ECW on Sci-Fi (10.17.06)
K-Fed taking an FU on Raw? Quality entertainment. Steve-O forgetting to sell for friggin' Umaga (have I mentioned that Umaga is AWESOME and should be your favorite wrestler on Raw? Because it's true...) and getting the shit kicked out him because of it? Even higher quality entertainment. Raw was bringing the awesome this week. Unfortunately, Mr. Spears and Steve-O won't be on next week's show and things will go back to normal. Sadness. Actually, I'm digging the Orton/Edge team and, uh...Cryme Tyme teaches me how to relate to the black folks (and also how to spell!), so Raw does have a purpose, I guess.
-Opening montage. To open the show. How fitting.
-We have a super duper special double main event tonight. Big Show squares off with Rob Van Dam. Also, Sandman and Matt Striker meet in a Singapore Cane on a pole match. With Russo in TNA, I'm hoping the "on a pole" match once again becomes a staple of his booking. Because really...what else could Judy Bagwell possibly be doing these days?
Sandman v. Matt Striker - Cane on a Pole -
Striker is rockin' a pink sweater vest tonight. HE'S HARDCORE! He immediately makes a bee line for the corner, but Sandman cuts him off. Pound, pound, pound. Striker trips him up and scores with a pair of KneeDTs. He works over the leg for a bit and goes for the cane. Sandman doesn't believe in selling, so he cuts Striker off immediately. Striker takes him down and scissor stomps the knee.
Striker goes for the cane. Sandman cuts him off. I should make that a macro and then I wouldn't have to type it over and over. Striker gives him another KneeDT, but misses a Bret Hart style elbow off the second rope. Both guys end up brawling in the corner as they go for the cane, but Striker backdrops Sandman to the mat and grabs the cane.
He canes Sandman twice. Third time isn't the charm, as Sandman ducks it and kicks him in the gut. The cane flies out of Striker's hands and right into Sandman's. Uh oh. He whales on Striker a few times. Striker is busted open. He bails out of the ring, completely appalled at the sight of his own blood. He heads to the back and Sandman wins by countout.
-CM Punk is next!
-Commercials
-Hype for The Marine. 4.2/10 sez IMDb, for whatever that's worth. I'm looking forward to seeing it, actually. Not enough stupid action movies out there these days.
CM Punk v. Rene Dupree -
Dupree slaps Punk before the match, then quickly ducks between the ropes. Punk moves in and Dupree snaps his throat across the top rope. He sends Punk into the ropes and catches him with a flying back elbow for two. He follows with a hard clothesline and picks up a second nearfall.
Bodyslams (x2) lead to Punk being sent into the corner. Punk looks for the floatover, but gets caught. He slips away from Dupree and nails him with a leg lariat. Cover gets two. KENTA rush. Uranage. Anaconda Vice. Tap.
Mike Knox tries to come in after the match, but Punk cuts him off. Knox bails as Punk eggs him on and tries to get him to come back in.
Rebecca DiPietro (former Diva Search chick, I think?) interviews RVD. Wow. She's dumb as a post. Possibly retarded. When RVD is actually a more intelligent conversationalist than you are, it's time for a new line of work. Actually, in digging up the link (this one has boobies, which would be the only possible reason one would give two shits about the random girls that show up on WWE TV), I find that she's dating some guy named Batista. Never heard of him. Anyway, RVD talks, dude. Cool.
-Commercials
-Test promo. I have some notation written down that I'm sure is brilliantly funny, but I'll be damned if I can read it. Your loss. Anyway, Test is dumb as a post as well. He shows clips of Bob Holly over the past few weeks. Apparently, he's planning to take Holly out. Some would say that he wants a piece of that action. Actually, I'm the only one who would say that. Balls Mahoney is out for no apparent reason. Test would be happy to fight him...just not tonight. Balls' right hand disagrees. His left is strangely ambivalent on the subject.
Test v. Balls Mahoney -
An impromptu match? In ECW? Crazy! Nice to see that they still keep referees stationed near the ring, though, just in case.
Balls whips Test into the corner and follows him in with a clothesline. To the opposite corner we go, but this time, he misses a splash. Test rams him shoulder first into the post. And again. Balls fires back, but runs into a boot. Not the *big* boot, just a normal boot. I'm sure you see the difference. Test scores with an arm Stunner and gets two.
Test whips Balls into the corner, but charges into a back elbow. Clotheslines (x2) by Balls. He no sells an eyepoke and plants Test with his sitout spinebuster. Cover gets two. Test ducks a punch and connects with a boot that could conceivably be described as BIG. TKO by Test and this one is over. And Holly didn't even come out to bash his head in with a chair. That sucks.
-Commercials
Shannon Moore v. Sabu -
I wish my TV would "Reject" Shannon Moore. You see what I did there? Hilarity! And boy howdy, Sabu...what a tragic decision you've made in regards to your pants. Pastel tie dye genie pants aren't for you. Or anyone else, for that matter.
Moore misses a single leg and Sabu drops a leg across the back of his neck. He follows with an elbow and locks him in the Camel Clutch. Moore reaches the ropes. Sabu whips him into the ropes and catches him with a sloppy spinkick. Cover gets two. Moore comes back punching. Sabu reverses him into the corner and catches him with a springboard clothesline on the rebound.
Moore bails out. Sabu could care less, launching himself over the top with a somersault pescado. Back in the ring, Sabu again sends him chestfirst into the corner. And again gives him a clothesline on the rebound. Cover gets two. Moore kicks him in the gut and hits a springboard moonsault press for two. Corner whip by Sabu, who charges into a back elbow. Moore misses the Halo. Sabu doesn't miss a springboard somersault legdrop. Therefore, Sabu wins.
-Rebecca interviews Big Show. Tonight's match is a gift from Paul Heyman we're told. But Show will go one step further, saying that if RVD can beat him, Show will give him a shot at the title.
-Commercials
-Another spot for The Marine. Spoiler: Shit blows up.
Big Show v. Rob Van Dam - Non-Title -
Big Show stares down a little girl on the way to the ring. She couldn't have stood much taller than his knee and he looked like he wanted to eat her. Awesome.
Show piefaces RVD down at the start. Van Dam gets all fired up and proceeds to whale away at Show, doing a grand total of zero damage. He bounces off the ropes and Show calmly kicks him in the face. Maybe I do like Show. RVD rolls onto the apron and ends up snapping Show's throat across the top rope. He heads up top and connects with a somersault bodyblock that takes Show down.
RVD drives a series of knees into Show's head. He grabs a front facelock, but Show hoists him up and drops him gutfirst across the top rope. RVD ends up bumping to the floor.
-Commercials. Intermedio is this week's movie. Starring Edward Furlong. I swear, the past few weeks have been a confluence of T2 related minutia. Apparently, I need to watch the movie, as I haven't seen it in, err...months. Or maybe I'm being told that I shouldn't watch it every single time I see that it's on. Or maybe there's no message at all and the people who were in T2 who didn't become a governor just went on to make a bunch of really shitty movies that air on Sci-Fi on a weekly basis? Who knows?
Whaddaya know? Show is still slaughtering Van Dam! He tries to fight back, but eats a clothesline. Show covers and gets two. He arrogantly starts slapping RVD around, but takes a spinkick to the face for his troubles. Show catches a kick, but can't avoid the mule kick that follows. Van Dam scores with a Ryder kick off the top. Rolling Thunder connects. Cover gets two.
He bounces off the ropes and Show tries to murder him with a spear, picking up another nearfall. Vader splash misses. Van Dam goes for his running spinkick into the corner, but Show catches it. RVD manages to slip away, but Show drives him into the corner with a clothesline. They do an awkward reversal sequence and Show ends up squashing the ref in the corner.
Show sets for a chokeslam. If you guessed that Van Dam countered into a DDT, you're correct! You've also been watching EVERY SINGLE BIG SHOW MATCH OVER THE PAST THREE MONTHS! RVD heads up top. Test is out to shove him off. He beats RVD down and jabs him in the gut with a chair.
He stands at ringside, celebrating. And here comes Holly! He apparently doesn't want to disappoint me, as he does indeed bash Test's head in with the chair! Show grabs him, so Holly blasts him with the chair twice as well! Show is down. The ref is up. Van Dam hits the Five Star frogsplash and picks up the win!
Decent-ish match, I guess. Or maybe after last week's show and the first 45 minutes of this one, I'm just so starved for wrestling that this is looking good (sorry, Punk, but your squash doesn't really count).
Meh.
-Opening montage. To open the show. How fitting.
-We have a super duper special double main event tonight. Big Show squares off with Rob Van Dam. Also, Sandman and Matt Striker meet in a Singapore Cane on a pole match. With Russo in TNA, I'm hoping the "on a pole" match once again becomes a staple of his booking. Because really...what else could Judy Bagwell possibly be doing these days?
Sandman v. Matt Striker - Cane on a Pole -
Striker is rockin' a pink sweater vest tonight. HE'S HARDCORE! He immediately makes a bee line for the corner, but Sandman cuts him off. Pound, pound, pound. Striker trips him up and scores with a pair of KneeDTs. He works over the leg for a bit and goes for the cane. Sandman doesn't believe in selling, so he cuts Striker off immediately. Striker takes him down and scissor stomps the knee.
Striker goes for the cane. Sandman cuts him off. I should make that a macro and then I wouldn't have to type it over and over. Striker gives him another KneeDT, but misses a Bret Hart style elbow off the second rope. Both guys end up brawling in the corner as they go for the cane, but Striker backdrops Sandman to the mat and grabs the cane.
He canes Sandman twice. Third time isn't the charm, as Sandman ducks it and kicks him in the gut. The cane flies out of Striker's hands and right into Sandman's. Uh oh. He whales on Striker a few times. Striker is busted open. He bails out of the ring, completely appalled at the sight of his own blood. He heads to the back and Sandman wins by countout.
-CM Punk is next!
-Commercials
-Hype for The Marine. 4.2/10 sez IMDb, for whatever that's worth. I'm looking forward to seeing it, actually. Not enough stupid action movies out there these days.
CM Punk v. Rene Dupree -
Dupree slaps Punk before the match, then quickly ducks between the ropes. Punk moves in and Dupree snaps his throat across the top rope. He sends Punk into the ropes and catches him with a flying back elbow for two. He follows with a hard clothesline and picks up a second nearfall.
Bodyslams (x2) lead to Punk being sent into the corner. Punk looks for the floatover, but gets caught. He slips away from Dupree and nails him with a leg lariat. Cover gets two. KENTA rush. Uranage. Anaconda Vice. Tap.
Mike Knox tries to come in after the match, but Punk cuts him off. Knox bails as Punk eggs him on and tries to get him to come back in.
Rebecca DiPietro (former Diva Search chick, I think?) interviews RVD. Wow. She's dumb as a post. Possibly retarded. When RVD is actually a more intelligent conversationalist than you are, it's time for a new line of work. Actually, in digging up the link (this one has boobies, which would be the only possible reason one would give two shits about the random girls that show up on WWE TV), I find that she's dating some guy named Batista. Never heard of him. Anyway, RVD talks, dude. Cool.
-Commercials
-Test promo. I have some notation written down that I'm sure is brilliantly funny, but I'll be damned if I can read it. Your loss. Anyway, Test is dumb as a post as well. He shows clips of Bob Holly over the past few weeks. Apparently, he's planning to take Holly out. Some would say that he wants a piece of that action. Actually, I'm the only one who would say that. Balls Mahoney is out for no apparent reason. Test would be happy to fight him...just not tonight. Balls' right hand disagrees. His left is strangely ambivalent on the subject.
Test v. Balls Mahoney -
An impromptu match? In ECW? Crazy! Nice to see that they still keep referees stationed near the ring, though, just in case.
Balls whips Test into the corner and follows him in with a clothesline. To the opposite corner we go, but this time, he misses a splash. Test rams him shoulder first into the post. And again. Balls fires back, but runs into a boot. Not the *big* boot, just a normal boot. I'm sure you see the difference. Test scores with an arm Stunner and gets two.
Test whips Balls into the corner, but charges into a back elbow. Clotheslines (x2) by Balls. He no sells an eyepoke and plants Test with his sitout spinebuster. Cover gets two. Test ducks a punch and connects with a boot that could conceivably be described as BIG. TKO by Test and this one is over. And Holly didn't even come out to bash his head in with a chair. That sucks.
-Commercials
Shannon Moore v. Sabu -
I wish my TV would "Reject" Shannon Moore. You see what I did there? Hilarity! And boy howdy, Sabu...what a tragic decision you've made in regards to your pants. Pastel tie dye genie pants aren't for you. Or anyone else, for that matter.
Moore misses a single leg and Sabu drops a leg across the back of his neck. He follows with an elbow and locks him in the Camel Clutch. Moore reaches the ropes. Sabu whips him into the ropes and catches him with a sloppy spinkick. Cover gets two. Moore comes back punching. Sabu reverses him into the corner and catches him with a springboard clothesline on the rebound.
Moore bails out. Sabu could care less, launching himself over the top with a somersault pescado. Back in the ring, Sabu again sends him chestfirst into the corner. And again gives him a clothesline on the rebound. Cover gets two. Moore kicks him in the gut and hits a springboard moonsault press for two. Corner whip by Sabu, who charges into a back elbow. Moore misses the Halo. Sabu doesn't miss a springboard somersault legdrop. Therefore, Sabu wins.
-Rebecca interviews Big Show. Tonight's match is a gift from Paul Heyman we're told. But Show will go one step further, saying that if RVD can beat him, Show will give him a shot at the title.
-Commercials
-Another spot for The Marine. Spoiler: Shit blows up.
Big Show v. Rob Van Dam - Non-Title -
Big Show stares down a little girl on the way to the ring. She couldn't have stood much taller than his knee and he looked like he wanted to eat her. Awesome.
Show piefaces RVD down at the start. Van Dam gets all fired up and proceeds to whale away at Show, doing a grand total of zero damage. He bounces off the ropes and Show calmly kicks him in the face. Maybe I do like Show. RVD rolls onto the apron and ends up snapping Show's throat across the top rope. He heads up top and connects with a somersault bodyblock that takes Show down.
RVD drives a series of knees into Show's head. He grabs a front facelock, but Show hoists him up and drops him gutfirst across the top rope. RVD ends up bumping to the floor.
-Commercials. Intermedio is this week's movie. Starring Edward Furlong. I swear, the past few weeks have been a confluence of T2 related minutia. Apparently, I need to watch the movie, as I haven't seen it in, err...months. Or maybe I'm being told that I shouldn't watch it every single time I see that it's on. Or maybe there's no message at all and the people who were in T2 who didn't become a governor just went on to make a bunch of really shitty movies that air on Sci-Fi on a weekly basis? Who knows?
Whaddaya know? Show is still slaughtering Van Dam! He tries to fight back, but eats a clothesline. Show covers and gets two. He arrogantly starts slapping RVD around, but takes a spinkick to the face for his troubles. Show catches a kick, but can't avoid the mule kick that follows. Van Dam scores with a Ryder kick off the top. Rolling Thunder connects. Cover gets two.
He bounces off the ropes and Show tries to murder him with a spear, picking up another nearfall. Vader splash misses. Van Dam goes for his running spinkick into the corner, but Show catches it. RVD manages to slip away, but Show drives him into the corner with a clothesline. They do an awkward reversal sequence and Show ends up squashing the ref in the corner.
Show sets for a chokeslam. If you guessed that Van Dam countered into a DDT, you're correct! You've also been watching EVERY SINGLE BIG SHOW MATCH OVER THE PAST THREE MONTHS! RVD heads up top. Test is out to shove him off. He beats RVD down and jabs him in the gut with a chair.
He stands at ringside, celebrating. And here comes Holly! He apparently doesn't want to disappoint me, as he does indeed bash Test's head in with the chair! Show grabs him, so Holly blasts him with the chair twice as well! Show is down. The ref is up. Van Dam hits the Five Star frogsplash and picks up the win!
Decent-ish match, I guess. Or maybe after last week's show and the first 45 minutes of this one, I'm just so starved for wrestling that this is looking good (sorry, Punk, but your squash doesn't really count).
Meh.
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