Heart Punch

AGAINST: Is that a pop for Finlay? FOR: JBL: "That leprechaun may have parents! You don't know!" AGAINST: Why would Cole want JBL to be his friend? FOR: JBL dropping a Gatti/Ward comparison. FOR: Regal slapping Finlay down. FOR: Regal's elbow catching Finlay off the ropes. FOR: Lashley! FOR: Finlay sending Regal after Lashley and then hitting Regal in the back. AGAINST: Terkay's hair. FOR: JBL running down Terkay's and Burke's credentials. AGAINST: "The Elijah Experience?" FOR: Cool move, though. At least the non-Stroke part. FOR: Let me try and guess which three Butch wants to win. Erica, Milena and... Layla? Yeah, that sounds right. FOR: Thank God for that pie. That was quickly becoming painful. AGAINST: JBL saying "boo-tay." FOR: Ashley's bitch slap. AGAINST: Did they purposely make these Diva searcher speeches as lame as possible? FOR: LEYLA! She pretty much needs to win now, am I right? FOR: Sylvan weari...

Back with another recap. Couldn't sleep because of the heat, so I might as well do something useful. If writing a wrestling recap can be construed as "useful," I guess. Anyway, the fact that we have no TNA coverage annoys me, even if I'm the guy who decided to stop doing the Impact recap. Over the last two months, though, I've come to really enjoy the product again. They still do some stuff that has me rolling my eyes, but since my recaps are a bit quicker to write now, I might as well try to add TNA back to the mix. Of course, don't be surprised if I drop it again in two weeks. If I'm *not* the flakiest recapper on the 'net, it's not through lack of trying. Heh. -Show opens with clips from last week' show. Samoa Joe and Rhino brawl like the angry mofos they are. D-Von essentially tells Runt to behave himself while Team 3D is gone (with Runt flashing a mischievous smile afterwards). Jay Lethal takes Jeff Jarrett to the limit, but ends up being ...

-If something happened before the opening credits this week, I missed it. It's a zillion degrees here and I was too hot (also, lazy) to run upstairs and hit record. Fuck the world for it being 91° as I type this past midnight. And it's only supposed to get hotter later today. Bah. How to people in the South stand this shit? No wonder Josh is a retard. His brain has been fried. But I digress. -Opening montage. -From the Hammerstein Ballroom in NYC. -Your fearless announcers run down tonight's card. Batista versus Show and the upcoming match being the focal points... Sandman & Tommy Dreamer v. Test & Mike Knox (w/Kelly²) - Extreme Rules - As the faces make their entrance(s), we see clips of the angles that led to this very match. Or more accurately, we see many shots of Kelly Kelly being half naked. Your referee here is Scott James/Armstrong. I'm always happy to have an Armstrong on my TV. Even Brian, crazily enough. Anyway, the match. This quickly degenerates int...

The End: Peekaboo! Last Week: Hi, I'm Last Week. 'Member me? Recapper: WTF, mate? Voice: We now return you to Monday Night RAW, already in progress. DX: liberally cribbing from the Mel Brooks School of Comedy primer Y2J: I'm so glad I got out of there before they made me put that kid over. Benoit: You said it. Molsons clink DX: 4 numbers for ya. Crowd: 1997! People In The Truck: This is so much more fun drunk! Miz: annoying Random Slut: words Carlito: I gotta be winning; look at this new shirt! M & N: strike a pose M: splits Carlito: Y'all are really going to wait through this? Thumb! Slide, slide, slippity slide! Shelton: Tope con hilo! Carlito, Nitro: ow. Nitro: Standing Shooting Star! Shelton: Nah. Carlito: Yoink! Nitro: No. Carlito: Rana! JR: brings the history Shelton: DDT! Melina: helps Carlito Shelton: WTF, bird? Nitro: Push! YOINK! HA! Random Slut: words Orton: reads liberally from DX's book The Point: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Recapper: It...

-Tonight, Big Show defends the ECW Title against Kane. Ooh! They should bring in Kamala next week. Is Boogeyman ready to come back yet? Maybe Papa Shango can make his triumphant return. Or get a bit goofy and bring in Rasta the Voodoo Man. Or old school and give us the Missing Link! Wrestling needs more freaks, by god! -Opening Montage. -Mike Knox is in the ring with Kelly². He shows a montage of her dancing, but says that she'll never get nekkid in public again. Well really...what other talent does she have? You're robbing her of her destiny, you soulless cretin. He shows clips of Sandman caning her and lets her know that he didn't abandon her. He actually ran to the back to get the EMTs. I withdraw my cretin comment. He's obviously a gentleman, if not a scholar. Mike Knox (w/K²) v. Sandman - Ref takes the cane from Sandman, so I guess this isn't Extreme Rules. Knox attacks, pounding Sandman down. He fires back, hitting a Russian legsweep. Sandman rolls to the floo...

Voice of Not Zach de la Rocha: Are you ready? Crowd: YES! VoNZdlR: Cool. BREAK IT DOWN! Shawn: Hey, everybody! Going solo this week. Semi-shoot, semi-shoot, semi-shoot! Coach: Un momento there, flyboy. Tom Jones: IT'S NOT UNUUUUUUUSUAL TO BE LOVED BY ANYONE... Shawn: snark snark snark 4 numbers FOR YA! Crowd: 1997! Coach: You wrestle. Shawn: The cheerleaders. Coach: No, me. ME?! WTF, Vince?! Shawn: blinks Shawn: blinks Shawn: blinks Shawn: BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Spirit Squad: 2, 4, 6, 8, this asskicking's going to be great! Highlanders: Hongi! Crowd: Hongi? Highlanders: Oh, right. Hongi in a Scottish accent! Squad: Dominance! Shawn: BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Highlanders: Hot tag! Finish him! Squad: Distraction measures! pummel Rory & Roby Christopher Daniels: That was fucking horrible. Squad: WIN Yeaaaaaaaaaaa! Sound the airhorn! do so Mick Foley: Hey, Granpa Munster--get some insight f...

FOR: Some things just aren't meant to happen, like Mark Henry vs. Batista. It's a sign from God, folks... it's a sign from God. KENNEDY? FOR: Kennedy using his own mic. FOR: Kennedy getting into the ready stance. FOR: Kash's sliding dropkick. FOR: JBL dropping Zero-One? FOR: Kash twisting Kendrick's knee around the bottom rope. AGAINST: That New Blackjacks tangent. FOR: JBL taking exception to Cole's "tax evasion" followup. FOR: The snapmare into the ropes. AGAINST: Wasn't this match supposed to happen last week? AGAINST: Michelle's weak-ass shove. AGAINST: Ashley's blue(?) hair extensions? Is that what those are? Is it a scarf? What's going on? FOR: Kristal: "TAKE HER HEAD OFF!!" So much anger. FOR: Jillian setting up the bra and panties match by ripping Kristal's top off to break up the pinfall. AGAINST: Kristal didn't have any problem showing her stuff when she was a face. AGAINST: Who thought i...

Okay...I'm reevaluating my view on this show starting this week. It was silly and rather naive of me to expect anything resembling what ECW used to be matchwise and certainly not what the company represented at the time. In the end, this is wrestling and therefore I enjoy it. So I'm officially dumping the baggage and taking this as, "just another wrestling show." There's still plenty to bitch about, but I'm not going to go into the shows looking to do so. -We open with clips from SNME showing Big Show and The Great Khali delivering a double chokeslam to Undertaker. I will be recapping SNME, by the way. Just need the free time to do so. -Opening montage. I find it interesting to see what "original" ECW clips they choose to use, like Dreamer going through a billion tables, for instance. -Kelly's Exposé. I'll be damned if she's not looking kinda cute tonight. Knox comes out and drags her to the ring. He shows her clips from last week's s...

AGAINST: The Power Isn't Back anymore? FOR: There's an awful lot of Kristal in the credits. FOR: The throne~~~~~ with pyro~~~~~ FOR: Regal's scroll~~~~~ FOR: Showing the WWE.com exclusive beatdown footage. FOR: The greatest thing (of the many great things) about the King Booker act is it's completely different from anything he's ever done. FOR: Nice to see Kennedy doesn't discriminate in favor of the backup ring announcer, either. FOR: Matt cutting off Kennedy's intro. Well, they'll be meeting at the Bash. AGAINST: I would hope Matt's over the Lita thing by now, JBL. FOR: Matt reversing the whip and selling the work on the left arm afterwards. FOR: The Twist Of Fate reversal. FOR: Kennedy trying to steal the Twist of Fate. They have to meet at the Bash now, right? FOR: Kennedy's premature celebration. FOR: JBL: "Be a man! Be a competitor!" Cole: "Oh, that's right, you've never done that in your career....

Oh man...I'm starting to post as much as some sad sack emo kid going through a breakup. 74% less cutting, though. Anyway, this has been sitting half done for weeks now. Couldn't bring myself to type up the main event because my notes were crazy long. But I'm a rare combination of being bored *and* in a decent mood tonight, so here you go. -Joey Styles opens the show with his co-hosts. Shane Douglas and Francine. This is the period where Douglas was really banged up and didn't wrestle for like six months. Which is fine, except that Heyman chose to keep the ECW Title on him as to not "break" the lineage. Really handicapped the company throughout the summer of '98. Also lead to the creation of Taz's FTW title, which is an angle probably better left undiscussed. -Taped 8.20.98, from the Lost Battalion Hall in Queens, NY. -Chris Candido comes out. As does Tammy Sytch, looking ridiculously hot. Candido grabs a mic, saying that he knows everyone has come to s...

I don't typically post indy NEWZ all that much, but these shows look absolutely stacked and if I can in any way influence someone to check them out, then I've done my good deed for the day. Night 1 (9.1.06) Colt Cabana v. Disco Machine El Generico v. Delirious CIMA v. M-Dogg 20 "Mr. Wrestling" Kevin Steen v. Quicksilver Mark Briscoe v. Matt Sydal Chris Sabin v. Roderick Strong Night 2 (9.2.06) Davey Richards v. TJ "Puma" Perkins Alex Koslov v. Jay Briscoe Jack Evans v. Claudio Castagnoli Genki Horiguchi v. Chris Hero Super Dragon v. Necro Butcher Scorpio Sky v. Frankie Kazarian Tournament wraps up 9.3.06 Also scheduled to appear in some capacity: PWG Champion Joey Ryan, Arrogance (Scott Lost & Chris Bosh), B-Boy, Excalibur, Top Gun Talwar, Human Tornado, Dino Winwood and a cast of thousands. Holy shit, will Dragon/Necro ever rock the casbah. There's a dream match for you. One of them might seriously leave in a bodybag. I'd wonder what the match w...

-We open with clips from last week's show. If you read blog posts in order, that would be the recap below this one. So go read that first. If you just can't bring yourself to do so, I'll spoil it and say that Big Show is YOUR new ECW Champion. He sure as hell ain't mine, though. For historical purposes, let's note that he's the first guy to ever hold the WCW, WWE & ECW titles. And really, who deserves it more? -Opening montage. -Later tonight, Show defends the belt versus...Ric Flair? I need to start watching Raw live, because this show makes even less sense when you don't. At any rate, I see no reason why a main event from Nitro 10 years ago shouldn't main event an ECW show in 2006. No reason at all. -Heyman comes out with two riot cops. He didn't screw Rob Van Dam. We did. It's our fault that Heyman has to suspend him for thirty days. We're pushing him too hard and making him burn himself out. Essentially, Heyman is now forced to save h...

Sorry this took so long. I'm a lazy git. What else can I say? I'm in the process of typing up this week's show as I post this, so I GUARANTEE that you'll see it today. If you don't, I'll allow rabid dogs to chew...Josh's face off. -Paul Heyman talks about RVD losing the WWE title to Edge on Raw, but assures us that he's still the ECW Champion. He talks about Van Dam's crazy schedule over the past few weeks. Big Show busts in. Apparently, part of his agreement to jump to ECW was that he gets a title shot. And he wants it...tonight. Heyman's not happy. -Opening montage. -They get Kelly's Expose out of the way early. Huzzah to that. They've given her a last name, by the way. It's Kelly. Because that's all she could remember is my guess. Mike Knox drags her away as usual. Again, this elicits a pop from me. Go Mike Knox! Beat her so she's not even on next week, please. I'm sorry. That was totally harsh. Mike Knox v. Little Guid...