Heart Punch

Wow. According to Meltzer, Christian has quit WWE. Or, more accurately, chose not to sign a contract extension. HUGE news, at least among the Heart Punch Peep coalition. I assume he'll pop up in TNA pretty quickly, which is both pretty cool and marginally stupid at the same time. I have a goofy dream of seeing him in All Japan working with RO&D, but that seems unlikely. If he does jump, it's by far the biggest name TNA has managed to woo. Instant main event level signing. Watch them stick him with Team Canada or something. Silly TNA booking > you.

AGAINST: Aw, I wanted to know what Christian was gonna say about RAW. FOR: The Peep Show as Debate Central. FOR: Christian's exasperation as the interruptions continue. FOR: JBL managing to remain heel while ripping RAW. FOR: "Clear the set!" FOR: The return of Poetry In Motion. FOR: The double-double stackplex. AGAINST: The contrived double cover/double kickout spot. FOR: Sharmell's concern. FOR: Teddy showing Booker the evidence. FOR: Booker telling Sharmell what's what. AGAINST: I smell a turn coming. FOR: Cowboy Bob still holding a grudge over doing all of Piper's dirty work. FOR: Piper: "The next generation'll be walking on all fours." AGAINST: What's with the bucket? FOR: "We've commissioned so many focus groups..." FOR: The "Juniors Division" graphic. FOR: Tazz reveling in his opportunity to make short jokes. Cole: "That's right. You're all of 5-6." AGAINST: Shouldn't t...

Later tonight, we have the tag title match with the Naturals versus AMW and also, six-man mayhem! Jeff Jarrett, Monty Brown and Abyss face off with AJ Styles, Jeff Hardy & Lance Hoyt! Oh, the humanity! Samoa Joe v. Elix Skipper (w/Simon Diamond) - In the words of someone or another...FUCK YEAH! God, I'm such a geek for Samoa Joe. It's almost embarrassing. They trade thigh kicks to open the match. Joe is laying them in and Elix's leg almost buckles. Joe gets sick of doing that, though, quickly shooting in with an enzuigiri. He snapmares Elix and hits his chop to the back/kick to the chest combo, leading into a kneedrop. He whips Elix into the corner and follows with a running double knee. Series of boot scrapes lead to the Facewash in the corner. Crowd wants another. Elix, I imagine, does not. Joe leans toward his fellow worker, making the cover instead. Elix matrixes out at two and connects with a kick. He snapmares Joe and gives him a Spinal Tap for a nearfall. He foll...

So, doing the TNA recaps looked more attractive than a night of boredom, so everyone wins! In my last post, I talk about being totally ambivalent to the TNA product at the moment. This is only half true. Remove the heavyweight division and it's a fun company to watch. Still not good, but sometimes fun is enough. I think the potential for something huge is there, but the TV show is just so poorly paced that it feels like a chore to get through at times. I've read various TNA apologists point out that the problem is with the one hour timeslot. "When they get a two hour show, it'll rock your socks!" I cry bullshit. How many companies over the past, say 50 years have been stuck with a one hour timeslot and put out compelling television? I could make a list, but for me, the obvious example has always been Bill Watts' UWF. Still the best weekly one hour wrestling show I've ever watched. Come to think of it, Watts isn't doing much these days. Perhaps that...

Just assume I have it on mute. I'm rooting for Kane. Why? Because he's evil. Hey, remember when Kane broke Shawn's neck last year? Yeah, me either. I guess we know why JR got canned: calling Show/Kane would've given a thrombo. Shawn's Santana and nip up completely failing was nice. The ring didn't break! Better union, perhaps? If Big Show leaned into that any more I'd be looking for misletoe. Kane Guerrero! That was awkward. Auto racing. I'm black. NEXT! Nice subtlety. It's like saying Kathy Griffin, Kirstie Alley, or Angelina Jolie. And now, it's just Lawler. You know what's awesome right now? This Friends rerun I've seen 3,547 times. I think I'm as shocked as anyone right now. Steph didn't have her driver do that? We now pause for special guest commentary by Chris Griffin. BOOBIES! Thank you, Chris. There's nice symbioticry in this: Steph's disappointed in us, we're disappointed nothing better...

FOR: Interesting choice... the U.S. Title match as the pre-show video package. FOR: Matt Hardy! FOR: Sharmell's sudden change in demeanor. FOR: Jesus CHRIST! Benoit overshot Booker and went back-first into the announce table! FOR: That chant. FOR: Booker going right for Benoit's back. FOR: I thought Sharmell was going to shove Benoit off the top turnbuckle there. FOR: Look at that I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL MOTHERFUCKER look on Benoit's face. AGAINST: Let's not make it so obvious, people. FOR: They've done a good job keeping Booker oblivious to Sharmell's shenanigans. AGAINST: Building the Raw/Smackdown feud between two heels? AGAINST: "Yum yum, come get him some?" FOR: The pop for Matt. FOR: Simon Dean going for the redictable cheap shot. FOR: Simon holding on to the bag through the suplex. FOR: Was that almost a surfboard? SIGN OF THE WEEK: "RENO SUX" Way to rep your city. FOR: JBL whiffing on the early big boots. FOR: Jillian...

Sorry for the lack of recappery for the last two shows. A combination of me being sick for most of the past week and pretty much ambivalent to the product (yep...already) has caused me to slack. Well, being a lazy git played a role as well. Both shows are still on tape, though, so I still might end up doing them. Watched a bunch of stuff while laying in bed feeling like shit, though. Various CHIKARA, IWA-MS and ROH shows. I've even gotten back into the puro, oddly enough. Maybe I'll get around to recapping the 7.26.05 All Japan show, because it's just crazy fun. Who knew that Jamal, Palumbo, Stamboli et al would be so great? Well...I did, but I'm silly like that. RO&D vs. Voodoo Murders might well be the feud of the year. I need to pick up every bit of All Japan I can find from this year. Puroresu is absolutely last thing I'd have thought would get me excited about wrestling again, but there you go. Thank god for the advent of really cheap shows on DVD. Got my s...

FOR: 5 for 8. FOR: Kennedy and Lashley in the credits. FOR: The start of Randy's promo. FOR: Randy pointing out that he, unlike Eddie, will do what it takes to win. AGAINST: What, the champ can't get his own mic? AGAINST: Last match of his career? What was that again? FOR: Long signing Eddie vs. Randy. FOR: Orlando specifying "tap to the Crossface." Which means he's going to lose, but not to the Crossface. FOR: Orlando using those Crossface counters. FOR: Loopholes (Orlando tapping out to the Sharpshooter instead) AGAINST: What's Sharmell bitching about now? AGAINST: Are there even four teams on SmackDown! to even have an eight-man tag match? FOR: It is? OK, Melina, I'll stare all I want then. FOR: Cole: "I love the T-shirts." AGAINST: What, they can't show the end of Christy's Doomsday Device on Melina? AGAINST: This is a little too chaotic. FOR: Dueling diva distractions. AGAINST: Saying that five times fast. FOR: ...

I'm switching off between this & the end of Bolts/Steelers. You know who should get fired? Edge. Aw, Steph. I like you plenty. Except when you talk. And act. In short, get on your knees and then start juggling. Lilian, the ring bell was right there. And now, how Steph paid for Boston University! Yay! Chargers lead. Still 5 minutes left, though. Steph followed by Doink? Against Rob Conway? Yep, back to football. I liked this gimmick better when it was called Rand Or--still happening, you say? Roethlisberger DOWN! He got Eugene, too? That's a main event at any OVW arena in the country! Why are they trying to freeze the kicker? I've never seen this work in the pros. Hey, they Cabana! You know, a triple threat at Taboo Tuesday would you long way in keeping me from going to the Roots. HINT. Hey, who let Kurt shoot? What's Show got to do, got to do with this? Shawn kicking back with a drink is beyond awesome. This is like a Pulp Fiction ECW s...

FOR: The recap of the Raw angle to open the show. AGAINST: Same old opening. AGAINST: Piper vs. the Ortons? FOR: SmackDown having its six-man tag tonight. FOR: Long almost daring Bischoff to crash No Mercy. FOR: Randy's new nWo-style T-shirt. AGAINST: Canon taking Orton's side. FOR: I think I've finally got a grasp on Canon's character... he's just a corporate suckup. AGAINST: That it took two months of me wondering "Is he working against Long?" "Is he just stupid enough to not know better?" AGAINST: Orlando's purple tights. FOR: The "You Tapped Out" chant. AGAINST: Booker looks like he lost. FOR: Booker seeing the replay and wondering what happened. FOR: Kennedy on PPV! HUH?: Is the ring setup flipped around this week? FOR: "How you clowns doing?" FOR: Reader suggestions. FOR: Kennedy referencing Holly's Sparky Plugg days. AGAINST: Cole passing off Holly's rope-hanging low blow as a legal shot t...

The ratings are in! Depending on who you believe, it looks like last week's show did a 0.8 rating, with the replay drawing 0.5 or so. So, it was basically comparable to a well rated episode of Velocity. Not the triumph they wanted, but certainly a decent starting point. But enough about last week (no really...it sucked and got progressively worse as it went on). iMPACT! is next! -We open with clips of Team 3D making their big debut. I admit it...I marked out. I don't read spoilers, so I wasn't aware they were coming back. But now they have to wrestle, which is where my beef comes in. If they haven't spent the last year or so coming up with something...anything new, I'll be a sad panda indeed. This might well turn into the battle of the two stalest teams in the business. Anyway, unlike my inane ranting which segues into nothing, this segues into a promo. Brother Ray says that they've made more impact than any team in the history of the business and tonight, they...

They really should've gone back to the Manhattan Center for this. And changed the set. And the graphics. FOLEY~! I give the first Dallas 45 seconds. 12. Good thing I took the under. "You're nuts. Totally nuts." coming from Hot Rod is like Robert Blake going "That guy's scary." Mick's honesty is always funny. You notice none of these legends go back to Smack...Down. HEY! Nothing Mick can SAY! Wow, there's--you know, I forgot the Cowboy Bob/Piper thing. I haven't read Sex, Lies, & Headlocks in a while, it's true. Bad sell, Roddy. There you go, Mick's gotten it before. PYRO! Praise Stratus. Nice ESPNlike chyron in the corner there. Hopefully they'll mention both men's prior experience in this sort of match. Or the repeated pin attempts making you exert more energy. Holy CRAP, Kurt! Don't take that bump, a, and don't take it with your face, b. ANGLE SLAM ON THE FLOOR! TURNBUCKLE BOMB! Shades of ...

Stupid blogger. This was done hours ago, but I couldn't get the site to load. At least I beat the WWE show I mention at the end. Tremendous! The debut of TNA Impact on Spike is *finally* here. Seems like it's been years since they made the announcement. At any rate, I think my love and hate relationship with this company is fairly well known, at least by most of the people who regularly read my stuff. They've mastered the "two steps forward, five steps back" form of promotion, but at the same time they're cockroach-like in their ability to survive through whatever giant fuck up they find themselves in. I've never really questioned the in ring product too much, as it's typically fairly solid. As is the case with most things, though, it's nowhere near as good as the TNA apologists claim and not half as bad as the haters want it to be. Good workers breed good matches and they've had enough of both to keep me content. Whether or not they're goi...

It's time for TNA to do the damn thang and gain a better foothold in the world of wrestling. But can they overcome the Saturday night graveyard time slot? Let's find out! Nice little video open here, and it's interesting how they put over Styles more rather than Jarett. TONIGHT: Rh*i*no v. Jeff Hardy and the "controversy in Canada." And your opening contest is: MATCH 1: AJ STYLES v. RODERICK STRONG FOR THE TNA X DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP +: Nice spin into a armdrag for AJ. +: Good job by West to put over Strong. "The Messiah of the Backbreaker" could catch on if they let him run with it. -: But they did that with David Young and his "master of the spinebuster." Look where it got him. +: That plancha of Styles is nasty . +: Indian deathlock! +: Styles v. Daniels in an Ironman? I can dig it. -: Not that impressive of a backbreaker, though. +: GREAT backflip kick by Styles! --: The "Pele?" Uh, how about no? +: Springboard reverse DDT into t...

FOR: What's with the travel montage? AGAINST: A donkey? FOR: The JBL logo on the side of the donkey's blanket. FOR: "I can guarantee you it is not in the best interests of SmackDown!" Cole~~~ AGAINST: What's with the inner tube? AGAINST: Butch? Little help with that chant? FOR: The look on Chimel's face when Kennedy's talking to the donkey. FOR: Holly using JBL's dirty tricks against him. AGAINST: The last two minutes of this match were a little too convoluted for my taste. FOR: Batista coming back for the tortillas. FOR: Eddie's facial expressions. Clearly, he's... confused. FOR: A woman saying, "It's just a nail"? What world is this? FOR: Melina getting Tazz all tongue-tied. AGAINST: Shouldn't Jillian not be in the MNM entrance video anymore? AGAINST: Is any match tonight going to start in the same segment as the entrances? FOR: Cole putting over the "dominant female" angle. FOR: Did Melina jus...

Hey. Remember when I used to write for this blog? Yeah, me neither. But that's what happens when real-life interferes. But I promised I would recap the last broadcast edition of Velocity, so here's the short, short version using a format established by one Mr. Rosser. Enjoy. VELOCITY FOR 9/24 (TAPED 9/20) MATCH 1: WILLIAM REGAL/PAUL BURCHILL v. SCOTTY 2 HOTTY/FUNAKI +: EEEEEEEVIL~~ theme and robe for Regal. Gotta love it. +: Nice subliminal shout out to the Cat by Josh. +: Also a nice DeMott-like match breakdown from Josh. -: When is Scotty going to change his gimmick? ---:To my VCR for almost eating my tape. Or maybe it’s my tape that has become shitty. +: Damnit, we need a heel push for Regal. +: Nice job by Burchill to kick the hand away. +: FUNAKI IS A HOUSE AFAR. +: Nice double team shoulderbreaker by Regal and Burchill. +: Arm breaker! YOUR WINNER VIA SUBMISSION: REGAL/BURCHILL Not bad. If Burchill can hold his own, they could be a good tag team. Commercials. ?: It was ki...