some breaking news. Apparently, Johnny Nitro has called a press conference for later tonight. We get a shot of his dressing room, which is swarming with press, curious about this life altering news! Some dude (who probably had a name, though they didn't care to share it with us) walks out and tells us that tonight will be the last time we ever see Johnny Nitro in ECW. Oh! All of our questions will be answered soon enough. Thank god, as the stress is just killing me. CM Punk v. Elijah Burke - Rumor has it that the main event was supposed to be Punk versus Cor Van, but that MCV didn't show up for some reason. We'll have to wait and see how that plays out. I hope he's not leaving. I doubly hope he's not going back to TNA. He had more charisma as Monty Brown, but the matches were the shits. I'll also point out that ECW needs to add a name or six, as this match is bordering on being done to death, but really…who else do they have to...

FOR: That's a new way to start the show. AGAINST: A party and a contract signing? What is this, Raw? FOR: MVP: "Humble? What does that mean? Humble's a place in Texas, isn't it?" AGAINST: That's a terrible spot to go to commercial. AGAINST: See? FOR: They've really gotten the Twist of Fate over in recent weeks. AGAINST: JBL saying "Ball-in." AGAINST: JBL seems awful subdued tonight. FOR: JBL: "I spent a month here one weekend." FOR: Finlay lying across Yang's back while keeping the armlock on. FOR: JBL: "It's a back body drop; the body dropped." AGAINST: The hell? Hornswaggle? FOR: The Majors' double leapfrog. FOR: JBL: "MVP is right. You media types make me sick." FOR: Brett's enziguiri taking out both Chavo and Noble. FOR: Vickie standing her ground. FOR: That metal door's getting quite a workout. FOR: Batista's almost laughing. AGAINST: This is helping no one. FOR: ...

-So much for "This Is Extreme," as they've already replaced it with a new intro. I believe it's a reworked version of "This Is the New Shit" by Marilyn Manson. It's definitely Manson, at any rate. -Later tonight, it's a rematch from last week. Dreamer versus Nitro. This week, though, it's Extreme Rules. -Striker's Classroom segment. His guest is Boogeyman. Striker has an offering of a bowl full of worms. He runs down some wormy factoids, then tells Boogey that the games end tonight. He brings out Viscera (called "Big Daddy V") who's dumped the pajamas for an early Tommy Dreamer tights and suspenders look. Put a shirt on, brah. Jeez. He slams Boogey HARD onto Striker's desk and tosses him through the blackboard. Wow. That was total annihilation. Not a bad way to re-debut him, I guess. Elijah Burke v. Balls Mahoney - They trade strikes, with Burke's more disciplined punching winning out over Balls' barroom brawling. He...

Sorry for the delay. Too much work to do, apparently. Which I'm not even being paid for! Ah...stupidity. It clings to me like, uh...something clingy. And just wait until you see how I fuck up next week's show (coming to a blog near you sometime tonight!). Not a good week for me, intelligence-wise. Heh. -"Bodies" is no longer the theme of this show, for obvious reasons. Looks like they'll go with the traditional "This Is Extreme" theme for now. They need to go old school and use "Thunderkiss '65" again. -Johnny Nitro is out for a match. The announcers helpfully explain that Punk and Nitro are responsible for picking the other's opponent for tonight. Nitro has chosen Kevin Thorn. Punk's pick… Johnny Nitro v. Tommy Dreamer - Dreamer opens with an armdrag. Nitro fires back with a Euro uppercut, but Dreamer tackles him for a nearfall. He takes Nitro over with a hiptoss and slams him. Nitro drops him with a kick and heads up top. Dreamer ...

FOR: This is a city that cheered Michael Irvin, for fuck's sake. MVP should be right at home. FOR: And there's the Nowitski slam. AGAINST: MVP's RVD-esque stalling. FOR: Test of strength? AGAINST: The guy in the front row telling MVP to get back in the ring. Who the hell does he think he is? FOR: JBL talking about the effect of the headbutt on your vision, of all things. FOR: MVP and Matt throwin' 'bows. FOR: That's the second week in a row Matt's pulled the Twist out of nowhere. AGAINST: Flair and Finlay have to have met at some point, right? AGAINST: What's Edge's problem? FOR: That catch into the Master Lock was probably the most impressive thing Masters has ever done. AGAINST: Well, that sucked. AGAINST: And this is an even bigger mistake. FOR: JBL: "I'm retired. I'm out. I'm retired." AGAINST: Festus looks like he's dead. FOR: Cole doesn't believe it either. FOR: JBL: "They've met in a ...

So I had this bit written a couple of weeks ago after the lottery that I forgot to put in my last roundup about how Smackdown losing Chris Benoit really compromises the depth of the brand, ironically much like WCW losing the Radicals gutted its midcard and started the beginning of the end. Then... well, you know. I don't know what I can say that hasn't already been said because I just don't know what to say. Watching this story unfold over its first 24 hours or so left me feeling sadder and sicker with every new piece of information that came out. And at the end of it, I'm just left with the same questions I'm sure everyone else has. Questions that can never really be answered. FOR: Flair! FOR: Carlito? FOR: JBL: "I worked for his father in Puerto Rico. He still owes me money." AGAINST: Would it kill them to just say 'Carlos Colon'? FOR: Thank you, JBL. FOR: JBL not getting invited to Tony and Eva's wedding. FOR: Citizens! Count to ...

I wasn't sure if I should even do this recap, to be quite frank. I haven't been much in the mood to watch pro wrestling over the past week, for obvious reasons. For better or worse, I'm basically going to ignore the gigantic elephant in the room. I don't know what to say at this point. Or even how to go about saying it. While it may be possible for some to separate Chris Benoit the character from the man and enjoy all of the great things he did as a wrestler while simultaneously condemning his actions as a man…I'm not sure anyone is ready to travel down that road. Not yet, anyway. It's probably best to just stick to the show in question. We'll let time dictate the rest. -Vince McMahon opens the show, talking about the Raw tribute and how, 26 hours later, the facts of the entire scenario have been made clearer. The only mention of Chris Benoit on tonight's show will be from Vince himself. He dedicates the show to everyone effected by the events of the pas...