Heart Punch

So, I'm surprisingly *without* plans for New Year's Eve (which is the first time I've said that with a straight face in several years), so I figured I might as well post something here. If Matt has the time to bring SD back, then dammit...I can man up and actually get my lazy ass in gear for, I don't know...10 minutes or so. Anyway, after much consideration, I figured that I could do really capsulated recaps of the indy stuff I watch. It's how I post junk on other boards, so I might as well bring it here as well. We'll start off with a Pro Wrestling Guerrilla show, because that just happens to be the last show that I watched. Crazy how that works! PWG is usually pretty hit or miss with me because I'm not all that big a fan of most of the "native" SoCal guys. I just can't get into the Quicksilver/Ronin/Excaliburs of the world. I don't know what it is, but I find myself being bored to tears by most of the PWG undercard stuff. This, however, w...

FOR: Having time to do these again. FOR: Edge as champ. AGAINST: Wait, when did Teddy become Vickie's assistant? (Yes, I've been gone a while.) FOR: There are still Edgeheads? FOR: So they're not really the Major Brothers. AGAINST: Is Curt Hawkins reciting his personal ad? AGAINST: Mimosas, Hawkins? Really? AGAINST: Is anybody buying Edge and Vickie as lovers? Anyone? FOR: The unintentional comedy in this Edge-Vickie video is off the charts. FOR: Teddy shaking his head. FOR: Batista/Edge tonight? AGAINST: Why is Singh out here with his shirt off? FOR: Cole to JBL: "You're gonna miss me. You know it." JBL: "You miss things in many ways." FOR: JBL on Khali: "What about this man is not big?" Cole: "Nothing, I guess. I don't know about all of it." FOR: They're going Globetrotters on us. FOR: GIANT SWING~~~~ FOR: The look on Khali's face afterwards. FOR: Flair with a mic. AGAINST: Maryse is still ar...

-Back with another week of TNA. We even have EXTRA CONTENT! as I recap the first run match from the Road to Bound For Glory show. Okay, that’ll probably take like two lines, but dammit, it took effort on my part. Appreciate me! Roxxi Laveaux v. Ms. Brooks -Here’s your extra content. Roxxi is pretty cute. She apparently has blue hair this week. This is all really basic and boring, though they’re both laying in the chops a bit harder than you’d think they would in a throwaway match that isn’t even being featured on the weekly show. Roode distracts Brooks, who gets planted with the Dominator, giving Roxxi the win. I have no idea if they have a gimmick name for it, but looking at the crew of chicks in TNA, I’m officially dubbing it the “Implant Smasher.” You see what I did there? God, am I ever clever! -Angle arrives at the building wearing Sting’s son’s football jersey. That angle was laid out so well that they needed to run with it again this week, I see! Awesome! -The main event this we...

-I couldn’t bring myself to watch two hours of TNA, so yeah…this is *real* late. Heh. These pretty much have to be done “random thoughts” style, because I’m not sure I can stomach this much of this show otherwise. Incredibly, though, Impact this week wasn’t all that bad, with the final hour making it more than worth watching. Perhaps there’s hope yet. Of course, I might also sprout another head tomorrow. The odds are against both of these things. -They really overuse the James Earl Jones sounding voiceover guy and, by extension, the big melodramatic opening. Sometimes, you just need to let the action speak for itself. Therein lies the problem, I guess, since we haven’t gotten all that much that can be referred to as “action” as of late. -First match they hype is Team 3D versus Team Pacman. Who gives a fuck about Pacman Jones? Really. ESPN bit for maybe three days and even then they shat on the angle and didn’t get the TNA name right. If you’re going down the “any press is good press” r...

FOR: Leading off with the Cena announcement. FOR: I hope that thing's made out of wood. AGAINST: This has never been a good idea. FOR: Oooh, chain wrestling. FOR: JBL with the Mets joke. FOR: This match, especially the last 30 seconds. AGAINST: Push-ups? FOR: Technically, Matt's already ahead. AGAINST: A what fan base? FOR: The camera view from Matt's corner during the Boston Crab sequence. AGAINST: Sure looks like Matt saw the low blow. AGAINST: What, Kane couldn't wait a couple minutes? FOR: Victoria's jumpsuit. AGAINST: Why is Kane doing sitout dropkicks? Or attempting them, even? FOR: Who's that? FOR: MVP's big mouth tripping him up. AGAINST: Is that a title match for Sunday? AGAINST: Is Kennedy the new Nash? FOR: There's that virus thingy. "SAVIOR_SELF"? "bookshelves"? Totally Jericho, right? FOR: Jesse and Festus! Finally! FOR: Jesse's running counter into the monkey flip. FOR: JBL, to Cole, on Fest...

I don’t think I’ve ever recapped a handheld show before. Basically, if you’re not familiar with the concept, these are house shows where someone managed to sneak in a camera to film the show. Sometimes you get a complete show…sometimes not so much. This one only runs 48 minutes, so I’m assuming that the undercard stuff just didn’t merit being taped. That’s a shame, because I loved the 1992 WCW undercard, but I’m silly like that. What did make tape here is pretty cool, though, so it was a quick way to both alleviate some boredom and produce some content. So…yeah. Here you go. WCW Handheld - 3.7.1992 - Oakland, CA Cactus Jack v. Abdullah The Butcher - I’ll try, since I’m watching the WCW Saturday Night set from 1992, to relay a bit of the backstory to these matches. In this case, Cactus brought in Abby as one of the surprises in the box for Sting. They teamed up because both off them are insane, then broke up because both of them are insane. They ended up getting together again like a mo...

That would be me! For those few people who read the blog but don't post on the board (If such people even exist. And if you do, howdy!), you might have been losing some sleep over the fact that I disappeared for a while. My PC was fucked up but good and I wasn't online much at all. I ended up buying a new, shiny PC that's all pretty and awesome and stuff. I've been trying to rebuild everything I needed from the old computer (because my ability to play, say...Shaq-Fu on a whim is vitally important!), so I remained in blogger stealth mode and didn't post anything. At any rate, you'll see some new stuff coming soon. I think I'll see how many brain cells recapping twice as much TNA Impact a week can kill and how quickly it makes me hate pro wrestling. Heh. I'm hoping to write other stuff as well, though my ambition tends to fall on it's ass rather quickly, so we'll see how that goes. For the no one that cares, more video vault posts on the way as wel...

FOR: OUR LONG NATIONAL NIGHTMARE IS OVER. AGAINST: Hornswoggle's Vince's kid? Fuck you people. FOR: Maria! AGAINST: Country, Coach? AGAINST: Mark Henry's in surprisingly good shape for a guy coming off an ass-kicking by the Undertaker. AGAINST: They're not gonna try to do this again, are they? FOR: Good for Batista to remember their history. FOR: Jeff in a suit. Tremendous. AGAINST: JBL and Meredith in the pantheon of great weddings? FOR: Yang's kick to the top of Noble's head. FOR: The Shannon Moore swerve. I like the fact that they've used the Hornswoggle angle to get the cruiserweights on TV. FOR: I wasn't expecting MVP to pick the pass off. Maybe deflect it or something. AGAINST: That car. FOR: Deuce's jumping kick to MVP's head. FOR: A reverse Doomsday Device? FOR: Matt ducking MVP's blind tag attempt. FOR: Butch Reed? Awesome. AGAINST: That was a long way to go for that. FOR: See, Jagged Edge actually needs the m...

FOR: Post 300! AGAINST: A Kane/Khali rematch? AGAINST: "The V.I.P. Lounge"? AGAINST: A boxing match? AGAINST: Holyfield? It's clearly worse than I thought. For him, I mean. Seriously, is he broke? FOR: Matt: "You got a heart condition, all right. It's a lack of." AGAINST: Masters? We're off to a rollicking start. FOR: Clear the ring! FOR: Flair laughing when Stephanie told Vince that his kid's a WWE wrestler was secretly great. AGAINST: Peach, Vince? AGAINST: When are Jesse and Festus going to actually get to Smackdown? FOR: Cole: "I'm a bit Irish." AGAINST: Wait, so that was Cole as John Oates on WWE Idol? Good God. ( FOR: However, Maria bobbing her head in time while Volkoff sang the Russian anthem was tremendous.) FOR: They did a Morrison/Punk Summerslam ad? FOR: JBL on Finlay: "Hey, he grew up in Northern Ireland The place is famous for its beautiful barbed wire." FOR: Finlay throwing Noble into t...

AGAINST: Batista's not in sync with his pyro. FOR: Flair putting over Khali's Claw. AGAINST: Deunce n Domino's plan going awry. AGAINST: That wasn't very smart, Deuce. FOR: I think Khali actually said "Batista." AGAINST: We already saw this. FOR: Rey? AGAINST: Wait, that's clearly Chavo. FOR: JBL to Cole: " You fell for it." FOR: Chavo whiffing on the 619. FOR: Chavo as Rey, then Eugene as Chavo. AGAINST: The 330? FOR: Sterling Keenan? Hey, I've heard of him. AGAINST: I think they came back from the video a bit late. AGAINST: I still don't get the spit cup. AGAINST: "Necking", Cole? What is this, 1957? FOR: Oh, there's Michelle. AGAINST: "Life-threatening"? Cole said it was an outpatient procedure. FOR: JBL on maybe being Vince's illegitimate child: "That would be awesome!" Cole: "You're a 40-year-old man. You wouldn't get an allowance." FOR: Finlay selling th...

FOR: JBL on Teddy : "He's a hero to senior citizens everywhere." AGAINST: Of course it's on a Friday. AGAINST: This will end badly, of course. AGAINST: I was talking about the wedding, but Khali showing up works too. FOR: Hey, JBL was right. AGAINST: Aw, I thought Kane was coming out to make his case. FOR: Masters avoiding Kane's chokeslams. FOR: That flying clothesline counter into the Master Lock. AGAINST: Nate Nickerson? Nice hair, dude. FOR: Henry laughing at his handiwork. AGAINST: Vince is striking back? Against who? Did someone strike first? There's a leap in logic here that I can't quite accept. FOR: Korderas catching MVP cheating. Is that against traditional arm wrestling rules? AGAINST: He's taping up? FOR: Matt knocking the stress ball out of MVP's hand. FOR: Round 1 to Hardy. FOR: JBL on referee Jim Korderas: "He's either from Canada or from the NBA." FOR: MVP hooking Matt's leg with his left arm ...

So it's pretty much random thoughts week. Possibly the first recap I've ever done in real time, too. I'm getting bored with doing so much PBP, so I'm just easing up on that and monkeying around with other ideas. So, uhh...enjoy. -We're back to "This is Extreme" as our ECW theme. Does that mean we're back to the old shit? Did the new shit just not cut it? I'm confused and the mixed messages that WWE sends just make it that much worse. -Morrison is totally channeling Raven channeling Jim Morrison and that's actually better than one would imagine. A little less pop cultury than Raven ever was, but that's okay. Raven was never the Shamen of Sexy as far as I know, so Morrison is already one up on him in that department! -He calls out the greatest athlete in Arizona...Joey Ryan? "Freedom is found at the edge of the abyss," Morrison tells us. Ryan immediately has the best facial hair in WWE. Somewhere, a solitary tear is streaming down T...

It's done. Finally. Goddamn do I ever hate typing up long recaps. Which is precisely why I don't recap indy shows. It's the bulk of what I watch and I'd love to do it, but just thinking about all that typing makes my head hurt. Anyway, pack a lunch before you read this, as it's really friggin' long. Sorry about that! -Taped in the Manhattan Center, May 12, 2007. I've always liked the look of this building. It's where Raw was taped in the early days and it just comes across really well on tape. -Show opens with BJ Whitmer in the ring. Interesting choice. I don't know that I'd have put him out there as the first face on the first PPV, but that's why I'm writing this instead of booking ROH, I guess. He tells us that Ring of Honor lets the wrestling do the talking, then proceeds to talk anyway, throwing out an open challenge… -Opening montage with various clips of ROH in action. -That open challenge? Consider it accepted. By the ROH World cha...