ECW on Sci-Fi (7.4.06)
Sorry this took so long. I'm a lazy git. What else can I say? I'm in the process of typing up this week's show as I post this, so I GUARANTEE that you'll see it today. If you don't, I'll allow rabid dogs to chew...Josh's face off.
-Paul Heyman talks about RVD losing the WWE title to Edge on Raw, but assures us that he's still the ECW Champion. He talks about Van Dam's crazy schedule over the past few weeks. Big Show busts in. Apparently, part of his agreement to jump to ECW was that he gets a title shot. And he wants it...tonight. Heyman's not happy.
-Opening montage.
-They get Kelly's Expose out of the way early. Huzzah to that. They've given her a last name, by the way. It's Kelly. Because that's all she could remember is my guess. Mike Knox drags her away as usual. Again, this elicits a pop from me. Go Mike Knox! Beat her so she's not even on next week, please. I'm sorry. That was totally harsh.
Mike Knox v. Little Guido -
Knox grabs the mic before the match and tells everyone that he doesn't want to ruin their holiday, but Kelly is her girl. Guido jumps him and it's go time. He kicks away at Knox's leg and catches him with a seated dropkick. He climbs to the second rope, but no one's home for the Sicilian Slice. Knox plants him with a backbreaker. Crowd chants, "you can't wrestle." Tazz actually acknowledges this. Cover gets two. Knox pounds on Guido for a bit and slams him four or five times in a row. That leads to a, "you still suck!" chant.
Knox misses a kneedrop. Guido kicks away at the injured knee. Knox shoves him down. Guido pops up, but eats a pump kick. Knox follows with the swinging Flatliner and gets the win. That was quite unimpressive. Nice finisher, though.
-Clips of Edge winning the WWE Title.
-Heyman is backstage, deep in thought. RVD comes in, wanting to know what happened with Show. He demands that Heyman book a title match tonight. Heyman stalls, so Van Dam is going to find Show himself. Heyman is a sad panda tonight.
-Commercials
-Vignette for Test. He debuts tonight! This truly is a day of Independence!
-Some dude (Tony DeVito) dressed as a preacher hops the rail and runs down the content of ECW programing, blasting the crowd for paying their hard earned cash on such crap. Sandman eventually comes out and canes him. Interesting that neither Styles or Tazz seem to remember DeVito, who worked in ECW for several years.
-Van Dam confronts Big Show. He slaps him and accepts his challenge.
-Commercials
-Backstage, Heyman argues with Van Dam, before finally relenting, telling RVD that he's right and approving the title match.
Test v. Al Snow (w/Head) -
Test mauls Snow from the start. Crowd chants, "You take steroids." Probably not aimed at Head, I'm imagining. Test nails Snow with a clothesline in the corner. He goes for a second, but runs into a back elbow. Snow tries to fire back, but walks into a big boot. Test plants him with a TKO and gets the win. Well...that was worth it. Postmatch, Test punts Head into the crowd.
-Sabu video package. His vocabulary has expanded to include: "Homicidal," "Suicidal," "Genocidal," and "I'm Sabu." Perhaps he's taking the same English courses as Lou Albano gave George Steele back in the day.
-Commercials
-Time for our weekly vampire segment. He spits blood into the camera.
-CM Punk promo. He runs down the Straight Edge lifestyle, saying that he's drug and alcohol free. His addiction is wrestling. Great to see him on my television. His debut might make this entire brand worth it to me.
Big Show v. Rob Van Dam - ECW Title -
-Commercials
RVD outquicks Show and stays away from him early. Crowd chants, "Marijuana," which he plays up. He kicks at Show's legs, but ends up charging into a clothesline. Show headbutts him, causing RVD to bump to the floor. Show follows. He hoists RVD, who slips away, shoving Show into the post. Van Dam is looking for a springboard off of the barricade, but gets crotched. Show shoves him into the crowd and pounds on him for a bit.
He tosses RVD back over the barricade to ringside. As he steps over himself, RVD pops up and kicks him in the head. Show is stunned, allowing Van Dam to hit his corkscrew legdrop off of the apron. Seriously...this match is plodding along so slowly that I'm actually recapping it in real time. That's kinda rare for me since I'm so anally detail heavy.
-Commercials
During the break, Show came back and killed RVD some more, including pressing him and dropping him across the barricade. Back in the ring, he whips RVD into the corner. He charges, but runs into a boot. RVS hits a springboard kick and heads up top. Show headbutts him, crotching him. He follows with the fattest superplex ever, but can only get two. Hog Log is also good for a nearfall.
He slams Van Dam and drops a pair of elbows for yet another two count. Show argues with the ref. He gives Van Dam a backbreaker and stretches him out across his knee. RVD breaks with a series of knees to the face. He dropkicks Show in the ankle, dropping him to one knee. He bounces off the ropes, but charges into a goozle. Show lifts him, but RVD counters into a DDT.
As Show slowly makes his way up, RVD bounces off the ropes, hitting a seated crossbody of sorts. He follows with a baseball slide dropkick, then hits Rolling Thunder for a nearfall of his own. Show staggers into the corner. RVD charges in, connecting with a spinkick. He goes for the Ryder kick, but Show catches him and dumps him to the floor. He picks up the steps and moves in, but RVD takes him down with a drop toehold, causing Show to bump facefirst onto the steps.
RVD climbs up top. He dives to the floor with a plancha, but gets caught. Show rams him into the apron and rolls him in. RVD comes back, then bails to grab a chair. Show swats it away and chokeslams him. He covers, but RVD escapes at two! Show is pissed. He ragdolls the ref, who bumps to the floor. He hoists RVD for a powerbomb, but ends up eating steel because of it.
RVD tosses the chair at him...Van Daminator! Up top and the Five Star frogsplash connects! Heyman runs out. He counts to two, then pulls up. RVD is confused. He jaws with Heyman as Show gets up. RVD turns and eats a chairshot. Show chokeslams him onto the chair. Heyman rolls in and counts the fall. New champion! Crowd showers the ring with garbage as Show/Heyman celebrate...
Not a good match at all. Show has slowed down so much just since joining ECW. His stuff on Raw from just a few months back was nowhere near as plodding as this. I'm left to wonder...who in ECW can beat Show? It won't be RVD for obvious reasons. Not right away, at least. Who else on the roster is the slightest bit credible versus Show. Ooh...I could make a Justin Credible joke there, but I won't. You might say Sabu, but I think if he's matched with Show it'll just be to bump around and die to make him look good. We'll see, I guess.
-Paul Heyman talks about RVD losing the WWE title to Edge on Raw, but assures us that he's still the ECW Champion. He talks about Van Dam's crazy schedule over the past few weeks. Big Show busts in. Apparently, part of his agreement to jump to ECW was that he gets a title shot. And he wants it...tonight. Heyman's not happy.
-Opening montage.
-They get Kelly's Expose out of the way early. Huzzah to that. They've given her a last name, by the way. It's Kelly. Because that's all she could remember is my guess. Mike Knox drags her away as usual. Again, this elicits a pop from me. Go Mike Knox! Beat her so she's not even on next week, please. I'm sorry. That was totally harsh.
Mike Knox v. Little Guido -
Knox grabs the mic before the match and tells everyone that he doesn't want to ruin their holiday, but Kelly is her girl. Guido jumps him and it's go time. He kicks away at Knox's leg and catches him with a seated dropkick. He climbs to the second rope, but no one's home for the Sicilian Slice. Knox plants him with a backbreaker. Crowd chants, "you can't wrestle." Tazz actually acknowledges this. Cover gets two. Knox pounds on Guido for a bit and slams him four or five times in a row. That leads to a, "you still suck!" chant.
Knox misses a kneedrop. Guido kicks away at the injured knee. Knox shoves him down. Guido pops up, but eats a pump kick. Knox follows with the swinging Flatliner and gets the win. That was quite unimpressive. Nice finisher, though.
-Clips of Edge winning the WWE Title.
-Heyman is backstage, deep in thought. RVD comes in, wanting to know what happened with Show. He demands that Heyman book a title match tonight. Heyman stalls, so Van Dam is going to find Show himself. Heyman is a sad panda tonight.
-Commercials
-Vignette for Test. He debuts tonight! This truly is a day of Independence!
-Some dude (Tony DeVito) dressed as a preacher hops the rail and runs down the content of ECW programing, blasting the crowd for paying their hard earned cash on such crap. Sandman eventually comes out and canes him. Interesting that neither Styles or Tazz seem to remember DeVito, who worked in ECW for several years.
-Van Dam confronts Big Show. He slaps him and accepts his challenge.
-Commercials
-Backstage, Heyman argues with Van Dam, before finally relenting, telling RVD that he's right and approving the title match.
Test v. Al Snow (w/Head) -
Test mauls Snow from the start. Crowd chants, "You take steroids." Probably not aimed at Head, I'm imagining. Test nails Snow with a clothesline in the corner. He goes for a second, but runs into a back elbow. Snow tries to fire back, but walks into a big boot. Test plants him with a TKO and gets the win. Well...that was worth it. Postmatch, Test punts Head into the crowd.
-Sabu video package. His vocabulary has expanded to include: "Homicidal," "Suicidal," "Genocidal," and "I'm Sabu." Perhaps he's taking the same English courses as Lou Albano gave George Steele back in the day.
-Commercials
-Time for our weekly vampire segment. He spits blood into the camera.
-CM Punk promo. He runs down the Straight Edge lifestyle, saying that he's drug and alcohol free. His addiction is wrestling. Great to see him on my television. His debut might make this entire brand worth it to me.
Big Show v. Rob Van Dam - ECW Title -
-Commercials
RVD outquicks Show and stays away from him early. Crowd chants, "Marijuana," which he plays up. He kicks at Show's legs, but ends up charging into a clothesline. Show headbutts him, causing RVD to bump to the floor. Show follows. He hoists RVD, who slips away, shoving Show into the post. Van Dam is looking for a springboard off of the barricade, but gets crotched. Show shoves him into the crowd and pounds on him for a bit.
He tosses RVD back over the barricade to ringside. As he steps over himself, RVD pops up and kicks him in the head. Show is stunned, allowing Van Dam to hit his corkscrew legdrop off of the apron. Seriously...this match is plodding along so slowly that I'm actually recapping it in real time. That's kinda rare for me since I'm so anally detail heavy.
-Commercials
During the break, Show came back and killed RVD some more, including pressing him and dropping him across the barricade. Back in the ring, he whips RVD into the corner. He charges, but runs into a boot. RVS hits a springboard kick and heads up top. Show headbutts him, crotching him. He follows with the fattest superplex ever, but can only get two. Hog Log is also good for a nearfall.
He slams Van Dam and drops a pair of elbows for yet another two count. Show argues with the ref. He gives Van Dam a backbreaker and stretches him out across his knee. RVD breaks with a series of knees to the face. He dropkicks Show in the ankle, dropping him to one knee. He bounces off the ropes, but charges into a goozle. Show lifts him, but RVD counters into a DDT.
As Show slowly makes his way up, RVD bounces off the ropes, hitting a seated crossbody of sorts. He follows with a baseball slide dropkick, then hits Rolling Thunder for a nearfall of his own. Show staggers into the corner. RVD charges in, connecting with a spinkick. He goes for the Ryder kick, but Show catches him and dumps him to the floor. He picks up the steps and moves in, but RVD takes him down with a drop toehold, causing Show to bump facefirst onto the steps.
RVD climbs up top. He dives to the floor with a plancha, but gets caught. Show rams him into the apron and rolls him in. RVD comes back, then bails to grab a chair. Show swats it away and chokeslams him. He covers, but RVD escapes at two! Show is pissed. He ragdolls the ref, who bumps to the floor. He hoists RVD for a powerbomb, but ends up eating steel because of it.
RVD tosses the chair at him...Van Daminator! Up top and the Five Star frogsplash connects! Heyman runs out. He counts to two, then pulls up. RVD is confused. He jaws with Heyman as Show gets up. RVD turns and eats a chairshot. Show chokeslams him onto the chair. Heyman rolls in and counts the fall. New champion! Crowd showers the ring with garbage as Show/Heyman celebrate...
Not a good match at all. Show has slowed down so much just since joining ECW. His stuff on Raw from just a few months back was nowhere near as plodding as this. I'm left to wonder...who in ECW can beat Show? It won't be RVD for obvious reasons. Not right away, at least. Who else on the roster is the slightest bit credible versus Show. Ooh...I could make a Justin Credible joke there, but I won't. You might say Sabu, but I think if he's matched with Show it'll just be to bump around and die to make him look good. We'll see, I guess.
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