Heart Punch

Since I can't do an ECW recap this week (cable went out about halfway through the show), I might as well bring back the Vault for a week. Just because I can. So, uh...here's some stuff. Please watch, as I always bring the awesome. Watching the wrestling that I handpick will make you a better person. Possibly more attractive to the wimmins as well. Dragon Kid, Genki Horiguchi & Ryo Saito v. CIMA, Naruki Doi & Masato Yoshino (ROH: Supercard of Honor; 3.31.06) This has gotten hyped *heavily* as the 2006 match of the year (so far, at any rate). And indeed, it's friggin awesome. This one will have you at the edge of your seat. If the damn thing will link correctly, that is. (28:36) I should point out that Google video has a ton of stuff. They apparently don't have the time limit that Youtube does, either, so you can get longer matches without having to break it up in parts. And, uh...you didn't hear it from me, but someone posted the entire ROH 4th Anniversary Sh...

Shane: In Dad's absence, I will attempt to ruin DX. They have mystery oppponents, which in no way shape or form resemble an Intercontinental Champion or a large Samoan. What? Edge: Yeah, shut it. Lita's chest: Oh, come on, one more turn and we're free! FREEEEEEEEE! Edge: For the benefit of those with short-term memory loss, last week's footage! I am displeased. We need to institute an anti-wigger policy as of, say, March. Cena: Oh, you wouldn't say that if you knew I'd bounce to SmackDown if I can't get my W on in the rematch. Edge: You're going to make some shit up and say you won anyway? Cena: ... Edge: Oh, you actually meant as in win. As "your people" say, my bad. But I call the shots. Cena: Church. Shane: I've suddenly decided to stick up for Edge! You'll fight...him! Masters: Duh...stay out of Riverdale. God: ...possibly put in a coma by three hockey punks on rollerblades? It's a guess. Paris Hilton: This match is slo...

AGAINST: Isn't "King of the World" Jericho's gimmick? FOR: Where did JBL pull that "last Irish knight" reference from? FOR: Regal's near tears. Priceless. FOR: Booker's ready to draw his sword. AGAINST: Why's Helms commentating on this match? FOR: Helms playing the "no competition" card. AGAINST: No mention of Matt ending Kennedy's unbeaten streak? FOR: The reversal into the Side Effect. AGAINST: Missing the missed moonsault. AGAINST: Is Matt cut here? Look under his right arm. FOR: This match. AGAINST: What? Why'd Helms go and do that? Matt's nowhere near the weight limit. FOR: Ashley's tank top. FOR: I love shoot segments that aren't supposed to be shoot segments. AGAINST: This segment. FOR: The recap of Tatanka's troubles. FOR: Terkay's gotten music. About time. FOR: The emphasis Cole and JBL are putting on how Tatanka's trying to get Terkay off his feet. AGAINST: Tatanka losing...

Yeah, if there are people out there who read the blog but not the board, just wanted to point out that I'm going to have to kill the TNA recap. Again. For the time being, anyway. Work stuff is going to take up more time, but I hope that things will be back to normal within a few months. This recap will be unaffected, as Wednesday is my day off. So, yeah. My bad. It's a shame, as I'm really enjoying TNA lately. -Opening montage. -Later tonight, Sabu gets a Summerslam rematch versus Big Show. Oy. Must I really watch Show? -We're apparently opening with an "Extreme Bikini Contest" with Torrie Wilson and Kelly Kelly. Or not, as Knox is out to keep her from showing the goods. Sandman and Dreamer are out as well. Sandman wants a mixed six person match. Right now. Heels don't seem to be down. Torrie yanks K² into the ring and it's on, I guess. Test, Mike Knox & K² v. Tommy Dreamer, Sandman & Torrie Wilson - Lights go out for no apparent reason. They c...

Alter Bridge: On this day, I see clearly... Scott Stapp: Care to buy a pretzel to help Jesus? Edge: Doing a crossword puzzle. 5 letters. To not be in conjunction with fact. Crowd: Askew! Edge: Uh, no... Crowd: False? Edge: WRONG! You're all wrong! Fuck you, fuck you, and fuck everybody that even looks like you cause you alllll my bitches by proxy! Crowd: Dislike! Lita: You know, I was watching 24/7 and it gave me a hell of an idea. throws the Bling Belt into the harbor Edge: Let me get a real belt on my waist. exact same belt with his logo Sorta. Anyway, since there will be no comeuppance from that Marky Mark wannabe, I'll just take these pearly whites and.. Familiar Guitar Riff: He's back! Girls: SQUEEEEE! Jeff Hardy: 'sup. Edge: Didn't you die, like, 3 years ago? Didn't I ruin your brother's life enough for one bloodline? Jeff: Ain't ruin these fists. beats Edge: flees Short Attention Span Theatre: Please peruse this videotape to fi...

AGAINST: And here I thought it was because they'd figured out that it wasn't very smart to have a Last Man Standing match and an I Quit match on the same card. Turns out it's just Khali being so bad that they don't want him to wrestle live anymore. FOR: Batista's lost weight. FOR: Was that even two minutes? FOR: MVP in the skybox~~~~ FOR: JBL on Terkay: "The guy's about one generation away from walking on all fours." FOR: An actual interview for London and Kendrick? AGAINST: Michelle's outfit. FOR: Is that a yardstick? FOR: Kennedy's leg work. AGAINST: Tatanka gets hosed again? FOR: Teddy sticking by his decision to book Chavo/Rey. AGAINST: They're doing the Last Man Standing match now? This show's turned inside out. FOR: The triangle choke in the ropes. AGAINST: Daivari's clear death wish. FOR: JBL's hushed tones of almost reverence. FOR: JBL: "That's a weapon he doesn't need!" FOR: The shot...

-We open with clips of RVD's return last week. -Backstage, Heyman stands with Big Show. He talks about Kurt Angle's groin tear and pulls him from tonight's main event. Instead of the Triple Threat, it'll be Sabu v. RVD in a ladder match to determine who faces Show at Summerslam. -Opening montage. -Mick Foley comes out. He says that, despite the invitation, Ric Flair is not here tonight. But it's not because he lacks guts. Anyone willing to accept an I Quit match with the Hardcore Legend definitely has guts. He talks about the big Cell bumps that Flair says made him famous. He tells us that he didn't get up after being tossed off the Cell because he thought everyone would think less of him. He got back up because if he hadn't, he'd have thought less of himself. What Flair doesn't understand is that Foley's career has been based on his ability to look in the mirror and like what he sees. After Summerslam, he might be bloodied and battered, but he *...

-Clippage from last week. -Eric Young has a tent set up outside of Cornette's office. He's seeks advice from Borash on which tie he should wear for his meeting. -Opening montage. -Rhino comes out for a promo. He talks about his falls count anywhere match at Hard Justice, going all around the building to point out spots that he might use to kill Joe and Monty Brown. Speaking of Monty, he attacks Rhino and heads to the ring. He's about to hit his "Pounce" catchphrase when Joe's music cuts him off. Brawl, brawl, brawl. Rhino comes back in. Brawl, brawl, brawl part two. Officials come out to break things up. Yeah, I really want to see this match. -Later tonight, Christian Cage versus Scott Steiner! -Sting/Jarrett video package. Kevin Nash, Alex Shelley & Johnny Devine v. Chris Sabin, Sonjay Dutt & Jay Lethal - Before the match, we see Brother Runt holding up a sign that says, "Come Get Me Abyss." That's a questionable lack of a comma right t...

Alter Bridge: On this day, I see clearly... Edge: Now, here's a little story I'd like to tell about one bad champion you know so well. Went to Cena's house. Who's house? Cena's house! Saw some pictures, rifled through half of Mitchell and Ness, and so on. Then his father stood up and he started to shout, so I threw a right cross and knocked his old ass out. 'Cause Cena thinks he's from the hood, acting all hard. Came talking that trash, so I punked his card. The real champ is here! I know nothing in life but to be legit. Don't quote me, J.R., 'cause I ain't said shit. drops mic Mickie: Wow, what a reception. It's like February all over again. J.R.: having a thrombo over Edge Crowd: Go Mickie you're so fine and you've heard the rest a billion times by now! Lita: Hairpull! Son of hairpull! Mickie: No more! Lita: Russian! Nikolai Volkoff: Da? Lita: Not you! Mickie: Frankenmickie! Lita: Eye rake! And now, the DD...

-We open with clips from last week's show. From the Rhino/Joe slugfest to Christian apologizing to Sting, let's relive the glory of last week! -Borash yammers for a bit, telling us that Sting has officially accepted Christian's offer to be in his corner at Hard Justice. Jarrett and Steiner come in, claiming collusion because of it. He wants to know where Cornette and/or Christian are. Slick Johnson walks up, saying that Cornette will be there later and that there's a mandatory meeting later tonight. He calls Steiner, "Big Pappy," and I'm giddy at the thought of what manner of MURDER Steiner is about to perpetrate. Unfortunately, Steiner seems to be in a good mood tonight. He merely chokes Johnson and smacks him on the head. Has there been any bigger comeback this year than Steiner? He's one of the main reasons I'm digging TNA again. -Opening montage. -LAX is out. Konnan grabs a chair and chases Don West and Mike Tenay from the announce position. LA...

AGAINST: Starting the show with Khali? FOR: Daivari's reasoning for rejecting the challenge. FOR: Holy crap. That should change their minds. FOR: Chavo still calls his dad "Classic." AGAINST: Is JBL drunk? FOR: This match. I'm not saying it's great, but it's better than I would have expected. FOR: Tatanka's livid. AGAINST: Wait... why did Teddy just book the LMS match for next week? FOR: London and Kendrick's quick tags and work on Stevens' shoulder. AGAINST: What the hell does Luke Perry have to do with anything? FOR: Rocket Launcher! AGAINST: That ending took too long to develop. AGAINST: Ashley's damn blue hair. AGAINST: WTF, Luke? Is that a mullet? FOR : Oh, he's judging the Diva Search tonight. OK. FOR: Kristal's skirt. FOR: Jen's outfit. AGAINST: Why is Milena wearing a karate uniform? FOR: Luke's springboard over the top rope. Who knew he had hops? AGAINST: Jenweiser? FOR: Layla's recovery from...

-Show opens with clips from last week's Extreme tag. Does Mike Knox have some sort of clause in his contract that specifies that he opens the show every friggin' week? -Opening montage. Lots of shots of CM Punk have been added. -Later tonight, Kurt Angle faces off with Sabu to determine a number one contender. Coolness. Mike Knox (w/Kelly²) v. Tommy Dreamer - Dreamer is bandaged up after taking the barbed wire bumps last week. Knox attacks him as he climbs into the ring. He sends Dreamer into the ropes and ducks his head. Dreamer hits a swinging neckbreaker, then takes him over the top with a Cactus clothesline! Dreamer whips Knox into the steps and rolls in. Knox climbs onto the apron. Dreamer moves in and takes a shoulder to the gut. Knox tries for a second, but eats a kneelift. Dreamer hangs him up in the ropes and comes off the second rope with a guillotine elbowdrop. Signal for the DDT. Heyman is out to distract the ref. Dreamer hits the DDT. The riot squad yank him out an...

Vince & Shane: Thank you, thank you very much. Dark Angel rerun: Hi th Remote: Holy...did time reverse?! The Rock: Who in the BLUE HELL are these rudi poos messing up the Rock's song? Brain: Oh, my God. Trish is on one network and Jessica Alba is on the other! Good god almighty. It is time we face up to the unfaceuptoable. Subconscience: NO. You're not suggesting... Brain: Yes. PLAN B. Remote: Oh, I'm gonna be sick... Alter Bridge: On this day, I see clearly... Butch: Stupid Edge and his stupid teeth and his stupid Edge: I'M the champ, fuckdammit! This is MY fucking show! I'm so awesome I can take a random ass thing like Trish being here and tie it into my us-against-the-world rant! I get more things done with a mic in my hand than Chuck D! Tell 'em, baby! Lita: I feel so good about being with the champ I've completely forgotten our past history together, Trish! And that top makes you look fat. Trish: Oh, no you din't! Edge: Hey, Trish! T...