ECW on Sci-Fi (8.1.06)
-If something happened before the opening credits this week, I missed it. It's a zillion degrees here and I was too hot (also, lazy) to run upstairs and hit record. Fuck the world for it being 91° as I type this past midnight. And it's only supposed to get hotter later today. Bah. How to people in the South stand this shit? No wonder Josh is a retard. His brain has been fried. But I digress.
-Opening montage.
-From the Hammerstein Ballroom in NYC.
-Your fearless announcers run down tonight's card. Batista versus Show and the upcoming match being the focal points...
Sandman & Tommy Dreamer v. Test & Mike Knox (w/Kelly²) - Extreme Rules -
As the faces make their entrance(s), we see clips of the angles that led to this very match. Or more accurately, we see many shots of Kelly Kelly being half naked. Your referee here is Scott James/Armstrong. I'm always happy to have an Armstrong on my TV. Even Brian, crazily enough. Anyway, the match. This quickly degenerates into a brawl with all four guys. In the ring, Sandman charges into a back elbow, but comes back with a dropkick.
On the floor, Knox crotches Dreamer on the rail. Now I've not done research on this or anything, but Dreamer has had to take more testicular damage than any other guy in wrestling history. It's like a badge of honor for him. Knox rolls back in and the heels double team Sandman. Knox holds him as Test grabs the cane. Dreamer is back in, cutting him off. Faces come back, as Sandman hits the White Russian legsweep on Test and Dreamer DDTs Knox.
Faces toss some plunder into the ring. Crowd wants tables. They oblige. Actually, not so fast. They don't pull out tables. It's a barbed wire board instead. Dreamer props it in the corner. They try to whips Knox into it, but he stops short. They go for a double suplex, but Test cuts them off with cane shots. Dreamer is busted open after a particularly wicked shot.
Heels dominate for a bit. Test charges Dreamer in the corner, but gets nothing but post. Sandman tosses Knox out and grabs his cane. Kelly² blocks him. He rolls her into the ring and starts caning Knox, chasing him to the back. In the ring, Dreamer spanks Kelly². Just a guess, but she probably liked it.
Riot Squad (supposedly going to be the Bashams) is out to attack Dreamer. Heyman hits Dreamer's (by way of Raven) pose and the Riot Squad tosses Dreamer into the board. Test pulls him up and again tosses him into the board. He hits the TKO and gets the win.
-Commercials
-Backstage, Heyman gets blown off by all of the "original" ECW crew. Same old faces, though Francine is there for no apparent reason. It looks like they're in catering, so hopefully Frannie grabbed a sammich or eight. Sabu walks up, again demanding a match with Show. Heyman basically tells him that it will *never* happen and asks him to leave the premises or be escorted out.
-CM Punk promo. To sum up, he's next. I'm too impatient to see him to transcribe another one of his promos about being passionate.
-Commercials
Justin Credible v. CM Punk -
Big pop for Punk as he comes out. Instead of his sXe pose, he does Muto's "Pro-Wres Love" pose. For what it's worth, Music Choice has chosen to play an AFI song right now. Fitting, even if it isn't Miseria Cantare. He scores the first takedown of the match, taking Justin down with a drop toehold. He floats into a front facelock. He takes Justin down again and gets a two count.
Justin backs him into the corner, driving a shoulder into his gut. He charges, but Punk floats over and turns it into his Tarantula-esque octopus submission in the ropes. He goes for a springboard something or another, but Justin turns it into a powerslam. Cover gets two. He works over Punk's back with forearms and goes for a suplex. Punk slips away and lands a few thigh kicks. Big "CM Punk" chant.
Punk whips him into the ropes, but ducks his head early. Justin gives him a pair of rolling vertical suplexes and finishes the series with a Northern Lights suplex for two. He whips Punk into the corner and traps him in a rolling crab (!) on the rebound. Love that move. Punk powers out. Justin shoves him into the ropes looking for another forearm to the back, but Punk feeds him a back elbow instead.
He kicks Justin in the face, then whips him into the corner. He charges, but gets elevated onto the apron. Punk nails Justin with a forearm and hits a springboard clothesline for two. He hits a series of kneelifts and sends Justin into the corner. Running kneelift connects. He bulldogs Justin and hits the KENTA rush strike series. Uranage by Punk, who locks Justin in the Anaconda Vice to get the submission win.
Punk looked good in his debut. Crowd was hoss for him and it seemed like he was having a blast out there. Hope he gets the push he deserves.
-Batista video package.
-Commercials
-Shannon Moore? Still creepy. Just on a subway this week. How creepy can one man be? Find out next week when he TAKES A BUS! Public transit? Oh, the horror!
-The Brooklyn Brawler is in the ring. He feels that he'll fit in perfectly in ECW and claims that he'll win the ECW Title. Kurt Angle apparently disagrees...
Brooklyn Brawler v. Kurt Angle -
Double leg takedown by Kurt, who immediately goes for the anklelock. Brawler is in the ropes. He nuts up, telling Angle that he's not scared of him. Angle proceeds to crack his skull with a wicked headbutt. Anklelock and that's a tapout.
-Video package for Big Show.
-Commercials
-Ariel promo. They've officially named the vamp Kevin Thorn(e?). He tells us that the blood of ECW will be his. Uh, dude...you might want to get that shit tested first. I don't know that vampires can catch diseases, but whatever you're going to find in the ECW locker room is probably pretty friggin' potent.
Big Show v. Batista - ECW Title -
The Hammerstein crowd shits on both guys immediately. Batista looks amused. Show? Not so much. Crowd chants "you both suck" within seconds of the opening bell. Match is basic power stuff. Show works on Batista's bad arm early, but quickly forgets about it and gets all poundy. The crowd is just tearing them apart.
There's even a douche with his back turned to the ring trying to encourage others to do the same. Seriously, if I ever turn into that big an asshat, let me know. I'll give you my addy and you can gladly come and punch me in the face. I'll certainly deserve it.
-Commercials
Show goozles Batista, who elbows free. His clotheslines don't even budge Show, though. On the other hand, Show's clothesline is quite effective. He slams Batista and slooowly climbs to the second rope. Batista cuts him off and suplexes him to the mat. Crowd could care less. Tazz says he wouldn't be surprised if they started chanting for the ref. Of course, Scott Armstrong is the ref. He's by far the best worker in the ring, so that would make sense.
Batista finally takes Show down with a tackle. Cover gets two. Crowd chants "boring." Which is interesting, as this is the best match Show has had at least since the Flair match. Maybe his best ECW match period. Show chokeslams Batista, but can only get two. He grabs the ECW belt. Batista ducks and gives him a spinebuster in slow motion. Batista Bomb time? Show says EH EH, as he counters into the fattest Air Raid Crash in history. He nails Batista with the belt for literally no reason at all and gets DQ'ed.
Okay, I understand that you can't do a clean finish here. But is *that* the best you can come up with? Crikey. Postmatch, Sabu runs out with a chair. He tosses it in Show's face and hits an Arabian Facebuster. Show is on the apron. Sabu kicks the chair into him and he bumps off of the apron and through the timekeeper's table. Sabu celebrates and Show looks pissed as we fade out...
Better show this week. The tag match was garbagy fun, Punk's debut was handled pretty well and that was the most interesting main event in weeks. No arguments from me.
-Opening montage.
-From the Hammerstein Ballroom in NYC.
-Your fearless announcers run down tonight's card. Batista versus Show and the upcoming match being the focal points...
Sandman & Tommy Dreamer v. Test & Mike Knox (w/Kelly²) - Extreme Rules -
As the faces make their entrance(s), we see clips of the angles that led to this very match. Or more accurately, we see many shots of Kelly Kelly being half naked. Your referee here is Scott James/Armstrong. I'm always happy to have an Armstrong on my TV. Even Brian, crazily enough. Anyway, the match. This quickly degenerates into a brawl with all four guys. In the ring, Sandman charges into a back elbow, but comes back with a dropkick.
On the floor, Knox crotches Dreamer on the rail. Now I've not done research on this or anything, but Dreamer has had to take more testicular damage than any other guy in wrestling history. It's like a badge of honor for him. Knox rolls back in and the heels double team Sandman. Knox holds him as Test grabs the cane. Dreamer is back in, cutting him off. Faces come back, as Sandman hits the White Russian legsweep on Test and Dreamer DDTs Knox.
Faces toss some plunder into the ring. Crowd wants tables. They oblige. Actually, not so fast. They don't pull out tables. It's a barbed wire board instead. Dreamer props it in the corner. They try to whips Knox into it, but he stops short. They go for a double suplex, but Test cuts them off with cane shots. Dreamer is busted open after a particularly wicked shot.
Heels dominate for a bit. Test charges Dreamer in the corner, but gets nothing but post. Sandman tosses Knox out and grabs his cane. Kelly² blocks him. He rolls her into the ring and starts caning Knox, chasing him to the back. In the ring, Dreamer spanks Kelly². Just a guess, but she probably liked it.
Riot Squad (supposedly going to be the Bashams) is out to attack Dreamer. Heyman hits Dreamer's (by way of Raven) pose and the Riot Squad tosses Dreamer into the board. Test pulls him up and again tosses him into the board. He hits the TKO and gets the win.
-Commercials
-Backstage, Heyman gets blown off by all of the "original" ECW crew. Same old faces, though Francine is there for no apparent reason. It looks like they're in catering, so hopefully Frannie grabbed a sammich or eight. Sabu walks up, again demanding a match with Show. Heyman basically tells him that it will *never* happen and asks him to leave the premises or be escorted out.
-CM Punk promo. To sum up, he's next. I'm too impatient to see him to transcribe another one of his promos about being passionate.
-Commercials
Justin Credible v. CM Punk -
Big pop for Punk as he comes out. Instead of his sXe pose, he does Muto's "Pro-Wres Love" pose. For what it's worth, Music Choice has chosen to play an AFI song right now. Fitting, even if it isn't Miseria Cantare. He scores the first takedown of the match, taking Justin down with a drop toehold. He floats into a front facelock. He takes Justin down again and gets a two count.
Justin backs him into the corner, driving a shoulder into his gut. He charges, but Punk floats over and turns it into his Tarantula-esque octopus submission in the ropes. He goes for a springboard something or another, but Justin turns it into a powerslam. Cover gets two. He works over Punk's back with forearms and goes for a suplex. Punk slips away and lands a few thigh kicks. Big "CM Punk" chant.
Punk whips him into the ropes, but ducks his head early. Justin gives him a pair of rolling vertical suplexes and finishes the series with a Northern Lights suplex for two. He whips Punk into the corner and traps him in a rolling crab (!) on the rebound. Love that move. Punk powers out. Justin shoves him into the ropes looking for another forearm to the back, but Punk feeds him a back elbow instead.
He kicks Justin in the face, then whips him into the corner. He charges, but gets elevated onto the apron. Punk nails Justin with a forearm and hits a springboard clothesline for two. He hits a series of kneelifts and sends Justin into the corner. Running kneelift connects. He bulldogs Justin and hits the KENTA rush strike series. Uranage by Punk, who locks Justin in the Anaconda Vice to get the submission win.
Punk looked good in his debut. Crowd was hoss for him and it seemed like he was having a blast out there. Hope he gets the push he deserves.
-Batista video package.
-Commercials
-Shannon Moore? Still creepy. Just on a subway this week. How creepy can one man be? Find out next week when he TAKES A BUS! Public transit? Oh, the horror!
-The Brooklyn Brawler is in the ring. He feels that he'll fit in perfectly in ECW and claims that he'll win the ECW Title. Kurt Angle apparently disagrees...
Brooklyn Brawler v. Kurt Angle -
Double leg takedown by Kurt, who immediately goes for the anklelock. Brawler is in the ropes. He nuts up, telling Angle that he's not scared of him. Angle proceeds to crack his skull with a wicked headbutt. Anklelock and that's a tapout.
-Video package for Big Show.
-Commercials
-Ariel promo. They've officially named the vamp Kevin Thorn(e?). He tells us that the blood of ECW will be his. Uh, dude...you might want to get that shit tested first. I don't know that vampires can catch diseases, but whatever you're going to find in the ECW locker room is probably pretty friggin' potent.
Big Show v. Batista - ECW Title -
The Hammerstein crowd shits on both guys immediately. Batista looks amused. Show? Not so much. Crowd chants "you both suck" within seconds of the opening bell. Match is basic power stuff. Show works on Batista's bad arm early, but quickly forgets about it and gets all poundy. The crowd is just tearing them apart.
There's even a douche with his back turned to the ring trying to encourage others to do the same. Seriously, if I ever turn into that big an asshat, let me know. I'll give you my addy and you can gladly come and punch me in the face. I'll certainly deserve it.
-Commercials
Show goozles Batista, who elbows free. His clotheslines don't even budge Show, though. On the other hand, Show's clothesline is quite effective. He slams Batista and slooowly climbs to the second rope. Batista cuts him off and suplexes him to the mat. Crowd could care less. Tazz says he wouldn't be surprised if they started chanting for the ref. Of course, Scott Armstrong is the ref. He's by far the best worker in the ring, so that would make sense.
Batista finally takes Show down with a tackle. Cover gets two. Crowd chants "boring." Which is interesting, as this is the best match Show has had at least since the Flair match. Maybe his best ECW match period. Show chokeslams Batista, but can only get two. He grabs the ECW belt. Batista ducks and gives him a spinebuster in slow motion. Batista Bomb time? Show says EH EH, as he counters into the fattest Air Raid Crash in history. He nails Batista with the belt for literally no reason at all and gets DQ'ed.
Okay, I understand that you can't do a clean finish here. But is *that* the best you can come up with? Crikey. Postmatch, Sabu runs out with a chair. He tosses it in Show's face and hits an Arabian Facebuster. Show is on the apron. Sabu kicks the chair into him and he bumps off of the apron and through the timekeeper's table. Sabu celebrates and Show looks pissed as we fade out...
Better show this week. The tag match was garbagy fun, Punk's debut was handled pretty well and that was the most interesting main event in weeks. No arguments from me.
Comments