Heart Punch

SMAAAART MAAAARKS! So, yeah. This is mostly a crutch I use when I'm not writing to make it appear like I'm contributing something. Shh...it's a trade secret! But I'm bored and people might actually watch some of this stuff, so I'm here to provide entertainment to the masses, even though I have started writing more regularly again. If by masses you mean the 1000 , 500 , 100 ...8 people who regularly read this, of course. (note: this rough estimate might be overstating our readership by as many as 8 people) Lex Luger v. Bruiser Brody - Cage match (Florida Championship Wrestling - 1986) This is the infamous match that turns into a shoot as Brody doesn't particularly feel like selling for the rookie. He also has blades taped to all of his fingers. Not nearly as dramatic as it sounds, but I suppose it has some historical value. Especially to a "smart" fan, I guess. And yes, the referee is none other than Bill Alfonso. (7:58) Necro Butcher v. Low Ki (Part 1 ...

AGAINST: So they're either going to give away a World Title change or cut off all of Henry's momentum. FOR: JBL comparing London and Kendrick favorably to the Rockers. FOR: Kendrick's balance. AGAINST: That weird standing submission Kendrick has on Crazy. What's he supposed to be hurting there? FOR: The "miscommunication" Cole keeps pushing actually happening. FOR: And that's how you break up a team. AGAINST: So who's the heel here? AGAINST: What is Simon Dean even talking about? Mount Rushmore? What? FOR: "Big Chief Slapaho." AGAINST: Are those beer cans? Can we get a cleanup crew out here? FOR: "I'll knock your head right off your shoulders." Finlay owns. FOR: Finlay stuffing the Little Bastard back in the ring apron. FOR: Misdirection! AGAINST: Vito trying to mack Ashley in that get-up. (His, not hers.) AGAINST: Now Sylvan's speaking French and I'm lost. (But is that France French or Quebecois Fren...

Hey! We're coming up on the one year anniversary of our goofy little blog. Who knew we had this much writing left in us? Matt, of course, is our MVP, as he's the consistent one. What being the MVP of a blog full of goofballs gets you, I'm not sure (many large breasted wimmens, perhaps?), but congrats! May year two be just as, err...glorious? -So, I've gotten my copy of One Night Stand 2006 now, but have yet to watch it. Maybe I'll recap it. Maybe not. First, though, I will recap this ECW on Sci-Fi thing. Last week's show was a debacle. Let's see how week two fares. Also, stupid Dallas. Lost five bucks on you stupid losers. Mark Cuban owes me. -Some gothy chick does a tarot reading, correlating to Raw clips. That springboard legdrop from Sabu was a thing of beauty. I'm so glad that it's "in" to like Sabu again. The guy gets no credit for essentially revolutionizing the concept of "hardcore" wrestling in America. Even if they're...

AGAINST: JBL as color commentator? FOR: The odds of Cole making my year-end "People I'm Glad I Wasn't" list. FOR: Rey's strap job. FOR: Cole: "You don't wanna lose this job, too!" AGAINST: Yeah, this is gonna suck. FOR: Helms's modified tilt a whirl backbreaker. FOR: This match. FOR: Rey wins! AGAINST: Booker/Lashley now? They're kinda loading up the beginning of this show, aren't they? AGAINST: JBL's laying it on way too thick. FOR: Cole's psychic. "Are you done?" FOR: Ambush! FOR: Matt and Gunner running in to help Lashley. AGAINST: Is JBL talking about Al-Zarqawi? FOR: The Mexicools trying to patch things up from last week. AGAINST: They're making over Sylvan AGAIN? AGAINST: Taking the over on the over/under for this match (2:35, and only because it's two guys and Khali's really, really slow) AGAINST: A "walking ATM"? FOR: "You're gonna eat that chair, Psicosis!...

And...it's here. ECW returns. God help us all. -One Night Stand 2 video package segues into clips from Raw. John Cena beats some ECW ass and promises that he'll be in the house tonight. -Opening montage, set to "Bodies" by Drowning Pool. -Joey Styles and Tazz host. -Heyman is headed to the ring. He brings out your NEW ECW champion, Rob Van Dam. RVD hopes that Cena is there to help celebrate his victory. Heyman presents him with a new ECW title belt. RVD is appreciative, but says that he's planning to keep the World Title belt as well. "Look at this one...it spins!" Edge and Lita come out. He thanks Heyman for the invite and congratulates Van Dam. They have much in common, he says. Both won Money in the Bank. Both successful in cashing in their title shots. Both managed to break through the glass ceiling thanks to their ability. He's honored to face Van Dam at Vengeance. We have ourselves a handshake. Edge starts to leave, then turns and spears Van D...

This took longer than expected. Mostly because I was too lazy to finish the last half hour or so. But shhhh...let's pretend that I have ambition. -Mick Foley opens the show, giving the WWE guys a pep talk. Paul Heyman does the same for the ECW crew. Hey! Stevie Richards is in the house! Dare I say it? TREMENDOUS! Tony Mamaluke and Justin Credible are also there. That gets a YAY! and a meh, respectively. Sabu is sporting some rockin' mutton chops. Apparently, he's buying into the Triple H "goofy facial hair = push" line of thinking. Not that I'm complaining. The man once tried to stab me (true story!), so he can rock whatever facial hair style he chooses. Go Sabu and whatnot. -Opening montage. I hope this isn't the style of theme that they go for with the actual ECW talent, because it sounds terribly generic. -Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles and Tazz are your hosts. Each brand gets their own table. They're sparing no expense, I see! Lawler and Tazz ...

AGAINST : Wheeling, West Virginia? FOR: Lashley's payback ambush. FOR : Long booking Lashley/Regal. FOR : Crazy/Kendrick. FOR : This opening chain-wrestling sequence and the crowd reacting to it. FOR : Crazy's spiral bomb. FOR : Cole: "Maybe you should have a few more salads." FOR : What the hell was that? AGAINST : Khali? FOR : At least he waited until the match was over. FOR: London trying to help. AGAINST : London failing. AGAINST : Psicosis running scared. FOR : Cole getting over the point that Undertaker's the only one who might be able to stop this guy. AGAINST : How do girls who look like Christina Vidal and Rachael Taylor end up in work-release? FOR: Simon Dean: "I gotta go get a protein shake... I got three extras." FOR : Vito's moving surprisingly well. FOR : Tazz: "I guess maybe I didn't really know him..." AGAINST : The pop Vito's underwear got. FOR : Vito's swinging side DDT. FOR: Regal returning Lashley's f...

Hey champ! ECW week continues. I can't believe how split my feelings are on this whole thing. Guess we'll have a better idea of what's up a bit later. If nothing else...AL SNOW RETURNS! Okay, so I'm the only person on the planet who cares about such things. Sandman v. Sabu - Dueling Canes (ECW: Living Dangerously - 3.1.98) Fun stuff with RVD in this one. Essentially, all of the Sandman/Sabu matches were exactly the same (and not terribly good at that), but they always delivered on the stunt show aspect of the ECW product, if nothing else. (10:32) Public Enemy v. The Gangstas - Cage match (ECW Heatwave '95 - 7.15.95) What's there to describe? Public Enemy, one of the best garbage teams ever versus a team featuring NEW JACK, in a cage filled with weapons. Pretty much speaks for itself. (17:32) Sabu v. Mankind (Terry Funk's Wrestlefest - 9.11.97) I honestly don't remember this match. I have the show, which was tacked on to the end of some other tape that I ...

FOR: I hope this Raw doesn't suck like the last one I saw, oh... six months ago. FOR: The "like a member of the family" line. AGAINST: I can see the difference already. Smackdown hyped two matches. Raw hypes a contract signing and Vince McMahon's ass. AGAINST: Cena and RVD have lawyers? FOR: Cena's promo. AGAINST: The table no-selling the Sabu flying chair spot. FOR: Lilian saying "Carlito." That's hot. AGAINST: No reference to the history between Shelton and Carlito? FOR: I didn't know Carlito had moves like that. Nice finish. FOR: That actually took a little less time than I thought. (bonus points to HHH still pulling on his elbow pads.) FOR: The Spirit Squad attacking Show, causing HHH to lose. FOR: Hacksaw! AGAINST: Striker's knee pads. They match the sweater, of all things. FOR: JR: "By the way, Striker is an American." AGAINST: "The Samoan Bulldozer." FOR: ANGLE! FOR: Mick taking Angle to task ...

So yeah, that ECW thing is coming up soon. I'm simultaneously mortified and geeking out. So this week, I'm going with stuff that features former ECW talent. Because even if 2.0 sucks a dick, the original had a lot of stuff worth watching... Sabu v. Flash Funk (Raw - 6.23.97) Fun match. These two have always matched up really well. Actually, I should post the 30 min. draw they worked at Cyberslam '96, because that match was tremendous. But yeah...this is ECW on WWF TV. It is what it is. (6:54) Dudley Boys v. Eliminators Not sure when this is from. Here's a secret for you...youtube videos won't even play on my POS PC. So unless I specifically know what the match is, I'm flying blind. But, uhh...I dig the Eliminators. Never bought them as the best tag team in the world, but the feud with Sabu/RVD, in particular, never failed to provide some quality spottiness. (12:01) Mikey Whipwreck v. Steve Austin v. Sandman (ECW December to Dismember - 12.9.95) You know, I'v...

Hey! After a week of general disinterest, me working extra hours and shitty weather knocking my power out when I'm ready to write, I finally finished a recap! Huzzah! Thought I'd do some TNA. Current product annoys me, but it wasn't always that way. Figured I'd pull out the Super X Tournament, as I really enjoyed it on the first viewing, but never bothered to rewatch it. If nothing else, this era of TNA has one thing going for it...the ring is the proper friggin' shape. Imagine that! -We open with a video package hyping the "Wednesday Bloody Wednesday" WarGames match that'll happen later tonight. Lazz v. Mad Mikey - Lazz, essentially, thinks he's Britney Spears. Back when she was single, relevant and kinda hot. Mad Mikey is better known as Crash Holly. But no he's really, REALLY angry. At what? Who knows? It's TNA. If they don't care, why should I? Lockup, go behind by Lazz. He feels Mikey up a bit, making him MAD. Mikey comes back with...

FOR: Vacations. AGAINST: I don't know that you need both a host and announcers but whatever. AGAINST: Khali on Piper's Pit? That means he has to talk, right? AGAINST: Here's the Smackdown body count over the last two weeks: JBL and Benoit both off to recover from injuries; Orlando Jordan fired; MNM broken up (Melina and Nitro sent to Raw, Mercury rumored to be going to rehab); Kurt Angle drafted to ECW (though I can't see that as anything but a temporary move). And they're getting... Kennedy back. And don't forget that Orton's still suspended and Undertaker's been essentially a part-timer for two years now. FOR: The opportunities that presents. FOR: The crowd. FOR: Heyman referencing Rey getting his big U.S. break in ECW. FOR: Angle's 'open challenge' for One Night Stand. FOR: Rey/Sabu? For the title? Jebus. FOR: This match. FOR: Rey's baseball slide into a headscissors. FOR: The commentary. Heyman's really trying to...