Raw In 90 Seconds
Alter Bridge: On this day, I see clearly...
Edge: Now, here's a little story I'd like to tell about one bad champion you know so well. Went to Cena's house. Who's house? Cena's house! Saw some pictures, rifled through half of Mitchell and Ness, and so on. Then his father stood up and he started to shout, so I threw a right cross and knocked his old ass out. 'Cause Cena thinks he's from the hood, acting all hard. Came talking that trash, so I punked his card. The real champ is here! I know nothing in life but to be legit. Don't quote me, J.R., 'cause I ain't said shit. drops mic
Mickie: Wow, what a reception. It's like February all over again.
J.R.: having a thrombo over Edge
Crowd: Go Mickie you're so fine and you've heard the rest a billion times by now!
Lita: Hairpull! Son of hairpull!
Mickie: No more!
Lita: Russian!
Nikolai Volkoff: Da?
Lita: Not you!
Mickie: Frankenmickie!
Lita: Eye rake! And now, the DDT which will end you!
Mickie: Uh...no. Hi, ropes!
Edge: Oh, no, you don't, ropes. Not after the shit you pulled on me last week!
Lita: Ropes!
Ref: No!
Lita: Belt!
Ref: Hey, Edge, get down from there!
Edge: In a second!
Lita: WAFFLE
Edge: gets down from there
Lita: 3! Double gold!
Edge: This is like, the second-best thing to happen all day.
Best Sign Ever: World Titles Should NOT Spin
Foley: Last week, I was lost, but now I'm found. You see, seven days ago was a mistake on my part. In six days, Ric Flair's making a bigger one. His LAST one.
Vince: As a reward for your work in defeating DX the past two weeks, please help yourself to this squash.
Umaga: press Samoan drop Flying Butt Pliers THUMB
Vince: I can't believe it. He ate all the squash. The man ate the entirety of a non-competitive match. That is a time bomb masking itself as a pituitary gland, I'm telling you.
Melina: continues with the best entrance ever in the history of our great sport
Nitro: I know you all are mad at me, but this is the only way I get camera time.
Crowd: This is Flair Country!
Flair: WHOO!
Nitro: Punching!
Flair: Huh. Well, I have been wrestling for over 30 years on every inhabitated continent, crossing every sea. I've literally been doing this since before you were born and can rely on a wing of wrestling moves to hurt you. That being said, chop chop CHOP CHOP CHOP fucking CHOP.
Nitro: ...now that you mention it, I think I'm bleeding inside my chest. ENZUIGIRI!
Flair: flop
Lady In The Water: Hm?
Flair: Not you.
J.R.: brings the history
Nitro: And I will bring the corkscrew moonsault!
Flair: It goes along great with the get-the-fuck-out-of-the-way!
Nitro: OW.
Foley: Surprise! pummels Flair And now to cave in your skull!
Top Part Of Stairs: Bang
Bottom Part Of Stairs: Bang
Flair's Brain: Well, thank God we got the hell out of there.
Miz: annoying
Random Slut: Bye!
Torrie, Candice, & Victoria: Wait, we're back together again? Okay...
Random Sluts: Totally water fight time!
Roughly 700,000 Boys Between The Ages Of 11 and 14: We've determined what the sound of one hand clapping is, but we can't read these notes anymore.
Lawler: Wait, why isn't Victoria kicking his ass?
The Voice of WWE Past: Are you sufficently prepared for what is to occur next?
Crowd: Truly!
Voice: Very well. Commence to start!
Triple H: reads liberally from the book of Michael Buffer Vince, he loves the cock.
Shane & Not Silent Vin: When you run things, you can get seperate entrances. And here's a video package we sure won't run again on SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY FOR SUMMERSLAM. We won't. Seriously. Stop looking at us that way.
Crowd: He loves the cock! He loves the cock!
Vince: (aside to Shane) The whole fucking world's against us dude, I swear to Satan.
Triple H: We got 4 numbers for ya.
Crowd: 1997!
Spirit Squad: Ah, at least with us failing to dispatch of DX we haven't been wished out to the cornfield. And it's very good that Vince did that.
Hacksaw Jim Duggan: Standing tall on the wings of my dreams!
Eugene: Rise and fall on the wings of my dreams!
Spirit Squad: We will be playing the role of the rain and thunder. And since 3 more of us don't have anything to do, also the wind and haze.
Los Gringos Locos: We're still bound for better days!
Highlanders: If it's not Scottish, it's crap!
Crowd: parties like it's 1985
Spirit Squad: We will now cheat to win!
Highlanders: Watch...and learn.
Spirit Squad: But...but...we're your boys! We headlined Saturday Night's Main Event! And we're the tag champions! Doesn't that mean anything to you!?
Vince: Don't be ridiculous.
Jeff Hardy: I'm coming to RAW next week.
Matt Hardy: I wonder what bleach tastes like.
AAE: Hey, yo! Everybody listen to me, the bad guy. Yo llamo ArMANdo AleJANdro Es
McMahons: whoa whoa whoa whoa, you keep saying that you'll get over without dragging that 350-pound weight with you. Where is he, anyhow?
Umaga: alternating between ranting in native language and snacking on table lamp
McMahons: Yeah. We're gonna need a new lamp.
Trish: I got the ho.
Carlito: I got the APA posterboy.
Trish: Annnnnnnd you've got this kiss!
Carlito: (breaking the 4th wall) ...and they pay me! HA! And now, for my insignificant-in-comparison match! I punch you!
Edge: See your punch and raise you with cheating!
Carlito: Double springboard flippy deal! Jeff who-dy?!
Lita: Referee, I happened to be in an area by his foot and it happens to be on the ropes!
Ref: Good thing you said something.
Carlito: Air attack!
Edge: I dropkick you, Sideshow Bob!
Carlito: I suddenly feel as though I've stopped a rake with my face seven to eleven times.
Edge: Bluh?
Carlito: Never mind.
Edge: Right. IIIIIIIII am the champion, my friend! And I'll keep on fighting until the ennnnnnnnnd!
Lita: And to make sure he gets no forward momentum, yoink!
Trish: Allow me to reintroduce myself. BLAP.
Carlito: And I'm back in the game! Kneelift! Springboard elbow! Huracanrana!
Edge: Into to the turnbuckles with you! Ramming speeeeeeeeeeeeeed! SPEAR
Cena: What a glorious idea! Now to check my ring size with your face!
Orton: Ha! For the first time in wrestling history, the babyface has failed to show up for a show! I have truly triumphed over history and Hulkamania! And I remain confident that there will be no comeuppance! Do you hear me!? NO COMEUPPANCE!
History, Comeuppance: Knock, knock.
Orton: Oh, balls.
Hogan: Wellyouknowsomethingbrotheri'mgonnawinatsummerslamandsoonandsoforthbrother
HBK: Kid, start with this broomstick and work your way up.
Edge: Now, here's a little story I'd like to tell about one bad champion you know so well. Went to Cena's house. Who's house? Cena's house! Saw some pictures, rifled through half of Mitchell and Ness, and so on. Then his father stood up and he started to shout, so I threw a right cross and knocked his old ass out. 'Cause Cena thinks he's from the hood, acting all hard. Came talking that trash, so I punked his card. The real champ is here! I know nothing in life but to be legit. Don't quote me, J.R., 'cause I ain't said shit. drops mic
Mickie: Wow, what a reception. It's like February all over again.
J.R.: having a thrombo over Edge
Crowd: Go Mickie you're so fine and you've heard the rest a billion times by now!
Lita: Hairpull! Son of hairpull!
Mickie: No more!
Lita: Russian!
Nikolai Volkoff: Da?
Lita: Not you!
Mickie: Frankenmickie!
Lita: Eye rake! And now, the DDT which will end you!
Mickie: Uh...no. Hi, ropes!
Edge: Oh, no, you don't, ropes. Not after the shit you pulled on me last week!
Lita: Ropes!
Ref: No!
Lita: Belt!
Ref: Hey, Edge, get down from there!
Edge: In a second!
Lita: WAFFLE
Edge: gets down from there
Lita: 3! Double gold!
Edge: This is like, the second-best thing to happen all day.
Best Sign Ever: World Titles Should NOT Spin
Foley: Last week, I was lost, but now I'm found. You see, seven days ago was a mistake on my part. In six days, Ric Flair's making a bigger one. His LAST one.
Vince: As a reward for your work in defeating DX the past two weeks, please help yourself to this squash.
Umaga: press Samoan drop Flying Butt Pliers THUMB
Vince: I can't believe it. He ate all the squash. The man ate the entirety of a non-competitive match. That is a time bomb masking itself as a pituitary gland, I'm telling you.
Melina: continues with the best entrance ever in the history of our great sport
Nitro: I know you all are mad at me, but this is the only way I get camera time.
Crowd: This is Flair Country!
Flair: WHOO!
Nitro: Punching!
Flair: Huh. Well, I have been wrestling for over 30 years on every inhabitated continent, crossing every sea. I've literally been doing this since before you were born and can rely on a wing of wrestling moves to hurt you. That being said, chop chop CHOP CHOP CHOP fucking CHOP.
Nitro: ...now that you mention it, I think I'm bleeding inside my chest. ENZUIGIRI!
Flair: flop
Lady In The Water: Hm?
Flair: Not you.
J.R.: brings the history
Nitro: And I will bring the corkscrew moonsault!
Flair: It goes along great with the get-the-fuck-out-of-the-way!
Nitro: OW.
Foley: Surprise! pummels Flair And now to cave in your skull!
Top Part Of Stairs: Bang
Bottom Part Of Stairs: Bang
Flair's Brain: Well, thank God we got the hell out of there.
Miz: annoying
Random Slut: Bye!
Torrie, Candice, & Victoria: Wait, we're back together again? Okay...
Random Sluts: Totally water fight time!
Roughly 700,000 Boys Between The Ages Of 11 and 14: We've determined what the sound of one hand clapping is, but we can't read these notes anymore.
Lawler: Wait, why isn't Victoria kicking his ass?
The Voice of WWE Past: Are you sufficently prepared for what is to occur next?
Crowd: Truly!
Voice: Very well. Commence to start!
Triple H: reads liberally from the book of Michael Buffer Vince, he loves the cock.
Shane & Not Silent Vin: When you run things, you can get seperate entrances. And here's a video package we sure won't run again on SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY FOR SUMMERSLAM. We won't. Seriously. Stop looking at us that way.
Crowd: He loves the cock! He loves the cock!
Vince: (aside to Shane) The whole fucking world's against us dude, I swear to Satan.
Triple H: We got 4 numbers for ya.
Crowd: 1997!
Spirit Squad: Ah, at least with us failing to dispatch of DX we haven't been wished out to the cornfield. And it's very good that Vince did that.
Hacksaw Jim Duggan: Standing tall on the wings of my dreams!
Eugene: Rise and fall on the wings of my dreams!
Spirit Squad: We will be playing the role of the rain and thunder. And since 3 more of us don't have anything to do, also the wind and haze.
Los Gringos Locos: We're still bound for better days!
Highlanders: If it's not Scottish, it's crap!
Crowd: parties like it's 1985
Spirit Squad: We will now cheat to win!
Highlanders: Watch...and learn.
Spirit Squad: But...but...we're your boys! We headlined Saturday Night's Main Event! And we're the tag champions! Doesn't that mean anything to you!?
Vince: Don't be ridiculous.
Jeff Hardy: I'm coming to RAW next week.
Matt Hardy: I wonder what bleach tastes like.
AAE: Hey, yo! Everybody listen to me, the bad guy. Yo llamo ArMANdo AleJANdro Es
McMahons: whoa whoa whoa whoa, you keep saying that you'll get over without dragging that 350-pound weight with you. Where is he, anyhow?
Umaga: alternating between ranting in native language and snacking on table lamp
McMahons: Yeah. We're gonna need a new lamp.
Trish: I got the ho.
Carlito: I got the APA posterboy.
Trish: Annnnnnnd you've got this kiss!
Carlito: (breaking the 4th wall) ...and they pay me! HA! And now, for my insignificant-in-comparison match! I punch you!
Edge: See your punch and raise you with cheating!
Carlito: Double springboard flippy deal! Jeff who-dy?!
Lita: Referee, I happened to be in an area by his foot and it happens to be on the ropes!
Ref: Good thing you said something.
Carlito: Air attack!
Edge: I dropkick you, Sideshow Bob!
Carlito: I suddenly feel as though I've stopped a rake with my face seven to eleven times.
Edge: Bluh?
Carlito: Never mind.
Edge: Right. IIIIIIIII am the champion, my friend! And I'll keep on fighting until the ennnnnnnnnd!
Lita: And to make sure he gets no forward momentum, yoink!
Trish: Allow me to reintroduce myself. BLAP.
Carlito: And I'm back in the game! Kneelift! Springboard elbow! Huracanrana!
Edge: Into to the turnbuckles with you! Ramming speeeeeeeeeeeeeed! SPEAR
Cena: What a glorious idea! Now to check my ring size with your face!
Orton: Ha! For the first time in wrestling history, the babyface has failed to show up for a show! I have truly triumphed over history and Hulkamania! And I remain confident that there will be no comeuppance! Do you hear me!? NO COMEUPPANCE!
History, Comeuppance: Knock, knock.
Orton: Oh, balls.
Hogan: Wellyouknowsomethingbrotheri'mgonnawinatsummerslamandsoonandsoforthbrother
HBK: Kid, start with this broomstick and work your way up.
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