WWE VELOCITY FOR JULY 16TH: THE FUTURE IS HERE AND BENOIT AND REGAL DO BATTLE FOR THE SMARK CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE GALAXY!

Sexy!

-So how about that Matt Hardy? From the shithouse to the penthouse in just a few short weeks. I haven't seen this much discussion about one guy for years.

-The Rey/Eddie feud is awesome. I know when Eddie tells his bedtime story after he defeats Rey at GAB, it'll just make things better. Plus, wouldn't it be awesome for Vicki and the kids to turn on Rey?

-If you're not reading DEAN RASMUSSEN'S SMACKDOWN COMIX~! (right after Matt's For/Against - hey Matt, where is it?) over at DVDVR then you're missing out on the best damn thing out there.

OK, enough rambling. Onto the show.

TV-PG V WWEntertainment! It's entertaining!

EARLIER TONIGHT: JOSH "NOT TOUGH ENOUGH" MATTHEWS is standing by with the newest member of the click...FRANKIE KAZARIAN! Hey I know that dude! And he gets to speak!

"Well bro, my thoughts are, things HAVE to change around here. We need something new. We need the future of wrestling to take over. The future is now. Now Josh, you know that wrestling is all about eras, and generation of superstars. You have your superstars of the past, guys like Hulk Hogan and Bret "The Hitman" Hart. Legends in this business! You have your superstars of the present, guys like Triple H, and Batista! Kurt Angle! Incredible athletes! And you have your superstar of the future: Me. I've proven that all over the world, and now, I'm here to prove it where it counts: in the WWE. You can thank me later, 'cause 'The Future' Frankie Kazarian - has arrived."

The show open is drastically different, for some reason. Hmmmm....

To the arena we go, with no fast green pyro but a match!

MATCH 1: NUNZIO v. FRANKIE KAZARIAN

STEVE ROMERO is here to kick it with Josh. Tonight: crusierweight action and the main event! Plus, Chris Benoit will be in action! Josh rattles off Kazarian's background and mentions him being trained by Killer Kowalski. He also fails to mention his ring music, which is pretty dope.

The two lock up, then Nunzio scores first with a go behind into a waistlock. He takes down Kazarian but Kazarian stands up and goes behind Nunzio. Nunzio reverses but Kazarian backs him into the corner. Referee Nick Patrick wants a clean break and Kazarian does so - but he strikes with a back elbow and armdrags him out. He plays to the crowd, but Nunzio takes him on with a dropkick to the back and an armdrag of his own. Kazarian tries to escape, but Nunzio quickly snatches him and throws him back. Kazarian tries to get out, but Nunzio grabs him but Kazarian has the ropes, so Nunzio sweeps his leg and slams him down on the mat. Nunzio scores again with an armdrag and goes for an armbreaker. Kazarian grabs onto Nunzio’s arms so he chops Kazarian in the stomach to make him let go. Niiice. Kazarian rolls out, but Nunzio still has control of the arm as he tries to whip him, but Kazarian reverses and tries for a tilt-a-whirl slam – but Nunzio grabs hold of the arm for an armbar! He whips Kazarian into the corner, but Kazarian moves as Nunzio hits the turnbuckle, allowing Kazarian to hotshot him off the ropes. Slingshot legdrop gets two. He whips Nunzio into the corner, then hops up off the second rope to hit Nunzio in the face with a mule kick! He covers, but gets two.

Kazarian locks Nunzio in a neck vise, but Nunzio fights out. Kazarian grabs the hair, but Nunzio breaks the hold and tries for a crucifix, but Kazarian blocks and slowly rolls through, but Nunzio executes a small package but only gets two. Kazarian quickly hits Nunzio with a dropkick and hooks him in a chinlock, but Nunzio fights out again. Kazarian tries for a hangman’s neckbreaker as Nunzio tries to fight out, but Kazarian drops him, putting himself down in the process. Patrick tarts the count, but Nunzio is up at six. Kazarian tries to attack, but Nunzio blocks his punches and elbows, fires away with some of his own, and then whips him into the ropes to follow with a back body drop. He drops Kazarian with some clotheslines, then puts him down with a side slam for a two count. Nunzio goes for the Arrivederci – and hits it! But he only gets two! Nunzio puts Kazarian into the corner but Kazarian puts him on the top turnbuckle to get away from him. Nunzio jumps off, but Kazarian blocks and tries to attack with a chop, but Nunzio blocks it and tries for a whip, but Kazarian blocks it and hooks Nunzio up for a fisherman suplex – but he spins with it! And he gets the three count!

YOUR WINNER VIA PINFALL: FRANKIE KAZARIAN IN 4:52

Not bad. Post-match, Frankie grabs tha mic: “And that is exactly why I am the future – and the future looks good!”

TONIGHT: Smart marks, get yer hand lotion out – Chris Benoit takes on William Regal tonight!

Commercials.

And now, the WWE Rewind, brought to you by WWE Wrestlemania 21 for the X-Box! From last Thursday, Eddie Guererro makes the challenge to Rey Mysterio – beat him, and the secret stays with him forever. Lose, and Eddie gets to finish his bedtime story.

MATCH 2: SIMON DEAN v. MIKE KRUEL

Dean tries to get the jobber to try the Simon System, but he slaps the bar out of his hand. So Dean slaps the taste out of his mouth and whips him into the ropes, knocking him down. Dean waits for Kruel to get up in the corner while Josh pimps the Simon System: “My cardio is up 50 percent!” Dean goes for the charge, but Kruel gets out of the way. He then takes Dean down with an armwringer. Kruel puts him down with some elbows, then tries for a whip, but Dean reverses and hits a sweet leg takedown! Dean kicks him around, then works him over with shoulderblocks in the corner. Referee Charles Robinson tries to get Dean to break away but Dean wants to debate the call – while he’s kicking Kruel. “I love Simon Dean!” proclaims Josh. Yeeeah. Dean tries to hook Kruel up for a suplex, but Kruel reverses into a small package BUT he only gets two! Dean gets punched in the gut by Kruel, but he kicks him away, then goes for the choke as he does pushups. He then hooks Kruel into an Indian deathlock, turns it into an inverted surfboard and finishes it off with a curbstomp! Cover, two, no! Dean goes back on the attack as he wraps Kruel’s left arm around him and hooks him in a chinlock as he punches away. Kruel fights out, but Dean whips him into the ropes and crouches down, but Kruel kicks him away. He ducks Dean’s clothesline and scores with an atomic drop and a dropkick. He covers but only gets two! Dean whips him into the ropes and drops him with a clothesline. He sez “THAT’S IT!!”, checks his pulse and hooks Kruel up – inverted, uh, rollthrough slam thingy. (It’s actually called a spinning fireman’s carry, thanks to Cubs. Josh calls it the Simonizer. I call it getting the victory.)

YOUR WINNER: SIMON DEAN IN 3:31.

Post-match, Simon makes him eat that shit.

UP NEXT: Batista and Orlando Jordan do battle! Stay tuned!

Commercials.

Back to the show as we recap JBL and his match with the Blue Meanie, but Batista interferes.

Velocity is brought to you BAH: “Destroy All Humans,” Starbust and “Constantine.”

Josh and Steve talk about the GAB and throw it to the Batista/Jordan match from Thursday, complete with JBL interference.

So at the Great American Bash, it’s JBL v. Batista for the World Heavyweight Championship. Plus:

Benoit v. Jordan for the U.S. title.

Torrie v. Melina in a Bra ‘n Panties match.

Heidenreich/Road Warrior Animal v. MNM for the Tag Team titles.

Christian v. Booker T.

Muhammad Hassan v. the Undertaker for the number one contender to the World Heavyweight Championship.

Eddie Guererro v. Rey Mysterio.

UP NEXT: Regal! Benoit! They get to kick the shit out of each other for our enjoyment – NEXT!

Commercials.

And now, the WWE Slam of the Week, brought to you by “The Devil’s Rejects:” From Smackdown, the Undertaker shows his hatred of lawyers.

Back to the show, and let’s get it on!

MATCH 3: CHRIS BENOIT v. WILLIAM REGAL

Bell rings, and the two circle, then lock up. They jockey for position, then Benoit back Regal into the corner. Josh proclaims their match at the Pillman Memorial as one of the best ever as referee Brian “The Human Beatbox” Hebner makes them break. They lock up again, but Regal quickly grabs Benoit in a side headlock. Benoit slowly fights out into a wristlock, but Regal reverses. He rolls through and snapmares Benoit down, but Benoit gets right back up. Regal snapmares him down again and tries for a headlock, but Benoit hooks him in an armwringer. Regal tries to fight out of it, then executes an armdrag but Benoit rolls through into a hammerlock. Regal stands up to try and fight out of it. He does and reverses into one of his own (Sign: “Meltzer loves this!”) and tries for a front headlock, but Benoit quickly reverses and hits an armwringer slamming Regal down on the mat. As he tries to get the feeling back into his arm, we’re going to

Commercials.

Back to the show as Benoit and Regal are locked in a test of strength. Regal backs him into a bridge and drops the knee on the chest (!) but Benoit powers out and drops Regal down into a bridge. Regal quickly goes onto his back and hooks his legs around Regal’s head, but he can’t break Benoit’s grip. He then kips up and headbutts Benoit. Benoit headbutts him back. They lock back up, then Benoit monkey flips him over and punches away, Hebner pulls him off as we see blood on the head of Regal. Replay of the headbutt as Benoit knees Regal. He tries to hook him in a front headlock but Regal slips out and goes for a full nelson. Benoit reverses and tries for a suplex but Regal grabs the leg! He reverses into a full nelson but Benoit quickly reverses and drops him with a dragon suplex! Both men down but back up at five as Benoit rams Regal into the corner and chops him in the head! He drops the knees on Regal while he’s on the ground, then hits him with another headbutt and a knee to the head! He hooks Regal up – German! But Regal gets back up (albeit slowly) and drops Benoit with a HUGE kneelift to the head! He chokes Benoit and covers, but gets two. He tries to cover several times, but no soap. Regal tries to lock Benoit into the Regal Stretch, but Benoit grabs the ropes. Regal with a kick to the back, then hooks Benoit into a chickenwing. He puts Benoit on the mat, then hooks him up into a kneeling surfboard! Regal then grabs the neck and bends his head back! Benoit gets out with elbows as we go to

Commercials.

Back to the show as both men jockey for position with Regal gaining the upper hand by executing a rollup for two. Regal grabs Benoit and tries for a backslide – and gets it! But only gets two! Benoit comes back with the double leg takedown – Sharpshooter! Regal won’t tap! He heads to the ropes! Can he make it? NO! Benoit drags him back to the center! Regal fights to the ropes – and gets them! Both men down, but are back up at four. Regal takes him down with several knees and goes for the cover but gets two. Regal hooks Benoit into a side chinlock, then hammers away at Benoit. He gets Regal into a double underhook as he tries for the suplex – but Benoit reverses into a backdrop! Wow, I thought he was going to get dropped on his head! Both men down, but Regal hooks Benoit into a doublehook to prevent him from covering. He pulls Benoit up and pounds away with knees – butterfly suplex! Cover, two no! Another cover, no. Another and another and another and another cover – no, no, no, no! Regal with a dropkick, cover, no! Regal grabs Benoit – OMG TOMBSTONE but Benoit reverses it OMG HE’S GOING FOR THE TOMBSTONE but it’s just a shoulderbreaker. Boooo. Benoit grabs Regal – Crossface! Regal fights out but Benoit grabs him – he’s got it! Regal taps!

YOUR WINNER VIA SUBMISSION: CHRIS BENOIT IN 12:24.

If Benoit would have hit the Tombstone, I would have had both their babies. Still, excellent mat-based contest with stiff shots thrown in to boot. Post-match, Benoit celebrates as the crowd gives a standing O. Credits and we are out.

OVERALL:

A fine show with Benoit and Regal beating the shit out of each other because they can damnit.

I'll see y'all next time. Stay on the lookout for Osman's Heat recap! Peace!