Heart Punch

-Opening montage opens the show. Nutty! -Tonight, CM Punk and Rob Van Dam square off with Elijah Burke and Marcus Cor Van. Some other stuff, too, I assume. Snitsky v. Tommy Dreamer - Snitsky mauls Dreamer, posting him shoulderfirst in the corner. He actually works the arm a bit, but quickly goes back to simple clubberin', to quote a wise, wise man. Dreamer avoids a big boot and Snitsky crotches himself on the top rope. Dreamer kicks away at his thigh and crops him to his knees with a dropkick. He DDTs Snitsky, but can only get two. Dreamer heads up top, but leaps into a stiff clothesline. Big boot by Snitsky and that's that. Postmatch, Snitsky continues the beatdown. He grabs a chair, but RVD runs out and connects with a springboard Van Daminator. -Clips of the ECW Title match at Judgment Day. Bobby Lashley picks up the win, but not over Vince McMahon. You don't beat the champ, you don't get the belt. So sez Vince, at any rate. -Commercials -K² and crew are out to intro...

-We open with clips from Raw, focusing on the Lashley/McMahon situation. Shane's "I'm not touching you!" shtick never gets old. Ever. At any rate, poor Coach gets his shit fucked up by Lashley. The heels try to do the same to Lashley, but he's all LASHLEY SMASH. Vince gets while the getting is good. Lashley starts to give chase, but Shane cuts him off. Now it's his turn to run for his life. He dives through the sunroof of the limo and makes his escape. Show over, right? Wrong. Lashley turns and WHAM, Vince lays him out with a belt shot. -Speaking of Vince, he joins us via satellite. Smart move, since he broke that little "no touch" rule. He talks for awhile, but essentially says nothing. He does set up Lashley versus all three members of the New Breed as tonight's main event, though. -Opening montage. -Rob Van Dam gets his intro in before we go to break… -Commercials Rob Van Dam v. Snitsky - Even versus RVD, we get the typical Snitsky match. He s...

AGAINST : Slow down, JBL. FOR: Edge is pretty much right about everything. FOR: Teddy stacking the deck. AGAINST: How are London and Kendrick the underdogs? FOR: Thank you, JBL. FOR: JBL: "I once knew a great champion who used to do that move a lot." AGAINST: Suboptimal shove by Regal. AGAINST : Did we need to announce the "because of outside interference"? FOR: The entire aftermath. FOR : Edge chasing Hornswaggle through backstage. AGAINST : That didn't go nearly long enough. FOR : "Jill-a-tonic" is secretly an awesome name for a really bad pop song. FOR : JBL: "No. We're not ready." FOR : Cole: "I never though I'd say this, but thank goodness for the Boogeyman." FOR : Jillian remembered! Awesome. AGAINST : Michelle? I was expecting Little Boogeyman. (I'm also not a fan of that shopping bag she's wearing but that doesn't really deserve its own point.) FOR : Oh. AGAINST : I don't like where this i...

FOR : Edge got into the opening quick. FOR : Matt's not impressed. FOR : This match so far. AGAINST : I don't want to be Matt's head right now. AGAINST : Did the camera miss MVP putting his feet on the ropes on the cover? AGAINST : Matt ducked? I thought it was a blown spot. FOR : The "Undertaker gets carried out of the ring by the druids" footage. AGAINST : What, no car? AGAINST : What's with the bandanna over London's mouth? FOR : London and Kendrick's double jumping armdrag. FOR : Has the London/Kendrick/Yang team ever lost a six-man tag? I'm not sure they have. AGAINST : Why are we running comeback vignettes after the come- FOR : Oh. AGAINST : I see they've recycled the old Monty Brown promos. AGAINST : Poor Funaki. Hasn't been seen in months and now this. FOR : Cole and JBL's "brick wall" exchange. FOR : Benoit/Finlay! FOR : Benoit looking at the ropes then going for the counter. FOR : This match, but you knew that. AG...

I'm back. With ECW. Again. Good God, what's wrong with me? I just can't give it up. Well, actually, I give it up fairly often. Because if you want consistency with a recap, I'm not the guy whose door you knock on. Go me! -Earlier in the day, Bobby Lashley arrived at the arena. Armando Alejandro Estrada was waiting, along with a cadre of police officers. As per Vince's orders, Lashley's services won't be needed tonight. In fact, he's not allowed in the building at all! And if he lays a finger on Estrada, you can be sure that charges will be pressed. Lashley considers this for a few seconds, then shoves Estrada's wheelchair down an incline and into a giant pile of trash. He seems happy to let the cops arrest him… -Opening montage. -Tonight, Rob Van Dam gets his shot at the ECW title, facing Shane McMahon, Umaga and the champ himself, Vince McMahon. CM Punk v. Marcus Cor Van (w/Elijah Burke) - There's a crawl on the bottom of the screen to indicate ...

FOR: 2/3 falls for the US Title. FOR : The fakeout to - and from - the baseball slide. AGAINST : I think that was his point, Cole. FOR : MVP rolling over Hardy's knee. That's a new one. FOR: MVP waving off the "Hardy" chant. FOR : Nice transition from the cover into the Indian Deathlock by Finlay, and you could see him set it up also. FOR : The finish. AGAINST: The Ozzy song. FOR : Cole's segue into Jillian's singing. "I want her to stop!" AGAINST : What is she even saying? Seriously. AGAINST : Michelle really needs to do something about those roots. FOR : Jillian's cartwheel elbow drop. AGAINST : Jillian clearly did all the work on that belly-to-belly throw. FOR: I hope the Dalton boys are faces. AGAINST : They're going to go through with the Vickie Guerrero as assistant Gm angle after all? FOR : The crowd agrees with me. AGAINST: Not the most inspiring interview Ashley put on. FOR : The callback to the moonsault spot. FOR : London...

So, yeah...I apologize for not writing anything as of late (especially to Matt, since he's been KING SIZED in carrying things). I've got 3/4 of Night 1 of the BoLA tournament done, but it's so friggin' long that typing it up is a pain in my ass. Which is really the problem with all of the indy reviews I'd love to do. Maybe I'll just start doing ECW again. It's been a bit better recently and Vince being featured prominently always gives me something to snipe about. As if I actively need to hunt things out to bitch about. I sure do wish WSX were still on my television, though. Or a TNA product that didn't make my soul hurt. Whatever. Super Dragon v. Necro Butcher (PWG - Battle of Los Angeles, Night Two - 9.2.06) What we've got here is two guys beating the ever loving SHIT out of one another. Not a great match, particularly, but it is a really fun, unhinged brawl that will have you cringing on several occasions. As always, I *heart* Necro. And Supes is ...

FOR: Fan reaction to the Last Man Standing Match to open the show. FOR: JBL: "Is it not enough we've got one monster freak in this company? Now we've got ... one and a half?" AGAINST: "Must-see?" I disagree. AGAINST: The Triassic Park reference. FOR: More of this from MVP please. FOR: The line outside Teddy's office. AGAINST: Miz being in it. FOR: The end of Cole and JBL's car discussion. "I drive a Saturn." "I don't drive." AGAINST: Domino FOR: Sliced Bread #2! The kick to knock Deuce off the apron was a nice touch. FOR: Kennedy announcing his Money In The Bank intentions. AGAINST: Not the best spot to come back from commercial to. FOR: This match. FOR: The triple-counter sequence (rolling senton/Twist of Fate/rolling senton) AGAINST: Nobody remembering that Matt was the first guy to actually beat Kennedy. FOR: Teddy announcing the cage match. AGAINST: The placement/timing of the announcement. Right befor...

FOR: Starting the show with Batista getting revenge. AGAINST: No-DQ? Batista and UT are screwed. FOR: Kane laughing at Boogeyman's worms. FOR: I'm with Cole on this one. JBL: "Kane has finally found someone more sadistic and more of a monster than himself." Cole: "I wouldn't say more ." JBL: "I would!" Cole: "Maybe 'just as'." FOR: JBL: "How do you prepare for a sick monster like Kane, with that goofy eye of his, and a guy who is EATING WORMS ON THE APRON?" FOR: Regal and Taylor working over Kane again. AGAINST : I was dreading this tag. FOR: Kane begging off Boogeyman's worm offer. AGAINST: What's with spending two minutes on Cherry's role with the team? FOR: Deuce covering Kendrick's shoulders with his knees. FOR: This match, surprisingly. FOR: Cole: "Do you even listen to me?" "JBL: "No." FOR: About time Benoit said something to this guy. AGAINST: Is this a...

FOR : 400 shows? Wow. FOR : Batista's new pyro. FOR: The sequence that led to Batista pushing Finlay off the top rope. AGAINST : KENNEDY? AGAINST : The sound's pretty bad tonight. AGAINST : And it's about to get worse. "Hot Red?" FOR : At least it's working. FOR : Jillian: "I wasn't done yet. Go back." AGAINST : Did we really need a replay of that? FOR : That's even the old Hardyz video. AGAINST : That Matt-Helms counter even screwed Cole up. FOR: Chavo drawing Benoit into the ring, then waving Helms in while the referee went to get Benoit out of the ring. FOR : How the hell did Benoit backdrop MVP while locking the Sharpshooter on Helms? AGAINST : Isn't it disgustingly early to be selling tickets for Survivor Series? FOR : JBL's "bird flying around with the Earth on fire" line. AGAINST : London's still down? What's the angle here? AGAINST : How utterly anticlimactic. FOR : The replay of the look on Kendrick...

AGAINST: I kind of liked having the PPVs be brand-exclusive. FOR: A Last Man Standing rematch? AGAINST: Hornswaggle's still hiding under the ring? AGAINST: Is that a Kennedy chant? FOR: That's more like it. AGAINST: What, no match? FOR: Thanks, Teddy. AGAINST: Is Michelle a face again? AGAINST: Ashley's screams of Pain and Anguish. FOR: Deuce & Domino's music is among the new greatest things ever. AGAINST: Why is Cherry power walking? FOR: JBL on London & Kendrick: "They're lunatics. But they're damn good lunatics." FOR: London breaking his 10-punch to dropkick Domino off the apron. AGAINST: Uh, what exactly happened to cause that? FOR: D&D busting into Teddy's office. FOR: Benoit's two rope breaks. FOR: The comedy of JBL saying "player haters." AGAINST: The German suplex-off-the-apron-to-the-floor tease. It's never happening. FOR: MVP's belly-to-belly overhead suplex. FOR: This match. FOR: NO...

I'm working on a recap of PWG's Battle of Los Angeles shows from 2006 but, obviously, they ain't done yet. So here's some stuff to watch to tide you over in the interim... Takashi Sasaki v. Yuko Miyamoto - Scaffold Deathmatch (Big Japan Pro Wrestling - 3.14.07) Early candidate for Match of the Year and one of the better deathmatches I've ever seen. Not a fan of the DM style at all, but I can certainly appreciate them when they're done well. This is pretty brutal, but even beyond the weapons there's a killer match at the core. Takeshi Morishima v. Homicide - ROH Title (ROH - Fifth Year Festival:Philly - 2.17.07) Whatever your thought is on the booking, it's hard to deny that Morishima is a KILLING MACHINE. I'm curious to see how this all plays out and won't really bitch about it unless it all goes south from here. Ring of Honor v. Combat Zone Wrestling - Cage of Death (ROH - Death Before Dishonor IV - 7.15.06) The big blow off for the entire ROH/C...

FOR: Jeff? AGAINST : Jeff nearly got killed on that top-rope backdrop. FOR: Jeff selling that he's not fully recovered. AGAINST: Did Finlay just turn face? FOR: I was wondering why Teddy was so willing to give Kennedy Hornswaggle in a match. FOR: Who-wha? Oh, it's Timbaland. AGAINST: "Timby?" FOR: You know this happens to him all the time. FOR: The WrestleMania video package, particularly the beginning with the spliced scenes from 3 and 23. FOR: Nice bitchslap. AGAINST: Did Miz crotch himself in the corner on purpose? FOR: JBL tries to remain unimpressed: "Yes, I've wrestled on five different continents. I've never seen that." I don't think he knows what just happened. I know I don't. FOR: Shockingly, this match. FOR: MVP hiding behind the ring and listening for the end of the match. AGAINST: Miz wins?!?!? KENNEDY. AGAINST: How is Matt already bleeding from the mouth? FOR: JBL to Cole: "I mean, you should know what it...

AGAINST : "The Biggest Interview In Sports Entertainment History?" FOR: Edge. FOR: Edge vs. Matt. AGAINST : Khali? AGAINST : Cole thinking JBL might actually be opposed to Edge's tactics. FOR : Kane ending this farce. AGAINST : What exactly are Kane's plans for that hook? AGAINST : Sonic on a Nintendo system just looks so wrong. BOTH: Did he just say ten-Diva tag? FOR: Kennedy and Finlay not breaking the grapple while rolling out of the ring. FOR: JBL: "That's a $1,000 hat." FOR: Finlay finishing the job Kennedy started on the turnbuckle pad. AGAINST: The Lepreton Bomb? FOR: JBL: "I love her." AGAINST: A spear? FOR: Cole: "Everybody laughs at me. I'm used to it." FOR: Ah, it's called the Playmaker. All right. FOR: OUCH. FOR: Jeff's rope-hang kick in the corner. AGAINST: Bad camera angle on the Whisper in the Wind. You can tell Jeff completely missed. AGAINST: Seriously, WTF is Edge's problem? FOR: Mi...

FOR : SIGN OF THE WEEK: "Vince Losing His Toup" AGAINST : Vince's head-shaving rampage. AGAINST : We're in Cleveland. How has the guy in the Roethlisberger jersey not been killed yet? AGAINST : Lashley/Kennedy again? FOR : OH. FOR : Vince grabbing the mic from Kennedy. "Because it's MY MICROPHONE!" FOR : Tables? FOR : The girl in the RGX body spray ad. AGAINST : Ashley in red. FOR: Cole bringing up the girls' blog battle on WWE.com. AGAINST: Blogger's spell-checker doesn't recognize the word "blog". AGAINST : That needs to cease. FOR : London tagging in Kendrick off the kickout. AGAINST : Is that blood on that hook? FOR: JBL on how rednecks fight. FOR : This match. AGAINST : The moonsault-followed-by-a-moonsault spot. So contrived. FOR : The Skaaland tribute. Have they done one for Bad News yet? AGAINST : WTF? A black "Money Pit"? AGAINST : Chimel introducing The Condemned trailer? FOR: The Condemned trailer. AGA...

The flurry of Heart Punch activity continues, as I bust out a Video Vault post, just so I can say that we had new content every day for a week. Because that's certainly worthy of merit, right? RIGHT? Chris Hero & Team F.I.S.T. (Icarus & Akuma) v. Mike Quackenbush & ShaneSaw (Shane Storm & Jigsaw) (CHIKARA - Return of the Son of the International Invasion of the International Invaders: 1st Stage - 8.19.06) Spreadin' the CHIKARA love! Seriously...if you can watch CHIKARA and not *love* CHIKARA, you might be dead inside. I'm about to dive into the King of Trios shows tonight, so huzzah to me. And, uh...this match is heaping helpings of awesome. Just watch it. Necro Butcher v. Roderick Strong (IWA:MS - Hurt - 3.24.06) Not as fun as most of the Necro "dream matches" that have happened over the past year. Which is odd, as you'd think Roddy would be the perfect guy to beat the shit out of Necro (because really…that's what most of these matches amo...

-So, this grand experiment (both WSX *and* me, Captain Lazy, doing six recaps in six days) is coming to an end. And what did we learn? Wrestling is more fun with explosions. A thirty minute wrestling show is better paced (and booked) than it's one hour TNA counterpart. That I have too much free time. And so it goes… -Tonight, Alkatrazz & Luke Hawx face Arik Cannon & Vic Grimes. Scorpio Sky versus 6-Pac and Jack Evans goes against the Human Tornado ! -Montage. - Styles P performs. -Clips from last week's title match. Alkatrazz & Luke Hawx v. Arik Cannon & Vic Grimes (w/Nic Grimes) - Hawx takes control over Cannon early. He ducks his head, though, and Cannon plants him with a swinging neckbreaker. They trade strikes and Cannon hits his elevated swinging neckbreaker, picking up a two count in the process. Grimes tags in. He whips Luke into the ropes, but gets taken over with a headscissors. Say what you will about Grimes, but he's certainly willing to bum...

Almost to the end of these things and I'll be damned...I've managed to finish all of these things and finish them ON TIME! What were the odds of that happening? Also, this is post #251, so that's a milestone of sorts. Or one after said milestone, at any rate. So like what...220 of them are by Matt and I? We have writers...they're just really friggin' lazy. Or, uhh...have lives or something. Whatever. Go us! -This time, only the Banderas/Vampiro title match is important enough to hype. Either that, or it goes the full show. And I'm guessing that ain't the case. -Opening montage. - Pitbull performs. -After last week's show (why do I still refer to these things as if they didn't all air in one night, anyway?), The Cartel jumped Los Pochos Guapos in the parking lot. This leads to LPG coming out and challenging The Cartel. We have ourselves a brawl, folks! We also have ourselves a referee, who decides that bells need to be rung to make this official! Los...

-Tonight, we get Matt Sydal versus Human Tornado , Arik Cannon challenges The Cartel (and he's not coming alone!) and Los Pochos Guapos square off with The Filth and the Fury. -Opening montage. - Quietdrive performs Rise From the Ashes . Ricky Banderas throws Youth Suicide onto the stage and kills the shit out of him. A roadie gets in the way and ends up being powerbombed off of the stage and through a table. Vampiro looks on. Next week, the title is on the line. -The guys from Quietdrive (who probably have names, if I cared enough to look) join in on commentary. The Cartel (w/El Jefe & Mongol ) v. Arik Cannon and… The Cartel is Delikado's new group. It's him, Lil' Cholo (mostly a SoCal worker, though he's popped in CZW in the past. Kinda gets slagged as being B-Boy lite), El Jefe (probably best known for appearing on the wrestling episode of Monster Garage ) & Mongol. Cannon's partner is "Vicious" Vic Grimes and my, has he grown. He's ...

FOR: Batista's suit. FOR: Miz as Grand Shit Disturber. FOR: Batista: "I'm just not sure if I like you." KENNEDY. AGAINST: JBL's Rant Of Self-Fulfilling Prophecy. AGAINST: We missed the Fan Axxess tour. :( FOR: Kennedy's outside-in suplex. AGAINST: This Cole-JBL argument. They're not really disagreeing. FOR: JBL: "Well aren't you Nostra-damn-damus." AGAINST: Bad form on the Kenton Bomb. FOR: The ending sequence with Matt grabbing the ropes, dropping out of the steamroller and hitting the Twist of Fate to win. AGAINST: Honduras has its own champion? AGAINST: "El Grande Latte?" Didn't either JBL or Angle or both do this? AGAINST: This man does not weigh 254 pounds. FOR: JBL: "I wrestled this guy's dad!" AGAINST: How is the Overdrive a finisher? FOR: MVP dropping the history. AGAINST: MVP kicks Benoit Cole: "A right hand to Chris Benoit." FOR: I actually want to know what JBL's planni...