TNA iMPACT! 10.15.05
So, doing the TNA recaps looked more attractive than a night of boredom, so everyone wins! In my last post, I talk about being totally ambivalent to the TNA product at the moment. This is only half true. Remove the heavyweight division and it's a fun company to watch. Still not good, but sometimes fun is enough. I think the potential for something huge is there, but the TV show is just so poorly paced that it feels like a chore to get through at times. I've read various TNA apologists point out that the problem is with the one hour timeslot. "When they get a two hour show, it'll rock your socks!"
I cry bullshit. How many companies over the past, say 50 years have been stuck with a one hour timeslot and put out compelling television? I could make a list, but for me, the obvious example has always been Bill Watts' UWF. Still the best weekly one hour wrestling show I've ever watched. Come to think of it, Watts isn't doing much these days. Perhaps that's a sign?
Anyway, we open the show with clips of the lovely Gail Kim making her debut, helping AMW and Jeff Jarrett killify Team 3D. My dislike for every male in the ring aside, this was a nice beatdown and Devon juiced like crazy. What more can you ask for?
-Later tonight, Christopher Daniels faces three mystery opponents in an Ironman Challenge and Rhino will square off with Sabu. CARNAGE! VIOLENCE! MURDER! NEXT! But first, a Monty Brown squash!
Monty Brown v. Mikey Batts & Jerelle Clark -
Let me hook up a nice analogy for you SAT fans (as in the test, not the Spanish Announce Team. They don't *have* fans!). MIKEY BATTS:BILLY KIDMAN :: MATT BENTLEY:SHAWN MICHAELS. Moving on...
As Brown comes out, Batts springs off of his partner's back, diving over the top. Brown catches him, though. He posts him, adds a backbreaker, then spins him around, using Batts' feet to nail Clark. He then rolls Clark back in and we get the bell. Clark starts nailing him with forearms, but they have no effect. Brown tosses him with an overhead belly to belly...POUNCE! Clark takes a great bump and makes the move look like a million bucks. Batts dives off the top but is caught once again. Alphabomb? YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB oh wait...yeah you can. Brown pins them both. (:46; 1:16 if you include pre-bell shenanigans)
Brown has a mic. Odds are even that he uses the word Serengeti. And he does so before I can even write that! He also says that no one is going to stop him on his quest for the NWA Title. Lance Hoyt disagrees. They stare each other down and Brown bails, saying that they'll do it on his time. Hoyt says that after BFG, Brown will remember the name of Goldu...Hoyt.
-Backstage, Shane Douglas interviews Larry Zbyszko, who is surrounded by security. We know they're security because it says so right on their shirts! He announces the first ever title match on Spike TV next week. Naturals versus AMW. The outcome is highly in doubt! Raven rushes in. He's pissed. Why'd Zbyszko let Jarrett screw him out of the title? Why is Nash getting the title shot? It's bullshit, he tells us! What about him? WHAT ABOUT RAVEN? Indeed. Zbyszko responds by having him tossed from the building yet again. This is already feeling old. Probably because they do the same angle at least once a year...
-Commercials. They don't tell you this, but Morphoplex makes your balls shrink. God, what a stupid commercial. Saw II actually looks pretty good. "Oh yes...there will be blood."
-Video package for the Jushin Lyger/Samoa Joe match at BFG. Lyger is in his swanky black gear, shotaying the piss out of everything in sight. Joe, on the other hand, is Muscle Bustering everything in sight. Tenay helpfully informs us that Joe makes his Spike TV debut next week! Huzzah!
David Young (w/Simon Diamond) v. Matt Bentley (w/Traci Brooks) -
Bentley Bounce? WTF? Traci is still hella cute, if you were wondering. Young attacks immediately. Bentley reverses a whip, though, connecting with a spin kick. He bounces off the ropes and Simon trips him up. He turns toward Young, who plants him with a Lung Blower. He follows with a Saito suplex, then catches him with a Spinal Tap kick to the, well...spine. They trade strikes for a bit, with Young staying in control after an eye rake. He whips Bentley hard into the corner and covers him for a nearfall.
Young reverses a whip and ducks his head. Bentley comes back with a snap neckbreaker, which he rolls into a brainbuster. He drops the Picture Perfect elbow off the top, then turns and knocks Simon off of the apron. Young gets to his feet in the interim. Bentley turns and Young lifts him for a spinebuster. Bentley slips away and shoves him into Simon, who is on the apron once again. He flapjacks Young and finishes him off with a superkick. (2:30)
Postmatch, Petey Williams runs in and jumps Bentley. Canadian Destroyer! He kicks game to Traci, giving her a big Canadian smooch. Actually, I believe she's Canadian as well, so the American gene pool is safe! She responds with a slap. He grabs her and sets up for another Canadian Destroyer (giving us the obligatory panty shot in the process), but Chris Sabin runs in for the save.
-AJ Styles intro video package. What I got out of it is that he's phenomenal. They like to say that word. A lot.
-Commercials. Nothing noteworthy to report.
-Naturals intro video package. Everyone fails to mention how much they suck.
-Team 3D "funeral" segment. I'm strongly in the camp of people who thought this went *way* too long and wasn't nearly as funny as they thought it was. Gail Kim's hotness, Jim Mitchell's creepiness and Team Canada's campiness carried the segment. Fast forward, says I.
-Sabu points skyward as we go to break...
-Commercials. Morphoplex can kiss my ass.
Sabu v. Rhino -
Hooray! Something I actually care about! Which means it's likely to go all of two minutes. Bastards. Rhino charges a few times, with Sabu avoiding him each time. He finally takes Rhino's legs out. He whips him into the ropes, but gets tackled. Sabu comes back with a spin kick. He sends Rhino chest first into the corner, then catches him with a springboard leg lariat on the rebound. Arabian Press misses. Rhino pounds on him for a bit and locks a rear chinlock. He bounces off the ropes and kicks Sabu in the gut.
Rhino continues to pummel him. He charges, but Sabu sidesteps and tosses him to the floor. Slingshot somersault plancha connects! Both guys roll back in, holding chairs. CLANG, CLANG, CLANG *Sabu drops his chair* THUD! Rhino covers and gets two. He piles the chairs near the corner and pulls Sabu into the corner. He sets for the Rhinodriver (2nd rope piledriver), but Sabu escapes. He lands a few punches and ranas Rhino onto the chairs! Cover gets two.
He heads up top holding the chair, but here comes Abyss! Sabu wings the chair at him. He leaps over Rhino, who turns...GORE! He covers Sabu and gets the duke. (3:34) Postmatch, all four participants in the Monsters Ball match brawl, but the always helpful crack TNA security team break them up.
Well, it was longer than I guessed, but I'd love to see these two have a real match that went like 10-15. Rhino is one of my favorite "killing machine" type workers (not as good as Vader or Taz in their primes, though) and Sabu is exactly the sort of wrestler that he needs to work with. All in all, fun while it lasted.
-The Ironman challenge is next!
-Commercials.
-Clips of Kevin Nash's return to TNA. In retrospect, that sure didn't work out as planned, did it? Seriously, though, best wishes to the big guy. He really needs to come back as a commentator. Preferably in WWE, but whatever. The man is genuinely funny and would to a great job. As an added plus, he wouldn't really care about burying a crappy product and I think that's a quality we could all get behind.
Ironman Challenge
Christopher Daniels versus...Shark Boy -
Shark Boy stalls for 25 seconds or so, making Daniels chase him in and around the ring. Sharkie finally nails him as he's climbing out of the ring and it's on! He snaps Daniels' throat across the ropes, then heads up top, connecting with a dropkick for two. He rams Daniels from corner to corner. Daniels comes back and immediately goes for the Angels Wings, but Shark Boy counters into a neckbreaker for another nearfall. He sends Daniels into the ropes and ducks his head. Daniels does a back roll over him, kicks him in the gut and scores with the Angels Wings for the win. (1:25)
The clock continues to run, which is just patently unfair. No need to screw over the heel. Dirty TNA bastids. AJ sends out opponent #2.
Christopher Daniels versus...Sonjay Dutt -
This starts at the 13:00 mark. Dutt slides in and Daniels stomps on him. Sonjay fires back. He whips Daniels into the ropes and takes him down with a drop toehold. He follows with a basement dropkick, then climbs onto the apron. Slingshot elbowdrop back in is good for two. He pulls Daniels to his feet, but gets cut off by a knee to the gut.
Irish whip by Daniels. Sonjay is looking for a quebrada. Daniels sidesteps and Dutt lands on his feet. He bounces off the ropes and scores with a headscissors takedown. Sonjay follows with a 'rana that deposits Daniels to the floor. He catches Daniels with a Jericho-esque springboard dropkick, then hits a nice Asai moonsault as we go to break.
-Commercials
When we return, Sonjay has Daniels locked in an Octopus Stretch. Daniels struggles toward the ropes and in the process of escaping, dumps Dutt through the ropes and out. Onscreen timer says we're halfway through, though my VCR's timer disagrees. Looks like about 6 seconds of footage was snipped somewhere, if you care for such things. Dutt springboards back in, but Daniels catches him and immediately falls back into a Complete Shot. He nails Sonjay with a running high knee that sends him flying into the corner.
Daniels slams Dutt a few times and sends him hard into the corner. He pumphandles the arm and again rams Dutt into the corner. Gutwrench suplex gets two. Daniels whips him into the corner, but charges into a back elbow. A second charge sends him into a boot. Dutt complete avoids charge number three and slingshots back in with a somersault into 'rana. He grabs a wristlock and heads up top...Sprinkler into double axehandle. Daniels is down. Sprinkler elbow! Cover gets two.
Daniels comes back, whipping Dutt into the corner. Dutt goes for the floatover, but gets caught. He manages to push off of the ropes, though, spiking Daniels with a spinning DDT for another nearfall! He heads up top and goes for the Hindu Press (phoenix splash). Daniels moves, so Dutt rolls through to his feet. He charges, but Daniels sends him shoulder first into the post. He follows with an enzuigiri, then hits the Angel's Wings for the win! (11:55)
Daniels grabs the mic and calls out victim #3. Clock continues to run. Predictably, AJ Styles chooses himself as the final opponent. "I'm victim #3," he tells Daniels as he comes out.
Christopher Daniels v. AJ Styles -
Daniels bails out, with AJ chasing him around ringside. Daniels flings a chair at him, catching him right in the face. That looked nasty. He whips Styles into the railing and rolls him back in. He gives him a pair of hard Irish whips into the corner and follows up with a running high knee. He takes Styles down with a snapmare and gets two. There's 1:10 left. Daniels slams AJ for another nearfall.
He sets up for Angel's Wings, but Styles counters with a double leg takedown. He lays in some punches and goes for a whip. Daniels reverses. AJ slides between his legs and nails him with a series of clotheslines and back elbows. He charges Daniels in the corner and gets elevated onto the apron. He goes for a springboard something or other, but slips and ends up both crashing and burning. Daniels bails as time runs out.
Styles grabs a mic and says that normally, he'd follow Daniels and drag him around the entire arena, but in this case, he'll just wait for Bound For Glory, when he'll be able to do it for thirty minutes...
Fun match(es), but the booking by numbers somewhat ruined it for me. You know Daniels will go through two guys and that Styles will absolutely positively *have* to be the third guy, so there's really no point to the first two parts. Eh...whatever.
Next week (which I should have posted later tonight or tomorrow at the latest, since all I've gotta do is type it up), the Naturals face AMW for the tag straps. Speaking of predictable booking...
I cry bullshit. How many companies over the past, say 50 years have been stuck with a one hour timeslot and put out compelling television? I could make a list, but for me, the obvious example has always been Bill Watts' UWF. Still the best weekly one hour wrestling show I've ever watched. Come to think of it, Watts isn't doing much these days. Perhaps that's a sign?
Anyway, we open the show with clips of the lovely Gail Kim making her debut, helping AMW and Jeff Jarrett killify Team 3D. My dislike for every male in the ring aside, this was a nice beatdown and Devon juiced like crazy. What more can you ask for?
-Later tonight, Christopher Daniels faces three mystery opponents in an Ironman Challenge and Rhino will square off with Sabu. CARNAGE! VIOLENCE! MURDER! NEXT! But first, a Monty Brown squash!
Monty Brown v. Mikey Batts & Jerelle Clark -
Let me hook up a nice analogy for you SAT fans (as in the test, not the Spanish Announce Team. They don't *have* fans!). MIKEY BATTS:BILLY KIDMAN :: MATT BENTLEY:SHAWN MICHAELS. Moving on...
As Brown comes out, Batts springs off of his partner's back, diving over the top. Brown catches him, though. He posts him, adds a backbreaker, then spins him around, using Batts' feet to nail Clark. He then rolls Clark back in and we get the bell. Clark starts nailing him with forearms, but they have no effect. Brown tosses him with an overhead belly to belly...POUNCE! Clark takes a great bump and makes the move look like a million bucks. Batts dives off the top but is caught once again. Alphabomb? YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB oh wait...yeah you can. Brown pins them both. (:46; 1:16 if you include pre-bell shenanigans)
Brown has a mic. Odds are even that he uses the word Serengeti. And he does so before I can even write that! He also says that no one is going to stop him on his quest for the NWA Title. Lance Hoyt disagrees. They stare each other down and Brown bails, saying that they'll do it on his time. Hoyt says that after BFG, Brown will remember the name of Goldu...Hoyt.
-Backstage, Shane Douglas interviews Larry Zbyszko, who is surrounded by security. We know they're security because it says so right on their shirts! He announces the first ever title match on Spike TV next week. Naturals versus AMW. The outcome is highly in doubt! Raven rushes in. He's pissed. Why'd Zbyszko let Jarrett screw him out of the title? Why is Nash getting the title shot? It's bullshit, he tells us! What about him? WHAT ABOUT RAVEN? Indeed. Zbyszko responds by having him tossed from the building yet again. This is already feeling old. Probably because they do the same angle at least once a year...
-Commercials. They don't tell you this, but Morphoplex makes your balls shrink. God, what a stupid commercial. Saw II actually looks pretty good. "Oh yes...there will be blood."
-Video package for the Jushin Lyger/Samoa Joe match at BFG. Lyger is in his swanky black gear, shotaying the piss out of everything in sight. Joe, on the other hand, is Muscle Bustering everything in sight. Tenay helpfully informs us that Joe makes his Spike TV debut next week! Huzzah!
David Young (w/Simon Diamond) v. Matt Bentley (w/Traci Brooks) -
Bentley Bounce? WTF? Traci is still hella cute, if you were wondering. Young attacks immediately. Bentley reverses a whip, though, connecting with a spin kick. He bounces off the ropes and Simon trips him up. He turns toward Young, who plants him with a Lung Blower. He follows with a Saito suplex, then catches him with a Spinal Tap kick to the, well...spine. They trade strikes for a bit, with Young staying in control after an eye rake. He whips Bentley hard into the corner and covers him for a nearfall.
Young reverses a whip and ducks his head. Bentley comes back with a snap neckbreaker, which he rolls into a brainbuster. He drops the Picture Perfect elbow off the top, then turns and knocks Simon off of the apron. Young gets to his feet in the interim. Bentley turns and Young lifts him for a spinebuster. Bentley slips away and shoves him into Simon, who is on the apron once again. He flapjacks Young and finishes him off with a superkick. (2:30)
Postmatch, Petey Williams runs in and jumps Bentley. Canadian Destroyer! He kicks game to Traci, giving her a big Canadian smooch. Actually, I believe she's Canadian as well, so the American gene pool is safe! She responds with a slap. He grabs her and sets up for another Canadian Destroyer (giving us the obligatory panty shot in the process), but Chris Sabin runs in for the save.
-AJ Styles intro video package. What I got out of it is that he's phenomenal. They like to say that word. A lot.
-Commercials. Nothing noteworthy to report.
-Naturals intro video package. Everyone fails to mention how much they suck.
-Team 3D "funeral" segment. I'm strongly in the camp of people who thought this went *way* too long and wasn't nearly as funny as they thought it was. Gail Kim's hotness, Jim Mitchell's creepiness and Team Canada's campiness carried the segment. Fast forward, says I.
-Sabu points skyward as we go to break...
-Commercials. Morphoplex can kiss my ass.
Sabu v. Rhino -
Hooray! Something I actually care about! Which means it's likely to go all of two minutes. Bastards. Rhino charges a few times, with Sabu avoiding him each time. He finally takes Rhino's legs out. He whips him into the ropes, but gets tackled. Sabu comes back with a spin kick. He sends Rhino chest first into the corner, then catches him with a springboard leg lariat on the rebound. Arabian Press misses. Rhino pounds on him for a bit and locks a rear chinlock. He bounces off the ropes and kicks Sabu in the gut.
Rhino continues to pummel him. He charges, but Sabu sidesteps and tosses him to the floor. Slingshot somersault plancha connects! Both guys roll back in, holding chairs. CLANG, CLANG, CLANG *Sabu drops his chair* THUD! Rhino covers and gets two. He piles the chairs near the corner and pulls Sabu into the corner. He sets for the Rhinodriver (2nd rope piledriver), but Sabu escapes. He lands a few punches and ranas Rhino onto the chairs! Cover gets two.
He heads up top holding the chair, but here comes Abyss! Sabu wings the chair at him. He leaps over Rhino, who turns...GORE! He covers Sabu and gets the duke. (3:34) Postmatch, all four participants in the Monsters Ball match brawl, but the always helpful crack TNA security team break them up.
Well, it was longer than I guessed, but I'd love to see these two have a real match that went like 10-15. Rhino is one of my favorite "killing machine" type workers (not as good as Vader or Taz in their primes, though) and Sabu is exactly the sort of wrestler that he needs to work with. All in all, fun while it lasted.
-The Ironman challenge is next!
-Commercials.
-Clips of Kevin Nash's return to TNA. In retrospect, that sure didn't work out as planned, did it? Seriously, though, best wishes to the big guy. He really needs to come back as a commentator. Preferably in WWE, but whatever. The man is genuinely funny and would to a great job. As an added plus, he wouldn't really care about burying a crappy product and I think that's a quality we could all get behind.
Ironman Challenge
Christopher Daniels versus...Shark Boy -
Shark Boy stalls for 25 seconds or so, making Daniels chase him in and around the ring. Sharkie finally nails him as he's climbing out of the ring and it's on! He snaps Daniels' throat across the ropes, then heads up top, connecting with a dropkick for two. He rams Daniels from corner to corner. Daniels comes back and immediately goes for the Angels Wings, but Shark Boy counters into a neckbreaker for another nearfall. He sends Daniels into the ropes and ducks his head. Daniels does a back roll over him, kicks him in the gut and scores with the Angels Wings for the win. (1:25)
The clock continues to run, which is just patently unfair. No need to screw over the heel. Dirty TNA bastids. AJ sends out opponent #2.
Christopher Daniels versus...Sonjay Dutt -
This starts at the 13:00 mark. Dutt slides in and Daniels stomps on him. Sonjay fires back. He whips Daniels into the ropes and takes him down with a drop toehold. He follows with a basement dropkick, then climbs onto the apron. Slingshot elbowdrop back in is good for two. He pulls Daniels to his feet, but gets cut off by a knee to the gut.
Irish whip by Daniels. Sonjay is looking for a quebrada. Daniels sidesteps and Dutt lands on his feet. He bounces off the ropes and scores with a headscissors takedown. Sonjay follows with a 'rana that deposits Daniels to the floor. He catches Daniels with a Jericho-esque springboard dropkick, then hits a nice Asai moonsault as we go to break.
-Commercials
When we return, Sonjay has Daniels locked in an Octopus Stretch. Daniels struggles toward the ropes and in the process of escaping, dumps Dutt through the ropes and out. Onscreen timer says we're halfway through, though my VCR's timer disagrees. Looks like about 6 seconds of footage was snipped somewhere, if you care for such things. Dutt springboards back in, but Daniels catches him and immediately falls back into a Complete Shot. He nails Sonjay with a running high knee that sends him flying into the corner.
Daniels slams Dutt a few times and sends him hard into the corner. He pumphandles the arm and again rams Dutt into the corner. Gutwrench suplex gets two. Daniels whips him into the corner, but charges into a back elbow. A second charge sends him into a boot. Dutt complete avoids charge number three and slingshots back in with a somersault into 'rana. He grabs a wristlock and heads up top...Sprinkler into double axehandle. Daniels is down. Sprinkler elbow! Cover gets two.
Daniels comes back, whipping Dutt into the corner. Dutt goes for the floatover, but gets caught. He manages to push off of the ropes, though, spiking Daniels with a spinning DDT for another nearfall! He heads up top and goes for the Hindu Press (phoenix splash). Daniels moves, so Dutt rolls through to his feet. He charges, but Daniels sends him shoulder first into the post. He follows with an enzuigiri, then hits the Angel's Wings for the win! (11:55)
Daniels grabs the mic and calls out victim #3. Clock continues to run. Predictably, AJ Styles chooses himself as the final opponent. "I'm victim #3," he tells Daniels as he comes out.
Christopher Daniels v. AJ Styles -
Daniels bails out, with AJ chasing him around ringside. Daniels flings a chair at him, catching him right in the face. That looked nasty. He whips Styles into the railing and rolls him back in. He gives him a pair of hard Irish whips into the corner and follows up with a running high knee. He takes Styles down with a snapmare and gets two. There's 1:10 left. Daniels slams AJ for another nearfall.
He sets up for Angel's Wings, but Styles counters with a double leg takedown. He lays in some punches and goes for a whip. Daniels reverses. AJ slides between his legs and nails him with a series of clotheslines and back elbows. He charges Daniels in the corner and gets elevated onto the apron. He goes for a springboard something or other, but slips and ends up both crashing and burning. Daniels bails as time runs out.
Styles grabs a mic and says that normally, he'd follow Daniels and drag him around the entire arena, but in this case, he'll just wait for Bound For Glory, when he'll be able to do it for thirty minutes...
Fun match(es), but the booking by numbers somewhat ruined it for me. You know Daniels will go through two guys and that Styles will absolutely positively *have* to be the third guy, so there's really no point to the first two parts. Eh...whatever.
Next week (which I should have posted later tonight or tomorrow at the latest, since all I've gotta do is type it up), the Naturals face AMW for the tag straps. Speaking of predictable booking...
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