Heart Punch

Edge: Stasiakville? Stasiakville? GRR ARGH SMASH Masters: Uh, that's sort of my Edge: SHUT UP, bitch. Butch: resisting urge to hit 24 Vince: It's gloatin' tahme! Shawn: No, it's time for a coming to Jesus meeting. What part of NO isn't getting past the "fun pills"? Vince: Mtrrhghrgrhghrihg...what's that? I missed it, I was busy eating your soul. Mmm...sacrilious... Shawn: Cute. Clearly the time has come for me to kick your ass. ¿Donde esta tus cojones, pinche cabron? Vince: Pfft. Do something. Matter of fact, swing. Shane: 'k. WHAP RVD: Dudes. Snitsky: ranting in native language Crowd: RVD! RVD: Shit. Snitsky: ranting in native language Match: goes too long RVD: *, *, *, *....where's it...oh, yeah... ***** Black People Everywhere: DO IT, Jack! Take his fucking eyes out and use him for a jack o'lantern! Goldust: hiss Thea Benjamin: I didn't hop off the pancake mix box for this. Maria: the truth. except hot. and kinda dumb. T...

SIGN OF THE WEEK: We Found Benoit's Lucky Tooth AGAINST: Henry/Mysterio again? FOR: Daivari admitting he set Angle up. "And it felt good." FOR: Rey's disappearing act. FOR: Rey's comeback. AGAINST: Is Randy suggesting what it sounds like he's suggesting? FOR: Tazz: "Seeing a New Yorker gyrate like that is a little disturbing." I couldn't agree more. FOR: I don't think Orton saw that chop coming. FOR: The crowd cheering for plunder. FOR: The drop toe hold into the trash can. FOR: NORTHERN LIGHTS, COLE! WHOA: They actually mentioned the piledriver ban? FOR: Orton using the trash can lid as a shield. AGAINST: He probably could have waited an extra second. FOR: Benoit's retaliation. FOR: This match. We don't see weapon-fests like this anymore, and this was a good job of mixing in their usual good stuff with some things the WWE doesn't usually do these days. FOR: Old-school Rumble promos. FOR: Gotta like somebody w...

-We open with a replay of the Douglas/Pillman angle from last week's show. Bad Crew v. El Puerto Ricano & Damien Stone (JIP) - Ricano (AKA Ubas and he was Babu in the WWF as well) totally whiffs on a dive and smashes his face on the floor. Bad Crew hit a double back elbow on Stone (AKA Little Guido/Nunzio). Double Stroke follows. Ricano comes off the top and clotheslines both guys. They recover and toss him out. In the ring, they hit the Hart Attack on Stone, with one of the members of the Bad Crew coming off the second rope. Tiger Driver by...Bad Crew #1. Yeah, that'll work. Cut to the entrance, where Brian Pillman is walking out with his agent (Elliot Pollack), a lawyer and his "bodyguard," Harry Boatswain (who played for the Eagles at the time). Pillman hits the ring and attacks anything that has a pulse. He wants Joey Styles in the ring for some reason. Styles obliges. Pillman...hugs him? Styles is confused. Pillman tells Shane Douglas that, "When the stu...

Alter Bridge: ON THIS DAY I SEE CLEARLY... Crowd: You suck! Kurt Angle: HA! Edge: Y'all forgot I read the 'Net, huh? Flair? Pfft. Crowd: We want Flair! We want Flair! A Man At A Ranch In Montana, Looking Up From Dying His Hair: Why did I just have deja vu? Edge: shoutout to Mr. Perfect Cena? QUINTUPLE Pfft. That's right, quintuple. If you're wondering what I'm doing with my championship money, I'm recreating Quagmire's bedroom. Cena: sup. Foley pop. Crowd: That's OUR town! Huzzah! Cena: Your quote unquote girl? Ain't nuthin' but a hoochie mama. Say what? Crowd: HOODRAT HOODRAT HOOCHIE MAMA! Lita: I'm beginning to see Tipper Gore's point. You're just jealous I don't let you. Cena: Whatever. REVENGE! Stacy: Hi! Kane: KABOOM Tag Belt: At least the IC belt gets time to complain. What about me?! Am I somehow less worthy because Last Week: Here's why. Carlito: stick and move Kane: stick Carlito: DROPKIC...

I haven't written anything in a while. Mostly because I'm not sure what to recap these days. TNA doesn't interest me much. Writing about it, at any rate. WWE b-shows are dead to me and my shitty 'net connection. The regular shows are two hours long and in recent years, I've pretty well shown that I can't consistently work on a two hour show without skipping every other week (not to mention that Matt and Butch have them locked down with much more interesting content than I'd ever provide). I watch a ton of indy wrestling, but I'm not sure if anyone is interested in reading about them (feel free to chime in if that's not the case, though). Not to mention that even longer shows lead to even longer recaps. So...yeah. I decided to go back to ECW. The old stand-by. I was a pretty big fan back in the day, going as far as to say that it turned me from a wrestling fan to the super geeky tape collector dude I am today. Might be fun to go back and re-live some ...

AGAINST: I know it's a plot point, but do we really need to see this again? FOR: Mole-less Jillian. FOR: Apparently heels and faces dress on opposite sides of the building. FOR: The irony of Jillian's face now being 'scarred for life.' FOR: "If I said I was afraid, would you call off the match?" "No." FOR: "Oh, he's spared no expense." FOR: Cole can't keep a straight face. AGAINST: Why is Orlando still bothering? AGAINST: Finlay shouldn't be wearing a singlet that looks like that. FOR: He trapped him in the ring apron? That's different. AGAINST: Someone's actually abiding by the five-count? FOR: Oh, they're making him a heel. All right. He still needs a better singlet, though. AGAINST: Hey, how about a "graphic images" warning? For the love of... FOR: Rey and Henry playing to their strengths. AGAINST: Go back to that shot. FOR: The clothesline killing Rey dead. Even Melina's impr...

Edge: poses Jack Bauer: C'mon, now. Will Smith: Switch! Heyyyyyyy! Jack Bauer: does cool shit Will Smith: Switch! Heyyyyyyy! Edge: the truth Crowd: BOO! Will Smith: Switch! Heyyyyyyy! Remote: I'm getting dizzy. Sean Astin: Hi. I work here now. Chloe: Rudy! Rudy! Rudy! Sean Astin: Uh...what? Chloe: You remind me of a guy. Will Smith: Switch! Heyyyyyyy! Edge: Now you, as my number one ho, will get on your knees and smile like a donut. Angle: pyro Angle: 'Bout fucking time. Your girl...I don't mean to say she sleeps around, but even Mr T's hit that. I am Number One and The Best. Edge: Everybody who's beaten John Cena take a step forward...oh, not so fast, Mr. Clean! Angle: Big tease! Edge: Yeah, right! You're Mello Yello, I'm Mountain Dew. Angle: Au contraire, mon frere. More like you done. GERMAN Vince: swagger Vince: GIANT ANVIL! World Title: Hey, uh, shouldn't you-- Vince: I said SHUT UP. World Title: Right. Intercontinental Title: At lea...

AGAINST: "Rumored" injuries? Theodore Long's out there with Batista? Put two and two together, guys. AGAINST: This sounds more like a "retirement" speech than an "I'm hurt and I'm just forfeiting the title" speech. FOR: He does sound like he means it, though. The stuff about being a proud champion and all that. FOR: Batista shaking hands and hugging the crew. (That was Steamboat?) FOR: The Best Of Seven video package. FOR: Orton trying to get out of the U.S. Title match and into the battle royal. FOR: Long shooting him down. FOR: The early grappling. FOR: Benoit taking a page out of Eddie Guerrero's book (and Cole noting it) FOR: The pop the very threat of the Crossface gets. FOR: This match. FOR: Whoa! Benoit's nuts! And Orton taking that spill to the floor was most unexpected. FOR: This match. It's a lot different than anything we've seen between these two. Or really, anything we've seen in a while. FOR...

Last night in the Chatroom of Chatrooms... Butch, 8:01 EST: Cena barely survives, Edge cashes in his shot and kills his corpse for the World Championship of Rims. You watch. APA chat, 10:36 p.m: Aww! Alter Bridge: ON THIS DAY I SEE CLEARLY... APA chat: ! APA chat, 10:40 p.m.: YAY! Butch, 10:40:03 p.m.: Who wants to touch me? (silence) Butch, 10:40:08 p.m.: I said WHO WANTS TO FUCKING TOUCH ME?! Tanvir: walks forward and grazes the shoulder Tanvir: Ooh. * * * Girls: SQUEAL! Guys: BOO! Vince: Everyone loves Cena. Everyone always HAS loved Cena. Cena: Oh, yeah, I hear you booing. Your mothers! I KEEPS IT REAL! Guys: What?! I mean, BOO! Ice-T: Oh, man , hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate! Lita: Mmmmmghhhh grmmgmghhhmmm....Royal Rumble. Fans: Dammit, woman, I was supposed to have stopped itching by now! Lita: Tonight, we will finally make Matt Hardy commit suicide. YOUR catchphrase! Cena: Gimmick infringement, motherfucker...fatherfucker...pigfucker...

FOR: "www.GoodLordHelpMeJBLsBashingMyBrainsIn.com" AGAINST: Who's keeping track of win-loss records in Falls Count Anywhere matches? AGAINST: The table breaks on a double-leg takedown? That's just shoddy construction. FOR: Matt remembering the rules and going for the cover off the slingshot plancha. FOR: The pop for the ladder. AGAINST: The limo driver's still in there? AGAINST: The goofball on the rail's got Jillian's good side in front of him and he's taking a picture of the Boogeyman? AGAINST: Good Lord. Where are those going THIS week? FOR: The Shane Shuffle~~~~ FOR: A reverse chokeslam? FOR: "For protection"? That's reasonable. FOR: Orton telling Booker he "owes him one". FOR: KENNEDY. FOR: The "housewarming gift" line. AGAINST: Hello! Five-second rule! FOR: "That hurt a little bit?" AGAINST: Tazz positing a Juventud elbow injury while he holds his hip and limps. AGAINST: Orlando...

FOR: Booker's suit. FOR: Working Booker's actual injury into the storyline. AGAINST: JBL's dancing. FOR: JBL's multiple swinging neckbreakers. AGAINST: What the hell's the Boogeyman doing here? AGAINST: Ew. Right in the cleavage. FOR: Sharmell bringing up that Orlando's not the best choice to stand in for Booker. FOR: "You tapped out when you walked up here." FOR: Melina's having a press conference? FOR: "Ths entrance sort of rivals Melina's, doesn't it?" "No." THANK YOU, TAZZ. AGAINST: "This is the bigger of the Dicks." Geniuses. GENIUSES. FOR: Jumping enziguiri to the spine? That's a new one on me. FOR: The back body drop/missile dropkick out of midair spot. AGAINST: Randy needs some smelling salts. FOR: Booker appealing to Randy's need for glory. AGAINST: What's Melina so nervous about? FOR/AGAINST: I like the electronic scrolling displ;ays, but I don't like four of the...