Raw In 90 Seconds
Last night in the Chatroom of Chatrooms...
Butch, 8:01 EST: Cena barely survives, Edge cashes in his shot and kills his corpse for the World Championship of Rims. You watch.
APA chat, 10:36 p.m: Aww!
Alter Bridge: ON THIS DAY I SEE CLEARLY...
APA chat: !
APA chat, 10:40 p.m.: YAY!
Butch, 10:40:03 p.m.: Who wants to touch me?
(silence)
Butch, 10:40:08 p.m.: I said WHO WANTS TO FUCKING TOUCH ME?!
Tanvir: walks forward and grazes the shoulder
Tanvir: Ooh.
* * *
Girls: SQUEAL!
Guys: BOO!
Vince: Everyone loves Cena. Everyone always HAS loved Cena.
Cena: Oh, yeah, I hear you booing. Your mothers! I KEEPS IT REAL!
Guys: What?! I mean, BOO!
Ice-T: Oh, man, hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate!
Lita: Mmmmmghhhh grmmgmghhhmmm....Royal Rumble.
Fans: Dammit, woman, I was supposed to have stopped itching by now!
Lita: Tonight, we will finally make Matt Hardy commit suicide. YOUR catchphrase!
Cena: Gimmick infringement, motherfucker...fatherfucker...pigfucker...donkeyfucker...unclefucker...YOUR catchphrase!
Belt: *glimmer*
Butch: I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!
Trish: You're worthy, you're wort...WTF, bird?
Mickie: No, it's fine. I'm just pumping up the fans! You ROCK!
Ashley: F you, Stratus! F you, James!
Trish: I can't believe you tried to hammerlock me.
Mickie & Butch: NO!
Mickie: whap
Butch: Yay, Mickie!
Trish: Bitch working my nerve...stomps off
Mickie: :(
Butch: I know, baby. I know.
RVD: Dude. Comeback. Rumble. Doritos?
Vince: I'm going to repeat a point to get it over. I'm going to repeat a point to get it over. I'm going to repeat a point to get it over. I'm going to repeat a point to get it over. I'm going to--
Cast of Monty Python: GET ON WITH IT!
Cena: Why would I bust it up? She's redheaded, freaky, she's got huge...tracts of land. XYZ, homey.
Vince: Oh. zips
Chris Masters: RRR! SMASH! GRR!
Carlito: makes rational point
Masters: Well...uh...GRR! Just in case! YOUR catchphrase!
Carlito: What is up with that tonight?
Rob Conway: I'm on TV again!
Ghosts of WCW past: BUFF! DADDY! BUFF! DADDY!
Conway: Somebody else heard that, right?
Chavo Guerrero: Hey, Rob! Me too!
Todos: EDDIE!
Chavo: Skin?
Conway: Not in. whap
Todos: EDDIE!
Lawler: PUPPIES!
Coach: Puppies!
Styles: *sigh*
Chavo: ¡UNO! ¡DOS! ¡TRES!
Conway: Uh-oh.
Chavo: Hello. My name is Chavo Guerrero. I live on for my uncle. Prepare to be frog splashed.
Chavo: connects
Eddie: Buen trabajo, sangre.
Peter Gabriel: I thought I was supposed to wait for Triple H...
Kurt Angle: You...
Shawn Michaels: No, YOU...
Kanye West: Kurt Angle doesn't care about black people.
Black People Everywhere: Oh, lord..
Kanye: My apologies: Vince McMahon doesn't care about black people.
SAT: ¡Parejas incredibles!
Other Shoe: Now?
(silence)
Other Shoe: Well, how about now?
(silence)
Other Shoe: Oh, hell, I'm going to have to wait through the commercials. FINE.
(another couple minutes)
Other Shoe: NOW! HA!
Butch: shakes head
Other Shoe: Fuuuuuuuuuuck!
Cast of Monty Python: GET ON WITH IT!
Kurt: Gladly. ditch
HBK: You drank my wine, and broke bread with me, and now you betray me?
Kurt: I find irony hilarious.
HBK: You know what I find hilarious? superkick
Masters: OOH! PARTY LIKE IT'S '85! rest hold What, no bold?
Butch: Hell no.
Masters: :(. Fine. wins HA!
Vince: Shawn, meet Kurt. Next week.
WWE Fan to TNA Fan: See, that's why.
Triple H: SMRT! Here's our booking for the next three months! Cigars for all!
Dick Cheney: Damn, that boy evil.
Todd Grisham: Edge, how do you--
Edge: Well, Screech, it's like this. 14 years. I've paid my dues, time after time. I've done my sentence. Yet I commited no crime.
Grish: Isn't adultery--
Edge: Oh, here we go with the bad mistakes. Sure, I've made a few. But you know what it is? I took the share of sand that got kicked in my face, and I've come through!
Lita: It's not his fault--I'm just realllllly slutty.
Edge: Um, excuse you. Crescendo happening.
Lita: My bad.
Edge: Anyhow---well, screw it, you ruined the moment. No sex until tomorrow.
Lita: Pfft. Maybe for you.
Black People Everywhere: You know, between this and Big Momma's House II Puerto Rican's looking real good right now.
Kane: YOU!
Snitsky: *threatening in native language*
Kane: Whatever, sideshow. SQUASH. Y'all don't want none of this. EVIL laughter. KABOOM.
Monty Burns: See, why couldn't I have gotten him for a son?
Edge: None of you saw it coming!
Butch: I'm sorry, what?
Edge: None of you, with the exception of THIS GUY, saw it coming!
Butch: Thank you.
Edge: And now, for the benefit of those with flash photography...
Those With Said Benefit: move to the...well, utmost corner of their seats
Edge: Here's a video package! HA!
Those With...: Bah.
Staind: No, we didn't die in a plane crash. Why do you ask?
Edge: Ooh, baby, I like it rawwwwwwwwwwww...ooh, baby I like it rawwwwwwwwwww...
Other Shoe: I'm so getting Rookie of the Year.
Edge: Well, my first finisher was the Impaler...
ALL GUYS: DUDE! OVERSHARE! SERIOUSLY!
Flair: WHOO!
Everybody: WHOO!
Flair: I was doing that before you even were a twinkle, son. NOW! pelvic thrusts, chops
Edge: Oh, how dare you interfere with my right to get chlamydia! smash Welcome to the new school, gramps! ONE-MAN CONCHAIRTO!
Flair: dies
Intercontinental belt: dies with it
Cena: I was just listening for that call. Sup. whap
Edge: flees
Crowd: HOORAY! Wait, hooray?
Cena: Told y'all don't be hatin'.
Lita: You can just insert your own joke here.
Cena: FU
Ike Turner: Hooray!
Robert Blake: Pussy.
Butch, 8:01 EST: Cena barely survives, Edge cashes in his shot and kills his corpse for the World Championship of Rims. You watch.
APA chat, 10:36 p.m: Aww!
Alter Bridge: ON THIS DAY I SEE CLEARLY...
APA chat: !
APA chat, 10:40 p.m.: YAY!
Butch, 10:40:03 p.m.: Who wants to touch me?
(silence)
Butch, 10:40:08 p.m.: I said WHO WANTS TO FUCKING TOUCH ME?!
Tanvir: walks forward and grazes the shoulder
Tanvir: Ooh.
* * *
Girls: SQUEAL!
Guys: BOO!
Vince: Everyone loves Cena. Everyone always HAS loved Cena.
Cena: Oh, yeah, I hear you booing. Your mothers! I KEEPS IT REAL!
Guys: What?! I mean, BOO!
Ice-T: Oh, man, hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate!
Lita: Mmmmmghhhh grmmgmghhhmmm....Royal Rumble.
Fans: Dammit, woman, I was supposed to have stopped itching by now!
Lita: Tonight, we will finally make Matt Hardy commit suicide. YOUR catchphrase!
Cena: Gimmick infringement, motherfucker...fatherfucker...pigfucker...donkeyfucker...unclefucker...YOUR catchphrase!
Belt: *glimmer*
Butch: I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!
Trish: You're worthy, you're wort...WTF, bird?
Mickie: No, it's fine. I'm just pumping up the fans! You ROCK!
Ashley: F you, Stratus! F you, James!
Trish: I can't believe you tried to hammerlock me.
Mickie & Butch: NO!
Mickie: whap
Butch: Yay, Mickie!
Trish: Bitch working my nerve...stomps off
Mickie: :(
Butch: I know, baby. I know.
RVD: Dude. Comeback. Rumble. Doritos?
Vince: I'm going to repeat a point to get it over. I'm going to repeat a point to get it over. I'm going to repeat a point to get it over. I'm going to repeat a point to get it over. I'm going to--
Cast of Monty Python: GET ON WITH IT!
Cena: Why would I bust it up? She's redheaded, freaky, she's got huge...tracts of land. XYZ, homey.
Vince: Oh. zips
Chris Masters: RRR! SMASH! GRR!
Carlito: makes rational point
Masters: Well...uh...GRR! Just in case! YOUR catchphrase!
Carlito: What is up with that tonight?
Rob Conway: I'm on TV again!
Ghosts of WCW past: BUFF! DADDY! BUFF! DADDY!
Conway: Somebody else heard that, right?
Chavo Guerrero: Hey, Rob! Me too!
Todos: EDDIE!
Chavo: Skin?
Conway: Not in. whap
Todos: EDDIE!
Lawler: PUPPIES!
Coach: Puppies!
Styles: *sigh*
Chavo: ¡UNO! ¡DOS! ¡TRES!
Conway: Uh-oh.
Chavo: Hello. My name is Chavo Guerrero. I live on for my uncle. Prepare to be frog splashed.
Chavo: connects
Eddie: Buen trabajo, sangre.
Peter Gabriel: I thought I was supposed to wait for Triple H...
Kurt Angle: You...
Shawn Michaels: No, YOU...
Kanye West: Kurt Angle doesn't care about black people.
Black People Everywhere: Oh, lord..
Kanye: My apologies: Vince McMahon doesn't care about black people.
SAT: ¡Parejas incredibles!
Other Shoe: Now?
(silence)
Other Shoe: Well, how about now?
(silence)
Other Shoe: Oh, hell, I'm going to have to wait through the commercials. FINE.
(another couple minutes)
Other Shoe: NOW! HA!
Butch: shakes head
Other Shoe: Fuuuuuuuuuuck!
Cast of Monty Python: GET ON WITH IT!
Kurt: Gladly. ditch
HBK: You drank my wine, and broke bread with me, and now you betray me?
Kurt: I find irony hilarious.
HBK: You know what I find hilarious? superkick
Masters: OOH! PARTY LIKE IT'S '85! rest hold What, no bold?
Butch: Hell no.
Masters: :(. Fine. wins HA!
Vince: Shawn, meet Kurt. Next week.
WWE Fan to TNA Fan: See, that's why.
Triple H: SMRT! Here's our booking for the next three months! Cigars for all!
Dick Cheney: Damn, that boy evil.
Todd Grisham: Edge, how do you--
Edge: Well, Screech, it's like this. 14 years. I've paid my dues, time after time. I've done my sentence. Yet I commited no crime.
Grish: Isn't adultery--
Edge: Oh, here we go with the bad mistakes. Sure, I've made a few. But you know what it is? I took the share of sand that got kicked in my face, and I've come through!
Lita: It's not his fault--I'm just realllllly slutty.
Edge: Um, excuse you. Crescendo happening.
Lita: My bad.
Edge: Anyhow---well, screw it, you ruined the moment. No sex until tomorrow.
Lita: Pfft. Maybe for you.
Black People Everywhere: You know, between this and Big Momma's House II Puerto Rican's looking real good right now.
Kane: YOU!
Snitsky: *threatening in native language*
Kane: Whatever, sideshow. SQUASH. Y'all don't want none of this. EVIL laughter. KABOOM.
Monty Burns: See, why couldn't I have gotten him for a son?
Edge: None of you saw it coming!
Butch: I'm sorry, what?
Edge: None of you, with the exception of THIS GUY, saw it coming!
Butch: Thank you.
Edge: And now, for the benefit of those with flash photography...
Those With Said Benefit: move to the...well, utmost corner of their seats
Edge: Here's a video package! HA!
Those With...: Bah.
Staind: No, we didn't die in a plane crash. Why do you ask?
Edge: Ooh, baby, I like it rawwwwwwwwwwww...ooh, baby I like it rawwwwwwwwwww...
Other Shoe: I'm so getting Rookie of the Year.
Edge: Well, my first finisher was the Impaler...
ALL GUYS: DUDE! OVERSHARE! SERIOUSLY!
Flair: WHOO!
Everybody: WHOO!
Flair: I was doing that before you even were a twinkle, son. NOW! pelvic thrusts, chops
Edge: Oh, how dare you interfere with my right to get chlamydia! smash Welcome to the new school, gramps! ONE-MAN CONCHAIRTO!
Flair: dies
Intercontinental belt: dies with it
Cena: I was just listening for that call. Sup. whap
Edge: flees
Crowd: HOORAY! Wait, hooray?
Cena: Told y'all don't be hatin'.
Lita: You can just insert your own joke here.
Cena: FU
Ike Turner: Hooray!
Robert Blake: Pussy.
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