Velocity the Last - 9.24.05
And alas, my friends, the last episode of Velocity is upon us. Actually not, I guess, since both it and Heat will now be broadcast on WWE.com, but my dialup connection just snickered and reminded me that both shows are still dead to me. Interestingly, neither Matthews or Romero took the opportunity to mention that this is the last show on TNN and that fuck...you might want to spend your Saturday nights watching some other channel come next week. Burn the TNN bridges and TNA skullduggery in the same sentence. I can't believe I've never used "skullduggery" in a recap before. Tremendous word.
William Regal & Paul Burchill v. Scotty 2 Hotty & Funaki -
Josh is apparently turning this into a Velocity retrospective, as he yells, "Somebody call my mama," out of nowhere. Romero asks what the hell that means. Josh tells him that not only does he not know, but he NEVER knew! Somewhere, Cat is smiling. His mama, however, is not.
At any rate, Burchill and Funaki open the match quickly, going back and forth working a headlock (Burchill) and an armbar (Funaki). Burchill backs him into the corner, but misses a clothesline. Hiptoss by Funaki. He follows with an armdrag and goes back to work on the arm. Burchill tries to fire back, but Funaki is too quick, taking him over with another armdrag and going right back to the armbar. Burchill forgoes the finesse, grabbing Funaki by the head and tossing him down. Tag to Regal.
Funaki tries to take him down with a drop toehold, but it's blocked. Regal's too much of a man for that shit. Unfortunately, he doesn't punch Funaki straight in the face. Instead, he gets caught in an armbar. Funaki tags Scotty. Now it's Regal's turn to work an armbar. He tackles Scotty, but starts celebrating a bit early. Scotty takes him down and connects with a flying forearm. He grabs a side headlock and wanders toward his corner.
Regal kicks at Funaki, drawing him in and distracting the ref. He backs Scotty into the heel corner and decks him with a forearm. He chokes Scotty with his shin and makes the tag to Burchill. Scotty is pummeled in the corner for a bit. Burchill adds an elbowdrop and gets two. Josh drops a "Shades of Pokerface" and I'm totally bummed out. I'm gonna miss the b-shows.
Regal tags in and tries to kill Scotty with a series of kneelifts. He takes him over with a nice butterfly suplex and picks up a two count. Tag to Burchill. He goes all head droppy and plants Scotty with a backdrop suplex for another nearfall. Scotty fights toward his corner, but Burchill kicks Funaki's hand away. No dice, though, as Scotty backdrops him and makes the tag.
Funaki heads up top and comes off with a crossbody. He cleans house for a bit and all four guys are in. And as soon as I write that, Regal backdrops Scotty to the floor. On the other side of the ring, Funaki has Burchill set up for a tornado DDT. Regal catches him as he swings through, though, and the heels hit a double shoulderbreaker. Burchill locks the Fujiwara armbar/wakigatame/whatever you want to call it and gets the win.
-Later, Vito & Nunzio will take on the Mexicools. Juvy on my TV, even if he isn't wrestling? MONEY!
-Commercials
-Smackdown clips featuring the Ortons and the Deadman. He wasn't quite as dead as they thought, though...
Brian Kendrick v. Russell Simpson -
I believe this might be the first Spanky match I've ever recapped. I was done recapping the SD brand by the time he popped up. This is unrelated , but he sure does wear the tiny pants. Yikes. He opens the match with some nifty armbar counters, then takes Simpson down with a fireman's carry. Josh tells us that these two are familiar with one another, having competed for both Zero-One Max and HUSTLE. Simpson counters out of a headlock, locking Kendrick in a headscissors. Spanky quickly breaks free, escaping with a handspring.
Simpson tackles Kendrick, who comes back with a crossbody. He adds a dropkick, but a splash into the corner misses. Enzu-lariat by Simpson does not. Wow. He nailed him with that. Cover gets two. He yanks Spanky down by the hair a few times, but it's still only getting him a two count. He snapmares Kendrick and grabs a cravate. Spanky fights to his feet and drops Simpson with a back elbow.
He follows up with a leg lariat and this time, his splash into the corner actually connects. Simpson reverses a whip and misses a splash of his own. Spanky nails him with the Sayama-esque backflip dropkick in the corner. He quickly follows with the Sliced Bread #2 (greatest thing since sliced bread, baby!) and gets the win.
-Raw Rebound, setting up the Homecoming (somewhere, Shane Douglas is having a coronary) show on Oct. 3. Don't forget to change channels accordingly. Can't wait for the 30 minute Angle/Michaels Ironman match.
-Commercials
-Clips of the Smackdown main event. Eddy Guerrero is your papi. Quite possibly mine as well.
-Official No Mercy theme is "Save Me" by Shinedown. Don't like the band all that much, but the dude can sing his ass off.
-Commercials
Super Crazy & Psicosis (w/Juventud) v. Big Vito & Nunzio -
Vito's power rules early, as he beats Crazy down and adds a shot to Juvy for good measure. He repeatedly pumphandles Crazy's arm over the top and makes the tag. Nunzio snaps the arm over the top as well, then heads up top. Crossbody connects, but Crazy rolls through for a nearfall. He rolls through a sunset flip as well, popping up and nailing Nunzio with a dropkick. Cover again gets two. Tag to Psicosis. Mexicools hit their rolling double leglace slam for another nearfall.
Nunzio comes back, backing Psicosis into the heel corner and making the tag. More brute force by Vito. Juvy trips him up, though, distracting him long enough for Psicosis to recover and score with a dropkick to the back, sending Vito to the floor. Juvy stomps on him a few times, but Nunzio runs him off. Corkscrew plancha by Psicosis!
-It's the last Velocity commercial break ever! A moment of silence, please...
When we return from break, Psicosis is working over Vito's arm. He gets shot into the ropes and Nunzio kicks him. Psicosis nails him with a step up enzuigiri, but the distraction proves costly, as he turns around into a Yakuza kick. Psicosis bumps to the floor. Nunzio works him over briefly and rolls him back in. Vito has an old school Mempho flashback, dropping a picture perfect corkscrew elbow for two. Coolest thing he's ever done.
Tag to Nunzio. FBI take Psicosis over with a double hiptoss. He tries to mount a comeback, but Nunzio stops him with a knee to the gut and makes the tag. Vito grabs a bizarre trapped arm rear chinlock that makes no sense to me. Apparently, he agrees, as he releases and slams Psicosis down by the hair instead. Tag to Nunzio. On the apron, Vito stretches out his boot, but Psicosis blocks and rams Nunzio into it.
Doesn't help much, though, as Vito just obliterates him with a stiff jab. Second coolest thing he's ever done. Vito's stock is rising in this match. Nunzio works the arm, but Psicosis comes back with a spinning heel kick. He takes Nunzio down with a drop toehold and we have ourselves a hot tag, folks! Super Crazy runs wild! Headscissors takedown to Nunzio. He completely blows a quebrada, nearly landing on his head. Cover, save by Vito.
Both teams pair off in opposite corners, with the faces going for mounted punches. Vito breaks it up with a Manhattan drop followed by a stiff clothesline to Psicosis. Elsewhere, Crazy does his goofy airplane spin thing. Vito runs in to break up the madness, but Crazy kicks off of him and plants Nunzio with a tornado DDT for the win!
I'll throw in a little bonus content here and play LISTMANIA. Here's the top 10 best matches in the history of Velocity. Or my favorite, at any rate. No particular order. And yeah, this might as well stand in as a Velocity '04 list, because the show was on fire at that point and we'd get a super awesome match every other week...
1. William Regal v. Chris Benoit (7.16.05)
I won't comment on all of these, but this match, in my mind, is everything professional wrestling should aspire to be. Possibly my favorite match this year.
2. Akio v. Paul London (series)
Don't want to pinpoint just one of them, because unlike most feuds in WWE, these matches actually played off of one another and the series as a whole is greater than the sum of it's parts.
3. Jamie Noble v. Paul London (3.6.04)
I believe this topped Cubs' best of Velocity '04 list and with good reason. Seriously, it's one of those matches that's so good that it makes you wonder what the fuck it's doing on a B-show...
4. Jamie Noble v. Brian "American Dragon" Danielson (1.18.03)
I remember thinking that this was one of the best sub-5 minute matches I'd ever seen. Of course, I don't know if it was even that short and it was a spur of the moment sort of statement and I haven't seen the match since, but still...NOBLE VS AM. DRAGON!
5. WGTT v. Brian Kendrick & Paul London (1.10.04)
6. Dudleys v. Paul London & Billy Kidman (7.3.04)
Possibly the best Dudz match in 3 or 4 years. And I'm sensing a pattern forming here. I might have to ban London and/or Noble from the rest of the list. But...I won't.
7. Rey Mysterio v. Jamie Noble (5.1.04)
As I list these I keep thinking, "this is my favorite of the bunch." That said, this might actually be my favorite of the bunch. It's a bit longer than the "typical" Velocity match and I just remember it being awesome. Can't wait for Noble to pop up on my TV again. Of course, he'll probably be on the online shit I can't watch. Fuckers.
8. Rey Mysterio & Billy Kidman v. Nunzio & Jamie Noble (2.21.04)
9. Jamie Noble v. Brian Kendrick (7.5.03)
10. Akio v. Rey Mysterio v. Nunzio v. Billy Kidman (4.10.04)
Surprised that Matt Hardy isn't on here, but I can't remember any specific matches that really stand out. So I'll give him an honorary mention, since the V1 gimmick took off on Velocity before it ever got any airtime on SD.
So yeah...that's the end of that chapter. Check back later for the Heat recap, assuming I have the time to finish it. It should get done pretty quickly, though. I hope.
William Regal & Paul Burchill v. Scotty 2 Hotty & Funaki -
Josh is apparently turning this into a Velocity retrospective, as he yells, "Somebody call my mama," out of nowhere. Romero asks what the hell that means. Josh tells him that not only does he not know, but he NEVER knew! Somewhere, Cat is smiling. His mama, however, is not.
At any rate, Burchill and Funaki open the match quickly, going back and forth working a headlock (Burchill) and an armbar (Funaki). Burchill backs him into the corner, but misses a clothesline. Hiptoss by Funaki. He follows with an armdrag and goes back to work on the arm. Burchill tries to fire back, but Funaki is too quick, taking him over with another armdrag and going right back to the armbar. Burchill forgoes the finesse, grabbing Funaki by the head and tossing him down. Tag to Regal.
Funaki tries to take him down with a drop toehold, but it's blocked. Regal's too much of a man for that shit. Unfortunately, he doesn't punch Funaki straight in the face. Instead, he gets caught in an armbar. Funaki tags Scotty. Now it's Regal's turn to work an armbar. He tackles Scotty, but starts celebrating a bit early. Scotty takes him down and connects with a flying forearm. He grabs a side headlock and wanders toward his corner.
Regal kicks at Funaki, drawing him in and distracting the ref. He backs Scotty into the heel corner and decks him with a forearm. He chokes Scotty with his shin and makes the tag to Burchill. Scotty is pummeled in the corner for a bit. Burchill adds an elbowdrop and gets two. Josh drops a "Shades of Pokerface" and I'm totally bummed out. I'm gonna miss the b-shows.
Regal tags in and tries to kill Scotty with a series of kneelifts. He takes him over with a nice butterfly suplex and picks up a two count. Tag to Burchill. He goes all head droppy and plants Scotty with a backdrop suplex for another nearfall. Scotty fights toward his corner, but Burchill kicks Funaki's hand away. No dice, though, as Scotty backdrops him and makes the tag.
Funaki heads up top and comes off with a crossbody. He cleans house for a bit and all four guys are in. And as soon as I write that, Regal backdrops Scotty to the floor. On the other side of the ring, Funaki has Burchill set up for a tornado DDT. Regal catches him as he swings through, though, and the heels hit a double shoulderbreaker. Burchill locks the Fujiwara armbar/wakigatame/whatever you want to call it and gets the win.
-Later, Vito & Nunzio will take on the Mexicools. Juvy on my TV, even if he isn't wrestling? MONEY!
-Commercials
-Smackdown clips featuring the Ortons and the Deadman. He wasn't quite as dead as they thought, though...
Brian Kendrick v. Russell Simpson -
I believe this might be the first Spanky match I've ever recapped. I was done recapping the SD brand by the time he popped up. This is unrelated , but he sure does wear the tiny pants. Yikes. He opens the match with some nifty armbar counters, then takes Simpson down with a fireman's carry. Josh tells us that these two are familiar with one another, having competed for both Zero-One Max and HUSTLE. Simpson counters out of a headlock, locking Kendrick in a headscissors. Spanky quickly breaks free, escaping with a handspring.
Simpson tackles Kendrick, who comes back with a crossbody. He adds a dropkick, but a splash into the corner misses. Enzu-lariat by Simpson does not. Wow. He nailed him with that. Cover gets two. He yanks Spanky down by the hair a few times, but it's still only getting him a two count. He snapmares Kendrick and grabs a cravate. Spanky fights to his feet and drops Simpson with a back elbow.
He follows up with a leg lariat and this time, his splash into the corner actually connects. Simpson reverses a whip and misses a splash of his own. Spanky nails him with the Sayama-esque backflip dropkick in the corner. He quickly follows with the Sliced Bread #2 (greatest thing since sliced bread, baby!) and gets the win.
-Raw Rebound, setting up the Homecoming (somewhere, Shane Douglas is having a coronary) show on Oct. 3. Don't forget to change channels accordingly. Can't wait for the 30 minute Angle/Michaels Ironman match.
-Commercials
-Clips of the Smackdown main event. Eddy Guerrero is your papi. Quite possibly mine as well.
-Official No Mercy theme is "Save Me" by Shinedown. Don't like the band all that much, but the dude can sing his ass off.
-Commercials
Super Crazy & Psicosis (w/Juventud) v. Big Vito & Nunzio -
Vito's power rules early, as he beats Crazy down and adds a shot to Juvy for good measure. He repeatedly pumphandles Crazy's arm over the top and makes the tag. Nunzio snaps the arm over the top as well, then heads up top. Crossbody connects, but Crazy rolls through for a nearfall. He rolls through a sunset flip as well, popping up and nailing Nunzio with a dropkick. Cover again gets two. Tag to Psicosis. Mexicools hit their rolling double leglace slam for another nearfall.
Nunzio comes back, backing Psicosis into the heel corner and making the tag. More brute force by Vito. Juvy trips him up, though, distracting him long enough for Psicosis to recover and score with a dropkick to the back, sending Vito to the floor. Juvy stomps on him a few times, but Nunzio runs him off. Corkscrew plancha by Psicosis!
-It's the last Velocity commercial break ever! A moment of silence, please...
When we return from break, Psicosis is working over Vito's arm. He gets shot into the ropes and Nunzio kicks him. Psicosis nails him with a step up enzuigiri, but the distraction proves costly, as he turns around into a Yakuza kick. Psicosis bumps to the floor. Nunzio works him over briefly and rolls him back in. Vito has an old school Mempho flashback, dropping a picture perfect corkscrew elbow for two. Coolest thing he's ever done.
Tag to Nunzio. FBI take Psicosis over with a double hiptoss. He tries to mount a comeback, but Nunzio stops him with a knee to the gut and makes the tag. Vito grabs a bizarre trapped arm rear chinlock that makes no sense to me. Apparently, he agrees, as he releases and slams Psicosis down by the hair instead. Tag to Nunzio. On the apron, Vito stretches out his boot, but Psicosis blocks and rams Nunzio into it.
Doesn't help much, though, as Vito just obliterates him with a stiff jab. Second coolest thing he's ever done. Vito's stock is rising in this match. Nunzio works the arm, but Psicosis comes back with a spinning heel kick. He takes Nunzio down with a drop toehold and we have ourselves a hot tag, folks! Super Crazy runs wild! Headscissors takedown to Nunzio. He completely blows a quebrada, nearly landing on his head. Cover, save by Vito.
Both teams pair off in opposite corners, with the faces going for mounted punches. Vito breaks it up with a Manhattan drop followed by a stiff clothesline to Psicosis. Elsewhere, Crazy does his goofy airplane spin thing. Vito runs in to break up the madness, but Crazy kicks off of him and plants Nunzio with a tornado DDT for the win!
I'll throw in a little bonus content here and play LISTMANIA. Here's the top 10 best matches in the history of Velocity. Or my favorite, at any rate. No particular order. And yeah, this might as well stand in as a Velocity '04 list, because the show was on fire at that point and we'd get a super awesome match every other week...
1. William Regal v. Chris Benoit (7.16.05)
I won't comment on all of these, but this match, in my mind, is everything professional wrestling should aspire to be. Possibly my favorite match this year.
2. Akio v. Paul London (series)
Don't want to pinpoint just one of them, because unlike most feuds in WWE, these matches actually played off of one another and the series as a whole is greater than the sum of it's parts.
3. Jamie Noble v. Paul London (3.6.04)
I believe this topped Cubs' best of Velocity '04 list and with good reason. Seriously, it's one of those matches that's so good that it makes you wonder what the fuck it's doing on a B-show...
4. Jamie Noble v. Brian "American Dragon" Danielson (1.18.03)
I remember thinking that this was one of the best sub-5 minute matches I'd ever seen. Of course, I don't know if it was even that short and it was a spur of the moment sort of statement and I haven't seen the match since, but still...NOBLE VS AM. DRAGON!
5. WGTT v. Brian Kendrick & Paul London (1.10.04)
6. Dudleys v. Paul London & Billy Kidman (7.3.04)
Possibly the best Dudz match in 3 or 4 years. And I'm sensing a pattern forming here. I might have to ban London and/or Noble from the rest of the list. But...I won't.
7. Rey Mysterio v. Jamie Noble (5.1.04)
As I list these I keep thinking, "this is my favorite of the bunch." That said, this might actually be my favorite of the bunch. It's a bit longer than the "typical" Velocity match and I just remember it being awesome. Can't wait for Noble to pop up on my TV again. Of course, he'll probably be on the online shit I can't watch. Fuckers.
8. Rey Mysterio & Billy Kidman v. Nunzio & Jamie Noble (2.21.04)
9. Jamie Noble v. Brian Kendrick (7.5.03)
10. Akio v. Rey Mysterio v. Nunzio v. Billy Kidman (4.10.04)
Surprised that Matt Hardy isn't on here, but I can't remember any specific matches that really stand out. So I'll give him an honorary mention, since the V1 gimmick took off on Velocity before it ever got any airtime on SD.
So yeah...that's the end of that chapter. Check back later for the Heat recap, assuming I have the time to finish it. It should get done pretty quickly, though. I hope.
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