TNA iMPACT! 10.22.05
Later tonight, we have the tag title match with the Naturals versus AMW and also, six-man mayhem! Jeff Jarrett, Monty Brown and Abyss face off with AJ Styles, Jeff Hardy & Lance Hoyt! Oh, the humanity!
Samoa Joe v. Elix Skipper (w/Simon Diamond) -
In the words of someone or another...FUCK YEAH! God, I'm such a geek for Samoa Joe. It's almost embarrassing.
They trade thigh kicks to open the match. Joe is laying them in and Elix's leg almost buckles. Joe gets sick of doing that, though, quickly shooting in with an enzuigiri. He snapmares Elix and hits his chop to the back/kick to the chest combo, leading into a kneedrop. He whips Elix into the corner and follows with a running double knee. Series of boot scrapes lead to the Facewash in the corner. Crowd wants another. Elix, I imagine, does not. Joe leans toward his fellow worker, making the cover instead.
Elix matrixes out at two and connects with a kick. He snapmares Joe and gives him a Spinal Tap for a nearfall. He follows with a quebrada for another two count. He bounces off the ropes, but Joe meets him with a snap powerslam for a nearfall of his own. He rams Elix into the corner, then sets him up for and delivers the Muscle Buster. Rear Naked Choke and this one is over. (2:25)
Crikey. What is with the sub-three minute matches? The point of being the "wrestling alternative" should probably have something to do with actually featuring the talent of said wrestlers. That seems self obvious. These quasi-squashes do nothing for either guy.
-Christopher Daniels intro package.
-Commercials. Star Wars Ep. III hits DVD on 11/1, if you weren't aware. I'm sure I'll pick it up to complete my set, even though I'm sure I'll be buying them all again next year and 5 years after that and so on and so forth. In other news, the Gameboy Micro might literally be too small for me to even use. That thing is just crazy small.
-Video package hyping the virtue of the six-sided ring. Really, I notice no difference. Once the workers get used to it, matches play out virtually the same as they would in a normal ring. There is some occasional awkwardness, but really, a ring is a ring is a ring.
America's Most Wanted v. The Naturals - NWA Tag Titles -
AMW jump the Naturals at the bell, but both are quickly tossed. In the ring, Stevens whips Douglas into the ropes and backdrops him over the top and onto AMW! Stevens heads up top...SSP onto the pile! AMW begs off, backing up the ramp. Gail Kim rushes out, looking as foxy as always.
-Commercials. I really need to pick up The Warriors game. I can, in fact, dig it.
Back from break, Stevens pulls Harris onto the apron and suplexes him back in. Tag to Douglas. Harris cuts him off with a knee to the gut and tags Storm. He charges in and gets armdragged. Douglas goes for a whip, but Storm reverses. Gail trips Douglas up. He chases her around ringside, but ends up eating a belt shot from Harris, busting him open. Harris rolls him in and Storm starts working over the cut. He sends Douglas into the ropes and lines up for a clothesline. Douglas ducks it and connects with a high knee. Tag to Stevens!
He starts punching away at Storm in the corner. Harris charges from behind, but Stevens avoids him and AMW collide. He plants Storm with a DVD, but Harris saves. Or maybe that's the other way around. My notes are very vague on the subject. The result of doing a recap at 5 AM, I guess. AMW sets up for the Hart Attack, but Douglas trips Harris and pulls him out. In the ring, Stevens dumps Storm with a waterwheel slam. Gail distracts the ref, allowing Harris to roll in and blast Stevens with her boot.
He rolls Storm on top, but Stevens escapes at two. Harris goes for a whip, but Stevens reverses. Forearm attempt by Harris. Stevens ducks it...referee doesn't. Naturals hit the Natural Disaster (elevated Stunner) on Harris, but the ref is down. Gail heads up top. She goes for a diving 'rana, but Stevens sidesteps and she gets Storm instead. He takes a really awkward looking bump, practically crushing her head in the process.
Naturals set Kim up for the Natural Disaster. Jarrett runs out (in full view of the newly recovered referee) and delivers a low blow to Douglas. No DQ is called. Ref is distracted by Jarrett, who he suddenly notices on the floor, after looking at him in the ring for the past 20 seconds or so. Storm has a bottle in his hand, which he proceeds to bust over Stevens' head. Ladies and gentlemen? We have new champs... (9:48)
Okay, this was a hunk of crap. I'll give the ref the benefit of the doubt on the Jarrett thing. But didn't he notice that he was slamming his hand into BROKEN GLASS as he counted? Ugh. Bad match? Involving the Naturals? And AMW? With an appearance by Jarrett? Shocking...
-Commercials. Fuck you, Morphoplex. This commercial is eating through my skull. Hey! It's THE ROCK! Seeing him pimp his movie has been the highlight of the show so far. Come back soon, Rock E.
-Ultimate X video.
Bobby Roode (w/Coach D'Amore) v. Ron Killings (w/BG James) -
James provides us with the same old 3LK shtick before the match. Camera cuts to a middle age white woman throwing up gang symbols at ringside. That was fucking tremendous! God bless TNA. At any rate, Roode controls the match at the start. Truth sends him into the ropes, but gets tackled. He leapfrogs Roode, then drops directly into a split. Ouch, ouch, ouch! Tackle by Killings. They run a quick crisscross sequence and Truth hiptosses Roode. He follows with a Japanese armdrag and clotheslines Roode to the floor.
Not sure what he was responding to, but the camera cuts to D'Amore, who says: "I'll drop you, ya bastard." Heh. D'Amore is awesome. HOLY SHIT! Killings hits a HUGE somersault plancha. Seriously, he looked like a rocket taking off. He rolls Roode in and heads up top. Roode cuts him off, crotching him and shoving him to the mat. He slams Killings and drops a knee off of the second rope, picking up a nearfall.
Truth tries to mount a comeback, but gets cut off by a pair of knees to the gut. Roode plants him with a backdrop suplex. Camera cuts to Kip James, who's headed to the ring. Cut backstage, where Konnan (w/Apolo) look on. Back in the ring, Truth connects with a top rope dropkick. On the floor, we get the same dull pull apart brawl we've gotten pretty much EVERY GODDAMN WEEK for the past eight months or so. In the chaos, Team Canada hits the ring and Truth ends up getting a hockey stick broken across his back. Roode covers and gets the win. (5:07)
Match started out decently enough. But for fuck's sake, pull the trigger on the James Boys angle if you're going to do it.
-Jarrett/Brown/Abyss promo. Brown grabs the mic, looking for his NWA title shot. Jarrett tells him to prove himself in the main event. Same goes for Abyss.
-Commercials
Monty Brown, Abyss (w/Jim Mitchell) & Jeff Jarrett v. Jeff Hardy, Lance Hoyt & AJ Styles -
Hoyt and Abyss start. Punches by Hoyt. He goes for a whip, but Abyss reverses. Crisscross sequence by Test, err...Hoyt. He tackles Abyss, showing that he too wants a piece of that action. Old Test jokes die hard. Tag to Hardy. Abyss reverses a whip and Jarrett kicks Hardy as he goes by. Hardy stumbles into a clothesline from Abyss. Tag to Brown. He chokes Hardy for a bit. He shortarms Hardy into a gut kick, then takes him over with a butterfly suplex for two. He rams Hardy into Jarrett's boot and makes the tag.
Jarrett sends him into the ropes and connects with a gorgeous dropkick. Tag to Abyss. He slams Hardy, but misses a legdrop. Hardy tags Styles. He does a nifty spot where he goes for a dropkick on Abyss, who stops short. AJ turns it into a backflip, lands on his feet and immediately turns it into a second dropkick, which connects. Jarrett tries to sneak in from behind, but eats a Pelé kick for his troubles. Hardy runs in...pescado onto Brown! AJ has a pescado for Jarrett and yes, Hoyt has one for Abyss as well.
-Commercials
Styles is working Jarrett over on the floor. They roll back in and AJ punches away at him in the corner. Abyss tries to cut him off, but Styles turns and spikes him with a tornado DDT. He charges, but Abyss elevate him over his head. Styles adjusts in midair, nailing Brown with a double axehandle on the apron. He goes for the Styles Clash, but Jarrett breaks it up. Time for the Stroke? Nah...AJ dumps him on his head with a single leg takedown.
He turns and Abyss jacks his jaw with a big boot. Jarrett follows with a clothesline, then splashes him in the ropes. Cut to the commentary table, where wannabe Raven flunky Cassidy Riley promises that Raven will be at Bound For Glory. Back in the ring, Brown tags in. He whips AJ from corner to corner and tags Abyss. He sends AJ into the corner and follows him in with a splash. Tag to Jarrett.
He starts getting cocky and slaps AJ around. AJ fires back and goes for a whip. Jarrett reverses and they end up colliding in midair after simultaneous crossbodies. Jarrett tags both of his partners. They argue over which is legal, but eventually decide to go for a double clothesline. AJ ducks it and springboards off the ropes with a crossbody. He's caught, but has enough momentum to push Abyss and Brown backwards. He tags both of his partners as well.
All six guys are brawling. Hardy hits his corner dropkick on Brown. Abyss spikes Hoyt with the Black Hole Slam! He covers, but Hardy makes the save. Twist of Fate on Abyss! Swanton! He makes the cover, but Brown breaks it up. He delivers a pair of backbreakers, then turns it into a fallaway slam. He turns to follow up...big boot by Hoyt! Cover, save by Jarrett.
He ducks a big boot and Abyss trips Hoyt up. AJ comes in, catching Jarrett with a slingshot crossbody. Jarrett rolls through and signals for the figure four. AJ rolls to his feet and nails him with an enzuigiri. He follows up with his vertical suplex dropped into a neckbreaker.
He heads up top for the Spiral Tap, but Christopher Daniels runs out and trips him. Jarrett quickly sets up for the Stroke, but Brown whizzes by and Pounces the ever loving shit out of Styles for the win. (13:22)
Postmatch, Daniels locks AJ in the Koji Clutch. Sabu and Rhino run out and everyone brawls. Hey! That's a third rate Wolfpac theme knockoff! Big Sexy is in the house! He slowly ambles toward the ring as we fade out...
Wow. That main event rocked the casbah. Seriously, that was one of my top ten TNA matches ever. The heel work was outstanding and both Hardy and Styles did a tremendous job during the heat segments. Hardy was looking as crisp as he has since the early Hardy Boyz stuff. Gotta love the bang, bang, bang finish as well.
Hoyt was mostly kept out of the way, which is actually not a bad idea. Not because he can't work, but they give him the rub of the main event names without exposing him. He's improving pretty quickly, though, so he can soon start playing a bigger role in matches like this. Finally, something from the Spike TV era that I can actually suggest you go out of your way to see...
Next week...stuff! I don't read spoilers, so you'll just have to wait and see!
Samoa Joe v. Elix Skipper (w/Simon Diamond) -
In the words of someone or another...FUCK YEAH! God, I'm such a geek for Samoa Joe. It's almost embarrassing.
They trade thigh kicks to open the match. Joe is laying them in and Elix's leg almost buckles. Joe gets sick of doing that, though, quickly shooting in with an enzuigiri. He snapmares Elix and hits his chop to the back/kick to the chest combo, leading into a kneedrop. He whips Elix into the corner and follows with a running double knee. Series of boot scrapes lead to the Facewash in the corner. Crowd wants another. Elix, I imagine, does not. Joe leans toward his fellow worker, making the cover instead.
Elix matrixes out at two and connects with a kick. He snapmares Joe and gives him a Spinal Tap for a nearfall. He follows with a quebrada for another two count. He bounces off the ropes, but Joe meets him with a snap powerslam for a nearfall of his own. He rams Elix into the corner, then sets him up for and delivers the Muscle Buster. Rear Naked Choke and this one is over. (2:25)
Crikey. What is with the sub-three minute matches? The point of being the "wrestling alternative" should probably have something to do with actually featuring the talent of said wrestlers. That seems self obvious. These quasi-squashes do nothing for either guy.
-Christopher Daniels intro package.
-Commercials. Star Wars Ep. III hits DVD on 11/1, if you weren't aware. I'm sure I'll pick it up to complete my set, even though I'm sure I'll be buying them all again next year and 5 years after that and so on and so forth. In other news, the Gameboy Micro might literally be too small for me to even use. That thing is just crazy small.
-Video package hyping the virtue of the six-sided ring. Really, I notice no difference. Once the workers get used to it, matches play out virtually the same as they would in a normal ring. There is some occasional awkwardness, but really, a ring is a ring is a ring.
America's Most Wanted v. The Naturals - NWA Tag Titles -
AMW jump the Naturals at the bell, but both are quickly tossed. In the ring, Stevens whips Douglas into the ropes and backdrops him over the top and onto AMW! Stevens heads up top...SSP onto the pile! AMW begs off, backing up the ramp. Gail Kim rushes out, looking as foxy as always.
-Commercials. I really need to pick up The Warriors game. I can, in fact, dig it.
Back from break, Stevens pulls Harris onto the apron and suplexes him back in. Tag to Douglas. Harris cuts him off with a knee to the gut and tags Storm. He charges in and gets armdragged. Douglas goes for a whip, but Storm reverses. Gail trips Douglas up. He chases her around ringside, but ends up eating a belt shot from Harris, busting him open. Harris rolls him in and Storm starts working over the cut. He sends Douglas into the ropes and lines up for a clothesline. Douglas ducks it and connects with a high knee. Tag to Stevens!
He starts punching away at Storm in the corner. Harris charges from behind, but Stevens avoids him and AMW collide. He plants Storm with a DVD, but Harris saves. Or maybe that's the other way around. My notes are very vague on the subject. The result of doing a recap at 5 AM, I guess. AMW sets up for the Hart Attack, but Douglas trips Harris and pulls him out. In the ring, Stevens dumps Storm with a waterwheel slam. Gail distracts the ref, allowing Harris to roll in and blast Stevens with her boot.
He rolls Storm on top, but Stevens escapes at two. Harris goes for a whip, but Stevens reverses. Forearm attempt by Harris. Stevens ducks it...referee doesn't. Naturals hit the Natural Disaster (elevated Stunner) on Harris, but the ref is down. Gail heads up top. She goes for a diving 'rana, but Stevens sidesteps and she gets Storm instead. He takes a really awkward looking bump, practically crushing her head in the process.
Naturals set Kim up for the Natural Disaster. Jarrett runs out (in full view of the newly recovered referee) and delivers a low blow to Douglas. No DQ is called. Ref is distracted by Jarrett, who he suddenly notices on the floor, after looking at him in the ring for the past 20 seconds or so. Storm has a bottle in his hand, which he proceeds to bust over Stevens' head. Ladies and gentlemen? We have new champs... (9:48)
Okay, this was a hunk of crap. I'll give the ref the benefit of the doubt on the Jarrett thing. But didn't he notice that he was slamming his hand into BROKEN GLASS as he counted? Ugh. Bad match? Involving the Naturals? And AMW? With an appearance by Jarrett? Shocking...
-Commercials. Fuck you, Morphoplex. This commercial is eating through my skull. Hey! It's THE ROCK! Seeing him pimp his movie has been the highlight of the show so far. Come back soon, Rock E.
-Ultimate X video.
Bobby Roode (w/Coach D'Amore) v. Ron Killings (w/BG James) -
James provides us with the same old 3LK shtick before the match. Camera cuts to a middle age white woman throwing up gang symbols at ringside. That was fucking tremendous! God bless TNA. At any rate, Roode controls the match at the start. Truth sends him into the ropes, but gets tackled. He leapfrogs Roode, then drops directly into a split. Ouch, ouch, ouch! Tackle by Killings. They run a quick crisscross sequence and Truth hiptosses Roode. He follows with a Japanese armdrag and clotheslines Roode to the floor.
Not sure what he was responding to, but the camera cuts to D'Amore, who says: "I'll drop you, ya bastard." Heh. D'Amore is awesome. HOLY SHIT! Killings hits a HUGE somersault plancha. Seriously, he looked like a rocket taking off. He rolls Roode in and heads up top. Roode cuts him off, crotching him and shoving him to the mat. He slams Killings and drops a knee off of the second rope, picking up a nearfall.
Truth tries to mount a comeback, but gets cut off by a pair of knees to the gut. Roode plants him with a backdrop suplex. Camera cuts to Kip James, who's headed to the ring. Cut backstage, where Konnan (w/Apolo) look on. Back in the ring, Truth connects with a top rope dropkick. On the floor, we get the same dull pull apart brawl we've gotten pretty much EVERY GODDAMN WEEK for the past eight months or so. In the chaos, Team Canada hits the ring and Truth ends up getting a hockey stick broken across his back. Roode covers and gets the win. (5:07)
Match started out decently enough. But for fuck's sake, pull the trigger on the James Boys angle if you're going to do it.
-Jarrett/Brown/Abyss promo. Brown grabs the mic, looking for his NWA title shot. Jarrett tells him to prove himself in the main event. Same goes for Abyss.
-Commercials
Monty Brown, Abyss (w/Jim Mitchell) & Jeff Jarrett v. Jeff Hardy, Lance Hoyt & AJ Styles -
Hoyt and Abyss start. Punches by Hoyt. He goes for a whip, but Abyss reverses. Crisscross sequence by Test, err...Hoyt. He tackles Abyss, showing that he too wants a piece of that action. Old Test jokes die hard. Tag to Hardy. Abyss reverses a whip and Jarrett kicks Hardy as he goes by. Hardy stumbles into a clothesline from Abyss. Tag to Brown. He chokes Hardy for a bit. He shortarms Hardy into a gut kick, then takes him over with a butterfly suplex for two. He rams Hardy into Jarrett's boot and makes the tag.
Jarrett sends him into the ropes and connects with a gorgeous dropkick. Tag to Abyss. He slams Hardy, but misses a legdrop. Hardy tags Styles. He does a nifty spot where he goes for a dropkick on Abyss, who stops short. AJ turns it into a backflip, lands on his feet and immediately turns it into a second dropkick, which connects. Jarrett tries to sneak in from behind, but eats a Pelé kick for his troubles. Hardy runs in...pescado onto Brown! AJ has a pescado for Jarrett and yes, Hoyt has one for Abyss as well.
-Commercials
Styles is working Jarrett over on the floor. They roll back in and AJ punches away at him in the corner. Abyss tries to cut him off, but Styles turns and spikes him with a tornado DDT. He charges, but Abyss elevate him over his head. Styles adjusts in midair, nailing Brown with a double axehandle on the apron. He goes for the Styles Clash, but Jarrett breaks it up. Time for the Stroke? Nah...AJ dumps him on his head with a single leg takedown.
He turns and Abyss jacks his jaw with a big boot. Jarrett follows with a clothesline, then splashes him in the ropes. Cut to the commentary table, where wannabe Raven flunky Cassidy Riley promises that Raven will be at Bound For Glory. Back in the ring, Brown tags in. He whips AJ from corner to corner and tags Abyss. He sends AJ into the corner and follows him in with a splash. Tag to Jarrett.
He starts getting cocky and slaps AJ around. AJ fires back and goes for a whip. Jarrett reverses and they end up colliding in midair after simultaneous crossbodies. Jarrett tags both of his partners. They argue over which is legal, but eventually decide to go for a double clothesline. AJ ducks it and springboards off the ropes with a crossbody. He's caught, but has enough momentum to push Abyss and Brown backwards. He tags both of his partners as well.
All six guys are brawling. Hardy hits his corner dropkick on Brown. Abyss spikes Hoyt with the Black Hole Slam! He covers, but Hardy makes the save. Twist of Fate on Abyss! Swanton! He makes the cover, but Brown breaks it up. He delivers a pair of backbreakers, then turns it into a fallaway slam. He turns to follow up...big boot by Hoyt! Cover, save by Jarrett.
He ducks a big boot and Abyss trips Hoyt up. AJ comes in, catching Jarrett with a slingshot crossbody. Jarrett rolls through and signals for the figure four. AJ rolls to his feet and nails him with an enzuigiri. He follows up with his vertical suplex dropped into a neckbreaker.
He heads up top for the Spiral Tap, but Christopher Daniels runs out and trips him. Jarrett quickly sets up for the Stroke, but Brown whizzes by and Pounces the ever loving shit out of Styles for the win. (13:22)
Postmatch, Daniels locks AJ in the Koji Clutch. Sabu and Rhino run out and everyone brawls. Hey! That's a third rate Wolfpac theme knockoff! Big Sexy is in the house! He slowly ambles toward the ring as we fade out...
Wow. That main event rocked the casbah. Seriously, that was one of my top ten TNA matches ever. The heel work was outstanding and both Hardy and Styles did a tremendous job during the heat segments. Hardy was looking as crisp as he has since the early Hardy Boyz stuff. Gotta love the bang, bang, bang finish as well.
Hoyt was mostly kept out of the way, which is actually not a bad idea. Not because he can't work, but they give him the rub of the main event names without exposing him. He's improving pretty quickly, though, so he can soon start playing a bigger role in matches like this. Finally, something from the Spike TV era that I can actually suggest you go out of your way to see...
Next week...stuff! I don't read spoilers, so you'll just have to wait and see!
Comments