ECW on Sci-fi (10.10.06)
I'm in a really poor mood today. Work has been absolutely kicking my ass over the past week or so. I have no desire to do a traditional "Shane" recap, so we'll switch things up a bit this week. To something totally original. What? You think this resembles the witty stylings of one Matt Spaulding? I'm hurt. This is obviously different. I mean...really. He does for/against. I'm doing +/-. It's not even comparable. Heh.
- They warn us that week's show will contain "sexually explicit material." Please. Nothing on this show will be either sexual *or* explicit. Unless you count the way that this show is pandering to the 12 year old fanbase. That's certainly explicit.
+ Balls Mahoney is your dealer. He even busted out the green visor. At any rate, he's suitably lecherous for this role.
? Ashley is wearing a blood stained tank top that says, "Fuck love." Does this cause me to dig her more or less? I'm honestly not sure.
- The game of poker is apparently too complicated for the ladies, as Balls changes it to the lowest card being the girl to strip.
+ Continuity! All the girls have drinks, save for poor Kelly Kelly. Remember, she's only 19. Like Balls hasn't gotten a bunch of underage girls drunk in his day.
+ Styles: "Whoever loaned Balls Mahoney that tuxedo should burn it as soon as he returns it."
- Renee Dupree wears disturbingly tiny pants. When Tyler Black looks at you and says, "Dude...those pants are tiny," it's time to invest in some new gear.
+ K² takes off her shoes. Styles makes a Gene Snitsky reference.
+ Punk takes a wicked bump off the apron and onto the announce table.
+ Dupree actually counters most of Punk's big spots.
- The announcers don't seem to notice.
? What are these BK power sitter commercials supposed to represent? I'm no longer intelligent enough to figure out television advertising, apparently.
+ Kristal's ass.
+++ Ariel on my television.
- Ariel not playing strip poker.
- This split screen bullshit is getting really annoying.
+ Ashley is one step closer to being nekkid, though I guess those pics aren't particularly hard to find to anyone with a 'net connection.
+ Tommy Dreamer hits the crucifix pose, then sells the arm that Thorn had been working over.
? Dreamer wins? Clean? With a DDT? Whoa!
- Match stunk, though.
- Balls is having trouble standing up. Because he has a raging erection! High brow comedy alert! On the other hand, I'm having trouble staying awake.
+ Bob Holly video package.
- The girls oh so naturally work in a plug of The Marine.
+ The rest of the chicks like guys. Maria: "I love ponies!"
+ K² gets carried away and takes off everything. Because she's an exhibitionist, you see...
+ Brian Pillman. If someone wants to donate that DVD to me, I'll be happy to take it.
+ Saw III is out soon. Loved the first two and I have no doubt that I'll love this one as well.
- Test should buy new boots. He seems to have trouble keeping the current ones closed.
+ Again, Striker's argyle kneepads are the bee's knees.
+ Sabu absolutely EATS a clothesline from Test off of a springboard.
? Haunted Prison is this week's movie.
- Sandman took his shirt off.
- Sabu once again reverses a chokeslam into a DDT. Must they bust this spot out in every single match now?
? Sandman hits a swanton?
- This is what they spent the entire night building up to? What a ridiculous cop out. Springer is racier. Hell...the Gobbledygooker saga had a better payoff.
+ On the other hand, Balls spazzing out was pretty funny.
+ No Paul Heyman on this week's show. He's gotten stale in a hurry.
- This week's show in general. The wrestling was pretty much redundant and the "money" angle was among the dumbest wrestling segments this year.
- They warn us that week's show will contain "sexually explicit material." Please. Nothing on this show will be either sexual *or* explicit. Unless you count the way that this show is pandering to the 12 year old fanbase. That's certainly explicit.
+ Balls Mahoney is your dealer. He even busted out the green visor. At any rate, he's suitably lecherous for this role.
? Ashley is wearing a blood stained tank top that says, "Fuck love." Does this cause me to dig her more or less? I'm honestly not sure.
- The game of poker is apparently too complicated for the ladies, as Balls changes it to the lowest card being the girl to strip.
+ Continuity! All the girls have drinks, save for poor Kelly Kelly. Remember, she's only 19. Like Balls hasn't gotten a bunch of underage girls drunk in his day.
+ Styles: "Whoever loaned Balls Mahoney that tuxedo should burn it as soon as he returns it."
- Renee Dupree wears disturbingly tiny pants. When Tyler Black looks at you and says, "Dude...those pants are tiny," it's time to invest in some new gear.
+ K² takes off her shoes. Styles makes a Gene Snitsky reference.
+ Punk takes a wicked bump off the apron and onto the announce table.
+ Dupree actually counters most of Punk's big spots.
- The announcers don't seem to notice.
? What are these BK power sitter commercials supposed to represent? I'm no longer intelligent enough to figure out television advertising, apparently.
+ Kristal's ass.
+++ Ariel on my television.
- Ariel not playing strip poker.
- This split screen bullshit is getting really annoying.
+ Ashley is one step closer to being nekkid, though I guess those pics aren't particularly hard to find to anyone with a 'net connection.
+ Tommy Dreamer hits the crucifix pose, then sells the arm that Thorn had been working over.
? Dreamer wins? Clean? With a DDT? Whoa!
- Match stunk, though.
- Balls is having trouble standing up. Because he has a raging erection! High brow comedy alert! On the other hand, I'm having trouble staying awake.
+ Bob Holly video package.
- The girls oh so naturally work in a plug of The Marine.
+ The rest of the chicks like guys. Maria: "I love ponies!"
+ K² gets carried away and takes off everything. Because she's an exhibitionist, you see...
+ Brian Pillman. If someone wants to donate that DVD to me, I'll be happy to take it.
+ Saw III is out soon. Loved the first two and I have no doubt that I'll love this one as well.
- Test should buy new boots. He seems to have trouble keeping the current ones closed.
+ Again, Striker's argyle kneepads are the bee's knees.
+ Sabu absolutely EATS a clothesline from Test off of a springboard.
? Haunted Prison is this week's movie.
- Sandman took his shirt off.
- Sabu once again reverses a chokeslam into a DDT. Must they bust this spot out in every single match now?
? Sandman hits a swanton?
- This is what they spent the entire night building up to? What a ridiculous cop out. Springer is racier. Hell...the Gobbledygooker saga had a better payoff.
+ On the other hand, Balls spazzing out was pretty funny.
+ No Paul Heyman on this week's show. He's gotten stale in a hurry.
- This week's show in general. The wrestling was pretty much redundant and the "money" angle was among the dumbest wrestling segments this year.
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