Raw In 90 Seconds
Shane: In Dad's absence, I will attempt to ruin DX. They have mystery oppponents, which in no way shape or form resemble an Intercontinental Champion or a large Samoan. What?
Edge: Yeah, shut it.
Lita's chest: Oh, come on, one more turn and we're free! FREEEEEEEEE!
Edge: For the benefit of those with short-term memory loss, last week's footage! I am displeased. We need to institute an anti-wigger policy as of, say, March.
Cena: Oh, you wouldn't say that if you knew I'd bounce to SmackDown if I can't get my W on in the rematch.
Edge: You're going to make some shit up and say you won anyway?
Cena: ...
Edge: Oh, you actually meant as in win. As "your people" say, my bad. But I call the shots.
Cena: Church.
Shane: I've suddenly decided to stick up for Edge! You'll fight...him!
Masters: Duh...stay out of Riverdale.
God: ...possibly put in a coma by three hockey punks on rollerblades? It's a guess.
Paris Hilton: This match is sloppy. And I know sloppy.
Cena: FU!
Paris: OK.
Cena: Ew, no! You ain't nothin' but a hoochie mama!
Crowd: HOODRAT HOODRAT HOOCHIE MAMA!
Masters: REST HOLD!
Cena: STFU!
Edge: FU! CHAIR! CHAIR 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO! LADDER!
Table: Oh, my--hey! Where are you taking me?! How is there an indoor eclipse--oh, balls...
Cena: thrown through the table
Edge: Unforgiven. TLC. T-Dot.
Heat All-Stars: Please?
Shane: YOU please. Hi, Dad.
Vince: Everything is so pitch-perfect at this moment away from the arena I fail to see anything that could bring me down.
Roosters: No, no. You know we're not gonna die.
Shane: Dad, you there?
Carlito: WWE mobile says you're gone.
Butch: BOO!
Trish: I am.
Carlito: Goodbye kiss?
Butch: QUINTUPLE BOO!
Orton: Payback, Sideshow Bob! And wait until you open your bag later!
Lillian: announces the Torrie/Candice schoolgirl spanking match
J.R.: hilariously calls Lawler Captain Cialis
Butch: hits the mute. BECAUSE OF LAWLER. As far you rubes know...
Torrie: spanks Candice
Candice: spanks Torrie
12-Year-Old Boys: ....well, you see where I'm going with this.
Orton: poses
Jeff Hardy: raves
12-Year-Old Girls: Reciprocity!
Orton: Punch!
Hardy: No, I punch! Asai Whisper in the Wind!
Orton: Chinlock!
Hardy: Tope!
Orton: Kick! Ha! Back to the Prodigy with you, moppet!
Hardy: 2nd rope dropkick!
Orton: No! 3.Orton! Counter dropkick!
Hardy: Fie! Swanton!
Orton: I am far too smart for that.
Carlito: Sure you are, American Eagle. SPIT!
Hardy: Twist of Fate! Wonton bomb! With 3 I get IC title shot!
DX: plugs a bunch of merch Dos palabres para el hijo de diablo...
Crowd: 1997!
Hacksaw, Eugene, Spirit Squad: We have a match!
Trent Reznor: God is dead, and no one cares...
Extra Squad Guys: tumble
Highlanders: brawl
Referee: shows just enough comptence to get rid of 2 but not all 3 extra squad guys
Eugene: They're hurting me!
Duggan: All the people in the house say ho!
Lita: turns
Paris Hilton: turns
Duggan: Ramming speed!
Squad: Sidestep! Rollup!
Armando: This match has gone on too long. About...well...
Umaga: destroys Team Special Olympics
Armando: Hey, yo. Kane no es el diablo. ¡Umaga es!
M & N: Mick's brush with greatness is over.
Mickie: shove
Lita: bigger shove And now to strike you in the face with my hand!
M: Zuigiri! Now I pummel! PERFECTPLEX~!
Lita: You like girl flesh so much, kiss this elbow! WAFFLE!
Ref: No!
Mickie: Rollup!
Ref: Sorry I'm late, I had to get rid of the belt.
Lita: Kickout!
Mickie: I'm sure that didn't cost me. Rana!
Lita: Blocked! Count it! Hi, ropes! Huzzah!
Voice: Have you made the necessary precautions?
Crowd: Yeah!
Voice: Terrific. Commence!
Triple H: steals liberally from the book of Michael Buffer
Crowd: 1997!
Shane: We got you now!
Finlay: Hi, my name is Finlay, and I love to fight!
Regal: Good day, commoners.
Some Guy: I hail from the fine city of Green Bay in the phenomenal state of Wisconsin! I weigh in at 244 pounds--because somebody left out the double chocolate Milanos and I couldn't resist--MISTERRRRRRRRR KEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNEDDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Regal: KNEES!
Triple H: Hey!
Finlay: Stiff!
HBK: ow
Triple H: tags in and kicks SmackDown's ass all by himself
Some Guy: (coughing, sputtering) kennedy.
Shane: Well...
Big Show: It's me.
DX: double low blow
Finlay: WHAP. WHAP.
Big Show: beats up DX
Vince: PIPE! CAMERA!
DX: bleeds
Shane: PIPE!
Vince: Us & Show. You two. Hell in the Cell!
Colin Hay: I can't get to sleep, I think about the implications of diving in too deep, and possibly the complications. Especially at night, I worry about situations, yeah...I know we'll be all right. It's just overkill...
Edge: Yeah, shut it.
Lita's chest: Oh, come on, one more turn and we're free! FREEEEEEEEE!
Edge: For the benefit of those with short-term memory loss, last week's footage! I am displeased. We need to institute an anti-wigger policy as of, say, March.
Cena: Oh, you wouldn't say that if you knew I'd bounce to SmackDown if I can't get my W on in the rematch.
Edge: You're going to make some shit up and say you won anyway?
Cena: ...
Edge: Oh, you actually meant as in win. As "your people" say, my bad. But I call the shots.
Cena: Church.
Shane: I've suddenly decided to stick up for Edge! You'll fight...him!
Masters: Duh...stay out of Riverdale.
God: ...possibly put in a coma by three hockey punks on rollerblades? It's a guess.
Paris Hilton: This match is sloppy. And I know sloppy.
Cena: FU!
Paris: OK.
Cena: Ew, no! You ain't nothin' but a hoochie mama!
Crowd: HOODRAT HOODRAT HOOCHIE MAMA!
Masters: REST HOLD!
Cena: STFU!
Edge: FU! CHAIR! CHAIR 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO! LADDER!
Table: Oh, my--hey! Where are you taking me?! How is there an indoor eclipse--oh, balls...
Cena: thrown through the table
Edge: Unforgiven. TLC. T-Dot.
Heat All-Stars: Please?
Shane: YOU please. Hi, Dad.
Vince: Everything is so pitch-perfect at this moment away from the arena I fail to see anything that could bring me down.
Roosters: No, no. You know we're not gonna die.
Shane: Dad, you there?
Carlito: WWE mobile says you're gone.
Butch: BOO!
Trish: I am.
Carlito: Goodbye kiss?
Butch: QUINTUPLE BOO!
Orton: Payback, Sideshow Bob! And wait until you open your bag later!
Lillian: announces the Torrie/Candice schoolgirl spanking match
J.R.: hilariously calls Lawler Captain Cialis
Butch: hits the mute. BECAUSE OF LAWLER. As far you rubes know...
Torrie: spanks Candice
Candice: spanks Torrie
12-Year-Old Boys: ....well, you see where I'm going with this.
Orton: poses
Jeff Hardy: raves
12-Year-Old Girls: Reciprocity!
Orton: Punch!
Hardy: No, I punch! Asai Whisper in the Wind!
Orton: Chinlock!
Hardy: Tope!
Orton: Kick! Ha! Back to the Prodigy with you, moppet!
Hardy: 2nd rope dropkick!
Orton: No! 3.Orton! Counter dropkick!
Hardy: Fie! Swanton!
Orton: I am far too smart for that.
Carlito: Sure you are, American Eagle. SPIT!
Hardy: Twist of Fate! Wonton bomb! With 3 I get IC title shot!
DX: plugs a bunch of merch Dos palabres para el hijo de diablo...
Crowd: 1997!
Hacksaw, Eugene, Spirit Squad: We have a match!
Trent Reznor: God is dead, and no one cares...
Extra Squad Guys: tumble
Highlanders: brawl
Referee: shows just enough comptence to get rid of 2 but not all 3 extra squad guys
Eugene: They're hurting me!
Duggan: All the people in the house say ho!
Lita: turns
Paris Hilton: turns
Duggan: Ramming speed!
Squad: Sidestep! Rollup!
Armando: This match has gone on too long. About...well...
Umaga: destroys Team Special Olympics
Armando: Hey, yo. Kane no es el diablo. ¡Umaga es!
M & N: Mick's brush with greatness is over.
Mickie: shove
Lita: bigger shove And now to strike you in the face with my hand!
M: Zuigiri! Now I pummel! PERFECTPLEX~!
Lita: You like girl flesh so much, kiss this elbow! WAFFLE!
Ref: No!
Mickie: Rollup!
Ref: Sorry I'm late, I had to get rid of the belt.
Lita: Kickout!
Mickie: I'm sure that didn't cost me. Rana!
Lita: Blocked! Count it! Hi, ropes! Huzzah!
Voice: Have you made the necessary precautions?
Crowd: Yeah!
Voice: Terrific. Commence!
Triple H: steals liberally from the book of Michael Buffer
Crowd: 1997!
Shane: We got you now!
Finlay: Hi, my name is Finlay, and I love to fight!
Regal: Good day, commoners.
Some Guy: I hail from the fine city of Green Bay in the phenomenal state of Wisconsin! I weigh in at 244 pounds--because somebody left out the double chocolate Milanos and I couldn't resist--MISTERRRRRRRRR KEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNEDDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Regal: KNEES!
Triple H: Hey!
Finlay: Stiff!
HBK: ow
Triple H: tags in and kicks SmackDown's ass all by himself
Some Guy: (coughing, sputtering) kennedy.
Shane: Well...
Big Show: It's me.
DX: double low blow
Finlay: WHAP. WHAP.
Big Show: beats up DX
Vince: PIPE! CAMERA!
DX: bleeds
Shane: PIPE!
Vince: Us & Show. You two. Hell in the Cell!
Colin Hay: I can't get to sleep, I think about the implications of diving in too deep, and possibly the complications. Especially at night, I worry about situations, yeah...I know we'll be all right. It's just overkill...
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