ECW on Sci-Fi (7.18.06)
Okay...I'm reevaluating my view on this show starting this week. It was silly and rather naive of me to expect anything resembling what ECW used to be matchwise and certainly not what the company represented at the time. In the end, this is wrestling and therefore I enjoy it. So I'm officially dumping the baggage and taking this as, "just another wrestling show." There's still plenty to bitch about, but I'm not going to go into the shows looking to do so.
-We open with clips from SNME showing Big Show and The Great Khali delivering a double chokeslam to Undertaker. I will be recapping SNME, by the way. Just need the free time to do so.
-Opening montage. I find it interesting to see what "original" ECW clips they choose to use, like Dreamer going through a billion tables, for instance.
-Kelly's Exposé. I'll be damned if she's not looking kinda cute tonight. Knox comes out and drags her to the ring. He shows her clips from last week's show, where Sandman caned him. He blames her and demands that she stand in his corner while he takes care of Sandman.
Mike Knox (w/Kelly Kelly) v. Sandman - Extreme Rules -
Knox jumps Sandman as soon as he rolls in. He pounds on him for a bit before rolling him to the floor and ramming him into the announce table. Sandman fires back, looking for a whip. Knox reverses it and sends him upside down into the barricade. He drops a series of elbows and rolls Sandman back in. Knox reverses a whip, sending Sandman into the corner. He charges, running into a boot. Sandman bulldogs him.
Knox bails out, with Sandman in hot pursuit, now toting his cane. Knox pulls Kelly in front of him and Sandman ends up blasting her in the face. Holy double entendres! She goes down. Oops, I did it again. Back in the ring, Knox kicks Sandman in the balls. And again. He covers Sandman and gets the win. Whoa.
Knox heads to the back without even glancing at Kelly. He won't be getting any play for a while, I bet. Several trainers (I was waiting for Styles to refer to them as Damage Control, but he disappointed me once again) come out to attend to Kelly. Meanwhile, no one gives two shits about Sandman's swollen nutsack. Have some feelings, man.
-Later, the Deadman faces Big Show. Undertaker certainly fits on Sci-Fi.
-Commercials
-Coming soon: "The Reject" Shannon Moore. Yeah, WWE has rejected him (twice) as has TNA. Quite the track record. I kid. Who can deny the lovable Shannon Moore? Oh wait...he's looking into the camera and being CREEPY! So much for that. Bring back Three Count! Can't imagine Tank Abbott really has anything better to do. GREEN CIRCLES FOR THE WIN!
-Clips of the Knox/Sandman thing. During the break, Kelly was carted out. Hopefully, they remove the stick from her ass at the hospital.
-Paul Heyman comes out. He tells us that we all have to drink the kool-aid from the same cup. Dude...that's so unsanitary. He's upset because he still senses confusion from, "his children," re: RVD. As he told us last week, it is in fact our fault that he had to do what he did. But not to worry. He's educated us in the past and he'll...get cut off, apparently, as here comes Tommy Dreamer.
Dreamer runs down their relationship, saying that he's had Paul's back since ECW first began. He's never asked for anything from Paul, but thinks he deserves an explanation. Paul responds by kissing him. On the mouth. Oh my. Tommy staggers backwards, then eats a big boot from Test, who managed to sneak into the ring without me even noticing. Perhaps he's a ninja. Which explains why he wants a piece of that action. Hey, I haven't used the line in two weeks. Cut me some slack here. Test follows with a TKO.
-Tale of the tape for the main event.
-You know who's next? Sabu is next, that's who.
-Commercials
-Balls Mahoney promo. He asks us to consider what it's like going through life with the name Balls Mahoney. Yeah, that probably sucks. He a little bit crazy, but that's how he likes it.
Sabu v. Stevie Richards -
King of Swing time! Styles tells us that after entering Sabu's realm with the Extreme Rules match at SNME (which they show clips from), Stevie wanted a rematch tonight. He's going to outwrestle Sabu. Good luck with that.
Lockup, armdrag by Stevie. Sabu shoots him into the ropes, but gets tackled. They trade armdrag attempts and Sabu turns it into a backslide for two. He rolls Stevie up for another quick nearfall. Leg lace by Sabu, but Stevie is in the ropes. They lockup and Sabu grabs a side headlock. Stevie backs him into the corner. The ref splits them and Stevie takes advantage with a cheap shot. Styles is absolutely appalled for whatever reason.
Stevie goes for a whip, but gets reversed into the opposite corner. Sabu charges, running into a back elbow. Stevie grabs him and flings him shoulder first into the post. Cover gets two. Armbar by Stevie. More righteous indignation from Styles. I wish Tazz would slap him. Sabu punches free and whips Stevie into the corner, catching him with a clothesline on the rebound.
He connects with a spinning heelkick. Dropkick to Stevie's ankle sends him sprawling on all fours. Sabu hits his slingshot somersault legdrop and gets a nearfall. He follows up with a springboard DDT, then quickly locks Stevie in the Camel Clutch. Stevie taps and this is over. Postmatch, Sabu chases the referee to the back.
-CM Punk promo. He runs down his background, telling us that he's studied Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Muay Thai kickboxing, Kempo karate and, of course, wrestling extensively. He's looking forward to showing all of us just how disciplined he is, but he himself is disciplined enough to savor the anticipation of his debut. Meaning I'll have to wait another week, I guess. Boo.
-Commercials
-Count Chocula promo. I should probably point out that this was actually a Fertig promo, because Count Chocula could legitimately show up on this show and no one would blink an eye at this point. At any rate, he has Ariel predict the future of Big Show's title reign. She pulls the Death card. SPOOKY.
-Video package shows Big Show killing mofos.
-Show is introduced.
-Commercials
Big Show v. Undertaker - ECW Title -
There's a good bit before the match with Show mouthing, "I'm not afraid," to himself. I love how they portray Undertaker as pretty much a mythological figure, where even a killing machine like Show has to convince himself to face off with the Deadman. But then they wrestle and my good mood is broken. Bastids.
We open with the typical "I punch you, you punch me" crap you'd expect from big men. Show is pretty much dominating 'Taker, who's unable to get Show off his feet. Show knocks him to the floor as we go to break.
-Commercials
More brawling. 'Taker is mostly working on Show's knees, including locking him in a leg bar. He hits his leaping DDT and picks up a two count. Show blocks Old School and we get the new fattest superplex ever. Cover gets two. They both go for the goozle, but Show elbows free. Neat sequence where 'Taker counters the Cobra Clutch into Old School. I was expecting a rollup similar to the finish of the Austin/Hart Survivor Series match, but got something different. Color me impressed.
At any rate, cue the Khali run in. 'Taker fights them off with a chair, but the numbers game quickly catches up to him. Khali and Show give him the double chokeslam through the announce table. Show disappears in a flash (again, I should explain that I mean that figuratively. Heh.) and the show ends with zero people from ECW on camera. Interesting.
This was okay for what it was (or who was in it, I guess). Show is pretty agonizing to watch at this point and even 'Taker was looking slower than he has in ages, but really...it's a WWE style brawl. Both of these guys can do that in their sleep. That two Smackdown guys got the face time to close the show is a bit off putting, but what else would you expect?
You know, I think I legitimately enjoyed this show more than any of the Sci-Fi shows so far. Maybe I'm onto something. Eh. Even if things go totally into the toilet, I can finish this recap in under 90 minutes, so at least it's not something I'm putting any actual work into. Check me out, looking for the silver lining!
-We open with clips from SNME showing Big Show and The Great Khali delivering a double chokeslam to Undertaker. I will be recapping SNME, by the way. Just need the free time to do so.
-Opening montage. I find it interesting to see what "original" ECW clips they choose to use, like Dreamer going through a billion tables, for instance.
-Kelly's Exposé. I'll be damned if she's not looking kinda cute tonight. Knox comes out and drags her to the ring. He shows her clips from last week's show, where Sandman caned him. He blames her and demands that she stand in his corner while he takes care of Sandman.
Mike Knox (w/Kelly Kelly) v. Sandman - Extreme Rules -
Knox jumps Sandman as soon as he rolls in. He pounds on him for a bit before rolling him to the floor and ramming him into the announce table. Sandman fires back, looking for a whip. Knox reverses it and sends him upside down into the barricade. He drops a series of elbows and rolls Sandman back in. Knox reverses a whip, sending Sandman into the corner. He charges, running into a boot. Sandman bulldogs him.
Knox bails out, with Sandman in hot pursuit, now toting his cane. Knox pulls Kelly in front of him and Sandman ends up blasting her in the face. Holy double entendres! She goes down. Oops, I did it again. Back in the ring, Knox kicks Sandman in the balls. And again. He covers Sandman and gets the win. Whoa.
Knox heads to the back without even glancing at Kelly. He won't be getting any play for a while, I bet. Several trainers (I was waiting for Styles to refer to them as Damage Control, but he disappointed me once again) come out to attend to Kelly. Meanwhile, no one gives two shits about Sandman's swollen nutsack. Have some feelings, man.
-Later, the Deadman faces Big Show. Undertaker certainly fits on Sci-Fi.
-Commercials
-Coming soon: "The Reject" Shannon Moore. Yeah, WWE has rejected him (twice) as has TNA. Quite the track record. I kid. Who can deny the lovable Shannon Moore? Oh wait...he's looking into the camera and being CREEPY! So much for that. Bring back Three Count! Can't imagine Tank Abbott really has anything better to do. GREEN CIRCLES FOR THE WIN!
-Clips of the Knox/Sandman thing. During the break, Kelly was carted out. Hopefully, they remove the stick from her ass at the hospital.
-Paul Heyman comes out. He tells us that we all have to drink the kool-aid from the same cup. Dude...that's so unsanitary. He's upset because he still senses confusion from, "his children," re: RVD. As he told us last week, it is in fact our fault that he had to do what he did. But not to worry. He's educated us in the past and he'll...get cut off, apparently, as here comes Tommy Dreamer.
Dreamer runs down their relationship, saying that he's had Paul's back since ECW first began. He's never asked for anything from Paul, but thinks he deserves an explanation. Paul responds by kissing him. On the mouth. Oh my. Tommy staggers backwards, then eats a big boot from Test, who managed to sneak into the ring without me even noticing. Perhaps he's a ninja. Which explains why he wants a piece of that action. Hey, I haven't used the line in two weeks. Cut me some slack here. Test follows with a TKO.
-Tale of the tape for the main event.
-You know who's next? Sabu is next, that's who.
-Commercials
-Balls Mahoney promo. He asks us to consider what it's like going through life with the name Balls Mahoney. Yeah, that probably sucks. He a little bit crazy, but that's how he likes it.
Sabu v. Stevie Richards -
King of Swing time! Styles tells us that after entering Sabu's realm with the Extreme Rules match at SNME (which they show clips from), Stevie wanted a rematch tonight. He's going to outwrestle Sabu. Good luck with that.
Lockup, armdrag by Stevie. Sabu shoots him into the ropes, but gets tackled. They trade armdrag attempts and Sabu turns it into a backslide for two. He rolls Stevie up for another quick nearfall. Leg lace by Sabu, but Stevie is in the ropes. They lockup and Sabu grabs a side headlock. Stevie backs him into the corner. The ref splits them and Stevie takes advantage with a cheap shot. Styles is absolutely appalled for whatever reason.
Stevie goes for a whip, but gets reversed into the opposite corner. Sabu charges, running into a back elbow. Stevie grabs him and flings him shoulder first into the post. Cover gets two. Armbar by Stevie. More righteous indignation from Styles. I wish Tazz would slap him. Sabu punches free and whips Stevie into the corner, catching him with a clothesline on the rebound.
He connects with a spinning heelkick. Dropkick to Stevie's ankle sends him sprawling on all fours. Sabu hits his slingshot somersault legdrop and gets a nearfall. He follows up with a springboard DDT, then quickly locks Stevie in the Camel Clutch. Stevie taps and this is over. Postmatch, Sabu chases the referee to the back.
-CM Punk promo. He runs down his background, telling us that he's studied Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Muay Thai kickboxing, Kempo karate and, of course, wrestling extensively. He's looking forward to showing all of us just how disciplined he is, but he himself is disciplined enough to savor the anticipation of his debut. Meaning I'll have to wait another week, I guess. Boo.
-Commercials
-Count Chocula promo. I should probably point out that this was actually a Fertig promo, because Count Chocula could legitimately show up on this show and no one would blink an eye at this point. At any rate, he has Ariel predict the future of Big Show's title reign. She pulls the Death card. SPOOKY.
-Video package shows Big Show killing mofos.
-Show is introduced.
-Commercials
Big Show v. Undertaker - ECW Title -
There's a good bit before the match with Show mouthing, "I'm not afraid," to himself. I love how they portray Undertaker as pretty much a mythological figure, where even a killing machine like Show has to convince himself to face off with the Deadman. But then they wrestle and my good mood is broken. Bastids.
We open with the typical "I punch you, you punch me" crap you'd expect from big men. Show is pretty much dominating 'Taker, who's unable to get Show off his feet. Show knocks him to the floor as we go to break.
-Commercials
More brawling. 'Taker is mostly working on Show's knees, including locking him in a leg bar. He hits his leaping DDT and picks up a two count. Show blocks Old School and we get the new fattest superplex ever. Cover gets two. They both go for the goozle, but Show elbows free. Neat sequence where 'Taker counters the Cobra Clutch into Old School. I was expecting a rollup similar to the finish of the Austin/Hart Survivor Series match, but got something different. Color me impressed.
At any rate, cue the Khali run in. 'Taker fights them off with a chair, but the numbers game quickly catches up to him. Khali and Show give him the double chokeslam through the announce table. Show disappears in a flash (again, I should explain that I mean that figuratively. Heh.) and the show ends with zero people from ECW on camera. Interesting.
This was okay for what it was (or who was in it, I guess). Show is pretty agonizing to watch at this point and even 'Taker was looking slower than he has in ages, but really...it's a WWE style brawl. Both of these guys can do that in their sleep. That two Smackdown guys got the face time to close the show is a bit off putting, but what else would you expect?
You know, I think I legitimately enjoyed this show more than any of the Sci-Fi shows so far. Maybe I'm onto something. Eh. Even if things go totally into the toilet, I can finish this recap in under 90 minutes, so at least it's not something I'm putting any actual work into. Check me out, looking for the silver lining!
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