TNA iMPACT! (7.27.06)
Back with another recap. Couldn't sleep because of the heat, so I might as well do something useful. If writing a wrestling recap can be construed as "useful," I guess. Anyway, the fact that we have no TNA coverage annoys me, even if I'm the guy who decided to stop doing the Impact recap. Over the last two months, though, I've come to really enjoy the product again.
They still do some stuff that has me rolling my eyes, but since my recaps are a bit quicker to write now, I might as well try to add TNA back to the mix. Of course, don't be surprised if I drop it again in two weeks. If I'm *not* the flakiest recapper on the 'net, it's not through lack of trying. Heh.
-Show opens with clips from last week' show. Samoa Joe and Rhino brawl like the angry mofos they are. D-Von essentially tells Runt to behave himself while Team 3D is gone (with Runt flashing a mischievous smile afterwards). Jay Lethal takes Jeff Jarrett to the limit, but ends up being screwed over by Scott Steiner. Sting makes the postmatch save and tries to murder Jarrett.
-Backstage, Jeremy Borash interviews the James Gang and Eric Young. Apparently, BG James wants Young to tag with them tonight versus America's Most Wanted and a mystery partner. Young isn't so sure that t his jives with his secret plan. BG puts him over by saying that he's "not that good," but always delivers a great segment. This week, he wants Young in *his* segment. Wow. Way to put over the talent. I don't think I've ever heard one face basically tell another face that he sucks before.
-Opening montage.
-Cut to the entrance tunnel, where Abyss is brawling with Brother Runt. Abyss tosses him down the ramp. We see Raven looking on from the crowd. Jim Mitchell hands Abyss a chair. Swing and a miss. Runt picks it up and nails Abyss. In the ring, Runt tries to charge him with the chair, but runs into a big boot. Abyss spikes him with a Black Hole Slam onto the chair and security is out to drag Runt to safety.
-Borash interviews Monty Brown. He wants to add some "Alpha Male" to the main event. He refers to Samoa Joe as a "hippophant." Half hippo, half elephant. Apparently, neither rhinos or hippophants belong on the Serengeti. As for the main event, he could care less who wins.
Petey Williams v. Johnny Devine v. Sharkboy v. Sonjay Dutt -
Dutt and Devine do a quick standoff spot before Devine tags in Sharkboy. He and Dutt trade side headlock takedowns, with Dutt taking control after an armdrag. Sharkboy backs him into the corner and Petey tags in. He ties Sharkboy to the Tree of Woe and goes for his "crotch stand" national anthem spot. Dutt cuts him off by tagging in. Petey is distracted and Sharkboy ends up biting him on the ass.
Dutt and Sharkboy trade punches. Dutt reverses a whip and Petey kicks Sharkboy as he goes by. He comes in, but Sharkboy hits him with a facebuster to the knee. Dutt then lands a standing moonsault on Sharkboy. Camera cuts to Kevin Nash and Alex Shelley, who are looking on. Devine is in with a snap suplex to Dutt. Petey then connects with a spinning heelkick to Devine. Everyone is down.
-Commercials
When we come back, Devine is covering Sharkboy for two. Sharkboy shortarms a whip, countering into a Hangman's neckbreaker. He tags Petey, who looks hesitant to face Devine. They trade strikes, with Devine taking control after a poke to the eyes. He sends Petey into the ropes. Petey ducks a clothesline and hits his quebradora reversal into Russian legsweep spot he busts out on every match.
Petey signals for the Canadian Destroyer. Devine staggers backwards and quickly tags Dutt. He clotheslines Petey and follows with a spinebuster. Quebrada gets two. He hits a step up enzuigiri and heads up top. Sharkboy tags in. Slingshot splash to Petey gets two. He charges Devine, but gets backdropped over the top.
Dutt then dropkicks Devine in the back, tangling him in the ropes. He plants Petey with the Asai DDT. Devine is back in. He nails Dutt and lifts him for an inverted suplex, dropping him into a powerslam. Sharkboy is in. He hits the Dead Sea Drop on Devine. With everyone else down, Petey quickly spikes Sharkboy with the Canadian Destroyer to get the win!
More fun than good describes this pretty well. Describes the entire division, actually. My tastes are apparently starting to turn away from flippy wrestling, which TNA pumps out in abundance. Doesn't make the matches bad. Just means I'm personally not enjoying them as much as some.
-Borash interviews Runt. He says that he's made a name by picking the biggest guy in the locker room and slapping him in the face. He challenges Abyss, saying that he's Abyss' worst nightmare. He's 140 lbs with nothing to lose.
-Commercials
-Chris Sabin hype package. This shows Jerry Lynn smacking him around backstage trying to fire him up to face Nash. He basically tells Sabin that a loss to Nash is a loss for the entire X-Division.
-Christian Cage is out. His theme is truly awesome. He wants to apologize to Sting for doubting his motives. He says the Jim Cornette has left the decision of whether or not Christian will be in Sting's corner at Hard Justice up to Sting himself. Sting is in the rafters. He has literally nothing to say, pretty much telling Christian that he'll let him know...
-Jeff Jarrett promo. He calls the fans ungrateful and again disavows any knowledge of Zbyszko and Earl Hebner's plot. He also says that if Christian is in Sting's corner, he'll have no choice but to bring Steiner along to keep the playing field level.
-Commercials
-LAX video package. Konnan does his usual shtick here. Love their "5150" t-shirt, though. Apparently, it's police code for criminally insane. Or maybe Konnan loves him some Van Halen. At any rate, Konnan admits that LAX is "loco en la cabeza." The real key here was getting a replay of Homicide's Cop Killer on AJ Styles. Anytime 'Cide is on my television I'm a happy guy. Even more so when he's dropping suckas on their heads.
AMW & A1 (w/Gail Kim) v. James Gang & Eric Young -
Young and A1 start, but neither seems particularly thrilled about it. Young quickly tags Kip James in. He grabs a side headlock. A1 shoots him into the ropes and they collide. Neither guy will budge. Kip charges, but gets caught in a powerslam for a nearfall. Young tags in. He and A1 are still hesitant. Harris nails Young from behind. A1 doesn't look happy.
Harris then tags in. He backdrops Young and holds onto him. Tag to A1. More hesitation. Storm shoves him aside and charges. Young ducks and Storm nails Harris by mistake. BG James runs in. He dropkicks A1 in the back, sending him into Storm, who collides with Harris. Young quickly rolls A1 up and gets the win.
Well that was pointless. Hopefully AMW break up for real this time, though, since this is probably the fourth time they've set up the angle without pulling the trigger.
-It's time for your weekly Paparazzi Productions segment! Shelley has imported the finest talent from Madagascar (namely, Super Blue Cross #6 & Simoleon Joe) to help Nash train for the X-Division. Shelley demonstrates a submission. Nash tries to replicate, but ends up nailing SBC6 with a clubbing forearm. Devine's turn. Nash again hits a forearm. Shelley: "That was eerily similar to the last one."
Devine hits a moonsault. Nash is duly impressed, but says he's been working on a new move in his pool that has *three* somersaults instead of just one. Shelley is agog. Nash sets up. Big camera cut and we see Nash land on both opponents. Nash: "Almost overshot that one, guys." Shelley is absolutely awestruck. As am I, with the sublime awesomeness of this entire segment. Who knew Kevin Nash could be so great in 2006?
-Commercials
-Bobby Roode video package. His search for a manager begins next week. I've said it before, but Roode will be a star. At this point, I'm convinced that he should be the guy to end Joe's unbeaten streak.
Samoa Joe v. Rhino -
To sum up: Fuck yeah!
Match opens with a staredown. There's just a wee bit of intensity in there. Both guys start whaling on one another. Joe lands a stiff kick, but Rhino scores the first knockdown after a clothesline. Joe pops up immediately and nails Rhino with a step up enzuigiri. Cut to the ramp, as Monty Brown is out to observe. In the ring, Rhino and Joe trade strikes. Rhino whips him into the corner and follows with a tackle.
-Commercials
Rhino has Joe in a rear chinlock. Joe tries to elbow free, but Rhino chooses to release the hold. He bounces off the ropes, but gets caught in an inverted atomic drop. Joe connects with his running big boot and follows with a senton for two. Joe goes for a whip, but Rhino shortarms him, looking for a clothesline. Joe ducks. The referee does not. Joe plants Rhino with his snap powerslam and tries to revive the ref.
He turns and walks into a spinebuster. Rhino signals for the Gore, but Brown trips him and yanks him out. They brawl around ringside. Tope by Joe! Rhino manages to avoid it, though and Brown takes the full impact. Rhino and Joe head up the ramp. Belly to belly suplex by Rhino. He heads down the tunnel, returning with a table that he vertically bridges the tunnel entrance with.
He rams Joe into the table. Is it Gore time? Guess not, as Brown grabs him by the hair and tosses him backwards onto the ramp. Nasty little bump right there. He moves toward Joe, but ends up taking an enzuigiri for his troubles. Brown is staggering. Joe swoops in and locks the Coquina Clutch. Rhino is back up. He charges and Gores both guys through the table! Oh man...that was rad! All three guys are down.
Fun match. I wish we could have gotten a bit more, but as Zbyszko said last week, this is a match that will make money. You don't give it away for free. They ended up booking what they did do really well, though. Both guys come out looking stronger and adding Brown to the mix will get no complaints from me. They totally blew his push before (how they didn't give him the belt boggles my mind), but this might help elevate him back to where he was a year ago.
-Adrenaline Rush recap video.
Fun show overall. There's still a bit too much talking for a show called Total Nonstop Action that tries to present itself as some sort of wrestling alternative, but that's a minor quibble on my part. Especially since none of the promos were actively annoying this week.
I do have a minor gripe that has bugged me since they started doing it, though. That recap video at the end needs to go. It kills the cliffhanger endings they try to do and chances are the people who are hanging around to watch the video have already seen the entire show. So who is this for?
They still do some stuff that has me rolling my eyes, but since my recaps are a bit quicker to write now, I might as well try to add TNA back to the mix. Of course, don't be surprised if I drop it again in two weeks. If I'm *not* the flakiest recapper on the 'net, it's not through lack of trying. Heh.
-Show opens with clips from last week' show. Samoa Joe and Rhino brawl like the angry mofos they are. D-Von essentially tells Runt to behave himself while Team 3D is gone (with Runt flashing a mischievous smile afterwards). Jay Lethal takes Jeff Jarrett to the limit, but ends up being screwed over by Scott Steiner. Sting makes the postmatch save and tries to murder Jarrett.
-Backstage, Jeremy Borash interviews the James Gang and Eric Young. Apparently, BG James wants Young to tag with them tonight versus America's Most Wanted and a mystery partner. Young isn't so sure that t his jives with his secret plan. BG puts him over by saying that he's "not that good," but always delivers a great segment. This week, he wants Young in *his* segment. Wow. Way to put over the talent. I don't think I've ever heard one face basically tell another face that he sucks before.
-Opening montage.
-Cut to the entrance tunnel, where Abyss is brawling with Brother Runt. Abyss tosses him down the ramp. We see Raven looking on from the crowd. Jim Mitchell hands Abyss a chair. Swing and a miss. Runt picks it up and nails Abyss. In the ring, Runt tries to charge him with the chair, but runs into a big boot. Abyss spikes him with a Black Hole Slam onto the chair and security is out to drag Runt to safety.
-Borash interviews Monty Brown. He wants to add some "Alpha Male" to the main event. He refers to Samoa Joe as a "hippophant." Half hippo, half elephant. Apparently, neither rhinos or hippophants belong on the Serengeti. As for the main event, he could care less who wins.
Petey Williams v. Johnny Devine v. Sharkboy v. Sonjay Dutt -
Dutt and Devine do a quick standoff spot before Devine tags in Sharkboy. He and Dutt trade side headlock takedowns, with Dutt taking control after an armdrag. Sharkboy backs him into the corner and Petey tags in. He ties Sharkboy to the Tree of Woe and goes for his "crotch stand" national anthem spot. Dutt cuts him off by tagging in. Petey is distracted and Sharkboy ends up biting him on the ass.
Dutt and Sharkboy trade punches. Dutt reverses a whip and Petey kicks Sharkboy as he goes by. He comes in, but Sharkboy hits him with a facebuster to the knee. Dutt then lands a standing moonsault on Sharkboy. Camera cuts to Kevin Nash and Alex Shelley, who are looking on. Devine is in with a snap suplex to Dutt. Petey then connects with a spinning heelkick to Devine. Everyone is down.
-Commercials
When we come back, Devine is covering Sharkboy for two. Sharkboy shortarms a whip, countering into a Hangman's neckbreaker. He tags Petey, who looks hesitant to face Devine. They trade strikes, with Devine taking control after a poke to the eyes. He sends Petey into the ropes. Petey ducks a clothesline and hits his quebradora reversal into Russian legsweep spot he busts out on every match.
Petey signals for the Canadian Destroyer. Devine staggers backwards and quickly tags Dutt. He clotheslines Petey and follows with a spinebuster. Quebrada gets two. He hits a step up enzuigiri and heads up top. Sharkboy tags in. Slingshot splash to Petey gets two. He charges Devine, but gets backdropped over the top.
Dutt then dropkicks Devine in the back, tangling him in the ropes. He plants Petey with the Asai DDT. Devine is back in. He nails Dutt and lifts him for an inverted suplex, dropping him into a powerslam. Sharkboy is in. He hits the Dead Sea Drop on Devine. With everyone else down, Petey quickly spikes Sharkboy with the Canadian Destroyer to get the win!
More fun than good describes this pretty well. Describes the entire division, actually. My tastes are apparently starting to turn away from flippy wrestling, which TNA pumps out in abundance. Doesn't make the matches bad. Just means I'm personally not enjoying them as much as some.
-Borash interviews Runt. He says that he's made a name by picking the biggest guy in the locker room and slapping him in the face. He challenges Abyss, saying that he's Abyss' worst nightmare. He's 140 lbs with nothing to lose.
-Commercials
-Chris Sabin hype package. This shows Jerry Lynn smacking him around backstage trying to fire him up to face Nash. He basically tells Sabin that a loss to Nash is a loss for the entire X-Division.
-Christian Cage is out. His theme is truly awesome. He wants to apologize to Sting for doubting his motives. He says the Jim Cornette has left the decision of whether or not Christian will be in Sting's corner at Hard Justice up to Sting himself. Sting is in the rafters. He has literally nothing to say, pretty much telling Christian that he'll let him know...
-Jeff Jarrett promo. He calls the fans ungrateful and again disavows any knowledge of Zbyszko and Earl Hebner's plot. He also says that if Christian is in Sting's corner, he'll have no choice but to bring Steiner along to keep the playing field level.
-Commercials
-LAX video package. Konnan does his usual shtick here. Love their "5150" t-shirt, though. Apparently, it's police code for criminally insane. Or maybe Konnan loves him some Van Halen. At any rate, Konnan admits that LAX is "loco en la cabeza." The real key here was getting a replay of Homicide's Cop Killer on AJ Styles. Anytime 'Cide is on my television I'm a happy guy. Even more so when he's dropping suckas on their heads.
AMW & A1 (w/Gail Kim) v. James Gang & Eric Young -
Young and A1 start, but neither seems particularly thrilled about it. Young quickly tags Kip James in. He grabs a side headlock. A1 shoots him into the ropes and they collide. Neither guy will budge. Kip charges, but gets caught in a powerslam for a nearfall. Young tags in. He and A1 are still hesitant. Harris nails Young from behind. A1 doesn't look happy.
Harris then tags in. He backdrops Young and holds onto him. Tag to A1. More hesitation. Storm shoves him aside and charges. Young ducks and Storm nails Harris by mistake. BG James runs in. He dropkicks A1 in the back, sending him into Storm, who collides with Harris. Young quickly rolls A1 up and gets the win.
Well that was pointless. Hopefully AMW break up for real this time, though, since this is probably the fourth time they've set up the angle without pulling the trigger.
-It's time for your weekly Paparazzi Productions segment! Shelley has imported the finest talent from Madagascar (namely, Super Blue Cross #6 & Simoleon Joe) to help Nash train for the X-Division. Shelley demonstrates a submission. Nash tries to replicate, but ends up nailing SBC6 with a clubbing forearm. Devine's turn. Nash again hits a forearm. Shelley: "That was eerily similar to the last one."
Devine hits a moonsault. Nash is duly impressed, but says he's been working on a new move in his pool that has *three* somersaults instead of just one. Shelley is agog. Nash sets up. Big camera cut and we see Nash land on both opponents. Nash: "Almost overshot that one, guys." Shelley is absolutely awestruck. As am I, with the sublime awesomeness of this entire segment. Who knew Kevin Nash could be so great in 2006?
-Commercials
-Bobby Roode video package. His search for a manager begins next week. I've said it before, but Roode will be a star. At this point, I'm convinced that he should be the guy to end Joe's unbeaten streak.
Samoa Joe v. Rhino -
To sum up: Fuck yeah!
Match opens with a staredown. There's just a wee bit of intensity in there. Both guys start whaling on one another. Joe lands a stiff kick, but Rhino scores the first knockdown after a clothesline. Joe pops up immediately and nails Rhino with a step up enzuigiri. Cut to the ramp, as Monty Brown is out to observe. In the ring, Rhino and Joe trade strikes. Rhino whips him into the corner and follows with a tackle.
-Commercials
Rhino has Joe in a rear chinlock. Joe tries to elbow free, but Rhino chooses to release the hold. He bounces off the ropes, but gets caught in an inverted atomic drop. Joe connects with his running big boot and follows with a senton for two. Joe goes for a whip, but Rhino shortarms him, looking for a clothesline. Joe ducks. The referee does not. Joe plants Rhino with his snap powerslam and tries to revive the ref.
He turns and walks into a spinebuster. Rhino signals for the Gore, but Brown trips him and yanks him out. They brawl around ringside. Tope by Joe! Rhino manages to avoid it, though and Brown takes the full impact. Rhino and Joe head up the ramp. Belly to belly suplex by Rhino. He heads down the tunnel, returning with a table that he vertically bridges the tunnel entrance with.
He rams Joe into the table. Is it Gore time? Guess not, as Brown grabs him by the hair and tosses him backwards onto the ramp. Nasty little bump right there. He moves toward Joe, but ends up taking an enzuigiri for his troubles. Brown is staggering. Joe swoops in and locks the Coquina Clutch. Rhino is back up. He charges and Gores both guys through the table! Oh man...that was rad! All three guys are down.
Fun match. I wish we could have gotten a bit more, but as Zbyszko said last week, this is a match that will make money. You don't give it away for free. They ended up booking what they did do really well, though. Both guys come out looking stronger and adding Brown to the mix will get no complaints from me. They totally blew his push before (how they didn't give him the belt boggles my mind), but this might help elevate him back to where he was a year ago.
-Adrenaline Rush recap video.
Fun show overall. There's still a bit too much talking for a show called Total Nonstop Action that tries to present itself as some sort of wrestling alternative, but that's a minor quibble on my part. Especially since none of the promos were actively annoying this week.
I do have a minor gripe that has bugged me since they started doing it, though. That recap video at the end needs to go. It kills the cliffhanger endings they try to do and chances are the people who are hanging around to watch the video have already seen the entire show. So who is this for?
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