Heart Punch

I'm in a really poor mood today. Work has been absolutely kicking my ass over the past week or so. I have no desire to do a traditional "Shane" recap, so we'll switch things up a bit this week. To something totally original. What? You think this resembles the witty stylings of one Matt Spaulding? I'm hurt. This is obviously different. I mean...really. He does for/against. I'm doing +/-. It's not even comparable. Heh. - They warn us that week's show will contain "sexually explicit material." Please. Nothing on this show will be either sexual *or* explicit. Unless you count the way that this show is pandering to the 12 year old fanbase. That's certainly explicit. + Balls Mahoney is your dealer. He even busted out the green visor. At any rate, he's suitably lecherous for this role. ? Ashley is wearing a blood stained tank top that says, "Fuck love." Does this cause me to dig her more or less? I'm honestly not sure. - The ga...

Open: new Logo: modified Stage Setup: same Butch: Aw. Cole, JBL: Hiya. SmackDown Fans: What the-- Tazz, Styles: What's up, bitches. Cursing is EXTREME! ECW Fans: What the fuck!? Girls: SQUEE! Guys: BOO! Cena: saLUTE! This is a reminder: Edge sucks. I got my bling, I got my mixed reaction, God is in his heaven-- King Booker: And the champ is here. Cena: I sure am. King Booker: ...I was referring to myself. Cena: I doth mock you! For as I entered the ring, I made it very clear. I am the franchise of RAW, and the champ is here! Big Show: Well, sure. Now. You're not British. You're not black. And I'm a movie star. King Booker: Excuse thou. I was in Ready To Rumble! Show: ... Cena: ... Show, Cena: BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHA! King Booker, and a certain resident of Stamford: Awww... Cena: Shall we? Show: You really are retarded. clears ring Teddy Long, Coach, and Paul Heyman: self-promoting sound and fury signifying nothing Kane: You go to SmackDown!...

FOR: I'm something of a prophet. FOR: The "Josh introduces Helms as The Hurricane" story. FOR: The Poetry In Motion into the 619 setup. AGAINST: Nitro and Melina get a commercial? FOR: Burke's corner dropkick. FOR: Whatever... that was. FOR: Tatanka as MVP's opponent Sunday. FOR: Cole correcting JBL on Burke's unbeaten status. FOR: Regal avoiding the question and getting out of Dodge. AGAINST: JBL's outrage over the Pick Your Poison match. FOR: Booker snapping. FOR: JBL noting the 'Finlay' chant. AGAINST: Cole has yet to mention that Booker had the same choice to make and put Lashley against Batista. FOR: About time, Cole. Where was that two minutes ago? FOR: The Little Bastard producing a mouse. AGAINST: Batista needs to shave. FOR: The strength/power battle in the early going. AGAINST: Booker's going after Finlay? What? AGAINST: A Fatal Four-Way? FOR: Batista: "Can't we all just get along?" FOR: Wang's...

-Paul Heyman and Hardcore Holly watch the footage of Holly's injury last week. Despite being all bandaged up, Holly wants RVD tonight. Eh eh, says Heyman, who's worried about Holly getting injured and subsequently suing him. Holly isn't amused. He shoves Heyman into a locker and tells him that if he doesn't get the match, he'll give Heyman a reason to sue *him*. WHAM! Someone nails Holly with a chair. That someone is Test. Tonight, it'll be him who gets a piece of that RVD action. -Opening montage. Sandman & Sabu v. Matt Striker & Big Show - In a true show of dedication to one's profession, Striker actually has a pair of knee pads that MATCH his argyle sweater vest. That's so badass that I'm not even sure how to describe it. Show and Sabu start. They have the same match they've had 103 times in ECW. In other words, Show kills him. Tag Striker. Sabu reverses a corner whip and catches Striker with a springboard lag lariat on the rebound. He...

FOR: Is this the 200th post? FOR: The recap of the Cena/King Booker and his Court angle for those of us who don't watch RAW. AGAINST: They couldn't mock up a Smackdown chyron for Cena? FOR: The way Chimel says Cena's name. FOR: Cena to JBL: "Hell, last time I saw you I was whipping your ass." FOR: Burke and Terkay switching off again. It's a better matchup for Rey. AGAINST: They're not an actual tag team, JBL. FOR: Falls Count Anywhere? When's the last time we had one of those? FOR: This London/Kendrick video package. FOR: Michelle's interference paying off and making JBL prophetic. FOR: Matt/Chavo! AGAINST: Kennedy's Undertaker tribute is falling flat so far. FOR: Ah, he's playing the respect card to mask his fear. FOR: I sense an objection coming. FOR: Taker shorting out the mic. FOR: JBL: "Mr. Kennedy, I suggest you leave the area code." AGAINST: We're already recycling Miz opponents? AGAINST: Replaying ...

-Amazingly enough, TNA actually managed to pull a surprise out of their asses that was every bit as major as it was hyped to be. Not sure how I feel about Kurt Angle in TNA with all of the reports on his general health, but yeah...a small part of me totally geeks out at the thought of Angle v. Samoa Joe . Guess we'll all just have to wait and see how things shake out. While we wait, here's an ECW recap for you! -Opening montage -Later tonight, Sandman challenged Big Show for the ECW Title. The match can't possibly be good under any condition, but it does have the potential to be a fun trainwreck. Let's hope for the best! - BOOMER SOONER! It's Jim Ross ! He thanks both Tazz and Joey Styles for inviting him to be on the show. Of course, neither of them can recall doing so. Ha! JR totally bumrushed the show like the gangsta he is! He talks about Mid-South Wrestling and puts over the ECW product, saying that he's a big fan. Matt Striker comes out. He runs JR dow...

FOR: Sharmell's dress. FOR: Booker/UT? Now THAT'S a match worthy of a season premiere. FOR: New opening! AGAINST: Same music. FOR: Batista reappropriating the shilleagh. FOR: Layla! AGAINST: This is an odd choice for a second segment. AGAINST: Did Jillian just turn heel again? FOR: I guess not. BOTH: Hardy/Helms again? FOR: JBL: "Damn right it's a bold statement. I'm a bold person." AGAINST: Cole saying "Hoo-rah!" FOR: "Parlay vouse frances." FOR: JBL on Miz-Funaki: "And what a matchup. We got two guys who can't speak English." AGAINST: Intensity? What intensity? FOR: The running rana counter over the wall spot. FOR: Rey bringing the hate. AGAINST: They're giving away the three-team tag title match? AGAINST: They brought Maryse in just for that? FOR: London's hot tag. FOR: Sliced Bread #2! FOR: The finish. They've done some inventive finishes for London/Kendrick matches, but Stevens' ...

Yeah. Watch this instead of No Surrender. This is free. And I'm a better judge of what the people want to see than Scott D'Amore. In essence, Me>TNA. That's not scientific or anything, but I'm sure you'll agree... Rey Misterio Jr. v. Psicosis - Mexican Death Match (ECW - November to Remember 1995) It's Rey Jr. in 1995. If that doesn't compel you to watch this, no other pithy comments from me will do the trick, either. This is a little too ECW for my tastes (why do Rey & Psicosis, of all people, have to stoop to the garbagy stuff to get their match over?), but still a hell of a match. (14:03) AJ Styles v. Christopher Daniels v. Petey Williams v. Chris Sabin (IWA-MS: Autumn Armageddon - 10.21.04) Story behind this one is that the IWA champ, Arik Cannon, had broken his collarbone (after a clothesline from one Austin Aries, for you trivia buffs out there) and this match was to crown a new champion. It's not mind blowing or anything, but anytime I can ...

So, uh... Vince Russo is back in TNA , huh? I tend to be more of a Vinny Roo apologist than most (while reserving the right to make fun of all the goofy shit he's churned out, of course), so I'm at least marginally excited. Aside from the outstanding LAX/ Daniels & Styles feud, the company has really been stagnant over the last two months or so. Say what you will about Russo, but the shows will have that "zip" that they currently lack. Not to mention his penchant for pushing younger guys. That can only lead to good things. I hope. The only bummer is that it might drive Cornette out of the company, what with him hating Russo with the blinding light of a thousand suns and all. Heh. Anyway, ECW. I'm all caught up again. Looks like I should have a new boss in late October, so my recap will start coming in on time in a few weeks. Possibly. I'll have no legitimate excuse for it being late at that point, anyway. -Paul Heyman rolls out the red carpet (literally)...

Playing catch up here. Sorry for the delay. This week's episode *might* be up later tonight (depends if I want to watch the premiere of Jericho that is taping as I type this later tonight or not), but this weekend is looking more realistic. In other news...huzzah! Johnny is posting stuff again! Now then, last week's ECW, not so hot off the presses. Really, though, being only 8 days late with a recap is actually pretty good for me. Heh. -We open with the opening montage. Crazy! I can tell this show is gonna be special already. -Paul Heyman is out with his security team. He wants to thank the person responsible for getting ECW to the hallowed halls of Madison Square Garden . Himself, of course! He yammers on for a bit, bringing out Sabu. He kills the riot squad dudes with chairshots. Heyman tells him that tonight's match with Big Show has officially been changed to Extreme Rules. -Up next, Rob Van Dam faces Bob Holly. Again. I bet it ends in a DQ. Prove me wrong, ECW! -Comme...

What chu know about seven!?!? Lita: "Girl you are the gotdamn devil."

FOR: Go read Johnny's post first. Good stuff. FOR: I expect tonight to go a long way toward sorting out the No Mercy card. FOR: Finlay's speech. FOR: Lashley calling Finlay out. FOR: Whoa! There we go! Finlay/Lashley No. 1 Contender's match! AGAINST: Did Finlay just kick the Little Bastard in the head? FOR: Regal and Cole pointing out the no-win situation Long's put Booker and the Court in. FOR: Matt jumping Helms from behind. AGAINST: The finish. What happened? FOR: Thank you, replay gods. AGAINST: Dominic? FOR: Malenko! FOR: They ran a whole Unforgiven promo around Trish? Sweet. AGAINST: JBL on JWY: "He is either Jimmy Hayes or Buddy Roberts' kid." Cole: "Who's Jimmy Hayes? You mean Michael Hayes?" AGAINST: I still don't quite get how this show has a Season Premiere. FOR: JBL on Miz: "Perhaps he should learn a way to end his life." FOR: Miz rolling under the rope to escape the Worm. AGAINST: "The ...

Look what you made me do, look what I made for you Knew if I paid my dues, how will they pay you When you first come in the game, they try to play you Then you drop a couple of hits, look how they wave to you From Marcy to Madison Square To the only thing that matters in just a matter of years (yea) As fate would have it, Jay's status appears to be at an all-time high, perfect time to say goodbye When I come back like Jordan, wearin the 4-5 It ain't to play games witchu It's to aim at you, probably maim you If I owe you I'm blowin you to smithereeens Cocksucker take one for your team And I need you to remember one thing (one thing) I came, I saw, I conquered From record sales, to sold out concerts So muh'fucker if you want this encore I need you to scream, 'til your lungs get sore... Jay-Z, "Encore" So with the news that none other than S. Carter is back in the game (much like myself - what's up y'all!) it parallels another great that's t...

FOR : Cole and JBL standing to open the show. FOR : The recap to set up the main event. AGAINST : I'm not sure how the Shawn Michaels comparison works here. FOR: JBL on the Guerreros turning on Rey: "People aske dif the tiger went crazy. No! The tiger went tiger!" FOR : If they're going to push the angle that Rey's not himself, having him miss the springboard was a good way to do it. AGAINST : So the point of that was... AGAINST : Why does Chimel even bother? Seriously? AGAINST : How do you win six NCAA titles? AGAINST : This guy's sideburns. FOR : Cole: "Did he wrestle through his Masters degree?" FOR: The return of the Plunge. AGAINST : Did Kennedy just threaten to jump to Raw? AGAINST : Undertaker? Where did that come from? FOR: Ashley's back! AGAINST : Ashley's music. FOR : Ashley seamlessly integrating herself into London and Kendrick's entrance. FOR : JBL on Michelle: "Brother, when we start breeding, this world's gon...

-Recap of the Big Show/DX feud. -DX arrives at the building. "Bingo!" sez Triple H. You see, it's funny because ECW used to run in a bingo hall. Hy-larious! -Opening montage. -That there handicap match is tonight! Does it really deserve an exclamation point? Probably not. Sabu & Rob Van Dam v. Test & Mike Knox (w/Kelly Kelly) - Extreme Rules - Sabu opens the match with a single leg takedown on Knox. He's quickly overrun by Knox's power, though. He whips Sabu into the corner, but runs into his boots. Sabu comes off the second rope with a clothesline. Tag to Van Dam. Knox catches him coming in and pounds on him. He backs him into the heel corner. Cut to Sabu, who's pulling a table from under the ring. Knox slams RVD. Now Sabu has a chair. Test tags in. Sabu sets up the table directly in front of the announce table. Test whips RVD into the corner and follows with a clothesline. Van Dam reverses him into the opposite corner and connects with a spinkick. He...

Hey! It looks like I'm going to come through with this recap after all! The Internet is a wondrous place and many mysterious sources for the wrasslin' are available. Basically, once I read the results and saw that Punk was working Stevie, I had to track this show down. Even if I had to watch it on my PC (which I hate). -The show opens with clips of the Big Show/Sabu match from last week. Or two weeks ago, if you go by that "reality" thing. Not that anyone who reads this has any sort of grasp on reality. -Heyman talks about how ECW is his baby and that he's never had to compete in an ECW ring. Until tonight. But now, Dr. Frankenstein has to destroy the monster known as Sabu. -Opening montage. Rob Van Dam v. Hardcore Holly - They trade strikes to start. Pretty sure Holly will win that particular game every single time. Van Dam comes back, taking him over with a monkey flip and following with a superkick. He clotheslines Holly over the top and follows him out. Holly ...

FOR: This wasn't going to actually air until Saturday here but the Phillies got rained out. AGAINST: There's gotta be a better way to cut somebody off than blindsiding them (literally) with a steel chair. AGAINST: "Business manager"? AGAINST: Shouldn't there have been some dialogue over the contract signing graphic? FOR: "The longest-reigning champion in sports entertainment" getting into Helms' intro. FOR: This match. FOR: The Kennedy-Finlay exchange. I'm liking this. FOR: JBL: "The wrestling gods must hate me." AGAINST: Miz's goofy strut. FOR: Miz doing the Robot. FOR: JBL: "Wasn't Miz in the Diva Search?" FOR: That wasn't good by any means, but it could have been far worse. FOR: This is Lashley, right? FOR: Yep. FOR: Kennedy trying to form an alliance with Lashley. FOR: Lashley not buying it. FOR: Now Kennedy's trying to strike a deal with Finlay. FOR: JBL bringing the strategy. FOR: Finl...