WE'RE GETTING THE BAND BACK TOGETHER

Hola muchachos!

Allow me to reintroduce myself: My name is Johnny B. I was the Excess/Velocity recapper for the original site, plus I filled in for others when they were slacking off or in rehab.

I, along with Rosser, rep the West Coast by way of Bremerton, Washington. Like Matt, I am also in the newspaper game, as I cover sports for the Bainbridge Island Review.

But enough about me. Let's get down to what we're really here for. Matt did the Cliff Notes of Smackdown, but since Velocity had no new matches, I recapped what went down on:

WWE SMACKDOWN FOR 6/30/05 (TAPED 6/27/05)

TV-PG DLV WWE! It's entertainment!

LAST WEEK: GM Teddy Long made the match for the NEW Smackdown Championship: Booker T. vs. Chris Benoit vs. JBL vs. Muhammad Hassan vs. the Undertaker, which, conincidentally, is TONIGHT!

Smackdown intro.

We are sorta live at the Pond In The City Of Anaheim That Is A Sort Of Suburb Of Los Angeles. No pyro, as MUHAMMAD HASSAN and DAIVARI are out to talk some trash. MITCHELL COLE and TAZZZZZZ are your hosts, by the way. Tonight: the Draft Lottery ends as Smackdown will get the last two picks. Your typical Hassan promo follows about how Independence Day sux for his people and how he didn't get no love growing up nor is he getting any from the Smackdown fans.

"I've never felt like a free man, I've felt like a prisoner and damnit, I'm not going to take it anymore!" Carlos Mencia says welcome to the club, pal. Hassan says he will get respect tonight by winning the 5-man match and become the new Smackdown! Champion. He puts over his win over the Big Show last week and talks trash about the Undertaker. "The day of the Deadman has come and gone!"

Do you hear the bells? THE UNDERTAKER is out and I believe he would like to rebut Mr. Hassan's opinion. Hassan and Daivari look like they don't want none, and Daivari hightails it to the apron. Hassan wants to clarify his opinion, saying that he respects the Phenom and all his accomplishments, but he hasn't beaten the great Muhammad Hassan! As Taker tries to chokeslam Hassan, Daivari sneaks in with a chair... but all that does is make him mad. Hassan sneaks out, leaving Daivari to get taken out.

UP NEXT: Paul London and Chavo Guererro do battle for the Crusierweight Championship of the world! Stay right there!

Commercials.

Back to the show and In Case You Missed It: Hassan runs his mouth, but the Undertaker ain't havin' that.

MATCH 1: PAUL LONDON V. CHAVO GUERERRO FOR THE WWE CRUSIERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE INTERGALATIC FEDERATION OF GALAXIES

Let's see what they get to do here. Bell rings, and the two quickly circle, then feel each other out. Chavo takes advantage of the stalemate and hits a drop toe hold. He floats over for a headlock, but London slides right out and gets in a headlock of his own. He takes down Chavo, but Chavo won't stay down as they get back to a standing position. Chavo pushes London off the ropes but London counters with a shoulderblock and a cover, but only gets one. The two circle as London tries for a lockup, but Chavo counters with a kick and a punch. London fires back with forearms and backs him into the corner. He whips him out of the corner, but Chavo reverses and counters but London counters with a boot. He goes up top and hits the Mushroom Stomp (NOT a "mule kick"), sending Chavo to the outside. London goes to the outside, then chases after Chavo as they slides back in the ring, but Chavo stomps him down. Chavo picks him up and blasts him with a Euro uppercut. As Chavo chokes him out on the ropes, we get a replay of the stomp. The ref makes Chavo break the hold, enabling London to kick Chavo away.

Chavo stops the rally with a right hand, then picks him up and drops him with a back suplex. Cover, two, no. Chavo picks him up, then drops him with a clothesline. Another cover, but a two count. London grabs him and whips him into the corner, but Chavo kips over London. Chavo tries for a rana, but London grabs the legs and catapults him into the turnbuckle - no, Chavo jumps onto the second rope and kicks London away. He tries to jump on London, but he counters with a dropkick to the gut! Both men down as the ref starts the count - but, wait a minute! That's the ring music of my new heroes, the MEXICOOLS! They've got Corona party bottles! And "Juan Deere" lawnmowers! Awesome! London and Chavo can't believe it, but they better, because they're attacking!

NO WINNER: MATCH THROWN OUT AT 4:07

As Juventud and Psychosis beat down London, Chavo kicks down Super Crazy, but goes over to help London. Crazy recovers and kicks referee Jimmy Korderas out of the ring! London and Chavo can't overcome the odds as the Mexicools beat them down. There goes Chavo over the top rope! Psicosis wants a mic and gets it - but then whacks the time keeper over the head! He hands the mic to Guererra and if you think this isn't getting transcribed, yer crazy. But first, London charges at Guererra, but he is outnumbered and thrown into the STEEEEEL post. Now, we can recap:

"I say this: is there any Mexican in the house? (cheers) Is there any Mexican in the house!! (louder cheers) I say: IS THERE! ANY! MEXICAN IN THE HOUSE!?!?! So tonight, I got a berry special message for all you: Do you know what the gringos think of you? The gringos think you are fat!"
(Super Crazy) "GORDOS!"
(Juventud) "The gringos think you are lazy!"
(Psicosis) "FLOJOS!"
(Juventud) "But you know what? Quite frankly, they're right! But I tell you this. If that don't work against the gringos, rise against the gringos! So tonight, I would like to introduce mi familia. I would like to introduce mis amigos. This is -"
(PsicosiS) "Yes it's true! If anybody know in this building, in this business who I am, I am the real psycho! I am - PSYCHOSIS!!"
(Juventud) "And this is, the Insane Luchador-"
(Super Crazy)"YO SOY SUPER CRAZZZYYYYYYYYYYY!!"
(Juventud) "YEAH!!!" (high five! high five!) YOU FEEL US!! CAN YOU FEEL US!! So, I tell you this. Now, you can join us! Now you can all join our revolution!! And I am -- I am Juvy. I am (pause as some in the crowd chant JUICE) THE JUICE!! Get ready, because we are not Mexicans. We are - MEXICOOLS!"

AWESOME. Thank you God, for blessing us with these great men. The Mexicools take off on their Juan Deers. Wrestlemania 21 for the X-Box shows us, in video game form, the entrances of four of the five men in the Five Men Elimination Match for the Smackdown Championship - and that's TONIGHT!

Commercials.

Back to the show as we get a outside shot of the Pond. We then get a recap of the Eddie Guererro - Rey Mysterio feud and last week's match. Hopefully this feud isn't over.


Cut to THE EVIL EDDIE GUERERRO, who is with Josh Matthews. He wants to know: why was Eddie smiling?

"You wanna know why I was smiling last week? I was smiling because I know the truth. And tonight, Rey Mysterio, you're gonna walk out to that ring...and get on your knees and beg me - beg me not to tell the truth." Hmmm...

Cut to SPAULDING'S FUTURE EX-WIFE as she gets ready for her match. "You guys, did Paris call back?" Nitro and Mercury can't answer as they are too busy staring at her phat ass. She gets them to focus, then yaps about the famous couples in attendance that will see her in action - Paris/Paris, Nick/Jessica, but not Ashton and Demi - he never comes to Anaheim. "It's a wannabe LA," she says. Mercury agrees. "Orange County sucks." "TomKat is coming," sez Nitro. "Of course TomKat's coming. Everybody is coming to see me, in my first match ever. I can see the headlines in Variety now: 'Melina Destroys Wannabe Diva Michelle McCool.'" She asks the guys to stay behind, because tonight is the world premiere of - Melina. Then she leaves to the shouts of one photographer. One? Wow, they're losing their buzz.

Hopefully Tom doesn't try to convert the others to Scientology. That would suck.

Commercials.

Back to the show as we get a recap of the Summer Bash tour overseas.

MATCH 2: MELINA V. MICHELLE MCCOOL IN A DIVAS MATCH

Gotta love Melina's entrance. Let us take you back to last Thursday when Melina messed with Heidenreich, but Michelle took out Melina. Smackdown is brought to you BAH: "Fantastic 4", K-Swiss and Burger King.

So Melina's all "Hold on, I gotta look pretty," and Michelle goes "Oh you need a lot more work to make that happen," and takes her down. She kicks her to the outside. McCool chases after her, then throws her back in and pulls her off the rope to slam her down. Schoolgirl gets two. McCool throws a dropkick, but gets two. Melina begs off like Flair, then wants a handshake. McCool looks at the ref for advice and Melina takes advantage, beating her down and choking her in the ropes. Whip into the ropes, but McCool kicks her down. She sends Melina into the corner, and tries for the 10 punch, but Melina shoves her down, pins her and climbs up on the second rope with her feet for the victory.

YOUR WINNER VIA PINFALL: MELINA IN 1:53

That's hot. Post-match, Melina poses as Mercury and Nitro come out to applaud their manager's victory. Replay of the finish. The duo want to celebrate, but Melina wants them to finish her - and they do with the Snapshot! Heidenreich runs out for the save, but he's late as MNM celebrate.

Cut to CHRIS BENOIT as he does some pushups. He's gonna do the damn thang tonight!

Commercials.

Back to the show as they pimp the five man elimination match tonight. Here comes THE EVIL EDDIE GUERERRO, and this is going to be interesting:

"So I guess everybody saw the match last week with Rey Mysterio. I guess, everybody saw him beat me again. Everybody in here thinks that I'm... a loooooser. Well see, the only loser in this is Rey Mysterio. I'm a winner, I'm a winner in life. I've overcome obstacles, and situations that each and every one of you can only dream about. So I did a little bit of soul searching. I took a journey to kind of find my bearings. I actualy took a camera to document my little journey. I find it quite interesting, and I think Rey Mysterio will find it quite interesting, because it involves one of his family members. But I'm not going to speak about it. I'm going to let the footage speak for itself."

He turns to the tron as we see a playground with kids running around it. And there's Eddie, looking like a sleazy Mexican to a T, complete with wifebeater, sunglasses and toothpick.

"Hey Rey. Do you remember when all of this started between us, I promised you you'd get hurt? And you did. I wonder if your family hurt right along with you. Speaking of family, I mean, this should look kind of familar to you. This is uh, this is your son Dominic's day care. And there he is!" (He turns to Dominic on the swings) "Hey Dominic! What's up homes? Orale vato loco! Give me a wave! Higher! Come on you can go higher! Yeah, vato loco." (turns back to the camera with that creepy, evil stare.) "Good looking kid. Kinda an old chip off the block, wouldn't you say, Rey? I wonder if he likes - secrets? I wonder if he likes - bedtime stories? Maybe I should ask him."

(Eddie walks over to the swing set) "Hey Dominic! C'mere mijo, you want some candy?"
(Dom) "Sure Uncle Eddie!"
(Eddie) "Want some candy, I got some candy. Vente, vente. Man, Uncle Eddie hasn't seen you in a long time. There you go. (Don't eat it Dom! He poisoned it!) Averno. Yeah! Is it good?"
(Dom) "Gracias, tio."
(Eddie) "De nada, mijo. Show me how fast you can go up those- those- that slide! Come on man, you can go faster! Faster! Faster! Orale, orale, yeah."
(He sits with Dom on the bottom of the slide.)
(Eddie) "That's it homes, I knew you could do it. Give me five. Sit on my lap. You love me?"
(Dom) "Yeah."
(Eddie) "I love you. I really do."
(Dom) "I love you too Uncle Eddie."
(Eddie) "I've got another question to ask you: Do you like secrets?"
(Dom) "I love secrets."
(Eddie) "Ohho man. I-I like 'em too. You like bedtime stories?"
(Dom) "I love bedtime stories Uncle Eddie!"
(Eddie) "Well, Uncle Eddie promises to tell you a bedtime story you will never...ever...forget."

Then he hugs him with that creepy look on his face. CREEPY! Back to the ring as Eddie smiles that evil smile.

"Hey Rey Rey! I know you were looking at that! What do you say, homes? you think I should tell everybody... our little secret? You think I should share it with the world?" (Here comes MIGHTY REY MYSTERIO, and he's walking with a purpose...but he's scared too.) "Hey, hey, hey I didn't come out to jump you. Don't - don't - don't say nothing? Oh - you don't want me to go there? What- what are you talking about, the truth here? You don't want me to tell everybody the truth? You don't think its time for Dominic to know about your and my...little secret? What-What? What's the matter? What man? You got the fire in your eyes, what's the matter with your eyes man, you wanna hit me? Huh? You wanna hit me! Come on! Come on! Hit me! VENGAME!" (He shoves Rey down) "ORALE!! VENGAME! COME ON! HIT ME! HIT ME! Come on! What's the matter homes? Hey, you don't got the fire you just had? What's keeping you back? Don't do what? The truth? I told you! I TOLD YOU! NOBODY BEATS EDDIE GUERERRO! I ALWAYS COME OUT ON TOP!! I ALWAYS WIN!!! NO MATTER HOW IT HAPPENS, I ALWAYS AM VICTORIOUS!!!!

(Rey mouths "Tranquilo.") Tranquilo with what? Que? REGAME! BEG ME! REGAME! GET ON YOUR KNEES AND BEG ME NOT TO TELL THE TRUTH! PORQUE DE LOS DIAS Y PIDEAME! NO QUE DE LOS PIDAS! I WILL TELL DOMINIC THE TRUTH!!!" (So Rey...gets on his knees.) "Just what I thought." (He opens up a package of licorice.) "Hey Rey? You want some candy? Huh? Mmmm. Tastes good." (He spits the piece he was chewing in his hand, then he shoves it into Rey's mouth.) "Chew on THAT!!" (He then walks out of the ring. Rey stares at him. His contact got knocked out. He looks totally freaked out.)

Ho. Ly. Crap.

Commercials.

Back to the show as we get a replay of the opening video. TONY CHIMEL goes over the rules, as you can be eliminated by DQ, countout, pinfall or submission. You can tag anyone, and any physical contact constitutes a tag.

MATCH 3: JBL V. MUHAMMAD HASSAN V. BOOKER T. V. CHRIS BENOIT V. TEDDY LONG

Wow, this is gonna be the rest of the show? Cool. Entrances take a good 3-4 minutes. But Teddy Long comes out and reminds us he made it a six man elimination match, but Big Show's draft messed that up. So, here's his replacement, and the next to last draft pick...Christian! And there's CAPITAN CHARISMA, with goofy ring attire and all. No Tomko though.

MATCH 3: JBL V. MUHAMMAD HASSAN V. BOOKER T. V. CHRIS BENOIT V. CAPITAN CHARISMA V. THE UNDERTAKER IN A SIX MAN ELIMINATION MATCH FOR THE SMACKDOWN CHAMPIONSHIP

The GONG goes off and the lights go out, signaling the Dead Man's entrance. But the lights come back on - and there's Taker! Everyone bails out, leaving Christian to discover for himself the Undertaker is in the ring. Christian tries to calm him down - then goes off with punches! Brian "The Human Beatbox" Hebner rings the bell as Christian backs UT into the corner. But Taker counters by throwing Christian into the corner and pounding him with rights and lefts. Snake Eyes + big Boot + legdrop does not = pin. Christian tags Hassan and as he looks freaked out, this match will continue right after these

Commercials.

Back to the match as Taker is beating Hassan down. Snapmare by Taker and he grinds his forearm in Hassan's face. He bounces Hassan's head into the opposite corner and continues the beatdown. Back into the other corner Hassan goes, but he gets the boot up. Hassan shoots off the ropes for a move, but Taker hits a big boot to keep him down. Taker picks him up, puts him in a armwringer, then hits the old skool top ropewalk knockdown! Back into the corner Hassan goes as JBL wants no part of this. JBL tags Taker, so Taker "tags" him, knocking him off the apron. He then sends Hassan over the top rope with a clothesline. JBL throws Hassan back in, but Hassan tags in Benoit. Whip into the ropes, but Benoit knocks him down and goes on the offensive with chops and forearms. Snap suplex, followed by an elbow drop and knees to the midsection. He backs him into the corner and chops away. JBL counters with a thumb to the eye and forearms to the back. He follows with a swinging neckbreaker, then a hard elbow drop to the chest. Another elbowdrop and a cover, but JBL gets two. More forearms to the back, then Benoit gets whipped into the ropes but he ducks JBL's clothesline and knocks him down with a forearm to the face! German by Benoit! And another! And another! He covers, but can only get two!

Benoit whips JBL into the ropes and ducks, but JBL stops and hits Benoit with a forearm. He chops Benoit, but Benoit chops back. JBL tags Hassan, as he hesitates to get in, but does. Lockup, and Hassan with a suplex, but gets a one count. Whip into the ropes and Hassan scores with a knockdown, but gets two. Hassan goes for a scoop slam, but Benoit blocks and goes for a German, but Hassan reverses so Benoit hits a Northern Lights Suplex, but only gets two.

Benoit goes on the offensive with forearms. Hassan fights back with knees and tries for a clothesline, but Benoit ducks and hits another German. Hassan uses the ropes to climb up, but the Undertaker is right there, so Hassan proceeds to "tag" him in with a right hand. Undertaker thanks him and proceeds to beat him down in the corner like the damn dirty "foreigner" he (supposedly) is. Out Hassan goes! He tries to grab a chair, but Taker kicks him down. Now he's got the chair and BAM! There goes his shot at the title.

UNDERTAKER ELIMINATED BY DISQUALIFICATION IN 13:27

But he's not done, as he whacks him again. So is Hassan going to be counted out? Who knows! We shall find out after these

Commercials.

Back to the show as Booker and Benoit go at it. They trade right hands, then Benoit gains the advantage by whipping Booker into the ropes, then going for a hiptoss, but Booker blocks it and counters with one of his own. Benoit and Booker trade chops, then Benoit whips Booker into the corner, but Booker reverses and Benoit goes in hard. Cover by Booker, but gets two. Side kick by Booker and another two count. Booker backs Benoit into the corner for more chops, but Benoit reverses for some of his own. Whip into the ropes and Booker goes down from a knee to the gut. Another knee and a cover by Benoit, but he only gets two. Abdominal stretch by Benoit, but Booker won't give. He still won't give. Finally Benoit breaks the hold and beats down on Booker, complete with snap suplex. He hits a scoop slam, followed by a running elbow drop. Benoit tries for another, but Booker counters and hits one of his own. Whip into the ropes and Booker hits a clothesline. Booker tries for a slam, but Benoit rolls him up for two. He then blasts him with an inziguiri. Both men down as Hebner counts to eight. Benoit is up, but Booker hot shots him off the ropes.

Booker tries for the scissor kick, but Benoit moves and takes him down for the sharpshooter. Booker kicks him away, but Benoit grabs him and hooks him in! Booker tries to grab the ropes but JBL is pulling them away! Benoit breaks the hold and quickly puts him in the crossface, but JBL tags himself in and takes advantage, hitting a swinging neckbreaker. He hits another one, and another one. He covers, but Benoit tags himself in. He places Booker up on the top turnbuckle for a superplex - but JBL tags Booker as Benoit hits the superplex! JBL DDTs Benoit! Cover, two, three!

CHRIS BENOIT ELIMINATED VIA PINFALL IN 24:34

Quick thinking by JBL, but couldn't they have told him to grab the ropes? Man that makes Benoit look bad. JBL smiles as he gets ready to beat Booker down, but he'll do it after these

Commercials.

Back to the show as JBL whips Booker into the corner, but he gets the boot up, then hits a spin kick to put him down. JBL tries for a punch, but Booker beats him back with chops into the corner as Christian cowers away. Suddenly, Christian makes the tag as JBL grabs onto Booker, allowing Christian to punch away. Hebner makes him break the hold as Christian continues to pound Booker
down. Hangman's neckbreaker by Christian as he follows up with a headlock. He tries to scratch the face, but Hebner deads that. Booker does fight out of it and shoots off the ropes, but Christian drops him with a dropkick for two. He puts Booker in a neck wrench, but Booker won't give. Christian turns it into a rear headlock, but Booker fights out. He blasts Christian with rights then whips him into the corner, but Christian counters with an elbow. He climbs onto the second turnbuckle, then jumps off, but Booker catches him and drops him with a flapjack. Booker attacks with rights, then springs off the ropes with a forearm, then shoots off the ropes for a hard clothesline. He goes for the scissor kick, but Christian moves and tries for the Unprettier, but Booker pushes him away and drops him with a heel kick for two. JBL tags himself in and drops him with a boot. He tries to cover, but Booker grabs the rope. JBL whips Booker into the corner for a clothesline, then does the same into the opposite corner. He tries for a cover, but only gets two. JBL tries for a powerbomb, but Booker back drops him. He tries to go on the offensive, but JBL puts him down with a boot to the head. Cover, two, no. JBL whips him into the ropes but as Booker bounces back, Christian makes the tag. JBL knocks Booker down with a clothesline. Christian waits, waits...then pounces with a flying clothesline! Cover, two, no! Christian fires away with rights, then whips JBL into the ropes, but JBL counters with a right hand. He backs Christian into the corner with rights, then whips him into the opposite corner, but Christian gets the boot up, then gets up on the top turnbuckle - tornado DDT to JBL! Cover, two, NO! JBL with a thumb to the eye, then drops him with a Rude Awakening! Cover, two, no!

Rear chinlock by JBL, but Christian won't give up. He fights out, sneaks in a thumb to the eye, runs the ropes, ducks two clotheslines and tries for a cross body, but JBL catches him and hits a fallaway slam. Been a while since he's done that. Booker tags himself in and beats JBL down. He tries for a whip into the ropes, but JBL reverses, but Booker blasts him with a flying forearm. More punches by Booker, then he whips him into the ropes and knocks him down with a jumping side kick. Booker goes up top - missile dropkick! Cover, two, no! Booker picks him up and chops away at JBL. He whips him into the ropes, but JBL reverses and goes for a clothesline, but Booker ducks and there's the Bookend! Cover, two, NO! Who will come out on top? We'll find out after these

Commercials.

Back to the show as JBL and Booker do battle. Crowd chants "Booker T!" as he gets knocked down. JBL goes to the top rope, but Booker is right there and hits a powerslam! Cover, two, no! Booker goes on the offensive, but JBL counters with a thumb to the eye. He backs Booker into the corner and whips him into the opposite corner, but Booker reverses but JBL moves out of the way and shoots off the ropes but Christian tags himself in. JBL tries for the Clothesline from Hell aka Republican Land but Booker ducks and kicks him in the gut. He tries for the scissor kick but Christian sneaks in and rolls him up! One, two, three!

BOOKER T ELIMINATED VIA PINFALL IN 43:04

Wow! Booker is furious as he tries to get at Christian, but Hebner makes him leave. Christian celebrates but there's JBL with the CFH! Cover, two, three!

YOUR WINNER VIA PINFALL IN 43:38 AND NEW SMACKDOWN CHAMPION: JBL

Boooo. Post-match, JBL hugs Hebner as Long comes in the ring. He's got some bad news and good news, playa. Even though he won, he isn't the Smackdown champ. Long says there's no need for a SD title, because he is the new #1 contender for the newest draft pick's title - the World Heavyweight Champion BATISTA!

And there's the Animal! With a dope suit and fatty pyro! Cole puts over his wins over HHH as JBL is in shock! Batista enters the ring and raises the title as we are gone!

OVERALL:

Well, it's a good show when Mexicans are on it for the majority of the time. :) I don't know if I got the exact Spanish Eddie was speaking. If I'm wrong, post it in the comment box.

-For a minute there, I thought Eddie was going to kick the shit out of his kid. Time will tell where they go with this angle, though. Is Dominic Eddie's real dad? Will they actually go through with this after everyone shitted on the Angle stalks Sharmell program?

-I guess the rumors were true of the champs switching brands. But will this mean Cena has to deal with the politics of HHH? Will his push get killed somehow, or will HHH play ball?

-As for Batista, he gets out from underneath the shadow of Hunter and gets to do his own thing. He's got his share of contenders, but when do they pull the trigger on the Orton-Batista feud? For WM? Or later? And what of the Undertaker?

-To recap the big trade: Long trades Mark Jindrak, Rene Dupree, Danny Basham, Kenzo Suzuki and Chavo Guerrero to RAW while Bischoff trades William Regal, Candice Michelle, Sylvain Grenier, Simon Dean and Steven Richards to Smackdown.

Half of these people will get dumped if the rumors hold true about talent being released. I think the only ones who will make an impact will be Regal, maybe Richards and maaaaaaaaaybe Danny Basham. Why they traded Chavo, I have no idea.

Until next time, don't get punched in the heart.